Youth Sports, Asshole Parents, and Push or not Push

[mass2]

This thread actually starts on Killermuffins thread regarding soccer, so I suggest starting there to get up to speed. Where is the middle ground between pushing to far and pushing to be better. If anyone has anything to add or would like to share their own story please do.

Minx,
I want to thank you for supporting my position, although you probably don't know you did. First let me start with the seven year old, the problem is with the parent not the child. Seven year olds make mistakes, so do adults, remember the Columbian who scored a goal for the US in the 94 world cup, granted his people killed him, but none the less he still made a mistake. Lesson to be learned is for the kid to put it behind him and play on.
The eight year old girl, both parent and child are to fault here, the parents are probably pushing the kid to do something she does'nt want to do, the kid needs to learn that if you don't even try you have already lost.Lesson here is the parents need to find something the kid likes to do, and get her to try it. If we all had that attitude, we could just let the two coaches meet at the middle of the field and decide who was the better team, and every one could go home. In that example the kid does'nt even try ,how is that commendable.
Samuari,
You said that you were a certified swim official, that probably means you were there with your kids at 5 or 6 in the morning for swim practice, at all there meets, and to correct mistakes when you saw them. You say you don't have to push kids to show them that winning is fun, but you did it to your own daughter. By DQing her you pushed her to do the right thing and that getting DQed sucks. You pushed her to be a better swimmer.I bet if you ask your other two kids, they would say that the lessons learned from swimming help them to believe in themselves in their competitive field. I to am in a competitive Profession, and have risen to the top not by having fun but by pushing myself to be better than I was the day before, hence being better than my competition. I have the confidence and belief in myself that I am better than my comp. Now I am having fun.
Strangegirl,
My point was that my atheletic career may have ended but my competitive fire was redirected to other channels. Yes an atheletes career is short but it is what you learn from it that makes the rest of your life successful or not.
I agree there is a big difference between telling a kid to be the best and telling them to try there best. The subtlety comes when you say to be the best you have to work hard. Sam how subtle is a turn with one hand and two, and only you saw it. Minx, what about you have to at least get on the field and find out, or love that shot son, next time try the other goal.
Winning is'nt everything, its the byproduct of hard work and 100% effort. Winning should not always be judged by the scoreboard. It can be determined by effort or personal gain a person makes, Sam don't you feel your daughter learned more from your action than if you would have let it go.
Hey Minx, Question: You have to choose between two candidates for a job, one who is commited to working hard and doing whatever it takes to get the job done or two one who is satisfied with an average job performance and just wants to have fun at work?
"Firey liitle minx is'nt she."


[Edited by mass2 on 09-15-2000 at 08:39 PM]

 

[Bobtoad777]

ok, here is my $0.02 worth, and i know its worthless, cause everyone on this board told me so so you can skim by this post, well here it goes

pushing a child to extremes! Where is to far? to far is when the kid resents the sport that you are pushing the child in. For example: I loved to long jump, when I was young. I was quite profiecent at it, one of the top in my age bracket one of the top in my entire school. I jumped for fun, for the enjoyment of flying those few yard in the air defying gravity. I had my own long jump pit at home that i paid for the fancy silca sand for landing in and an official measuring tape and running kleats, the whole nine yards, all i paid with my own hard earned money. I usually jumped 30 minutes a night practcing my technique to get better.

Then My mother got invovled after i won a few ribbons, she came out ther and pushed me made me run for hours and jump for hours never letting up never letting me rest. after two months of her "help" i quit the team, destroyed my pit and gave up on jumping, it was no longer fun it was work. Something that I had enjoyed for years, I resented in a matter of montsh thanks to a parents push or help.

some adivce to parents who have children who excell at something. Help, your child, encourage them, but when you feel yourself trying to live vicariously through them, back up a few steps and reevaluate what you are doing, you may be harnming more than helping.

 

[mass2]

Hey Bob,I think your two cents are worth so much more, sorry to hear your mom ruined your fun. I think to many parents put how others perceive themselves as parents by how successful their kids are in any endever. Would'nt it have been nice to have mom rake the pit or measure the jump. I totally agree with you, encourage, support, and be there when your kid does need help. I don't think parents should up and say kid you will get better in your sport, it has to be a SUBTLE nudge or suggestion, sometimes more overt. But at least be there.

 

[minx]

Well Mass2, to answer your question, I would obviously choose the committed hard-working candidate. But you're assuming that candidate was pushed as a child, and the fun-loving candidate was not. How do you know? I believe the fun-loving candidate was pushed and is now insecure and self-depreciating. I also believe that your six year losing streak had much more to do with your desire to win, than your parents. Just a thought.

Toadie, I liked your story. And that has nothing to do with the fact that it proves my point.

 

[Samuari]

Yep, mass squared, we were there at two swim workouts a day, and softball practice, and cross-country workouts,and band trips... well you get the picture. The point was that we were THERE. The seasons that I coached softball, were the most difficult that I had, because I tried so hard to be certin that I didn't favor my kid, that she ended up not getting to bat somtimes at practice. Boy, did I hear about that!
We insisted on only two things: that they would spend a season in both a team sport and an indivigal sport (they teach diferent lessons), and that if they started a season they finished that season. We suported them by being there, pointing out their improvement, but unless I was the coach, I didn't try to coach, and we NEVER rehashed mistakes on the drive home.
Our goal in all this was help them develop into strong, confident, assertive adults. So far it seems to be working.

Oh, and Thankyou mass2 for clarifying your thoughts, those you posted here, I certinlly agree with.