Rumpy pumpy

I am declaring today National Heterosexual Pride Day! Everyone else has their day plastered all over the news, so this is your day ........ Go out (or stay in ) and enjoy it.!
Next week we'll have National Missionary Position Day followed by National Vanilla day! Dare to be old fashioned ! No, no lets make old fashioned the new fashion.
Write about good old sex, before rumpy pumpy turned kinky. The sort that was a fumble in the back seat before we ever knew there was any other sort! When all you could think of was getting into sweet Mary Jane's knickers but not much idea what you'd do if you ever got there!
#newoldfashioned #nationalhetroday

I didn't know until many years later
that my Mother had seen us making out
on the rug in front of the fire.
She, the most Vanilla woman I ever knew,
actually crept away and left us to it
instead of storming in and causing a scene,
which is what I would have expected.
Wasn't even me she told, but him
many years later, when he was
much water that had passed under my bridge.

Jinxy. I wish I could write of such innocent days but for reasons I can't get into here, I can't. I can however write a very vanilla poem. And here it is.

One Summer's Night

The air grows chilly against our skin
I get out the blanket and wrap us both in.

Together we look at the sky above.
The stars twinkle down, hinting at love.

Golden moon telling us it's time for bed.
But thoughts of sleep are not in my head.

Your arms encircle me, so comforting and strong.
I feel that beside you is where I belong.

We walk together still closely entwined
While lusty thoughts roam about through my mind.

As we enter the bedroom, I feel slightly afraid.
As though this all is a masquerade.

I can see in your eyes that you feel the same.
And yet, deep inside of me is a flickering flame.

I take a sharp breath as we fall to the sheet.
Tussled together engulfed in the heat.

The flush of desire that grows ever stronger
Until I can't take it for one second longer.

A muddle of hands, tug and fumble at clothes.
Coming off bit by bit until our nakedness shows.

Our lips press together and our tongues begin to stray
As we begin our awkward foreplay.

Fingers, palms, lips trace over our flesh,
Our love and lust so unaccustomed and fresh.

I moan as I feel my wetness start to flow.
And I can feel your hardness begin to grow.

I roll to my back and look up at your face.
As my arms pull you into a passionate embrace.

"Fuck me now", I whisper into your ear.
And those were the words you needed to hear.

The tip of your cock becomes poised at my hole.
Slowly teasing me as I savor your pole.

My hips rise slowly to take you in deep.
This moment in time is one I want to keep.

Your cock seeking out my throbbing pink walls
As our panting and moaning rises and falls.

My hands roam over your arching spine
Aching to keep you and make you mine.

Time stands still. The world is a blur.
I want to be your woman, let me be her!

You give to me, your soul and your heart
And from this position I hope never to part.

But then the climax hits us quickly and hard
It's as though it catches us totally off guard.

You into me and me around you
As I feel your manhood begin to spew.

I squeeze my walls as tightly as I can.
As every inch of me is thankful you're my man.

We collapse then all drained, happy and spent
As peaceful slumber leaves us content.

Goodnight my darling, as dreams fill my brain,
I'll wake next to you for there you'll remain!

Bumping this before bed. Where are the other poets?

Valentino

Mother fainted when he died
because of those Arabian nights
they spent together in her dreams.
Revived, she held her sheik pillow tight,

same as I do with my Hank every night
after he showers and shaves
before he uncorks a fine Shiraz

paired with a tray of Medjool dates
we savor naked with lines from Gibran
before our magic carpet ride.

UnderYourSpell said:

I am declaring today National Heterosexual Pride Day! Everyone else has their day plastered all over the news, so this is your day ........ Go out (or stay in ) and enjoy it.!

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FINALLY. Let's have bridal magazines full of straight couples. Let's get to the point where authors can put straight characters in books and films without feeling like it needs special justification, where nobody ever says "you can't put in TWO straight characters, it already has one!" Let's have some stories about straight romance that aren't all about suffering and heterophobia and ending in tragedy.

