The Queernesss Thread

HottieMama said:

Oh I love Iggy Pop...

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I do too

BiBunny said:

On the other hand, I don't feel comfortable around straight people, especially straight couples and especially-especially straight couples with the "curious" female types. Oh, God, FML.

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Me too for some reason. Like they come from a different planet. Brain shortcut or something when I try to make connection.
And I can never understand what exactly is it that makes me so uncomfortable and awkward.

StrayKat said:

Me too for some reason. Like they come from a different planet. Brain shortcut or something when I try to make connection.
And I can never understand what exactly is it that makes me so uncomfortable and awkward.

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For me, it's because I get the feeling they're looking at me like I'm fresh meat because I'm bisexual and polyamorous. It's the same reason I dislike swingers. I'm not your porn show, kthanxbi.

bhndblueyes88 said:

I think you're a unique and beautiful snowflake, Kuro. I mean that both with biting humour toward the phrase, and sincerely.

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Aww

In unrelated news, I noticed my wife left the house wearing her binder this morning. Generally for her that means a swing away from femininity and toward masculinity, and all I could do was grin. Should be a fun couple of weeks

Kurokami said:

Aww

In unrelated news, I noticed my wife left the house wearing her binder this morning. Generally for her that means a swing away from femininity and toward masculinity, and all I could do was grin. Should be a fun couple of weeks

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Oh goodness, awesome thread! Must find time to read!

Hahah, and Kuro's here too of course. Hi sir! Do we think alike or something?

Good to see your wife wears that binder... *grins*

Thank you so much Stella. Resources: I'm a sucker for them.

Wow, I've read all five pages and still not any closer to figuring out where I fit in.

But an example of my train of thought...

I do ballroom dancing as a passionate hobby. One monday night, the girls seriously outweighed the guys by a good three to one. I crossed the floor so I could be a boy for the night. Seriously didn't even stop to think about it or hesitate. I take the male side in the progressive dancing all the time. It feels just as normal and natural to me as dancing the female side. Anyway, I got a very stern talking down to by the principal of the studio as to why it's inappropriate for me to be a male lead. When she said "what if a boy wanted to dance as a girl", I looked at her with complete blank confusion and said "so?" Wrong answer apparantly.

Stella_Omega said:

Oookay... so Rida, Catalina, BiBunny and myself identify in this gender-queer way.

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*Raises hand.* Here's another one, though I wouldn't self-identify as gender-queer. It feels sort of... unfair... in the light of all those people whose lives are so much harder because of it. Mine isn't. And I can pass as femme (ETA i guess i mean 'girly' here) if I want to. Won't elaborate on it any further, since I wrote about it before. Though the sidenote on that post is that by now I haven't worn eyeliner in ages...

BiBunny said:

On the other hand, I don't feel comfortable around straight people, especially straight couples and especially-especially straight couples with the "curious" female types. Oh, God, FML.

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HottieMama said:

And I totally agree with you about the straight couples with the "curious female types..."

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StrayKat said:

Me too for some reason. Like they come from a different planet. Brain shortcut or something when I try to make connection. And I can never understand what exactly is it that makes me so uncomfortable and awkward.

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I so get that.

But it so could apply to me.



I'm quite nice in spite of it though.

intothewoods said:

My initial thought is that if my sexuality is bent (arguably -- wasn't there a recent study that suggested virtually everyone is a little bit kinky?), but the public face of my relationship is, well, a straight, monogamous marriage, could I ever call myself queer?

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Very good question. One I ask myself a lot. In spite of my hard to define orientation, switchy kinkiness and fluid gender (which makes me top Kurokami in the indecisiveness of sexual/identity 'choices'), I don't think I have any business calling myself queer. It might be different if people could look inside my head... (or in the bottom drawer of the bedroom closet ). But they can't (unless i let them ).

Which makes me wonder about recognition. What does 'queer' mean, what does one's gender identity mean, when it's not something that is recognized by others? What role does visibility play in these things? Do you 'exist' if nobody else thinks you do? Any thoughts? Heh, uhm, I don't even know if these are the right questions! :S *sigh*

knot_sweet said:

I got a very stern talking down to by the principal of the studio as to why it's inappropriate for me to be a male lead. When she said "what if a boy wanted to dance as a girl", I looked at her with complete blank confusion and said "so?" Wrong answer apparantly.

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Curious: what was her answer to that? (Can't understand why she made such a fuss about it.)

Oh and: love the idea of girls as male lead. *nods* hot.

knot_sweet said:

Wow, I've read all five pages and still not any closer to figuring out where I fit in.

But an example of my train of thought...

