things you said or did as a kid your family never lets you live down

following one of mello's links in the other thread, came across some funny shit, like this:

Stood up at the first wedding I ever attended and yelled “eww is she gonna marry that old man?!” As the bride was walking the aisle with dad

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when i was about 5, one of my sisters, older than me, took her time convincing me the liquorice was actually made out of rubber. i was very reluctant to believe her, but she was most earnest. the second i accepted it as a fact, she laughed and said 'how could you believe that?'. don't know if i was madder at her for lying or at myself for letting her fool me

when the nun (our teacher at the catholic infants/junior school) asked us what did we want to be when we grew up and i said in all seriousness i couldn't choose between being a nun and being a stripper. it didn't go down too well. in my innocence, i believed they were similar inasmuch as they were sort of set apart from men and remained pure - the nun's by their faith lifestyle, strippers by being up on stage out of the reach of men. go figure turns out i didn't become either

Probably falling down pretty far, and not getting a scratch on me...I was very lucky!

One time when we were kids my brother said snakes didn't have teeth, because he's a fucking idiot, and I will never let that die.

For context, we were going to play in the creek, because we're redneck children and you do that kinda thing, and I saw this snake and I was like, "Hey, there's a snake, don't fuck with it, because it'll bite you."

And he was like, "Snakes don't have teeth."

And I was like, "You're... you're a goddamn idiot."

He was like 3 or 4 but still. That is dumb.

I used to make up words. Such as "amn't" for "am not". And I thought my dad had some sort of weird wooden gun. I knew it was a gun because I saw the ammo box in the garage and I had heard my grandma talking about it. Turned out, the "gun" was a toy oxen yoke from his youth. I am not sure now what his mom was talking about. But not that. There was in fact an ammo box in the garage. It was empty and came from Ed's Surplus.

LoveBeginsAgain said:

Probably falling down pretty far, and not getting a scratch on me...I was very lucky!

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yes, you were!

when i was about 4 years old, i did this long extended trip thing that took me from one end of our living room to the other before falling flat on my face. best thing was i was carrying an ice cream cone and didn't drop it it was an ice cream cone - that fucker had to stay undropped!

CandiCame said:

One time when we were kids my brother said snakes didn't have teeth, because he's a fucking idiot, and I will never let that die.

For context, we were going to play in the creek, because we're redneck children and you do that kinda thing, and I saw this snake and I was like, "Hey, there's a snake, don't fuck with it, because it'll bite you."

And he was like, "Snakes don't have teeth."

And I was like, "You're... you're a goddamn idiot."

He was like 3 or 4 but still. That is dumb.

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aw, bless!

Jada59 said:

I used to make up words. Such as "amn't" for "am not". And I thought my dad had some sort of weird wooden gun. I knew it was a gun because I saw the ammo box in the garage and I had heard my grandma talking about it. Turned out, the "gun" was a toy oxen yoke from his youth. I am not sure now what his mom was talking about. But not that. There was in fact an ammo box in the garage. It was empty and came from Ed's Surplus.

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lolol

My Mum once was making plaster of paris shapes using moulds. I thought they were cakes and tried to eat one. I used to think women got pregnant from kissing. I once ate a whole packets of mouth ulcer pastilles, my mouth ended up tasting weird, thought I was going to die, but I was too frightened to tell Mum. I'm sure there's others but must have blocked them Oh, I once peed myself in church because I didn't think churches had toilets... do they?

stickygirl said:

My Mum once was making plaster of paris shapes using moulds. I thought they were cakes and tried to eat one.

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That cake thing reminded me- one time we, like all 3 of us kids collectively, had this thing where you could make Star Wars ships by putting these little plastic cubes in these spaceship molds and then putting them in the thing, it melted the plastic and made spaceships, then you'd paint them with paint that came with it.

We took that out to play with it, had it all set up on the kitchen counter, and my dad came in as we were melting the plastic. Like we had it in the machine. Then, according to the instructions we had to let it cool for five minutes and paint it. So we were just sitting there waiting on the thing to ding.

So my dad, for whatever reason was fucking convinced that this thing was an easy bake oven. I have NO IDEA why. We all told him it wasn't, it was a spaceship maker thing. But he kept telling us that we were all stupid and it was an easy bake oven. I want to reiterate that all 3 of us told him, repeatedly, that it was a plastic spaceship factory, that we intended to paint and then play with the spaceships.

Then the thing dinged, my dad took the tray out, popped out the spaceships AND FUCKING ATE THEM. Like in front of us. He just ate our spaceships. These were PLASTIC. He ate the whole tray of spaceships.

We were all like, "What the fuck?"

I mean he didn't stop at one, there were like 4 spaceships in the tray. He just ate them.

I think it was this, but like an older version of it: https://www.amazon.com/Star-Wars-Creepy-Crawler-Oven/dp/B0017KYFO4

Sorry all my stories are about other people but I was oldest of three brothers being raised by parents who ATE ENTIRE TRAYS OF TOYS so I couldn't afford to be a cute dumbass. I was the one who kept us alive.

Here's the thing. I don't think we would have been pissed about this had he just eaten one, been like, "Oh, no that is a toy, not a delicious baked treat" but the motherfucker sat there and ate the whole fucking tray. One after another. After the first one he HAD to know, right?

sounds like he had a REALLY bad case of the munchies and didn't even notice they tasted like shit

To this day, one of my older siblings will still remind me of the first time I tried to pronounce 'mahogany', as Ma-hoe-gone'- ee. Stupid, I know, but hahaha - my mom told me I was reading earlier than any of them.

HBergeron said:

To this day, one of my older siblings will still remind me of the first time I tried to pronounce 'mahogany', as Ma-hoe-gone'- ee. Stupid, I know, but hahaha - my mom told me I was reading earlier than any of them.

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and does it still make you blush?

lol

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