Unformed Challenge

Hi folks,

Some how I missed getting a challenge crown dropped on me by Miss Angeline (I've forgotten, is Angie a valid reference for you, or is there a shortening you prefer? )

So, going to have to think about it, might be tomorrow before I have something, but we'll see what we can come up with....

Remec said:

Hi folks,

Some how I missed getting a challenge crown dropped on me by Miss Angeline (I've forgotten, is Angie a valid reference for you, or is there a shortening you prefer? )

So, going to have to think about it, might be tomorrow before I have something, but we'll see what we can come up with....

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I'm sorry dear. I should have let you know via pm. I've got some stuff going on now that is emotionally draining and haven't been here except to check for spam and such.

But yeah you did get the next challenge and I know you'll come up with something great. You're an inventive kinda poet.

And here? Angie, Ange, Angeline, Poet Chick, Jazz Lover...it's all good.

Okay, here's what I came up with...

I was thinking of what challenges we'd had recently, and then the title I put on this placeholder of a thread spoke to me and so we get:

Unformed Challenge

Your challenge, should you choose to take it on, is to share a poem of yours (or, I suppose of someone else's with permission) that meets all the usual criteria for some sort of form poetry, then you must revise said poem into a presentation that has no form to it.

No word count
No syllable count
No limits or requirements for meter or line length
Rhyme is up to you, but specific lines don't have to rhyme.

Just do it up in a new, fresh way...formless.


Since I work nights, we'll say y'all have until 8:00 am Eastern time next Monday, 7/29...'kay? Off you go, then.

Remec said:

Okay, here's what I came up with...

I was thinking of what challenges we'd had recently, and then the title I put on this placeholder of a thread spoke to me and so we get:

Unformed Challenge

Your challenge, should you choose to take it on, is to share a poem of yours (or, I suppose of someone else's with permission) that meets all the usual criteria for some sort of form poetry, then you must revise said poem into a presentation that has no form to it.

No word count
No syllable count
No limits or requirements for meter or line length
Rhyme is up to you, but specific lines don't have to rhyme.

Just do it up in a new, fresh way...formless.


Since I work nights, we'll say y'all have until 8:00 am Eastern time next Monday, 7/29...'kay? Off you go, then.

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..
And the winner is the one who...?

HarryHill said:

..
And the winner is the one who...?

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...will be randomly determined by an unspecified method based on how many people join the challenge.

:d:d:d

Here is the original poem:And here is the unformed revision:Here is a more unformed version (a re-version?) of the poem:

Is this right?

Original.

Knights Templar Terzanelle

He is a knight but not so bold
as those who fought so long ago
for now it's ritual and repast

He meets with others clad in robes
and speaks in words so secret
as those who fought so long ago

His raiment speaks of battles fought
while searching for the Holy Grail
and speaks in words so secret

In far off lands beneath the sun
were many lives to go for nought
while searching for the Holy Grail?

Where lies that relic of the past
with blood spilt for a cup no less
were many lives to go for nought?

Far gone the days on battlefields
with blood spilt for a cup no less
he is a knight but not so bold
for now it's ritual and repast

.......................................

Un-formed

He is a knight but not so bold
who meets with others clad in robes.
His raiment speaks of battles fought
as those who fought so long ago
while searching for the Holy Grail.
In far off lands beneath the sun,
with blood spilt for a cup no less
far gone the days on battlefields,
for now it's ritual and repast.

Original.

Odor of June

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more wet and twice as annoying.
The trees that dripped their leaves in May
Speak now of June your perfume cloying.
The crashing thunder portrays your voice
Till birds shall drop from crumpled wings,
As your snores now make my heart rejoice
No more to hear those strident vocal rings.
What once I looked upon as sweet and coy
Your simpering coquettishness at every whim
Was not just only girlish, youthful play
I now perceive at last my god you're dim.

As long as you still take breath, alas
I must survive your chronic problem, gas.

....................................

Un-formed

You've got a mouth on you
the size of Mersey tunnel,
you wont stop talkin'
You're thick as two short planks,
and your farts stink!

Remec said:

...will be randomly determined by an unspecified method based on how many people join the challenge.

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..
lmao, well done Remec.

Angeline said:

And here? Angie, Ange, Angeline, Poet Chick, Jazz Lover...it's all good.

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In the west country part of England I come from, you would be pronounced as 'are Ange' which translated is 'our Ange.' Further South and west in Devon, older people in particular if they knew you, might greet you with ' 'ullo my lover' and then revert to calling you 'dear, me dear or dearie' in the subsequent conversation. Terms of affection rather than names are quite often used in other parts of UK but perhaps not quite so much in those other regions.

But the faintly posessive 'are Ange' is definitely complimentary even if a tad inelegant.

I had to go backwards for this...