I do ballroom dancing as a passionate hobby. One monday night, the girls seriously outweighed the guys by a good three to one. I crossed the floor so I could be a boy for the night. Seriously didn't even stop to think about it or hesitate. I take the male side in the progressive dancing all the time. It feels just as normal and natural to me as dancing the female side. Anyway, I got a very stern talking down to by the principal of the studio as to why it's inappropriate for me to be a male lead. When she said "what if a boy wanted to dance as a girl", I looked at her with complete blank confusion and said "so?" Wrong answer apparantly.

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How funny that you bring this up, because last week I was talking to my sister, who is a hella dancer-- rockabilly, Lindy, Swing, Zydeco-- about learning to lead.

She said the same thing, that she joined the lead side of the class one night, and had a blast. Afterwards, the teacher came up to her and told her that she couldn't do that again, because it might make the women feel uncomfortable-- despite the fact that not one woman acted uncomfortable in taking her hands during the class, and not one man seemed to feel that she was out of place.

The teacher told her that she would have to find a partner if she wanted to learn to lead. Another woman immediately stepped up to volunteer, and the teacher seemed very surprised by that!

And this was in Pasadena CA.

Allyourbase- Her response was "boys won't dance with another boy" and that she gets asked all the time "I won't have to dance with a girl all the time?" by women who call up about learning to dance.

Stella_Omega- Wow, would love to have been there to see the look on the teacher's face. I'm finding there are alot of gender obstacles in dancing usually held onto quite fiercely by the "old guard". So it was great to read that there are other people willing to challenge the traditional roles. And yes, I too have found that most women don't care about dancing with another woman. There are even women who identify as straight who would prefer to dance with a woman for various reasons.

When it comes to partnered styles of dancing I've found there are two types of people. Those who want to dance with a person of the opposite sex, and those who just want to dance. There are also so many gender orientated rules about appropriate clothing. I can't medal because women have to wear a skirt or dress to do so. When I asked "how does what I wear make me a better dancer?" all I got was very convoluted explanations about presentation and correct styling. I was also shocked to learn it isn't acceptable to dance socially in dance sneakers like the guys do. Frankly, I have crappy ankles and want to enjoy dancing rather than worrying about my feet hurting in those heels for three hours or snapping an ankle ligament. Some of the older ladies have come up to me on the quiet to ask where they can get a pair. Viva la Revolution!

Anyway back on topic...I identify as either gender neutral or slightly masculine in my day to day life. I prefer to look at naked women simply because I believe all woman are beautiful works of art. I don't see guys as something to look at because a guy needs more than good looks to get my attention. I am definately hetero in the bedroom, but a guy has to be more than attractive for me to be turned on. Also, with what I do for work, it just would'nt be functional if I saw gender at all.

See-- I can enjoy either sex as something pretty to look at, but both women and men need more than beauty to be attractive to me. Especially women, because I think about women as potential partners and I am not interested in men sexually.

Luckily, most women have more than beauty. Frankly, I get a bit nauseous when I hear people talk about women in generic terms, as "beautiful works of art," as if we were created for visual pleasure alone.

We can do things. We are artists, musicians, engineers, wage-earners, caregivers, greedy, destructive, creative-- you name it, we do it. We are not "works of art" we are art workers.

It makes me angry when I hear people talking about an elderly, accomplished woman saying; "oh, but she was so pretty when she was young!" as if that was her sole contribution to the world.

Stella_Omega said:

See--

Luckily, most women have more than beauty. Frankly, I get a bit nauseous when I hear people talk about women in generic terms, as "beautiful works of art," as if we were created for visual pleasure alone.

We can do things. We are artists, musicians, engineers, wage-earners, caregivers, greedy, destructive, creative-- you name it, we do it. We are not "works of art" we are art workers.

.

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That wasn't quite how I meant it... oops. I use the term works of art because for me everything about women is mysterious and fascinating thus beautiful. Everything about their motives, the way they think and feel, the underlying meaning all wrapped up in such varied and wonderful styles...Like art I understand none of it, but appreciate all of it as something mostly beyond me. And yes, on a purely surface level, women are much prettier than men. I will look at a woman and think "she is so beautiful" in a way that I don't even see men. The only reason I don't sleep with women is that to me, they taste wrong, feel wrong and smell wrong. Not in a bad way, just not in a way that works for me.

You don't react to women's pheromones, then. I suspect that's what separates hets from bis from homos.

I do react to men's pheromones, that's why I still call myself bi...although I don't much care to act on it any more--

Stella_Omega said:

See-- I can enjoy either sex as something pretty to look at, but both women and men need more than beauty to be attractive to me. Especially women, because I think about women as potential partners and I am not interested in men sexually.

Luckily, most women have more than beauty. Frankly, I get a bit nauseous when I hear people talk about women in generic terms, as "beautiful works of art," as if we were created for visual pleasure alone.

We can do things. We are artists, musicians, engineers, wage-earners, caregivers, greedy, destructive, creative-- you name it, we do it. We are not "works of art" we are art workers.

It makes me angry when I hear people talking about an elderly, accomplished woman saying; "oh, but she was so pretty when she was young!" as if that was her sole contribution to the world.