Let's make a difference right here on this site. It's such bullshit that stories about queer people have a separate category for every possible interest - Romance, BDSM, Mature, First Time, yada yada yada - but anything about a straight relationship gets lumped into the Heterosexual Sex category no matter what kind of story it is. Maybe we should petition Laurel to make sure there are as many categories for straight content as there are for queer content?

And one day we'll get to the point where straight couples can hold hands in public without having to worry that somebody will beat the shit out of them for it. Maybe one day we won't have to hear awful stories about some dad beating his own child to death because he thinks they might be straight. Maybe one day it'll be legal in every country on earth for men to marry women.

Next week we'll have National Missionary Position Day followed by National Vanilla day! Dare to be old fashioned ! No, no lets make old fashioned the new fashion.
Write about good old sex, before rumpy pumpy turned kinky.

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Some inspiration from the good old Definitely No Kinky Sex days:









Or, getting this back onto poetry, maybe some Juvenal?

Bramblethorn said:

FINALLY. Let's have bridal magazines full of straight couples. Let's get to the point where authors can put straight characters in books and films without feeling like it needs special justification, where nobody ever says "you can't put in TWO straight characters, it already has one!" Let's have some stories about straight romance that aren't all about suffering and heterophobia and ending in tragedy.

Let's make a difference right here on this site. It's such bullshit that stories about queer people have a separate category for every possible interest - Romance, BDSM, Mature, First Time, yada yada yada - but anything about a straight relationship gets lumped into the Heterosexual Sex category no matter what kind of story it is. Maybe we should petition Laurel to make sure there are as many categories for straight content as there are for queer content?

And one day we'll get to the point where straight couples can hold hands in public without having to worry that somebody will beat the shit out of them for it. Maybe one day we won't have to hear awful stories about some dad beating his own child to death because he thinks they might be straight. Maybe one day it'll be legal in every country on earth for men to marry women.



Some inspiration from the good old Definitely No Kinky Sex days:

Or, getting this back onto poetry, maybe some Juvenal?

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Haha. My friend is an art history professor. I have seen pics of some of the things she has seen. Kinky has always been around.

My first time

His Mother was out that day,
so at least my first time was in a bed
instead of backseat fumbles
and a leg out of the window!
Maybe because of age or more likely
that it wasn't the memorable sort of sex,
I don't remember much more about it,
except a sharp pain, then he was praising me,
so he must have enjoyed!

It turned out though his
little virgin wasn't enough
and my dreams of love forever after
went hurtling down the skiddy slopes
of getting the other her 'in trouble'.
Strangely after her Father
insisted on a quick, quiet wedding
the baby that never was, disappeared.

She'd always said she was out to get him.

Sure kinky has always been around, but not always in my world or even yours when you were first finding out what sex was about. Those days of innocence, and goodness gracious we didn't even know that the word sardonic existed nor showing ourselves up and spoiling someone else's thread.

Bramblethorn said:

FINALLY. Let's have bridal magazines full of straight couples. Let's get to the point where authors can put straight characters in books and films without feeling like it needs special justification, where nobody ever says "you can't put in TWO straight characters, it already has one!" Let's have some stories about straight romance that aren't all about suffering and heterophobia and ending in tragedy.

Let's make a difference right here on this site. It's such bullshit that stories about queer people have a separate category for every possible interest - Romance, BDSM, Mature, First Time, yada yada yada - but anything about a straight relationship gets lumped into the Heterosexual Sex category no matter what kind of story it is. Maybe we should petition Laurel to make sure there are as many categories for straight content as there are for queer content?

And one day we'll get to the point where straight couples can hold hands in public without having to worry that somebody will beat the shit out of them for it. Maybe one day we won't have to hear awful stories about some dad beating his own child to death because he thinks they might be straight. Maybe one day it'll be legal in every country on earth for men to marry women.



Some inspiration from the good old Definitely No Kinky Sex days:

Or, getting this back onto poetry, maybe some Juvenal?

Click to expand...

