Worst Song Ever

[Handley_Page]

It's also notable how they got in a couple of seconds of the Tacoma-Narrows Bridge collapse. At least no one died in that disaster.

As I recall some of that film, it was a close-run thing.

Any coffee in the pot please ?

 

[HordHolm]

It's also notable how they got in a couple of seconds of the Tacoma-Narrows Bridge collapse. At least no one died in that disaster.

Didn't someone's dog die in the collapse? I saw something about a dog being in the front seat of the car that fell and the owner trying to get it out but it was too scared.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Didn't someone's dog die in the collapse? I saw something about a dog being in the front seat of the car that fell and the owner trying to get it out but it was too scared.

Yup, several people tried but the dog was just too panicked, and the last of them barely got away in time.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Back onto worst songs, from Take That:

Whatever I said, whatever I did
I didn't mean it
I just want you back for good

It's a crappy apology and spineless.

 

[HordHolm]

Back onto worst songs, from Take That:



It's a crappy apology and spineless.

It's worse - yer man doesn't even really think he did anything wrong. It can't be identified (whatever 'it' is), but he'll take your word for it. Basically it's a bit of mild gaslighting, and aimed at someone who's 'excelling at being free' (and I wonder, what could possibly be the reason that they seem so much better now they're free from Mr Clingy Whinger?).

 

[gunhilltrain]

As I recall some of that film, it was a close-run thing.

Any coffee in the pot please ?

"A close-run thing?" It's actually about one second of footage of the bridge's deck swaying, not the actual collapse, around the 4.01 mark.

I don't know why I'm so closely analysing this thing. I have a second cup of coffee now but I need to eat something too if I'n going to think straight. Not that thinking straight is always a priority on AH.

 

[gunhilltrain]

This was the Christmas number 2 that year...
Equally dismal.

Nice telephone. The orange sky reminds me of the smoke from Canadian forest fires that dirtied into the Northeast over a week ago.

This dive into pop culture is more daunting than I had expected.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Didn't someone's dog die in the collapse? I saw something about a dog being in the front seat of the car that fell and the owner trying to get it out but it was too scared.

God, we're hijacking this thread. Yes, some guy drove his car onto the bridge, and the it collapsed taking the car and dog with it. The driver escaped, however. You don't have to watch this whole thing, but the incident was filmed (it's after the six minute mark). A lot of the rest is of interest to structural engineers only.

Poor Tubby the dog.

 

[TheSearcher51]

Muskrat love and that song that goes I know I know I know about 200 times.

 

[Dearelliot]

Not very exact, but almost everything written after 12-31-1969 anything!

 

[AlexBailey]

And if you play "You Are My Sunshine" in a minor key, it sounds really threatening. (But it's a great rendition, my favorite version of the song)

Thanks so much for posting this!

I don’t think most people realize how dark the words to ‘You Are My Sunshine’ are once you get past the first verse.

I’ve been playing it in a minor key for years - creepy AF! This is my first time hearing someone else do it.

 

[AlexBailey]

Springsteen’s “Blinded by the Light”

Lyrics wise it’s got to be one of the worst of all time! What the fuck is he talking about?

Sure it’s got some of the most misunderstood lyrics ever, but even looking them up doesn’t help much.

“Set up like a douche in the middle of the night”



Blinded by the Light


Blinded by the light
Revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night
Blinded by the light
Revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night
Blinded by the light
Revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night
Madman, drummers, bummers
Indians in the summer with a teenage diplomat
In the dumps with the mumps
As the adolescent pumps his way into his hat
With a boulder on my shoulder, feelin' kinda older
I tripped the merry-go-round
With this very unpleasin', sneezin' and wheezin'
The calliope crashed to the ground
The calliope crashed to the ground!
But she was blinded by the light
Revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night
Blinded by the light
Revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night
Blinded by the light
Revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night
Blinded by the light
Revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night
Some silicone sister with a manager mister
Told me I got what it takes
She said, "I'll turn you on sonny to something strong
Play the song with the funky break"
And go-kart Mozart was checkin' out the weather chart
To see if it was safe outside
And little Early-Pearly came by in his curly-wurly
And asked me if I needed a ride
Asked me if I needed a ride!
But she was blinded by the light
Revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night
Blinded by the light
She got down, but she never got tired
She's gonna make it through the night
She's gonna make it through the night
But, mama, that's where the fun is
But mama, that's where the fun is
Mama always told me not to look into the eyes of the sun
But mama, that's where the fun is
Some brimstone, baritone, anticyclone, rolling stone
Preacher from the East
Says, "Dethrone the dictaphone, hit it in its funny bone
That's where they expect it least
And some new-mown chaperone standin' in the corner
Watchin' the young girls dance
And some fresh-sown moonstone was messin' with his frozen zone
Remind him of romance
The calliope crashed to the ground!
But she was blinded by the light
Revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night
Blinded by the light
Revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night
blinded by the light
(Indians in the summer with a teenage diplomat) revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night
(In the dumps with the mumps) blinded by the light
(As the adolescent pumps his way into his hat) revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night
blinded by the light
(I tripped the merry-go-round) revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night
(With this very unpleasin', sneezin' and wheezin') blinded by the light
(The calliope crashed to the ground) revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night
blinded by the light
(And throws his lover in the sand) revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night
(And some bloodshot, forget-me-not said daddy's within earshot) blinded by the light
(Save the buckshot, turn up the band) revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night
blinded by the light
(Told me I got what it takes) revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night
(She said, "I'll turn you on, son, into something strong")
She got down but she never got tired
She's gonna make it through the night

