Why *I* Need the Control

[~Dream~]

I have ALWAYS wanted a man to tie me up,take me,ravage me.
I never once felt that it was Wrong for me to want that,still dont.
Instead ,I believe that it is very natural for me to want a man to dominate me and get physically,intimately,aggressive with me.

I have always needed alot of guidance and control,and I have just never really gotten any.So,I had to learn to do it myself. But,I realy want and need the security that comes with someone keeping me in check.

In my nilla relationships,I did like to be" bossy" sometimes,and to get My way..honest truth..I nearly always desired rough sex,but when I had to ASK for it ,it kinda lost it's appeal.

Most of the time,I would rather follow a man's lead,especially in personal and intimate matters.I have been fortunate enough to meet the man who can lead me and dominate me in ALL the ways I need it.

YES ,I need the Control all right but I want Him to be the one who has it over me.. I am no good with it at all..


* Subs, why do you ,if you do,feel the Need to be "controlled" or Dom/mes...Why do You feel that You have the Need or desire to control submissives?? all replies appreciated

 

[artful]

* Subs, why do you ,if you do,feel the Need to be "controlled" or Dom/mes...Why do You feel that You have the Need or desire to control submissives?? all replies appreciated

Beats the hell out of me baby. I will let Shadows or MsWorthy type out my answer for me, (it will be close enough to perfect for me).

P.S.~No,...No,...No,...I didn't REALLY want you to BEAT me baby.

 

[Quint]

I was nodding to a great deal of your post, Dream. The fantasies, the bossy nilla style, and the dissatisfaction that comes from having to ask to be "abused" are all very familiar to me. Le sigh...

Also, I have never felt that it was wrong for me to want the things that I do. No stigma in my mind. Sex is sex, pretty much. Some of it is just better than others. o)

Now, knowing in my mind that craving pain, humiliation, and total loss of power isn't BAD is not the same thing as knowing why I crave those things. I haven't quite figured that out. The best answer I can give is physical, not verbal. It feels fulfilling and rewarding in a deeper, more pervasive sense than any other form of sexuality I've tried. It's almost spiritual. It's that good.

I do know some things that aren't reasons why I enjoy being a sub. I'm not a sub because I am weak and need a strong man to shelter me. I certainly do enjoy that, but honestly, I couldn't live in a LDR if I were that emotionally frail. I'm not a sub because I don't want to deal with real life, equal relationships, or being active in sex. Being submissive means I AM dealing with all of these things in a very big way.

"I do it for the joy it brings,
Cuz I am a joyful girl." --Ani DiFranco

 

[rosco rathbone]

ani di franco

I dont know enough about her. I wonder what she would have to say about your lifestyle. I imagine; nothing good. But what do I know.

 

[~Dream~]

LOL@Master..

Beats the hell out of me baby. I will let Shadows or MsWorthy type out my answer for me, (it will be close enough to perfect for me).

P.S.~No,...No,...No,...I didn't REALLY want you to BEAT me baby.

_________________________
"Like i'd ever harm 1 hair on that precious body , baby ,puhleeeze!!'
I think maybe Master needs to "fess up" like everyone else(lol),Shadows & MsWorthy are NOT Artful baby..,with all due respect,I'd appreciate YOUR viewpoints,YOUR feelings,M'love..please Master?It would give me great insight. into you.. and what makes ya tick

 

[Kitte]

I was nodding to a great deal of your post, Dream. The fantasies, the bossy nilla style, and the dissatisfaction that comes from having to ask to be "abused" are all very familiar to me. Le sigh...
<snip> It's almost spiritual. It's that good.<snip>

I do know some things that aren't reasons why I enjoy being a sub. I'm not a sub because I am weak and need a strong man to shelter me. I certainly do enjoy that,... I'm not a sub because I don't want to deal with real life, equal relationships, or being active in sex. Being submissive means I AM dealing with all of these things in a very big way.

