Sanctioned extra-marital fooling around?

txgent101 said:

A couple have invited me to be a regular sexual partner for the wife. Evidently he is unable to satisfy her. We have had a lunch meet and she is very desirable. They are a mature couple, don't seem to be flakes. They seem quite open about what is to happen. From what I can tell, he will not 'participate'.

I want to do this, but have lingering doubts. Latent morality, another man's wife, etc.

Not sure what I will be getting into. Feel if I pass it up, I will regret the lost opportunity.

Learned some good thoughts from this thread. What other questions should I be asking? Thanks.

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I'd suggest that in this situation it would help to remember that he doesn't 'own' his wife, and he seems pretty clear about that too.

17 years and 22 years

KimGordon67 said:

Thanks for this. It is difficult to explain that wanting to be with someone else isn't any sort of indictment on our relationship or my husband's sexual adequacy ... although, at the same time, 17 years is a LONG time to be faithful to one person, especially with my track record. It's an extremely complex situation to negotiate, in part because there's the sex stuff, and there's also the emotional stuff. All I can really do is keep reassuring him that I'm not going to leave him - if I'm forced to make a choice, I'm always going to choose him, BUT being put in that position could also make me so unhappy our marriage ends up disintegrating anyway. Or not ... so many unknowns. Sigh.

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Kim I empathize with your situation. I had two marriages, one 17 years, one 22 years, both ended in divorce. I am conscious that the sex had ended years prior to the divorces. And when you are 'going through the motions', it is probably better to end it. I think we kept it going for the usual reasons: the sake of the children and the social norms of our milieu. There were also religious connotations.

Whether the introduction of an ex parte sexual partner would have helped, I doubt. In the context of our place and time, that idea never crossed anyone's mind. It would have been considered taboo. Until the internet, that kind of idea was never imagined. But, if that solution turns out to work in your case, keep it going. Breaking up a marriage is a bitch.

KimGordon67 said:

I'd suggest that in this situation it would help to remember that he doesn't 'own' his wife, and he seems pretty clear about that too.

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Kim, from what I can tell, the man is quite willing for his wife to 'take a lover', he is even encouraging it. We now have a 'date' (I refer to it as a tryst) scheduled for Wednesday evening. I am looking forward to it, and will let you know how it turns out.

txgent101 said:

Kim I empathize with your situation. I had two marriages, one 17 years, one 22 years, both ended in divorce. I am conscious that the sex had ended years prior to the divorces. And when you are 'going through the motions', it is probably better to end it. I think we kept it going for the usual reasons: the sake of the children and the social norms of our milieu. There were also religious connotations.

Whether the introduction of an ex parte sexual partner would have helped, I doubt. In the context of our place and time, that idea never crossed anyone's mind. It would have been considered taboo. Until the internet, that kind of idea was never imagined. But, if that solution turns out to work in your case, keep it going. Breaking up a marriage is a bitch.

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I'm very much still happy with my husband, and he (mostly) is with me too. Obviously the sex isn't like it was at the beginning, but we do still have sex relatively regularly. (We didn't for a while, but the fact that me starting up with the virtual fooling around was what started up the marital sex again sort of solidifies the fact that I'm not really monogamous - it's like I need a bit of variety or something to maintain interest in the long-term sexual relationship.) We have talked about the possibility of breaking up, but at the end of the day it's not what either of us want - we're best mates, and a really good little unit.

KimGordon67 said:

I'm very much still happy with my husband, and he (mostly) is with me too. Obviously the sex isn't like it was at the beginning, but we do still have sex relatively regularly. (We didn't for a while, but the fact that me starting up with the virtual fooling around was what started up the marital sex again sort of solidifies the fact that I'm not really monogamous - it's like I need a bit of variety or something to maintain interest in the long-term sexual relationship.) We have talked about the possibility of breaking up, but at the end of the day it's not what either of us want - we're best mates, and a really good little unit.

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That sounds wonderful Kim. You may have hit on the best of both worlds, so to speak. Keep it going!

KimGordon67 said:

So things have been up and down and up again ... I guess inevitably the situation involves some glitches, and probably more 'serious talks' than I'd really want. It's seemed a couple of times like the whole extra-marital thing would need to stop, but after a LOT of talking my husband is gradually getting to grips with the idea. I'm not sure he's entirely there yet. We have some interesting conversations where I'm trying to get him to get to the crux of what the actual problem is for him ... he made an interesting (and somewhat embarrassed) revelation the other day that he feels like he's losing some sort of 'ownership' of me. That was actually really useful, because once we'd got that out into the open, I could be pretty clear that (a) he doesn't 'own' me (he really knows that already, but obviously there's a difference between knowing something and the residual feelings that you get when confronted with an actual situation); and (b) that if I'm in a situation where I literally have a viable alternative, and I still want to be with him, that he's still the most important person in my life, then really that should be MORE reassuring, not less.

