The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Handley_Page]

And you get A Flock of Seagulls ( So glad I missed the 80s )

I put in a case of tennis elbow

And you get the boot



I put in a case of Gout.

 

[stickygirl]

And you get the boot



I put in a case of Gout.

And you get a liverish dragon


I put in the neighbour's barking dog

 

[Handley_Page]

And you get a liverish dragon


I put in the neighbour's barking dog

Which explodes with a sharp report.



I put in a Naval 24 pounder.

 

[stickygirl]

Which explodes with a sharp report.



I put in a Naval 24 pounder.

and you get a diamond to go with your gold piercing

I put in a cricketer's box

 

[Saxon_Hart]

and you get a diamond to go with your gold piercing

I put in a cricketer's box

And kids get pissed off at the shitty prize inside.


I put in a vintage Les Paul.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And kids get pissed off at the shitty prize inside.


I put in a vintage Les Paul.

and you get a date with Mary Ford.

I put in a "vaya con Dios"...

 

[desertslave]

and you get a date with Mary Ford.

I put in a "vaya con Dios"...

And you get Gene Autry on a horse.

I put in a Colt six-shooter.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And you get Gene Autry on a horse.

I put in a Colt six-shooter.

and you get raised an AK-47.

I put in a personal arms race...

 

[Saxon_Hart]

and you get raised an AK-47.

I put in a personal arms race...

But the hands are too busy on the privates.


I put in a collection of unwound wrist watches.

 

[Handley_Page]

But the hands are too busy on the privates.


I put in a collection of unwound wrist watches.

And have no volunteers to wind them



I put in a flat watch battery

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And have no volunteers to wind them



I put in a flat watch battery

and you get a flattened watch.

I put in a Black Watch battery...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a flattened watch.

I put in a Black Watch battery...

But the Pipers refuse to play.



I put in a set of bagpipes.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

But the Pipers refuse to play.



I put in a set of bagpipes.

and it sounds like you're squeezing a goat's bladder - while it's still in the goat.

I put in a Polynesian nose flute.

 

[Handley_Page]

and it sounds like you're squeezing a goat's bladder - while it's still in the goat.

I put in a Polynesian nose flute.

But the players all have colds or 'flu.



I put in a Harpsichord

 

[Tio_Narratore]

But the players all have colds or 'flu.



I put in a Harpsichord

and you get a Grouchichord.

I put in a Night at the Opera...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ZvugebaT6Q

 

[Saxon_Hart]

and you get a Grouchichord.

I put in a Night at the Opera...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ZvugebaT6Q

But the Phantom takes your date.


I put in Guy Fawkes.

 

[Handley_Page]

But the Phantom takes your date.


I put in Guy Fawkes.

And the bomb suffers premature detonation.



I put in a cylinder of halon gas.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

And the bomb suffers premature detonation.



I put in a cylinder of halon gas.

But you mis-read the label and now everyone is talking in high squeaky voices.


I put in a sad clown.

 

[Handley_Page]

But you mis-read the label and now everyone is talking in high squeaky voices.


I put in a sad clown.

who then fires his script writer.




I put in an LP of Muir Matheson film music.

 

[NekoParks]

who then fires his script writer.




I put in an LP of Muir Matheson film music.

but the sound track to Hitchcock's Vertigo makes you dizzy...

I put in John William's The Empire Strikes Back sound track...

 

[steve44uk]

but the sound track to Hitchcock's Vertigo makes you dizzy...

I put in John William's The Empire Strikes Back sound track...

... but the wampa conducting it can't pick up his baton.

I put in a carbonite-imprisoned smuggler...

 

[stickygirl]

... but the wampa conducting it can't pick up his baton.

I put in a carbonite-imprisoned smuggler...

And you get a burnt budgie

I put in all the hours that God sends

 

[steve44uk]

And you get a burnt budgie

I put in all the hours that God sends

... and yet your reward still only comes once you're dead.

I put in a collective bargain...

 

[stickygirl]

... and yet your reward still only comes once you're dead.

I put in a collective bargain...

.... and you get a five year plan

I put in a paddy in a paddy field

 

[Saxon_Hart]

.... and you get a five year plan

I put in a paddy in a paddy field

But a certain Charles Schwartz charater leads an uprising leaving you an empty field.


I put in Woodstock.