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Cheating

policywank

policywank

Literotica Guru
Joined
Aug 21, 2007
Posts
2,775
Would you have sex with a married stranger?

Does it matter to you why they are cheating?

Is it more acceptable if they make the first move?

Does the fact that someone is married impact your willingness to hit on them?

Do you feel better about it if you think you are fulfilling their unmet need rather than simply because they are promiscuous?

If your spouse cheats on you do you blame them 100% or do you attribute some blame to the other party?
 
policywank said:
Would you have sex with a married stranger?

Does it matter to you why they are cheating?

Is it more acceptable if they make the first move?

Does the fact that someone is married impact your willingness to hit on them?

Do you feel better about it if you think you are fulfilling their unmet need rather than simply because they are promiscuous?

If your spouse cheats on you do you blame them 100% or do you attribute some blame to the other party?
Click to expand...
1. yes
2. no
3. yes
4. yes
5. yes & no
6. the blame is on me
 
policywank said:
Would you have sex with a married stranger? Yes

Does it matter to you why they are cheating? No

Is it more acceptable if they make the first move? Same

Does the fact that someone is married impact your willingness to hit on them? Yes

Do you feel better about it if you think you are fulfilling their unmet need rather than simply because they are promiscuous? Doesn't matter why.

If your spouse cheats on you do you blame them 100% or do you attribute some blame to the other party? Don't blame anyone.
Click to expand...

Answered above
 
Are fingers cheating?
After a night of drinking at a buddies house, he passed out, so I jumped in the hot tub.
His girlfriend came out, got naked and jumped in. After a few minutes, she started to masturbate to the jets in the tub. I wasn't sure what to do, so I grabbed hold of my cock and began to stroke it. As she continued, I moved over to her and started to rub her pussy. Before I knew it, I had two fingers in the pink and one in the stink. She got off, and that was it. Never came up again after that.
I felt guilty about cheating, and that it was my friend. I think I only did it because I knew they were into threesomes, and liked crazy sex.
 
policywank said:
Would you have sex with a married stranger?

Does it matter to you why they are cheating?

Is it more acceptable if they make the first move?

Does the fact that someone is married impact your willingness to hit on them?

Do you feel better about it if you think you are fulfilling their unmet need rather than simply because they are promiscuous?

If your spouse cheats on you do you blame them 100% or do you attribute some blame to the other party?
Click to expand...

When I was single, sleeping with married men was fun and exciting. I didn't get involved in the reasons why, I never made the first move but I wasn't all sweet and innocent. If I get cheated on, it would be because I wasn't fulfilling my partners needs. Blame 100% on me. But that also works the other way around.
 
To the OP

Many people, whether married or in a relationship cheat. It's never really "right" no matter who initiates it, However, it is also a fact of life. Depending on what statistics you read, somewhere around 30-50% of men AND women cheat at some point in their life. Many times, the cheated-on partner never finds out. Sometimes they do as when my wife was told about me by a crazy girlfriend. It always causes hurt. Sometimes it can be worked out. Cheating with a "stranger" only increases other types of risk. I'm not trying to be part of the "morals police" God knows I'm not qualified and I'm not going to be accepted as a member. However, asking about cheating makes it sound like you're either asking for justification or trying to rationalize a past event. Not going to happen. Make the best of it but don't try to tell yourself or anybody else that it's the right thing to do,
 
Stockings66 said:
Are fingers cheating?
After a night of drinking at a buddies house, he passed out, so I jumped in the hot tub.
His girlfriend came out, got naked and jumped in. After a few minutes, she started to masturbate to the jets in the tub. I wasn't sure what to do, so I grabbed hold of my cock and began to stroke it. As she continued, I moved over to her and started to rub her pussy. Before I knew it, I had two fingers in the pink and one in the stink. She got off, and that was it. Never came up again after that.
I felt guilty about cheating, and that it was my friend. I think I only did it because I knew they were into threesomes, and liked crazy sex.
Click to expand...