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I'm curious, how much time did the two of you spend exploring his use of the term "ownership"? This post, and others in this thread where you bristle at the word "sharing", gives the impression that you may have pounced on that term like a hungry cat on a mouse. These words can be troublesome to be sure, but it's because it's really hard to come up with more accurate vocabulary. I've had much deeper communication with my wife when I try to stifle my reflex reactions to certain words, and actively explore the feelings behind her words.

Did the two of you expect and commit to exclusivity to each other when you got married?

Obviously, nobody owns anyone else, married or not. But when I married my wife, we both entered into a contract of a strictly monogamous relationship. It's not ownership, but it's a contract with exclusivity. That contract, like any contract, may be broken by either party willing to suffer the consequences (acrimony, divorce, split family and friends, etc). Or it may be renegotiated at any time with the consent of both parties. It sounds as if your husband might have reluctantly agreed to the terms of a renegotiated contract out of fear of losing you.

I am kind of like you in that I would like new terms after 25 years of marriage. My wife, maybe not so much. But all of my actions and conversations are centered around a new deal that we can both really be happy with, and it's taking years to get there. It's impossible for any of us to say for sure, because we haven't heard from him, but it sounds to me like your husband is enduring a situation he really doesn't want. And he's doing it for you. In which case, he's suffering while you get the best of both worlds. That's not a situation conducive to long term happiness and success in a marriage.

justherhusband said:

I'm curious, how much time did the two of you spend exploring his use of the term "ownership"? This post, and others in this thread where you bristle at the word "sharing", gives the impression that you may have pounced on that term like a hungry cat on a mouse. These words can be troublesome to be sure, but it's because it's really hard to come up with more accurate vocabulary. I've had much deeper communication with my wife when I try to stifle my reflex reactions to certain words, and actively explore the feelings behind her words.

Did the two of you expect and commit to exclusivity to each other when you got married?

Obviously, nobody owns anyone else, married or not. But when I married my wife, we both entered into a contract of a strictly monogamous relationship. It's not ownership, but it's a contract with exclusivity. That contract, like any contract, may be broken by either party willing to suffer the consequences (acrimony, divorce, split family and friends, etc). Or it may be renegotiated at any time with the consent of both parties. It sounds as if your husband might have reluctantly agreed to the terms of a renegotiated contract out of fear of losing you.

I am kind of like you in that I would like new terms after 25 years of marriage. My wife, maybe not so much. But all of my actions and conversations are centered around a new deal that we can both really be happy with, and it's taking years to get there. It's impossible for any of us to say for sure, because we haven't heard from him, but it sounds to me like your husband is enduring a situation he really doesn't want. And he's doing it for you. In which case, he's suffering while you get the best of both worlds. That's not a situation conducive to long term happiness and success in a marriage.

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I understand where you're coming from, but I think that the image you have of me as having little care for my husband's feelings is a little mistaken. It was HIM who was embarrassed at the notion of 'ownership' - I simply pointed out (as he already knew) that we're in our marriage because we love each other, not because either of us 'owns' the other. And I think I made fairly clear at the beginning of the thread that our marriage vows pretty consciously excluded any mention of 'forsaking all others' or 'until death do us part'. I promised to love him forever, and that's a promise I'm comfortable with, no matter what happens. And the situation involves compromise on both our parts - I would actually prefer things to be quite different to how they are, but my specific preferences don't sit well with my husband, so that's NOT how things are. Really, I could have just had affairs and lied to him (which, let's be realistic, is what most people do who want for something beyond their marriages), but I found that the reality of doing that just wasn't tenable because I care too much for him. The absolute bottom line is that if he tells me to finish things with my boyfriend, I will. In fact, he did that, and I did finish it ... but then he recanted. And finally, he has no 'fear of losing me'. We're both pretty clear in that the idea of being single doesn't resemble Dante's inferno for either of us - if the marriage ceases to work, we just walk away.