Lol virtue signalling at it's finest, your agenda has been accepted, so as I like to say kindly fuck off with this shit, honestly soon it will be stunning and brave to declare normal heterosexual values, stop with the lecturing and pontificating and the moral grandstanding, sorry if a guy in the arse while I plow my missus doggy doesn't float my boat, this has become the new religious zealotry of today, progressive agendas as a point of shutting down celebrating heterosexuality....

UnderYourSpell said:

Sure kinky has always been around, but not always in my world or even yours when you were first finding out what sex was about.

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In that, you are very much mistaken. It's generally not a good idea to make assumptions about the sex lives of complete strangers.

Those days of innocence, and goodness gracious we didn't even know that the word sardonic existed nor showing ourselves up and spoiling someone else's thread.

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If you don't want a thread to turn into argument, perhaps don't start it with a gratuitous swipe at other people? That sort of thing tends to draw responses.

todski28 said:

Lol virtue signalling at it's finest, your agenda has been accepted, so as I like to say kindly fuck off with this shit, honestly soon it will be stunning and brave to declare normal heterosexual values, stop with the lecturing and pontificating and the moral grandstanding, sorry if a guy in the arse while I plow my missus doggy doesn't float my boat, this has become the new religious zealotry of today, progressive agendas as a point of shutting down celebrating heterosexuality....

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TLDR; Make Hetero Great Again.

If you want to do something celebrating vanilla sex, do it, but painting your absurdly large majority as maligned and misunderstood is the lowest moral high ground I've ever seen.

UnderYourSpell said:

Sure kinky has always been around, but not always in my world or even yours when you were first finding out what sex was about. Those days of innocence, and goodness gracious we didn't even know that the word sardonic existed nor showing ourselves up and spoiling someone else's thread.

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Maybe it wasn't in yours! I could tell you things, but not here. I'd be violating stuff. I don't think innocence was ever in my life. I can remember being told that my writing was too adult. Somehow I just sort of knew things before I really "knew" them.

AwkwardMD said:

TLDR; Make Hetero Great Again.

If you want to do something celebrating vanilla sex, do it, but painting your absurdly large majority as maligned and misunderstood is the lowest moral high ground I've ever seen.

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Not misunderstood but certainly maligned with simple comments such as this, or bramblethorns, even the eye-roller, it's part of the reason the tone of the thread is joking and an attempt to try and get people to engage with writing poetry in probably the slowest forum on lit. And instead of engaging with the ideas and the writing you bring over what appears to me a religious zealotry of hand wringing "think of the homosexuals" type posts.


as to moral high ground, I never said I had any nor tried to present it as such, I don't care how many men, women or whatever the hell you want to sleep with or how so long as it's consensual and within the legal age requirements,, same as religion do as you want but don't try and throat fuck me with your opinion especially in a light hearted thread poking fun at the state of the world's obsession with supporting those who have a proclivity for sexual acts that may differ from the norm.

Take these opinions to the middle East and see how that goes for you,

I don't appreciate having a pointed smashed over my head all the while the person beating me is telling me how much better I will be if I just accept it.....

If I take my son to a Mardi Gra he will see cunt and cock, and gratuitous sexual acts of varying degrees, society would celebrate me as a progressive teaching my son the virtues of tolerance and inclusivity, if I take him to a strip club where he will see the same amount of Tits
, arse And over the top sexuality, he will be taken off of me by the government, you tell me what is currently more accepted in society these days....

I can't wait until we finally turn all the frickin' frogs gay and achieve our agenda

When you submit a Romance story to Lit with a man and a woman, you can put it in Romance. If you write a First Time story, you can put it in First Time. You can write whatever you want and put it wherever you want, and your story will succeed or fail on its own merit.

If I write a Romance story with a woman and a woman, I have to put it in Lesbian. If I write a First Time story, I have to put it in Lesbian. If I don't, and I put my Lesbian story anywhere else, I will be punished by readers (through voting and comments) for surprising them with the wrong genitals. God help me if I do that with a Trans character.

I don't mean to trivialize your problems as a heterosexual, but your problems are fucking trivial. Grow up.