Absolutely not cheating
 
Ok~this is what I have to say about cheating: Cheating happens for a reason and that reason is always both personal and situational. For example: when I was pregnant with my middle spawn, I HATED my husband (ex now) and refused to even share a bed with him, much less let him fuck me!! Did he cheat?? Hell yes lol Did I like it?? Nope. Did I leave him?? Nope. Before you even say anything, I am not saying it was right or ok for him to lie to me (Hell at that point I would have given him a free pass just for being honest!!) but I am saying that my young familymeant far more to me than an indiscretion on his part. We fought~I screamed and cried and smashed his tv AND his truck.... But we managed for another 12 years and by the time we split~the kids were not ok with it, but at least capable of understanding it.... *phew!!* Long story not much shorter~in my opinion, it all depends on the situation and how much the relationship truly is worth to each of the involved people....Sorry for the ramble ;) ....Smoky in here lol
 
Oh yeah lol no WAY would I sleep with either a married man OR woman.... Unless it was with both at the same time.... Do NOT get me going on that subject!!!! :D
 
policywank said:
Would you have sex with a married stranger?
Click to expand...
Yes, and I have. They made the commitment not me.

policywank said:
Does it matter to you why they are cheating?
Click to expand...
Not really. The exception is that if they are doing it with the intent to hurt their partner I want no part of that crazy.
policywank said:
Is it more acceptable if they make the first move?
Click to expand...
Hmmm... I don't think it should be. It feels like it is though. Perhaps something to ponder.

policywank said:
Does the fact that someone is married impact your willingness to hit on them?
Click to expand...
Yes, it does. See above comment. I don't know that I have a rational reason for this. Of course if their partner is a friend, then they'd be off limits.

policywank said:
Do you feel better about it if you think you are fulfilling their unmet need rather than simply because they are promiscuous?
Click to expand...
No. I think regardless of their reason they need to confront that what they are doing is cheating, and it's on them to own that. Everything else is justifications.
policywank said:
If your spouse cheats on you do you blame them 100% or do you attribute some blame to the other party?
Click to expand...

I blame them 100%. I didn't make an agreement with a third party. I'm in a polyamorous relationship, but there are still boundaries.
 
thedarkestfairy said:
Ok~this is what I have to say about cheating: Cheating happens for a reason and that reason is always both personal and situational. For example: when I was pregnant with my middle spawn, I HATED my husband (ex now) and refused to even share a bed with him, much less let him fuck me!! Did he cheat?? Hell yes lol Did I like it?? Nope. Did I leave him?? Nope. Before you even say anything, I am not saying it was right or ok for him to lie to me (Hell at that point I would have given him a free pass just for being honest!!) but I am saying that my young familymeant far more to me than an indiscretion on his part. We fought~I screamed and cried and smashed his tv AND his truck.... But we managed for another 12 years and by the time we split~the kids were not ok with it, but at least capable of understanding it.... *phew!!* Long story not much shorter~in my opinion, it all depends on the situation and how much the relationship truly is worth to each of the involved people....Sorry for the ramble ;) ....Smoky in here lol
Click to expand...

Yes cheating is "situational" and there are many reasons why people justify it. Can it be a "good thing" if people have difficulty in one area or another? Can you find a "friend" who understands you and with whom you can have a good friendship and sexual involvement? I suppose in some ways and in some situations the answer can be "yes". However, it still doesn't make it right and if there is any way to "fix" a lagging marriage without resorting to cheating, I would say do anything and everything you can pro-actively rather than after the shit hits the fan and there is a lot of hurt and future mistrust. I/we spent a lot of time and money in counseling after the fact. It helped, but as I think back on it, we should have both done more before the fact.
 
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amofiga said:
Yes cheating is "situational" and there are many reasons why people justify it. Can it be a "good thing" if people have difficulty in one area or another? Can you find a "friend" who understands you and with whom you can have a good friendship and sexual involvement? I suppose in some ways and in some situations the answer can be "yes". However, it still doesn't make it right and if there is any way to "fix" a lagging marriage without resorting to cheating, I would say do anything and everything you can pro-actively rather than after the shit hits the fan and there is a lot of hurt and future mistrust. I/we spent a lot of time and money in counseling after the fact. It helped, but as I think back on it, we should have both done more before the face.
Click to expand...
Absolutely!! I don't cheat, nor do I advocate it....I hope that's not how that came off~I was simply using my own experience as an example of why, in my opinion, cheating does NOT have to destroy a relationship. I don't think it's ok~I think I even re~iterated that statement in my original answer. Maybe I wasn't clear~cheating is not ok lol but not something to sacrifice my family over!! So no~cheating can't be a good thing lol
 
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It makes a difference if they're happy

policywank said:
Would you have sex with a married stranger?

Does it matter to you why they are cheating?

Is it more acceptable if they make the first move?

?

Do you feel better about it if you think you are fulfilling their unmet need rather than simply because they are promiscuous?

If your spouse cheats on you do you blame them 100% or do you attribute some blame to the other party?
Click to expand...