I ditto a great deal of what you said Quint... especially the almost loathing to have to ask to be dominated...Though I am not 24/7 I would just love to not have to ask for it...or be SAMMY to get it... *sigh*

 

[lovetoread]

Subs, why do you ,if you do,feel the Need to be "controlled"

Yes

But,its funny since most of my life I was in charge of it all. The kids,house,bills,whatever.

Even sexually. If I didnt want sex,I didnt have it. We could go for weeks with no sex if I was really mad.

After much thought,I think I was asking just to be taken. To be made to do it all.

I now need it. I want it. I want someone to let me know exactly what he wants.

I wish I could do the 24/7 thing,but I dont think I'd make it.

 

[redelicious]

Yes

But,its funny since most of my life I was in charge of it all. The kids,house,bills,whatever.

Even sexually. If I didnt want sex,I didnt have it. We could go for weeks with no sex if I was really mad.

After much thought,I think I was asking just to be taken. To be made to do it all.

I now need it. I want it. I want someone to let me know exactly what he wants.

I wish I could do the 24/7 thing,but I dont think I'd make it.

Oh man.

Welcome to my world.

 

[serijules]

* Subs, why do you ,if you do,feel the Need to be "controlled"

Security.

Control and security go hand and hand for me. If I trust someone enough that they hold a certain amount of control over me, then they are someone that I view as very solid, trustworthy and safe. There is nothing quite as secure as being wrapped in the arms and care of someone whom has earned my trust at that level. I am who I am; he can control me by having me do the most slutty, humiliating things and still treasure me every bit, if not more, as he always has. I can be secure in my desires, my faults, my strengths, my wants, my needs, my lusts, my mistakes and my choices.

Thrill.

Being controlled is a thrill. It makes me feel tingly and wet and oh so aroused to be ordered to do something, to have my entire focus be on what he wants, what he order or desires. It is an imbedded desire in most humans to please others, although many people would never admit how great that desire is for fear of being viewed as weak. To be comfortable enough with who I am and with who HE is to take that very vulnerable desire and focus on it, embrace it, bring it out in the open and let it show in every action, every word I speak to him, every order I obey...is so pure it is completely thrilling.

Strength.

His control is an indication of my own strength as a person. I am strong enough in my acceptance of myself, in my understanding of my desires, to put them completely out in the open. Someone who has no self esteem, who is weak or depressed or any other number of submissive stereotypes, is not going to have the strength to gain personal growth in being controlled. Instead, they will likely drown in their own self imposed weaknesses, be smothered by an unhealthy need to feed off of someone elses self-awareness to make up for their own lack of it. Control is a very strong gift, to give and to receive. The fact that I have the ability to respect that control shows me that I am a strong person. Strong enough to be controlled, completely.

 

[kristydoll]

Re: Re: Why *I* Need the Control

Strength.

His control is an indication of my own strength as a person. I am strong enough in my acceptance of myself, in my understanding of my desires, to put them completely out in the open. Someone who has no self esteem, who is weak or depressed or any other number of submissive stereotypes, is not going to have the strength to gain personal growth in being controlled. Instead, they will likely drown in their own self imposed weaknesses, be smothered by an unhealthy need to feed off of someone elses self-awareness to make up for their own lack of it. Control is a very strong gift, to give and to receive. The fact that I have the ability to respect that control shows me that I am a strong person. Strong enough to be controlled, completely.

I enjoyed reading this whole post but especially the "strength" part. I must admit to feeling this way also. I am a submissive woman, but usually, if I am "labeling" myself this way, I tend to say that I am an "empowered sub". I am a strong, confident and capable woman. Saying that, I do have that "need" to be controlled. This is not because I "need" someone to take care of me and handle everything (because I can do that myself) but because it is truly wonderful to be allowed to give up that control and totally give to another (for all the reasons stated in the above post).

kristy

 

[~Dream~]

Kristy& Seijules..

Yes ,it takes a strong and confident as well as self-assured woman/man to know what they want out of life..I think society tries it's best to downplay the need we have "to serve" and the security it really brings us..
Thank you both for your lovely posts , could not have put it better myself..