30s male usa, seeking nice cute lady

[Hanon435]

middle of the night....

*loud bass thumps* "it's brittny baby!!!!"

fuck, i rolled over onto the keyboard and triggered an ad or something.

*recollects, curls up in my bed-nest in my many pillows*

a minute passes.

*unleashes a horrifically loud, deep, fart*



you know if you were here, and we were spooning, and you were the big spoon, that could have been... well, it would also have been like short-term, air-powered vibrator type of thing going on there.






and my penis is a bit chafed again.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

and my penis is a bit chafed again.

YES!!

I was waiting for this part.

 

[Hanon435]

this is a bit more than the usual small chaffs. the weather's changing. yeeeehp.. looks like rain. i can tell 'cuza my penis.

*keep calm and wanks on*

 

[may_I_please]

Am I gonna have to read this from page 1 or is there a précis somewhere?

 

[Hanon435]

page 1? there's a whole 'nother thread before this one somewhere out there.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

May, it's all variations on a theme: he wanks too much.

 

[may_I_please]

Not enough lube?

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Not enough lube?

i keep trying to tell him...

 

[may_I_please]

i keep trying to tell him...

You are so gracious and giving and always thinking of others

 

[Hanon435]

lube would be too slick. no. i wank dry. i don't move much so i don't need lube.

zzz... got sweaty in this bed.... zzzz.

 

[may_I_please]

All of a sudden slick is bad?

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

i do think of myself on occasion, but i had some free time on my hands this evening.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

All of a sudden slick is bad?

i'm guessing he hasn't much experience with the slidey oil fun.

 

[JudasIscariot]

lube would be too slick. no. i wank dry. i don't move much so i don't need lube.

zzz... got sweaty in this bed.... zzzz.

Dry wanker, to lazy to move and a sweaty bed.

I can't see any reason why you wouldn't be a hit with the ladies.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

*snickers*

 

[Hanon435]

lube? lube is for pussies. hehe... fucking pussies.... wet, dripping, puffed up... pussies....




dammit
*puts on fan to waft air around*




*considers the laziness comment*
my favorite position would be woman on top. it's easier.
or side by side. also easier.
if i had actually gone out and found someone, that is. going out sounds like work though.

 

[Hanon435]

a bit of neosporin might solve things.

 

[magicmikeaustin]

a bit of neosporin might solve things.

Probably best to SEe a doctor. A real doctor

 

[Hanon435]

sounds like the makings of a porno there. lol

 

[Hanon435]

they should have a section for snuggling on here.

 

[MedicalMuse]

they should have a section for snuggling on here.

If by "snuggling" you mean "spanking and hair pulling" there are many lol

 

[Hanon435]

nope, just snuggling. could involve a bit more, but snuggling would be the base.

 

[Hanon435]

wanking tip #2501
antiperspirant. clinical strength. good investment for serious wanking if you want to stay dry.


i got it for everyday use but it also works for sweating less in bed. *admires dry balls*

 

[Hanon435]

according to wikipedia, a guy ejaculates .1 to 1 mL each time.

*crunching numbers*

two wank sessions per day over a year is 730. that's 73 to 730mL of spooge.

which is about 1/3 of a cup or 1.5 pints per year.



when was the last time i washed this towel.... it's getting heavy....

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

you're so gross!

why am i laughing?