I'm only responding to 2 parts of your question. "Does the fact that someone is married impact your willingness to hit on them?" A long term GF who married someone else. She wasn't happy. Both us regretted not getting together, and carried on a LT relationship behind the husbands back. A child interfered. Twice we got back together in later years for short periods.

Does it matter if it have beneficial result? A woman who was abused by husband. She left him and moved in with me. The husband had no sense of humor about it, and we had a few dust ups about it. She lasted 6 months. The dust ups lasted 2 yrs. He finally got himself arrested for murder. The guy just didn't know how to look on the fun side of life.
 
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Would you have sex with a married stranger? I did when I was young and single.
Does it matter to you why they are cheating? Nope
Is it more acceptable if they make the first move? He did.

Does the fact that someone is married impact your willingness to hit on them?
I flirt, but that's in good fun for all.

Do you feel better about it if you think you are fulfilling their unmet need rather than simply because they are promiscuous? Yes, that's why we were together back then.
If your spouse cheats on you do you blame them 100% or do you attribute some blame to the other party? Oh it'd be on them.
 
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Would you have sex with a married stranger?

No way.

Does it matter to you why they are cheating?

No.

Is it more acceptable if they make the first move?

Yes because I'm not going to hit on a married woman. If she makes an advance on me not knowing I'm uninterested, well, she didn't nkow.

Does the fact that someone is married impact your willingness to hit on them?

Yes. I will hit on someone who is unmarried instead.

Do you feel better about it if you think you are fulfilling their unmet need rather than simply because they are promiscuous?

No. That's just a rationalization.

If your spouse cheats on you do you blame them 100% or do you attribute some blame to the other party?

If she were to cheat, I walk. Someone else can divvy up the blame.

I know this all sounds ironclad, but that's how I am. Life is a lot smoother when one sticks to single people. There's simply too much drama with married women and I'm not that hard up for action. I acknowledge it can be "situational" as someone said but I still think it's a hornet's nest and choose to pass. BUT as I always say to each his own.
 
situational

I think the reasons for cheating are very much situational as one other person put it. And having cheated I would not hold myself above that temptation.

To be clear, I think of cheating as doing something your partner doesn't know about and which would hurt or offend them if they did know - in this case sex with other people. Open marriages and variations thereof are very complex and potentially dangerous but they don't involve intentionally lying.

If there is a "situation" in which someone is cheating on an ongoing basis obviously part of the "situation" is a problem marriage. Whether or not it can be solved and how long that will take is a matter for the couple. But only an asshole willfully cheats with every intention of continuing to do so and hiding behind the "what they don't know won't hurt them" argument. Having a paper thin argument as to why things will magically turn around without making any effort to make it happen is no better.

I can think of few greater offences than keeping someone in a partnership that you know they would want to exit if they knew the truth. It's like stealing time from them. I'd rather be hurt than waste my trust on someone who doesn't deserve it.
 
Thoughtful

policywank said:
I think the reasons for cheating are very much situational as one other person put it. And having cheated I would not hold myself above that temptation.

"I can think of few greater offences than keeping someone in a partnership that you know they would want to exit if they knew the truth. It's like stealing time from them. I'd rather be hurt than waste my trust on someone who doesn't deserve it."
Click to expand...

That was really a thoughtful and wise comment, policywank. One of the most thoughtful comments I've seen in a long time, and excellently phrased to catch the emotions as well as the mind. My hat's off to you.
 
Deleted. When I originally answered this question, I had been at the end of a 20 hour long day and was exhausted and missed the word "strangers" in the question. My answers were primarily about married women in general.
 
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policywank said:
Would you have sex with a married stranger?

Yes, and I have done so, more than once.

Does it matter to you why they are cheating?

No, their relationship is their own concern.

Is it more acceptable if they make the first move?

Doesn't matter. Takes two to tango, y'know.

Does the fact that someone is married impact your willingness to hit on them?

No, all that matters is their willingness to fuck.

Do you feel better about it if you think you are fulfilling their unmet need rather than simply because they are promiscuous?

Their motivations are their own. Not my concern.

If your spouse cheats on you do you blame them 100% or do you attribute some blame to the other party?

The other party is only to blame if they've been coercive.
Click to expand...

About that last answer: Free will requires us to take personal responsibility for our actions. My first spouse and I let our marriage quickly fall apart; we didn't 'cheat', we just knowingly fucked around, with no illusions as to what the other was doing. No secrets there. My current spouse and I don't fuck around, for reasons that are nobody's concern but ours. Were either of us to 'cheat', we would be individually responsible, with nobody else to blame.