 

[cdstefi]

Oasis, Champagne Supernova. It's got every bad Oasis trope going in it, most prominently that coked-up sense of superiority ("where were you while we were getting high?") and Noel's gauche 4th-form lyrical sensibility (the title). Absolutely abysmal song that makes me want to leave the room when it comes on the radio.

True about Blinded By The Light as well though. Like Dylan by numbers but without any sense of meaning behind it.

 

[Mastered_again]

We Built This City on Rock and Roll
by Jefferson Wheelchair
They definitely should have quit while they were ahead

 

[cdstefi]

We Built This City on Rock and Roll
by Jefferson Wheelchair
They definitely should have quit while they were ahead

Yep! Fading counterculture revolutionaries celebrating their contribution to the capitalist machine in the most cliché synth-drenched 80s big-hair way imaginable.

 

[tangledweed]

Macarthur Park has to make my list of worst songs, mostly because of the chorus. It was written by hit songwriter Jimmy Webb, who penned some Glen Campbell hits that I love.

Lyrics

Spring was never waiting for us, girl
It ran one step ahead
As we followed in the dance
Between the parted pages and were pressed
In love's hot, fevered iron
Like a striped pair of pants

[Chorus]

MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark​

All the sweet green icing flowing down​

Someone left the cake out in the rain​

I don't think that I can take it​

'Cause it took so long to bake it​

And I'll never have that recipe again, oh no​

[Verse 2]
I recall the yellow cotton dress
Foaming like a wave
On the ground around your knees
The birds like tender babies in your hands
And the old men playing checkers
By the trees

[Chorus]
MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet green icing flowing down
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again, oh no

[Bridge 1]
There will be another song for me
For I will sing it
There will be another dream for me
Someone will bring it
I will drink the wine while it is warm
And never let you catch me
Looking at the sun
And after all the loves of my life
After all the loves of my life
You'll still be the one

[Bridge 2]
I will take my life into my hands
And I will use it
I will win the worship in their eyes
And I will lose it
I will have the things that I desire
And my passion flow
Like rivers through the sky
And after all the loves of my life
Oh, after all the loves in my life
I'll be thinking of you
And wondering why

[Chorus]
MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet green icing flowing down
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
(Oh no, oh no)

 

[Mastered_again]

Yep! Fading counterculture revolutionaries celebrating their contribution to the capitalist machine in the most cliché synth-drenched 80s big-hair way imaginable.

I'm too lazy to look it up, but most original members were long gone, most importantly Jack and Jorma

 

[cdstefi]

I'm too lazy to look it up, but most original members were long gone, most importantly Jack and Jorma

Yeah, Starship were a mere faint echo of the Airplane. I think Grace was still vaguely on board but it was nothing like the original band or ethos, and they absolutely sucked donkey balls.

 

[BrightShinyGirl]

Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the USA”

It always sets my teeth on edge. It’s the most unAmerican “patriotic” song I’ve ever heard.

This chorus:

And I'm proud to be an American
Where at least I know I'm free …

Boiling the majesty of the American experiment down to nothing but “freedom” is appalling. America is so much more than that: Equality, Justice, Fairness

Lee Greenwood’s America is a land where the rich and powerful get to rule over the rest of us in the name of “freedom”.

Give me “This Land is Your Land” instead. Now that’s a patriotic American song!

 

[Djmac1031]

We Built This City on Rock and Roll
by Jefferson Wheelchair
They definitely should have quit while they were ahead

I was waiting for that one to come up.

I'm not sure how it was even possible to write a song about not selling out in such an utterly sellout fashion.

 

[cdstefi]

Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the USA”

It always sets my teeth on edge. It’s the most unAmerican “patriotic” song I’ve ever heard.

