Hello. Apologies in advance if this is already something widely discussed, or "common", but I've never heard about it. The post is a bit large, but I've tried to explain this clearly, and thus there's no TLDR. Finally, I thought that the best place to write this would be a BDSM forum, so... here it is. Hopefully, it's appropriate.
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First of all, I consider myself a very dominant personality, in and out of sexual situations. I like to take action, to take decisions, and definitely don't enjoy "being on bottom", unless it's for a short amount of time or I still have enough control over what's happening. Adopting a passive posture is just not me, being submitted to the whims of someone else is definitely not me, and everything I do tends to have much willpower behind it. This I know; the submissive label (as a general label) does not apply, and will not apply.
Secondly, while I enjoy a more submissive partner (for what the word "submissive" is worth for, I suppose), I also enjoy a partner that can bring some more power to the relationship. Knowing that my partner is perfectly capable of "getting things happening" all by herself is frankly attractive, and I like "butting heads". I like to recognize that power, that force that must be reckoned, to respect it and to play with it (I like the "danger"). Like I said - it's attractive.
Thirdly, I enjoy to an extreme degree giving pleasure to someone that I want to please, sexual and non-sexual. It's at least as good as being pleased myself (though I still require that I'm actually pleased as well, of course. It must have some degree of mutuality, of concern and care).
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Taking the three things above, I have often considered the idea of a "submissive dominant", or a "slave dominant" (now in actual BDSM, and not just relationship dynamics). The notion sounds a bit odd, putting antonyms in the same sentence; but maybe it has some degree of feasibility. This slave-dominant (sDom for short) willingly submits some of his control to his own dominant (I'll use dDomme here). I feel that this submission must be absolutely from the will of the sDom, and a "contract" is crucially important. Otherwise, the sDom and dDomme could end up stepping on each other, with a possibly explosive effect.
The dDomme has the raw power of the sDom under her command (even for what can be arguably seen as "slave-work", and whimsical desires), and as long as the contract is maintained, the sDom will do so willingly, and of his own desire. Possibly, the sDom may be much more powerful than the dDomme herself (using some power metric, etc.), even knowingly - and still agree to such a BDSM relationship, more like a willingly subjugated "soldier" than a slave.
This paragraph is more how I'd see it if I was the sDom (hence me choosing sDom and dDomme). The sDom would provide the dDomme his own dominant power, for a certain amount of time, according to a certain contract. Together with the usual tenets of a D/s relationship, he would do no complaining, no whimpering for release, no begging. Any physical punishments would be held stoically. Resilience, and raw power. The dDomme would of course be treated with the utmost respect (perhaps a different kind of respect than a traditional submissive). There may be some moments of slight insubordination (say, for example, the sDom decides to directly and bluntly criticise the dDomme on some topic); the dDomme is to deal with such incidents as she sees fit (noting that punishments may, should be stipulated in the contract, of course). Some particular ways of domination would be off-limits (attempts at humiliation and degradation, example) specially as the sDom may suddenly relinquish his submission if faced with non-satisfactory treatment.. Physical restraints wouldn't be of much interest - in this relationship, I would see serious, agreed-upon submission as much more enticing.
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Now, I've written this here for a couple of reasons. I'd appreciate any comments from more (or even less) experienced persons about the whole shebang, really about anything that might provoke some reflection. I'd like to know if this is even possible (something tell me it is, though it seems particularly difficult). Or maybe this is common, and I just haven't seen it yet. I'd also like to know if anyone has gone through such a relationship, or if there are actually Dom/Dommes that have also though about something like this. Thank you!
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First of all, I consider myself a very dominant personality, in and out of sexual situations. I like to take action, to take decisions, and definitely don't enjoy "being on bottom", unless it's for a short amount of time or I still have enough control over what's happening. Adopting a passive posture is just not me, being submitted to the whims of someone else is definitely not me, and everything I do tends to have much willpower behind it. This I know; the submissive label (as a general label) does not apply, and will not apply.
Secondly, while I enjoy a more submissive partner (for what the word "submissive" is worth for, I suppose), I also enjoy a partner that can bring some more power to the relationship. Knowing that my partner is perfectly capable of "getting things happening" all by herself is frankly attractive, and I like "butting heads". I like to recognize that power, that force that must be reckoned, to respect it and to play with it (I like the "danger"). Like I said - it's attractive.
Thirdly, I enjoy to an extreme degree giving pleasure to someone that I want to please, sexual and non-sexual. It's at least as good as being pleased myself (though I still require that I'm actually pleased as well, of course. It must have some degree of mutuality, of concern and care).
---
Taking the three things above, I have often considered the idea of a "submissive dominant", or a "slave dominant" (now in actual BDSM, and not just relationship dynamics). The notion sounds a bit odd, putting antonyms in the same sentence; but maybe it has some degree of feasibility. This slave-dominant (sDom for short) willingly submits some of his control to his own dominant (I'll use dDomme here). I feel that this submission must be absolutely from the will of the sDom, and a "contract" is crucially important. Otherwise, the sDom and dDomme could end up stepping on each other, with a possibly explosive effect.
The dDomme has the raw power of the sDom under her command (even for what can be arguably seen as "slave-work", and whimsical desires), and as long as the contract is maintained, the sDom will do so willingly, and of his own desire. Possibly, the sDom may be much more powerful than the dDomme herself (using some power metric, etc.), even knowingly - and still agree to such a BDSM relationship, more like a willingly subjugated "soldier" than a slave.
This paragraph is more how I'd see it if I was the sDom (hence me choosing sDom and dDomme). The sDom would provide the dDomme his own dominant power, for a certain amount of time, according to a certain contract. Together with the usual tenets of a D/s relationship, he would do no complaining, no whimpering for release, no begging. Any physical punishments would be held stoically. Resilience, and raw power. The dDomme would of course be treated with the utmost respect (perhaps a different kind of respect than a traditional submissive). There may be some moments of slight insubordination (say, for example, the sDom decides to directly and bluntly criticise the dDomme on some topic); the dDomme is to deal with such incidents as she sees fit (noting that punishments may, should be stipulated in the contract, of course). Some particular ways of domination would be off-limits (attempts at humiliation and degradation, example) specially as the sDom may suddenly relinquish his submission if faced with non-satisfactory treatment.. Physical restraints wouldn't be of much interest - in this relationship, I would see serious, agreed-upon submission as much more enticing.
---
Now, I've written this here for a couple of reasons. I'd appreciate any comments from more (or even less) experienced persons about the whole shebang, really about anything that might provoke some reflection. I'd like to know if this is even possible (something tell me it is, though it seems particularly difficult). Or maybe this is common, and I just haven't seen it yet. I'd also like to know if anyone has gone through such a relationship, or if there are actually Dom/Dommes that have also though about something like this. Thank you!
(or PYL!!) and talking explicitly about expectations can be really arousing. And a great starting point for jumping in. That being said,there's something to be said for just jumping in and doing what you like.