As with everything involving human sexuality, 'cheating' is non-simple, non-trivial, almost infinitely complex. See my WHAT IS CHEATING essay. Further discussion is welcome.
 
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policywank said:
Would you have sex with a married stranger?
Yes​

Does it matter to you why they are cheating? yes

Is it more acceptable if they make the first move? Not in the slightest

Does the fact that someone is married impact your willingness to hit on them? Not really

Do you feel better about it if you think you are fulfilling their unmet need rather than simply because they are promiscuous? Yes

If your spouse cheats on you do you blame them 100% or do you attribute some blame to the other party? It is ALWAYS the cheater's choice to make.
Click to expand...

Answered above.
 
policywank said:
Would you have sex with a married stranger?

Does it matter to you why they are cheating?

Is it more acceptable if they make the first move?

Does the fact that someone is married impact your willingness to hit on them?

Do you feel better about it if you think you are fulfilling their unmet need rather than simply because they are promiscuous?

If your spouse cheats on you do you blame them 100% or do you attribute some blame to the other party?
Click to expand...

I have and would again. prefer my "extras" to be married.

Not in the least, they make their decision.

Neither more or less acceptable.

Makes them more desirable to me.

A fuck is a fuck, no need to go all intellectual about it.

People who cheat make their own decision, they are accountable for consequences arising from them. And I include myself in that.
 
I have had sex with a married person. I didn't know she was but when I found out it didn't stop me either. She called me again a few times and we continued. She wasn't happy, but I didn't care what the reasons were. I just wanted to know so we could be careful. For me sneaking around and risk taking was all part of the fun when I was young.
 
situational YES... bad NO

Hey some times it's fatal attraction and nothing bad about it. If one knows no good is gonna come out of confess... Then y burn the last ray of hope to set things right again...

policywank said:
I think the reasons for cheating are very much situational as one other person put it. And having cheated I would not hold myself above that temptation.

To be clear, I think of cheating as doing something your partner doesn't know about and which would hurt or offend them if they did know - in this case sex with other people. Open marriages and variations thereof are very complex and potentially dangerous but they don't involve intentionally lying.

If there is a "situation" in which someone is cheating on an ongoing basis obviously part of the "situation" is a problem marriage. Whether or not it can be solved and how long that will take is a matter for the couple. But only an asshole willfully cheats with every intention of continuing to do so and hiding behind the "what they don't know won't hurt them" argument. Having a paper thin argument as to why things will magically turn around without making any effort to make it happen is no better.

I can think of few greater offences than keeping someone in a partnership that you know they would want to exit if they knew the truth. It's like stealing time from them. I'd rather be hurt than waste my trust on someone who doesn't deserve it.
Click to expand...
 
Would you have sex with a married stranger?

No.

Does it matter to you why they are cheating?

No.

Is it more acceptable if they make the first move?

No.

Does the fact that someone is married impact your willingness to hit on them?

Yes.

Do you feel better about it if you think you are fulfilling their unmet need rather than simply because they are promiscuous?

No.

If your spouse cheats on you do you blame them 100% or do you attribute some blame to the other party?

100% blame for the act of cheating goes on the cheater IMO.

I'll add that it's not some moral stand I'm taking against cheating - it happens - but I don't have to be a part of it. I have options and prefer to get sex from single women.
 
I'm not cheating, so I'm not hypocritical if I insist they're not cheating

I see MagicalMoments resurrected this old thread. I guess I'll add my answers but all are based on the altered thread premise I gave in the title. I will NOT get involved in someone's problems or be the cause of them.

Would you have sex with a married stranger?
Most of my partners are married but all that are need to be swingers or have open relationships with full knowledge of their SO.

Does it matter to you why they are cheating?
Yes. If they are cheating, I won't begin. If I ever get fooled, it ends when I find out.

Is it more acceptable if they make the first move?
No. It's started both ways.

Does the fact that someone is married impact your willingness to hit on them?
Doesn't apply because of my conditional involvement.

Do you feel better about it if you think you are fulfilling their unmet need rather than simply because they are promiscuous?
There is always some need we are both fulfilling, but unmet? No, other than providing experience that my youngest lover is after, I feel better for satisfying my pleasure needs.

If your spouse cheats on you do you blame them 100% or do you attribute some blame to the other party?
He can't cheat if he has my permission to swing. I know all his lovers. After all our time together, I believe he never had or will have a cheating desire.
Click to expand...
 
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