Subs, what do you do when you get in an arguement with your Dom/me and they're just being completely irrational and are, for lack of a better term, wrong about what they're saying? Having to sit there, listening to him yell all the while saying "yes Sir" is really starting to do a number on me. It reminds me of when I was with my ex and would basically do or say ANYTHING to get him to just shut the fuck up and stop screaming at me like a psycopath. But that wasn't very healthy. And I don't wanna get punished for being rude by yelling back or walking away. So, what do you do in that situation?
When the Dom belongs in the doghouse...
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Netzach
>semiotics?
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I would not expect mr. stern to sit there and be good if I am yelling and carrying on. Luckily for me, he won't take that shit without letting me know I'm being an ass if I am. My subs/slaves always have a standing order to tell me if they think I'm being a crack baby. It's actually helped make me a better lover, owner, and person.
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
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K has a really bad temper, and one of the things we agreed on at first was that that if he starts a fight that I don't have to 'yes sir' him. Frankly, if he starts it I have permission to ream his ass. Of course you need to get this permission while he's being reasonable. On the other hand, I don't get to start fights. . . but no one ever said life is fair. 
Aeroil
Aerouille, Ma Chérie
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If Mistress and I had an agreement like that, I'd be starting fights left and rightgraceanne said:K has a really bad temper, and one of the things we agreed on at first was that that if he starts a fight that I don't have to 'yes sir' him. Frankly, if he starts it I have permission to ream his ass. Of course you need to get this permission while he's being reasonable. On the other hand, I don't get to start fights. . . but no one ever said life is fair.
. hehehe, although you probably mean 'ream his ass' figuratively.
graceanne
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Aeroil said:If Mistress and I had an agreement like that, I'd be starting fights left and right
LOL Smart ass. It'd take someone a lot bigger than me to 'ream his ass.' Like the united states army. lol
Aeroil
Aerouille, Ma Chérie
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hahaha, smart ass? Mistress thinks it's cute . lol, but on topic, if people ever start yelling at me unduely I'll usually just laugh at them and refuse to argue, I can't imagine it being any different in a relationship, although I'd have to be very careful with the tone of the laugh with Mistress lol. That of course would be after asking if there was anything I could do to for her first.
( 500'th post, guru now, yay
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. lol, but on topic, if people ever start yelling at me unduely I'll usually just laugh at them and refuse to argue, I can't imagine it being any different in a relationship, although I'd have to be very careful with the tone of the laugh with Mistress lol. That of course would be after asking if there was anything I could do to for her first.( 500'th post, guru now, yay
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SweetDommes
Spoiling our pets
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Aeroil said:If Mistress and I had an agreement like that, I'd be starting fights left and right
Only problem with that theory is - if you are in trouble, you shouldn't enjoy it ... and thankfully for us, our boy knows it so he doesn't do anything so silly as to intentionally try to get into trouble.
If our boy starts a fight with us, he knows that he'll be in trouble ... big trouble. If we start a fight, well ... ghosst usually yells right back at us. It happens, unfortunately, just like in any other kind of relationship.
Desdemona
Ellie Mae's evil auntie
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Liana, maybe you guys should set some ground rules for how to argue. Do it when you're both feeling reasonable and happy with each other. You're in a relationship. There will be disagreements from time to time. You need to know up front how to deal with them within the bounds of your relationship.
sunfox
Gangbang Girl
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I am a submissive, but not a yes man (or woman.. whatever). I don't feel I have any obligation to further his mistaken notions, should he feel so inclined as to tell me about them.
I'm sure C wishes I'd not only point out that he's wrong a little less often, but also be right myself less often.
I'm sure C wishes I'd not only point out that he's wrong a little less often, but also be right myself less often.
AngelicAssassin
Something Wicked
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Rofl!!!
BOT, i liked Netzi's comment and standing order. For the rest, (with not so reasonable partners) quietly enduring the rant while answering direct questions will take the steam out of most irate and temporarily insane people, even the scarey ones. Sooner or later, common sense kicks in and they regain control.
Whatever you do, don't smirk when s/he admits s/he acted like an idiot.
Ok warrior sub, what the hell are you this week?sunfox said:
BOT, i liked Netzi's comment and standing order. For the rest, (with not so reasonable partners) quietly enduring the rant while answering direct questions will take the steam out of most irate and temporarily insane people, even the scarey ones. Sooner or later, common sense kicks in and they regain control.
Whatever you do, don't smirk when s/he admits s/he acted like an idiot.
A Desert Rose
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You know, I've thought about this thread for the last day or so. I can't remember a time when any of the Doms I've been involved with in long term relationships, ever ranted AT me. There were occassions when they vented about extranious things... work related, for instance. I guess they had a mature control over their anger and when we had disagreements, they were just that... disagreements.