Quick aside: if one were to point out the slings and arrows that have been leveled against one, in an argument, the point of that is to paint ones self as the victim. Victims are inherently relatable and sympathetic. The victim has the moral high ground. You didn't say it, but you implied it.

"I'm the real victim here" is a shallow argument to make for heterosexuals. You are reading this, right now, on a site that specifically caters to you and marginalizes us. Lit isn't trying to be political in doing so, but it reflects society like all microcosms do.

Pull your head out of your ass.

Reclining Nude

In Soho's summer afternoon steam
a cloudburst can barely relieve
we set the table for Cornish cream tea.

Tonight, my Dear, after Dom Perignon,
what's left of the scone and clotted cream,
I shall remove my organza gown
to recline on red satin sheets

whilst you, my Modigliani
whose stroke jounces me ever so slowly,
paint your canvas inside of me.

greenmountaineer said:

Reclining Nude

In Soho's summer afternoon steam
a cloudburst can barely relieve
we set the table for Cornish cream tea.

Tonight, my Dear, after Dom Perignon,
what's left of the scone and clotted cream,
I shall remove my organza gown
to recline on red satin sheets

whilst you, my Modigliani
whose stroke jounces me ever so slowly,
paint your canvas inside of me.

Click to expand...

Nice!

AwkwardMD said:

When you submit a Romance story to Lit with a man and a woman, you can put it in Romance. If you write a First Time story, you can put it in First Time. You can write whatever you want and put it wherever you want, and your story will succeed or fail on its own merit.

If I write a Romance story with a woman and a woman, I have to put it in Lesbian. If I write a First Time story, I have to put it in Lesbian. If I don't, and I put my Lesbian story anywhere else, I will be punished by readers (through voting and comments) for surprising them with the wrong genitals. God help me if I do that with a Trans character.

I don't mean to trivialize your problems as a heterosexual, but your problems are fucking trivial. Grow up.

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Everyone's problems are trivial to everyone else, I have very few problems in life, simply because I was genetically lucky, but my problems are not as a heterosexual they are as a person having ideas and concepts rail roaded into my existence with and expectation that I should simply shut up and take it.

But this conversation is about you and your own narcissism, if I were to post the stuff you have in the gay and lesbian forum pontificating my heterosexuality rather than a one person conversation I'm pretty sure I would be punished for my view point. Now I wouldn't do that because I have tolerance and am happy for people to live their own lives, instead of trying to tare down this thread why not simply start your own thread that celebrates homosexuality, trans sexuality etc, our differences in sexuality do not define us as people, it is a part of who we are but not the only part.

As to the catering, would you prefer the roles reversed? Sexuality is a complicated thing, same as food tastes or any other million things that are individually divisible that people do, I can no more force people to eat fish if they don't like it than you can force your perception of sexuality on others. Cultural change is slow and I can understand to a small degree your frustrations with it, however the site separates things for the readers, so they can pick up what they want from easily definable categories,

Using the food metaphor again, if I order a salad and I'm given a steak should I simply shut up and eat it? This phenomena is not only you, I have read people complain about loving wives category etc etc, you are catering to audiences and peoples sexuality, not a malleable blob of undefined characteristics.

AwkwardMD said:

Quick aside: if one were to point out the slings and arrows that have been leveled against one, in an argument, the point of that is to paint ones self as the victim. Victims are inherently relatable and sympathetic. The victim has the moral high ground. You didn't say it, but you implied it.

"I'm the real victim here" is a shallow argument to make for heterosexuals. You are reading this, right now, on a site that specifically caters to you and marginalizes us. Lit isn't trying to be political in doing so, but it reflects society like all microcosms do.

Pull your head out of your ass.

