New here ! Long time lurker

I am a 48 year old submissive sensualist. I have recently met a new lover . He is much older, hot. Like seriously sexy. However, he is not BDSM lifestyle. I’m normally submissive, but seriously am tempted to tie him up. I did ask him, if he had ever been bound. He answered he never has, but sounded fun. So now I sit here for 4 days making super slutty plans for him. My brain, as sensualist, keeps going way over top. I was going to bind his hands behind him in a chair (him undressed of course ). Perform a striptease to lingerie only . Blindfold him . Loads of filthy talk . Beats wireless in his ears. Walk around him a bit, barely touching him. Stop, mix myself a drink . Ice play, while sitting on his lap. Massage his chest with warm oil, climb into lap rubbing my tits all over his chest and mouth. Give him a nice leg message with hands , then rub my body on his legs. I am stuck here. I would like to remove blindfold from him at some point and have him watch me masturbate.

My BIG question. Is this blowing all my wad in one scene? Should I break this up? Never serviced or been dominate before, but I can’t get this scene out of my head....

Thank you!

I'm not of the dominant persuasion... But I can take some life lessons from my profession and apply them. It might be wise to have the general outline but not be so specific. Ex: if you want to do temperature sensation play you might test it out BEFORE binding him. That way you know it's a general plus. Binding tends to amplify so you want to be sure he is into it before you add the amplificatolion. Sensory depravation of blindfold amps it up higher.
I'd also have 4-5 options on the table and go in the direction he seems most into. Ex: not just temp sensory play...what if he isn't into it. Then you're up a creek without a paddle. Try some other things too... If you need ideas let me know. Sensory play is a big yes in my book. But, my word of caution...don't try any pain play on his first go. If he isn't into it, it'll kill the whole thing.

As for the strip tease lap dance bit. Can't go wrong there. ...if it is his first time I suggest: start it without bound. Tell him no hands. When he tries to touch. Bind one hand. If he tries again then the other. Etc. That way you've incorporated it and it was done as part of the seduction not separate apart from it.

Thank you

Thank you so much for the suggestion! They were fantastic! Yes, agreed, other ideas on table to ensure no failure. Appreciating all Dominates now, for amount of energy and psychology required to delicately plan.y

I agree with Angedesoleil on this, you can have fun but also take it slow. I wouldn't so much worry about blowing your wad early as much as making sure he doesn't get overloaded all at once. I also agree on not going straight to full on tied up as it does amplify, well, everything. Same with blindfolding, it sets the rest of your body into overdrive, it can be fun but you have to be careful with how you do things once your partner is blindfolded. An icecube for example can feel like a lightning bolt if you are depraved of sight for a while.

rebel836 said:

I agree with Angedesoleil on this, you can have fun but also take it slow. I wouldn't so much worry about blowing your wad early as much as making sure he doesn't get overloaded all at once. I also agree on not going straight to full on tied up as it does amplify, well, everything. Same with blindfolding, it sets the rest of your body into overdrive, it can be fun but you have to be careful with how you do things once your partner is blindfolded. An icecube for example can feel like a lightning bolt if you are depraved of sight for a while.

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Thank you for sound advice. I tend to forget “normal people”. We have discussed scenario, he is trusting me, excited and ok. And safety discussed.

Me a submissive sensualist wanting to do all things at once! Yes! Bring it. I forget not everyone can drop and enjoy. Shame on me.

I would benefit from a fantastic Dominant to keep me in check.

My suggestion is to just drop the labels and have fucking fun...

Dribble said:

My suggestion is to just drop the labels and have fucking fun...

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I tend to agree I can be over zealous, don’t want to terrify him or give him a heart attack. One foot on gas, one on brake.

I just think sensory deprivation Yeeesssss. In good news, he is either interested, or entertains me. All is good.

Will update Friday or Saturday !

It sounds as though you've talked through quite a bit with him as it is, which is good. Trust and communication are the foundation of any relationship, especially when it comes to D/s or BDSM in general. Surprises are nice but you're intelligent enough to know when something might warrant a discussion. As long as you keep each other in the loop then I don't really see anything going wrong. Like Dribble said, just have fun. If you are having fun then he will to, just don't start wailing on him with a crop or something

It was a fun day. He had a good time, I was confident but sweet. However, I’m afraid it’s not my deal. As a submissive person, it just required my brain to over activate, think too hard. I enjoy sex as a submissive and I enjoy subspace.

So fun, would I seek this? No. Sadly I don’t think this parter will last long for me. I am requiring a dominant . It is what it is.

Being what sounds to be a new-ish relationship, have you tested the waters to see if he is interested in the more dominant side? When you asked if he had been/wanted to be tied, did you put the option of him tying you out there?

Aw honey. *all the support* I'm sorry it didn't pan out as you'd hoped. Glad it was a good memory though.

Emmcee20 said:

Being what sounds to be a new-ish relationship, have you tested the waters to see if he is interested in the more dominant side? When you asked if he had been/wanted to be tied, did you put the option of him tying you out there?

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Yeah I gave huge solid hints.

I think when males are sought for potential sexual partners by females who express interest in BDSM , some uneducated people either think femme dom or spanking. Power exchange and psychology is missed. Some folks just aren’t interested. I think it’s a delicate balance. And as a naturally submissive woman, I’d rather not have to instruct, or provide a pamphlet.

So as sexy as he was, there was other stuff to. You don’t know, if you don’t try.

I just prefer a very dominant pairing.