Being non-monogamous if your primary relationship is with a monogamous person is difficult. But a great deal of that difficulty is a result of social norms - I'm not saying that the feelings created by social norms aren't real. My husband's feelings about the situation are real, and we need to work through that. And we may not manage that - the end result may be that I have to give up my other relationship in the interests of caring for a person that I really love.

I think the end point of what I'm trying to say is that my husband and I aren't together because of social norms or pre-existing contracts. We're together because we love each other, and because our relationship is greater than the sum of the individual parts. Maintaining that might require altering the original form of the relationship, but that doesn't make the relationship any 'less' - it's just a different shape. But trust me, my husband is not a person to 'endure a situation' and 'suffer' in silence. If the situation was untenable for him, he'd either tell me to change it, or walk away. He doesn't need me.

KimGordon67 said:

Thanks for this. It is difficult to explain that wanting to be with someone else isn't any sort of indictment on our relationship or my husband's sexual adequacy ... although, at the same time, 17 years is a LONG time to be faithful to one person, especially with my track record. It's an extremely complex situation to negotiate, in part because there's the sex stuff, and there's also the emotional stuff. All I can really do is keep reassuring him that I'm not going to leave him - if I'm forced to make a choice, I'm always going to choose him, BUT being put in that position could also make me so unhappy our marriage ends up disintegrating anyway. Or not ... so many unknowns. Sigh.

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Personally I never felt any sense of "owning" my wife but I imagine lots of men do.

The bigger issue was one of trust. I think of conventional monogamous marriage as being fairly dependent upon a set of rules. It is much easier to trust someone to conform to a set of rules than to trust their judgment in the absence of rules.

I have known a lot of people that I consider trustworthy in that they wouldn't violate a known rule but who have bad judgment or are willing to make excuses for bad behaviour. It may even be coming from a good place. I long time ago I was in an exclusive relationship with a woman who constantly turned herself inside out to please others. A wonderful trait right? But she lacked the capacity to say no, got taken advantage of regularly and gave her time and energy to whomever demanded it the most. As a result she frequently neglected those most important to her.

For me to accept an open relationship dynamic with my wife I needed to know that she was in control and not given to self-delusion. She owns her actions, is never dismissive of my concerns and does not submit to the opinions of others (including the women most close to her). It takes a tremendous amount of trust to know that you are not being taken for a fool. And to build that trust I need to always be able to hear the truth including the parts that might hurt. For me, the slightest prevarication or obfuscation - even if well intended - undermines that trust.

The first step was to understand and accept the truth about our perspectives on sex and relationships. Feelings aren't negotiable and understanding her's and seeing her understand them was more important to me than assurances. Only then could we consider how to deal with those perspective.

As it happens I am drawn to female sexuality and don't expect desire or experience to be exclusive. As long as I am an integral part of her life, including her sex life, I found it comforting that she had multiple lovers. I suppose it mitigated a "him vs me" dynamic and made it more about sex and variety.

txgent101 said:

A couple have invited me to be a regular sexual partner for the wife. Evidently he is unable to satisfy her. We have had a lunch meet and she is very desirable. They are a mature couple, don't seem to be flakes. They seem quite open about what is to happen. From what I can tell, he will not 'participate'.

I want to do this, but have lingering doubts. Latent morality, another man's wife, etc.

Not sure what I will be getting into. Feel if I pass it up, I will regret the lost opportunity.

Learned some good thoughts from this thread. What other questions should I be asking? Thanks.

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Random thoughts

- Ask how he feels about it and how the circumstance came about? Nothing heavy or judgmental but as a means of getting to know them.

- Is this really for her or him? There is no right answer.

- Be clear on your connection with her. I think it is positive and respectful that she have a rapport with you . Even a casual relationship is a relationship. If you are just the stunt cock that is more limiting and may not leave her with positive feelings.

- See how they feel about you being intimate with her - kissing, touching and making a connection before the clothes come off. You will see how both respond to even the premise. Does she want to feel desired or simply fucked? Again no right answer.

- Maybe indicate your own concern of not wanting to be disruptive to their marriage and suggest that a slow approach to intimacy will help everyone understand how they feel. Some want it to be just sex, but if either is afraid that a passionate kiss is going to lead to too much emotional attachment that is pretty one dimensional and they may not be ready.

- Demonstrate your desires for her overtly as part of any "warm-up" intimacy. I don't mean be creepy, but yes if you want me to fuck your wife I am not simply an actor. I am going to kiss her and grab her ass and tell her why I want to fuck her. Again if they can't deal with that then they are fooling themselves that they are going to be ok with putting your dick in her.