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I refuse this dichotomy and framing of this conversation, neither of us are victims here, we are free enough to post our opinion on a website without fear of death or censorship, you are reading into my post and projecting toward it I believe, my frustration is reactionary not victimology the starting post was a joke that made you feel like you could wade in and have your say to shame or get your point across is how it read to me. I could very well be wrong and would stand corrected because I am inferring meaning from my side of the screen.

it is not being political it is actually trying to help people select from a group of categories to spare the writer unjust aggressive responses to their writing so it can stand on it's merits, the categories did not spring up arbitrarily I'm sure, but came about as a direct response to reader demands, a business model unfortunately has to cater to its clientele rather than ideology, sexuality or peoples wishes that it could be different.

todski28 said:

Not misunderstood but certainly maligned with simple comments such as this, or bramblethorns, even the eye-roller, it's part of the reason the tone of the thread is joking and an attempt to try and get people to engage with writing poetry in probably the slowest forum on lit. And instead of engaging with the ideas and the writing you bring over what appears to me a religious zealotry of hand wringing "think of the homosexuals" type posts.

Click to expand...

Go back and read the first post. This thread STARTED OUT with a complaint about how "everyone [other than heterosexuals] has their day plastered all over the news". if you don't want a discussion about that, blame the OP for starting that discussion. We're just "engaging with the ideas", like you say you want people to do.

todski28 said:

Now I wouldn't do that because I have tolerance and am happy for people to live their own lives, instead of trying to tare down this thread why not simply start your own thread that celebrates homosexuality, trans sexuality etc,

Click to expand...

Neither AwkwardMD nor myself were complaining about the "celebrating heterosexuality" or "celebrating vanilla sex" aspect of the discussion. Only about OP's decision to combine that with a swipe at everybody else.

GOOD: "I love vanilla ice cream! It's my favourite flavour. Let's talk about the wonders of vanilla!"

BAD: "We keep hearing about all those other flavours, you never see anything about vanilla any more. Remember the good old days when vanilla was the only flavour, before chocolate chip was a thing!"

The first is celebrating what you love. The second is trashing somebody else (and also untrue; vanilla is always in the spotlight, just that people are so familiar with vanilla that they barely notice it).

our differences in sexuality do not define us as people, it is a part of who we are but not the only part.

Click to expand...

If you're straight, no, you're not defined by your sexuality. You get to be described by all sorts of other things - you're a "father", or a "truck driver", or a "computer programmer", or whatever other attributes fit. If somebody writes a story about your sex life and posts it here, that might be a Romance or a First Time or any of a dozen other categories.

But if you're queer... you tend to get described by that first and foremost. You don't get to be just a dad, you're a Gay Dad. Or a Gay Truck Driver. etc. etc. And stories about you will be filed under Gay Sex no matter what.

And then because any discussion about you gets prefixed with "gay", while the straight stuff doesn't constantly get tagged as "straight", people complain about how the gays are getting so much attention.

As to the catering, would you prefer the roles reversed? Sexuality is a complicated thing, same as food tastes or any other million things that are individually divisible that people do, I can no more force people to eat fish if they don't like it than you can force your perception of sexuality on others.

Click to expand...

I think you've misunderstood here. Nobody is saying "there are too many straight categories, straight stories should get the same shitty deal that queer stories currently get".

Cultural change is slow and I can understand to a small degree your frustrations with it, however the site separates things for the readers, so they can pick up what they want from easily definable categories,

Click to expand...

*for the STRAIGHT readers. Which is the point we're making.

If I want to read about straight relationships, I can go to the Romance category and know that every single story in it will be about straight romance with approximately zero male-male content.

If I want to read about lesbian romance, I have to search through the Lesbian category and filter through a huge pile of random stuff that's not romance. You say "differences in sexuality do not define us as people", but that's exactly what does happen to stories about queer people.

You're saying "imagine if you ordered salad and they gave you steak, how crappy that would be" to people who get that experience EVERY TIME they look at new stories.

the starting post was a joke that made you feel like you could wade in and have your say to shame or get your point across is how it read to me.

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Yep, the OP was expressed as a joke. But jokes are very rarely just jokes.

I know y'all understand that, because... my reply was also expressed as a joke, and yet everybody here correctly recognised that I was making a point.