Disagreements can be very healthy for a relationship and they are usually expected and normal in a healthy one. I guess the exception would be a Master/slave relationship, of which I can't speak.
One Dom told me that if he didn't have himself under control, how would he ever expect to be able to control me or other situations in life? And being a military lifer sure helped his outlook on this, too.
Disagreements can be very healthy for a relationship and they are usually expected and normal in a healthy one. I guess the exception would be a Master/slave relationship, of which I can't speak.
One Dom told me that if he didn't have himself under control, how would he ever expect to be able to control me or other situations in life? And being a military lifer sure helped his outlook on this, too.
sunfox
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AngelicAssassin said:
I am what I am, and that's all I can be...
I meant simply that the fact that I am submissive doesn't mean I'm required to nod and smile while my Dominant is being completely in the wrong. I would think that to the contrary, part of my path includes attempting to educate him when he is on the wrong track, so that he can be better prepared if we touch upon the same subject again.
I'm not the sort of person who can quietly endure being ripped into when I know the person losing their temper is in the wrong.
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
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Ours vary, but for the most part follow similar patterns.....we are both highly emotional and passionate beings, so these moments are rarely boring. I am allowed to state my case, tell him if I think he is mistaken and why, and like sunfox prefer that than sitting there demure and simpering saying 'Yes Master, of course you are right Master' if I don't feel it. He prefers honesty and is big enough to be able to admit if he is wrong, though it usually comes after some time to think about what has been said etc. Of course, he also might not agree depending on the subject, situation, moment, day, and I may not be right. Neither of us is perfect, but we do discuss the issues and try as I might, I just am not one to forget all life has taught me and sit back and play dumb, especially if it makes no sense and could make problems for him or us.
Catalina
Catalina
graceanne
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AngelicAssassin said:
Tried that, when we first got married. Then he breaks things, or starts yelling at the kids. And over my dead body is he gonna yell at the kids. If K is looking for a fight, he'll just keep pushing till he gets one.
Justina123
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This is a conversation I have a tough time with, because one thing Sir and i are completely compatible on is we both HATE arguing. We may occasionally not see things the same way, but neither of us raise our voices, rant, rave, etc. Sir has some strong opinions, but they are always reasonably stated, even if with authority, and he will always at least listen if I say, "Excuse me, but i would like to say something..."
We both had exes who seemed to "like" arguing and our common viewpoint on this is one of the things that has made us "click."
justina
We both had exes who seemed to "like" arguing and our common viewpoint on this is one of the things that has made us "click."
justina
rosco rathbone
1. f3e5 2. g4??
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As long as the difference of opinion is expressed in a humble and respectful manner (and this is is a two-way street; I fight calmly and fairly); then anything goes. I just can't stand for bitchyness, cuntiness, sniping, and all that rot.
ownedsubgal
lost little girl
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my Master is definitely a ranter and raver. when he is upset about something, he will yell and curse for a while...i just try to be calm, and not say anything to make him angrier. if he is "wrong" about something, and it's causing him to be upset and "go off", i will usually tell him, when i am allowed to speak. but by "wrong", i'm referring to him having incorrect information..not having the facts. i am not referring to disagreeing with him. also, arguing is not allowed w/my Master, or even questioning him to a degree, so when he is in that yelling/cursing mode there's usually not much i can do but mind my place, apologize over and over (whether i'm "guilty" or not), hold my head down and wince. and say "yes Daddy" when he is done.
AngelicAssassin
Something Wicked
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Depends on the cunt in question and whether rotten, or not ...rosco rathbone said:
Just fuck it, or leave it. Better yet, fuck it and leave it: sore, torn, and wailing.
AngelicAssassin
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Had an ex-wife like that. She'd push until she cornered me. My upbringing didn't allow me to strike back, physically or otherwise, until that point. After the second episode of coolheaded and exact physical retaliation, she knew better than to leave me no where to go.graceanne said:
i still don't physically strike in anger. i prefer control. i'm unfortunately obstinant enough as well to stay married for nearly 12 years before throwing in the towel. That obstinance will get me thrown in a Dom's doghouse faster than anything else.
Netzach
>semiotics?
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I just see it as a form of service when someone can help me not be the raging out of control asshole version of myself, when someone can help me avoid doing things I'll regret or making a fool of myself -- to me that's a good commodity. I try not to require this kind of a stretch often, but when it happens it's good to know that my tantrum can be deflected with rational and calm interaction.
graceanne
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AngelicAssassin said:
I didn't mean he hits. He doesn't. He would if I hit him, but I'm not that stupid. He does throw things, kick things and put his fist through walls. Not to mention screaming and name calling. It's just a matter of ignorning him doesn't work. Once I even locked myself in the bathroom, hoping that'd work. We had to replace the bathroom door.
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