- Ask if there are any specific acts that they view as off-limits and if possible do so separately.

- In fact, a more detail discussion separately is a good idea.

- Ask about safe sex considerations.

SlutAddicted said:

Random thoughts

- Ask how he feels about it and how the circumstance came about? Nothing heavy or judgmental but as a means of getting to know them.

- Is this really for her or him? There is no right answer.

- Be clear on your connection with her. I think it is positive and respectful that she have a rapport with you . Even a casual relationship is a relationship. If you are just the stunt cock that is more limiting and may not leave her with positive feelings.

- See how they feel about you being intimate with her - kissing, touching and making a connection before the clothes come off. You will see how both respond to even the premise. Does she want to feel desired or simply fucked? Again no right answer.

- Maybe indicate your own concern of not wanting to be disruptive to their marriage and suggest that a slow approach to intimacy will help everyone understand how they feel. Some want it to be just sex, but if either is afraid that a passionate kiss is going to lead to too much emotional attachment that is pretty one dimensional and they may not be ready.

- Demonstrate your desires for her overtly as part of any "warm-up" intimacy. I don't mean be creepy, but yes if you want me to fuck your wife I am not simply an actor. I am going to kiss her and grab her ass and tell her why I want to fuck her. Again if they can't deal with that then they are fooling themselves that they are going to be ok with putting your dick in her.

- Ask if there are any specific acts that they view as off-limits and if possible do so separately.

- In fact, a more detail discussion separately is a good idea.

- Ask about safe sex considerations.

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S.A., thanks so much for your helpful thoughts. I should say that all of our previous communication had been through the husband. He described himself as a buffer between her and her sexual partners. My impression is that there have been very few; they are very selective. So, there was no doubt about was to take place. As far as I could tell, this was strictly for her, with him just wanting her to have a good sexual experience.

We had the first encounter last evening. The three of us had a bit of social conversation in their living room to start with. Yes, it was at their house. During that time, I reseated myself to be next to the lady, and stroked her legs (she wore shorts) and kissed her hands. I thought that was about enough during a first ‘warm-up’. And after about 20 minutes, I took her hand and said let’s adjourn for our tryst. Which we did and had.

There was really no hesitation or embarrassment about it, the man watched TV somewhere while she and I were together. He was quite matter of fact about it as far as I could tell.

She (and I) were fairly uninhibited and naked in the bedroom. Lots of mouth to mouth kissing, caressing her breasts, kissed her whole body, gave her extensive oral. And then she returned the oral favor. In a way, it was quite ‘normal’ and neither of us pushed to anything that might have been off-limits.

I think the intercourse, per se, was a little clumsy and a bit rushed, but this was our first time. I learned a lot about her likes and preferences, and she mine, I think.

Later in the evening, she said (privately) that the husband was suffering from a form of lupus and has health problems. I surmised that his problems interfered with their sex life, but I did not probe more deeply.

When we finished in the bedroom, we rejoined her husband in the living room and talked some more (as if nothing untoward had happened). I did not develop any proprietary feelings for her, and I don’t think she did toward me. She and he seemed well grounded in their marriage. Although there was a free and open passion to it when she and I were together privately, at the end we parted as just a guy who had visited some friends. They gave me directions on how to drive out their subdivision, etc.

On the whole it was fine, and I indicated my desire to repeat I have not had a signal back from them if she wants to continue or not. I think she did enjoy the tryst as did I.

So, we shall see.

txgent101 said:

S.A., thanks so much for your helpful thoughts. I should say that all of our previous communication had been through the husband. He described himself as a buffer between her and her sexual partners. My impression is that there have been very few; they are very selective. So, there was no doubt about was to take place. As far as I could tell, this was strictly for her, with him just wanting her to have a good sexual experience.

We had the first encounter last evening. The three of us had a bit of social conversation in their living room to start with. Yes, it was at their house. During that time, I reseated myself to be next to the lady, and stroked her legs (she wore shorts) and kissed her hands. I thought that was about enough during a first ‘warm-up’. And after about 20 minutes, I took her hand and said let’s adjourn for our tryst. Which we did and had.

There was really no hesitation or embarrassment about it, the man watched TV somewhere while she and I were together. He was quite matter of fact about it as far as I could tell.

She (and I) were fairly uninhibited and naked in the bedroom. Lots of mouth to mouth kissing, caressing her breasts, kissed her whole body, gave her extensive oral. And then she returned the oral favor. In a way, it was quite ‘normal’ and neither of us pushed to anything that might have been off-limits.