The real shame is that it seemed like what the OP really wanted to celebrate was innocence but she made the decision to wrap it up in a misguided "No Gays Allowed" event.

Can you understand why that rubs some of us the wrong way? Even tongue-in-cheek, that's not a good thing to see, or to see anyone else paticipating in.

Bramblethorn said:

Go back and read the first post. This thread STARTED OUT with a complaint about how "everyone [other than heterosexuals] has their day plastered all over the news". if you don't want a discussion about that, blame the OP for starting that discussion. We're just "engaging with the ideas", like you say you want people to do.

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But the comedy is that, it is a true statement based on observational reality, and because as a majority it doesn't need to be said there is a tongue in cheek irony not a dismissive intolerance. To me it was an eyeroll at ourselves as people and as a majority most of what is done is so normalised it is rarely celebrated, because it just exists.

The reason for the advent of main stream support for homosexuality, gay pride etc is so acceptance can be built into societal norms to help free people from the fear of persecution, at least this is my understanding of it. Which to me is great, however watching others able to celebrate all the time and be happy about a part of themselves is different to simply existing and having to stare at the ground in shame simply because I or someone else adheres to a norm. Why should there not be a national heterosexual day?


You may say well that's just every day, well maybe it is everyday, but it is not a celebratory event it just exists as a day like any other,

So the question is, why would wanting to celebrate heterosexuality ruffle tour feathers so much? Why would it engage you to want to engage the thread with a heavy does of in my opinion moral grandstanding?

If the title of the thread was changed to any other sexuality would you have felt it your moral responsibility to set the people to the right kind of thinking, I,e, the thinking that is most similar to your own?

Bramblethorn said:

Neither AwkwardMD nor myself were complaining about the "celebrating heterosexuality" or "celebrating vanilla sex" aspect of the discussion. Only about OP's decision to combine that with a swipe at everybody else.

GOOD: "I love vanilla ice cream! It's my favourite flavour. Let's talk about the wonders of vanilla!"

BAD: "We keep hearing about all those other flavours, you never see anything about vanilla any more. Remember the good old days when vanilla was the only flavour, before chocolate chip was a thing!"

The first is celebrating what you love. The second is trashing somebody else (and also untrue; vanilla is always in the spotlight, just that people are so familiar with vanilla that they barely notice it).



If you're straight, no, you're not defined by your sexuality. You get to be described by all sorts of other things - you're a "father", or a "truck driver", or a "computer programmer", or whatever other attributes fit. If somebody writes a story about your sex life and posts it here, that might be a Romance or a First Time or any of a dozen other categories.

But if you're queer... you tend to get described by that first and foremost. You don't get to be just a dad, you're a Gay Dad. Or a Gay Truck Driver. etc. etc. And stories about you will be filed under Gay Sex no matter what.

And then because any discussion about you gets prefixed with "gay", while the straight stuff doesn't constantly get tagged as "straight", people complain about how the gays are getting so much attention.



I think you've misunderstood here. Nobody is saying "there are too many straight categories, straight stories should get the same shitty deal that queer stories currently get".



*for the STRAIGHT readers. Which is the point we're making.

If I want to read about straight relationships, I can go to the Romance category and know that every single story in it will be about straight romance with approximately zero male-male content.

If I want to read about lesbian romance, I have to search through the Lesbian category and filter through a huge pile of random stuff that's not romance. You say "differences in sexuality do not define us as people", but that's exactly what does happen to stories about queer people.

You're saying "imagine if you ordered salad and they gave you steak, how crappy that would be" to people who get that experience EVERY TIME they look at new stories.



Yep, the OP was expressed as a joke. But jokes are very rarely just jokes.

I know y'all understand that, because... my reply was also expressed as a joke, and yet everybody here correctly recognised that I was making a point.

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The first statement of this is why I had a reaction to your commentary why do we have to adhere to your way of thinking and viewing the world, why exactly is that a bad dog moment, that makes you want to swat people on the nose with a newspaper and assume they should stare at the rug in shame, as if they should be good trained dogs, instead of people with differing opinions and sexuality?