*A note: I don’t write much form poetry, so I worked off an older, unformed piece I really love, and created a form piece from it. Hope I didn’t ruin the spirit of the challenge, but in my defense, this made it more of a challenge for me.

Unformed

Cupcake

Moist
Tiny chocolate cake sits between us
Frosting dollop glistening
Rounded
Perfect little cake.

I touch you across the table
Your forearm
Through your sleeve
I feel something more there
Are you real?

The cappuccino in my cup
Frothy
I hold it with two hands as I sip
Smiling at you
Huge grins as we chat
I feel silly, giddy
And I don’t want this to stop

I also want this table between us to disappear.

I want your body next to mine
Arms wrapping around, holding me
Undressing me
Kisses all over my body

Instead, I stare into your eyes
Into my cup
As I smile
Trying to keep my mind here
In this moment
Listening to your voice

And a little cake sits between us
Delicious.

Formed: Florette

When Did We Become?

Into my cup I keep starring
Thinking of things to be sharing
Sitting between us a cupcake
My delicate fingers remove paper, tearing.

You almost seem unreal to me,
Your face so kind and my eyes see
Someone I want to touch so much,
But am I brave enough to reach out, become ‘we?’

We are both too shy to do much,
Both wrapped in thinking of first touch
As the cupcake sits stoically
I slowly lose myself happily in your clutch.

Discussions went for months before
How a meeting might end up sore,
But I hadn’t thought this could be
Something so great... Please, would you throw me to the floor?

ishtat said:

In the west country part of England I come from, you would be pronounced as 'are Ange' which translated is 'our Ange.' Further South and west in Devon, older people in particular if they knew you, might greet you with ' 'ullo my lover' and then revert to calling you 'dear, me dear or dearie' in the subsequent conversation. Terms of affection rather than names are quite often used in other parts of UK but perhaps not quite so much in those other regions.

But the faintly posessive 'are Ange' is definitely complimentary even if a tad inelegant.

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That's lovely.

The Dress

Dressmaker dressmaker make me a dress
cobalt blue silk and new lace from London
make it real pretty and sure to impress
bishop sleeves, full skirts swirl with abandon

six yards double gauged with fine hand stitches
Tuck’d and pleated bodice so flattering
a dress so fine a mere glance bewitches
a blush, a look, a bit of pampering

ivory comb in my hair, broach at my neck
corset, corded petticoat, chemise too
give me your hand love, I’ll take no raincheck
dark eyes meet hazel our love will renew

darling, pray dance me ‘round the lovely park
twirl me, embrace me ‘til night brings the dark

_______________________________

Dancing

Dreams of dancing
romance birthed centuries ago
Heart to heart
Eye to eye
Souls connected
We twirl under the stars
Clasped together, arm in arm
Fingertips reach at each beat
Stolen kisses and touches
spinning under the stars
blue cobalt silk swirling

urgent whispers of devotion
blushing with emotion
long hair falls free
ivory comb set aside
unbuttoned and untied
heaps of fabric fall ‘round my ankles
bright eyes and eager fingers
corset unlaced… breasts heaving

dance me now between the sheets
our love aflame with passion

Nota Sonnet

Autumn Nota

Exhausted sun walks so very slow
no spring left in his step, slogging on
below the zenith when so spritely
marching on the heavens highest road

slow the days and shorter now they fall
crafty winter lets it's seasonal pall
flutter on the north winds frigid call
prepare you creatures both large and small

gather wood and start the cheery fire
hummingbirds fly south to find the sun
regaining strength soon to be required
back to the green woods when winter's done

and there in your sleepy Autumn's nests
dream of the sun's return while you rest
.......................................................

A sun moves slow, far below its zenith,
an old man slogging down hill from heaven.

Days slow their time. clouds flutter, north wind calls,
all creatures large and small prepare for winter

Humming birds head south where the sun still fly's high
over winter in a birdy Riviera,
dream of summer in the green woods while we
build cheery fires, wait for their return.


note: The Nota sonnet is my own invention, 14 lines, 9 syllables each
3 four line stanza and a couplet.
first stanza unrhymed
second stanza a, a, a, a
third stanza b, c, b, c
couplet d, d

Damn, this is much harder than I thought it would be. I'm not really happy with the formless one. The form poem is a series of couplets about Mars a while back. The second unformed reads like a newspaper and has also been influenced by this article by Lori Garver - Forget new crewed missions in space. NASA should focus on saving Earth.



Where Frozen Embryos Remain

The claret globe it fills the sky
for landing time will soon draw nigh.
Now wake from cryogenic sleep
those who Earth's promises must keep,
our sixteen finest, bright and bold
to cross red planet's first threshold.
For their tasks, specially chosen
air's thin - Sherpa gene bespoken,
brains, strength and reflex all enhanced
to give our crew a fighting chance.
Carefully reared in far Tibet
to make their chances better yet.
And if perchance their mission fail
a second crew will take their trail.
As frozen embryos remain
to take their place on Martian plain.