I think the intercourse, per se, was a little clumsy and a bit rushed, but this was our first time. I learned a lot about her likes and preferences, and she mine, I think.

Later in the evening, she said (privately) that the husband was suffering from a form of lupus and has health problems. I surmised that his problems interfered with their sex life, but I did not probe more deeply.

When we finished in the bedroom, we rejoined her husband in the living room and talked some more (as if nothing untoward had happened). I did not develop any proprietary feelings for her, and I don’t think she did toward me. She and he seemed well grounded in their marriage. Although there was a free and open passion to it when she and I were together privately, at the end we parted as just a guy who had visited some friends. They gave me directions on how to drive out their subdivision, etc.

On the whole it was fine, and I indicated my desire to repeat I have not had a signal back from them if she wants to continue or not. I think she did enjoy the tryst as did I.

So, we shall see.

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So ... wow. I would find having sex with someone while their spouse were in house watching TV, or alternatively while MY spouse were in the house watching TV a little off-putting. Good on you for being OK with that!

On the basis of your question and follow on extended dialogue, it sounds like you are both ok with the idea and has helped in at least your sexual activities ... I think it's a good thing for you and hope you enjoy yourself

KimGordon67 said:

So ... wow. I would find having sex with someone while their spouse were in house watching TV, or alternatively while MY spouse were in the house watching TV a little off-putting. Good on you for being OK with that!

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Yes, I'd find that difficult. The closest I came to it in recent times was spending a couple of nights in my girlfriend's marital bed while her husband was away. Even that felt just a tad awkward.

Green_Knight said:

Yes, I'd find that difficult. The closest I came to it in recent times was spending a couple of nights in my girlfriend's marital bed while her husband was away. Even that felt just a tad awkward.

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I have a friend who'd have her lover in her bed while her partner was at work ... I don't think I'd like that either. I'm lucky in that my BF lives a good five hours away from my family home. I have an 'in between' home, and my husband has said that he won't even come and stay there if the BF ends up spending nights there at all.

KimGordon67 said:

I have a friend who'd have her lover in her bed while her partner was at work ... I don't think I'd like that either. I'm lucky in that my BF lives a good five hours away from my family home. I have an 'in between' home, and my husband has said that he won't even come and stay there if the BF ends up spending nights there at all.

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Completely neutral territory has a lot going for it.

I can understand why, in txgent's case, the husband would want to be around, though. After all, they didn't really know him that well. But I do think that might put me off my stroke, as it were.

Green_Knight said:

Completely neutral territory has a lot going for it.

I can understand why in txgent's case, the husband would want to be around. After all, they didn't really know him that well. But I do think that might put me off my stroke, as it were.

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I take your point ... but couldn't they have sussed him out (is that phrase in the US?) and then he could have gone for a beer or something? The vast majority of people aren't actually conniving serial killers who set up extra-marital liaisons in order to add more notches to their serial killer belt.

KimGordon67 said:

I take your point ... but couldn't they have sussed him out (is that phrase in the US?) and then he could have gone for a beer or something? The vast majority of people aren't actually conniving serial killers who set up extra-marital liaisons in order to add more notches to their serial killer belt.

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Sorry, no idea if the Americans use the term 'sussed' but, yes, I'm rather surprised they didn't check txgent out more thoroughly in the first place so that he and wife could have a bit of privacy. To be honest, if I was in that situation, if we couldn't go off to a hotel, I think I'd rather have had him in the room watching than downstairs watching the TV. Maybe it was a good programme, though.

KimGordon67 said:

So ... wow. I would find having sex with someone while their spouse were in house watching TV, or alternatively while MY spouse were in the house watching TV a little off-putting. Good on you for being OK with that!

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Kim, for me, I was sort of conscious of him being elsewhere in the house, but I more or less put it out of my mind while I was actively engaged with her. Him being in the house was part of the deal from the beginning.

Re: 'them sussing me out' -- Our communication (via the husband) ahead of time took place over about a month. He and I had several I.M. chats via the dating web site, and lots of questions asked, information given, etc. So, to some extent I was checked out ahead of time. We had also exchanged phone numbers and had some interaction that way.

Followup: They (husband) have indicated that she is also wanting to continue as I am.

txgent101 said:

Followup: They (husband) have indicated that she is also wanting to continue as I am.