This chorus:

And I'm proud to be an American
Where at least I know I'm free …

Boiling the majesty of the American experiment down to nothing but “freedom” is appalling. America is so much more than that: Equality, Justice, Fairness

Lee Greenwood’s America is a land where the rich and powerful get to rule over the rest of us in the name of “freedom”.

Give me “This Land is Your Land” instead. Now that’s a patriotic American song!

That whole concept of "freedom" has been debased by the conservative right to a mere rabble rousing catchphrase, good for racist rallies and unthinking meatheads.

 

[AlexBailey]

Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the USA”

It always sets my teeth on edge. It’s the most unAmerican “patriotic” song I’ve ever heard.

This chorus:

And I'm proud to be an American
Where at least I know I'm free …

There’s a parody out there:

I’m proud to be an American
Where at least I think I’m free
To get six miles a gallon
in my cool Jeep Cherokee
And I will stand up and kick your ass
if you’re different from me
There ain’t no doubt in no one’s mind
I love my SUV!

 

[CyranoJ]

I will demur from some earlier picks appearing in this thread, in that I find a lot of nominations for "bad song" or "worst song" are just failures to understand what a song is for. Musique's "In the Bush" turns up earlier on, for example, and it's definitely not a "worst song." It was written for sexed-up, coked-up disco dance floors and for that purpose, and speaking as someone who spent quite a bit of time in the Nineties and Noughties equivalents of those environments: it slaps. Not despite the fact that it clocks in at almost eight minutes, but because of it. Not despite the hilariously vulgar lyrics, but because of them.

A lot of pop music isn't trying to deliver deep messaging, so reciting "simple" lyrics out of context really doesn't tell you anything, either. Looking at the lyrics of Prodigy's "Smack My Bitch Up" tells you nothing about how much of a powerhouse that song was on the dance floor: the lyrics weren't the point, the music was. That song reliably sent clubs buck wild.

Some songs are just victims of bad marketing or timing, not of really being all that bad themselves. "Ice Ice Baby" gets a rough ride because hip hop heads at the time despised and resented what it represented, not because the song itself was really so terrible. (It wasn't great or anything, mind you.) A lot of people likewise rag on Limp Bizkit's "Nookie," and I don't particularly care for it myself, but it's really Fred Durst's fake-tough image that's primarily the target: for what it is, the song isn't badly executed.

However. I come not to kvetch, but to contribute.

There are times when the lyrics are actually supposed to be the point. Like when you're writing a diss track. Jake Paul brings together YouTuber cringe, whiteboi culture vulture cringe, unoriginal rehashed beats cringe and dreadful writing cringe -- "I just dropped new merch, and it's sellin' like a god church" is a line memorable for all the wrong reasons -- in the hilariously awful "It's Everyday, Bro." The video is in "so bad it's funny" territory, but I don't think the song itself makes it there. It's just bad.

I'm surprised that Rebecca Black's "Friday" hasn't made the thread either. This was another hilariously bad song, one that went viral, but it's mostly just bad. It was part of the output of a vanity studio that would basically, for the right amount of money, slap together risible songs and videos with relatively slick production values for rich people's kids, the pretense being that they were starting them a pop career. Almost all of their clients were never heard from again. The one who bucked the trend was Black, who after all endured the most publicity (and the worst mockery) out of the whole deal, to the point where one started to feel bad for her. Happily, she did start an actual musical career and has produced some half-decent music since, even circling back around to make fun of "Friday" herself. But it's still terrible, even layered over with campy irony.

For worst song by an actually great artist, I have to nominate BDP's "Sex and Violence." A weirdly misjudged track in which KRS-One, famous for both challenging "conscious" lyrics and being one of the first masters of integrating Jamaican dancehall with hip-hop, delivers on neither front. The song "Sex and Violence" has nothing to actually say about the subject, instead delivering KRS-One yammering a few repeated motifs like a hype man whose emcee failed to show up for the recording session. What's worst is that it's a true waste of a banging beat by DJ Kenny Parker, who made his debut on what proved to be the last BDP album as such. Most bizarrely of all, this were their choice for title track for that album.

 

[MillieDynamite]

This may be disrespectful since Jimmy Buffet has just passed away, but the concert version of Margaritaville has always sucked to me. The incessant chant, salt, salt, salt, drives me insane. I switch channels as soon as I realize it isn't the studio version.

 

[ruddygore]

Some really good suggestions here, but for pure, unadulterated, unrepentant Awful, one needs to experience Loudon Wainwright’s 1972 classic You’ve Got Your Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road.

Trashy, terrible, suitable mainly for drunk 15-year-olds, it did amazingly well on Billboard, etc.

On US2, driving across North Dakota at 2:00 AM when this comes on the radio. Just what I needed at the time.