Mars mission 20???

The Mars mission if there ever is one is a one way trip,
and may be enhanced by genetic and physiological adaptations
which take our species and ethics into uncharted places.

Quiet over here.

HarryHill said:

Quiet over here.

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it is

i was struggling to deconstruct a poem a few days back; gave up on one, looked at another, but it's hard when the original fits best what you wanted it to say

and now i'm a bit busy with this stuff we're up to at home

butters said:

it is

i was struggling to deconstruct a poem a few days back; gave up on one, looked at another, but it's hard when the original fits best what you wanted it to say
and now ...

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..
Yeah I looked at a few before mine, threw away a few, Passed on K.S.F.O.S and Nota Chance I kept scrolling past Gone Down in my files and loosing focus. Such a disturbing/introspective write to chance across while trying to nail this one down.

butters said:

it is

i was struggling to deconstruct a poem a few days back; gave up on one, looked at another, but it's hard when the original fits best what you wanted it to say

and now i'm a bit busy with this stuff we're up to at home

Click to expand...

Might I enquire why your Rhino has a Peacock's tail?

Original.

A sleep I shall have
A rest I shall have
Yet death will be but a pause
For the peace of my years
In the long green grass
Will be yours and yours and yours.
Leo Marks

This is part of the 'code poem' for Violette Szabo who was shot in the back of the head in a concentration camp in 1945, holding the hands of two other Special Operations Executive agents. Filmed as Carve her name with Pride.

I'll go not to this dark alone
nor hide beneath the stone
a sleep I shall have
sisters kneel but we are never prone.

Hands that now are clasping mine
so will our hearts combine
a rest I shall have
my labours done behind the enemy line.

What matters where my body lay
released from torture on this day
yet death will be but a pause
my soul shall rise above the fray.

I see my home in my minds eye
life has been just a passing sigh
for the peace of my years
not lost even in this last goodbye.

To look to the sky as in a dream
beauty of earth below would seem
in the long green grass
reflected my final passing gleam.

Left behind on these foreign shores
a heart so true my spirit soars
given to you a freedom paid
will be yours and yours and yours.

Poetry Survivor
Second Round Glosa

.......................

Un....formed

Sisters ours is the pain of freedom,
hand in hand until eternity.
Hearts combined we fight our fight
in the background of man's inhumanity
to man. Ours is the voice raised, lifted
cannot be denied yet death may claim
we give our all and hope through
years and seasons, one day the world
will find peace, remember the honour
paid in our last goodbye.

UnderYourSpell said:

Might I enquire why your Rhino has a Peacock's tail?

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lol

it's from a group of funny animal pics and i thought it made the perfect av. it's a rhino with a peacock standing behind it. it's metaphorical for me having a thick skin (on lit), a sharp, dangerous pointy thing if anyone bothers me, and 'i'm not just a big, ugly animal...look at me with my cute tushi tail'

UnderYourSpell said:

Might I enquire why your Rhino has a Peacock's tail?

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..
I told her it was because someone insert front half of peacock up rhinos backside .

butters said:

lol

it's from a group of funny animal pics and i thought it made the perfect av. it's a rhino with a peacock standing behind it. it's metaphorical for me having a thick skin (on lit), a sharp, dangerous pointy thing if anyone bothers me, and 'i'm not just a big, ugly animal...look at me with my cute tushi tail'

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HarryHill said:

..
I told her it was because someone insert front half of peacock up rhinos backside .

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Lolol both right I reckon!

And the winner is....

Hi again...i would have been here at the deadline, but I was a little early and while waiting for 8:00 to roll around, I started having Internet problems, then had to go run an errand for my wife (she's off for the annual visit to help out around the family tree farm/co-op, but needed some time sheets dropped off at the homebound and tutoring payroll people)...but now I'm here and it has been determined that UnderYourSpell is our winner.

Our random method of determining chose the following to reward the chance of naming the next challenge:

Original.

Odor of June

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more wet and twice as annoying.
The trees that dripped their leaves in May
Speak now of June your perfume cloying.
The crashing thunder portrays your voice
Till birds shall drop from crumpled wings,
As your snores now make my heart rejoice
No more to hear those strident vocal rings.
What once I looked upon as sweet and coy
Your simpering coquettishness at every whim
Was not just only girlish, youthful play
I now perceive at last my god you're dim.

As long as you still take breath, alas
I must survive your chronic problem, gas.

....................................

Un-formed

You've got a mouth on you
the size of Mersey tunnel,
you wont stop talkin'
You're thick as two short planks,
and your farts stink!

Click to expand...