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That's good news! Hopefully, with 'first night nerves' out of the way, next time will be more relaxed. Enjoy! It sounds like a great situation to me - win, win, win.

Green_Knight said:

Sorry, no idea if the Americans use the term 'sussed' but, yes, I'm rather surprised they didn't check txgent out more thoroughly in the first place so that he and wife could have a bit of privacy. To be honest, if I was in that situation, if we couldn't go off to a hotel, I think I'd rather have had him in the room watching than downstairs watching the TV. Maybe it was a good programme, though.

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The 'in the same room' option was actually my thought as well.

Although I love a good hotel ...

Hi Kim

Good luck in your journey. We have had a similar one, being together and monogomous for 22 years before embarking on our journey to non-monogamy via the swinging route. Initially we were probably looking for the variety of different partners and new experiences, which we had in spades. We met quite a few frogs and some princes/princesses. We encountered situations we didn't expect, and worked through this by solid communication. After a year of this we ended up settling into a very different relationship with another couple and ended up pretty monogomish /exclusive relationship with them over the last 2 years. It wasn't planned or stipulated but ended up that way. It's a great friendship, with hopefully many more years to come.

As a couple the whole non-monogamy progression has been really good for our relationship, and made the communication aspect so much stronger, as we have had to negociate/work through situations we never planned, even now. We have always been very close, and feel even more connected now.

We still encounter feelings that surprise us, which we work through. As with most relationships with busy lives and kids there are the inevitable "ebbs and flows". We find our issues normally occur at these low points, but find that by talking it through we are able to work through them and come out stronger.

Hope your journey keeps going.

V

Wildecouple said:

Hi Kim

Good luck in your journey. We have had a similar one, being together and monogomous for 22 years before embarking on our journey to non-monogamy via the swinging route. Initially we were probably looking for the variety of different partners and new experiences, which we had in spades. We met quite a few frogs and some princes/princesses. We encountered situations we didn't expect, and worked through this by solid communication. After a year of this we ended up settling into a very different relationship with another couple and ended up pretty monogomish /exclusive relationship with them over the last 2 years. It wasn't planned or stipulated but ended up that way. It's a great friendship, with hopefully many more years to come.

As a couple the whole non-monogamy progression has been really good for our relationship, and made the communication aspect so much stronger, as we have had to negociate/work through situations we never planned, even now. We have always been very close, and feel even more connected now.

We still encounter feelings that surprise us, which we work through. As with most relationships with busy lives and kids there are the inevitable "ebbs and flows". We find our issues normally occur at these low points, but find that by talking it through we are able to work through them and come out stronger.

Hope your journey keeps going.

V

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Thanks V ... it's an interesting situation, that's for sure. I think that fact that my husband is very much monogamous (or at least, that's the current situation) makes it a little tricky, because it does make difficult for him to not interpret my actions as suggesting he's lacking in some way. We tried using the inevitable cake/ice cream analogies for a while, but in yesterdays discussion I hit on music ... I adore Nick Cave and will buy every single album he ever makes and see every show he ever does for eternity (unless he goes off in some weird direction that I just can't understand); PJ Harvey I like alot, and I'd probably go and see her play live most times she plays here, and maybe buy every second album or so, because she does something that Nick Cave doesn't, which I enjoy too, but her music isn't as all-encompassing as Nick Cave's music is for me. (Substitute 'Springsteen' and 'The Eagles' or whatever works for you in this analogy.) I think this works a little better, because musicians are a little more complex than cake, and their work changes over time.

Music is a great analogy. I guess in our case we both generally (not always though) go to the same concert which probably makes things a bit simpler, as every one of the 4 of us are involved in one way or another.

Wildecouple said:

Music is a great analogy. I guess in our case we both generally (not always though) go to the same concert which probably makes things a bit simpler, as every one of the 4 of us are involved in one way or another.

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I think it definitely makes things simpler. Dealing with the jealousy of someone you really care about is difficult.

Kim, is it going well for you?

KimGordon67 said:

I think it definitely makes things simpler. Dealing with the jealousy of someone you really care about is difficult.

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It's been a couple of weeks since you last posted about your extra-marital adventure. Still going well?

In my case, although the couple had indicated that she wanted to continue, there has not been a follow-up since she and I were together for that first time on 11/9. It feels like they (she) is pulling back. I am a little unsure of how firmly to press my desire for continuing, so as not to upset the apple cart. I do send them occasional messages confirming my interest.

Anyway, just wanted to see if it is all going well for you.