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Yes! While I appreciate eye candy, there has to be more than physical looks to spark desire for me. Age is irrelevant, but intellect and a sense of humor are not.

Stella_Omega said:

You don't react to women's pheromones, then. I suspect that's what separates hets from bis from homos.

I do react to men's pheromones, that's why I still call myself bi...although I don't much care to act on it any more--

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Again, Yes! Although, I still act on both sets of pheromones.

I so often find myself nodding in agreement as I read your posts.

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this but since it doesn't seem to fit "exactly" anywhere else, I thought maybe this might be a good place.

I have always identified as a heterosexual woman. For the most part it is men that I think when I think sex BUT my whole life, there have been a limited number of particular women that provoke a very strong sexual reaction in me.

I don't have to know them well. In fact, it's usually something I feel right away. I want to touch them. I want to smell them. I can't help but stare and I get that -my innards just bounced on shoes, up to my throat and then back down again- feeling that's usually followed by damp panties.

I've thought that this might be related to pheromones as someone posted but I would have expected that if that was the case, there would be more women that I would react to in this way.

Is there anyone else that experiences attraction to the same sex in this way?

Welcome, Annie! We have an entire forum for GLBT issues including exploring your bi curiosity http://forum.literotica.com/forumdisplay.php?s=&daysprune=&f=29

but in any case-- and assuming my theory is correct-- pheromones are probably not the only part of your attraction to particular women. it's not that you are helplessly drawn to female pheromones (dammit) but that those chemical signals don't drive you away. So if some lady unexpectedly rings your bell, there's nothing muffling the sound, yanno?

Annie, I similarly identify as a heterosexual woman, but I, also, occasionally have strong attractions to members of my own gender. Personally, it's more a personality thing than a true sexual reaction. Most of the time anyways. My brain likes to fuck with me when I'm asleep. And the present individual that would fall into this category is also rather attractive physically and has excellent boobs. Still don't want anything to do with anything below the waist, though Ew, vagina.

ANYWAY, I just ignore it. I'm in a committed relationship with someone I love dearly, so there's no real point in trying to DO anything about it. And I don't let it ruffle my comfort with my sexuality. So what if I'm attracted to the occasional woman out of sheer admiration for her person. Doesn't really change the game for me, and it doesn't make me want to identify any differently, so I just let it lie.

If it bothers you, I don't think I have any advice for you. But you asked to hear from someone else so I wanted you to know you're far from the only mostly-straight-woman who gets the occasional boner (so to speak) for another gal.

A ladyboner, some of us like to call it.

Thank you ladies

-helplessly drawn to female pheromones (dammit)- made me laugh.
I will spend more time in the section you referenced Stella, thank you for pointing it out.

I'm glad to know I am not alone, PBE.
It's not so much that it bothers me than it seems odd and I'm one of those people that want to understand EVERYTHING.
Otherwise, our situation is quite similar, including the dreams! I forgot to mention those.

And I'm glad to have a name for it now. -Ladyboner- I'm not sure when I'll get to use it in conversation but a worthwhile addition to my vocabulary just the same.

Thanks,
Annie

Annie_girl218 said:

-helplessly drawn to female pheromones (dammit)- made me laugh.
I will spend more time in the section you referenced Stella, thank you for pointing it out.

I'm glad to know I am not alone, PBE.
It's not so much that it bothers me than it seems odd and I'm one of those people that want to understand EVERYTHING.
Otherwise, our situation is quite similar, including the dreams! I forgot to mention those.

And I'm glad to have a name for it now. -Ladyboner- I'm not sure when I'll get to use it in conversation but a worthwhile addition to my vocabulary just the same.

Thanks,
Annie

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I am sure you will soon have the female equivalent of a wet dream as well

Annie_girl218 said:

-helplessly drawn to female pheromones (dammit)- made me laugh.
I will spend more time in the section you referenced Stella, thank you for pointing it out.

I'm glad to know I am not alone, PBE.
It's not so much that it bothers me than it seems odd and I'm one of those people that want to understand EVERYTHING.
Otherwise, our situation is quite similar, including the dreams! I forgot to mention those.

And I'm glad to have a name for it now. -Ladyboner- I'm not sure when I'll get to use it in conversation but a worthwhile addition to my vocabulary just the same.

Thanks,
Annie

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I do believe we have another sapiosexual in our midst. Welcome thrice welcome!

Stella_Omega said:

I do believe we have another sapiosexual in our midst. Welcome thrice welcome!

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Oh goody! I love new playmates.

His_pet_slut said:

Oh goody! I love new playmates.

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I love pets

sapiosexual? That's a new one.

bhndblueyes88 said:

sapiosexual? That's a new one.

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According to this girl, it's a curse.

It makes me think of my first valentine present ever. It came with a card with a spelling mistake on it.