Thoughts on "Domme/Dom Space?"

[Boat1]

I've seen lots of writing on Lit about "subspace" but I'd love to open a conversation on "Domme/Dom space."


I'd LOVE to hear from both, "Dommes/Doms" as to what YOU experience in the throes of BDSM, in addition to hearing what subs witness/experience/observe, seeing their Ds go into that special place....


For a little, personal background, I work in a rather "dangerous field" where life, injury and death are not uncommon, but that doesn't override my desire to please, my desire to be a devoted sub/slave in my off time... matter of fact, I think it only deepens and enhances my innate, Masochistic being.... however, unlike many, my Wife/ Domme and I, devoted our "vanilla selves" to each other, monogamously, completely, and thoroughly, having the utmost trust in each other prior to the rapid, deep dive into the beautifully fulfilling BDSM Life.


She broke out a lightweight flogger, next thing you know, I'm at the workbench, creating brutal implements for whipping and torture.... so, enough of our background and to the point... as we all know about "subspace"... the beauty I've witnessed in seeing Her "Dommespace" is completely unequaled!


I won't go as far as to say, She transforms into another person, but I WILL SAY, that Her transformation is REAL, VISIBLE and PALPABLE!.... it is NOT "acting" or "role play."... it's simply Her, finding Her brutal, inner self...
...When we started our journey, I was usually blindfolded, but after seeing and witnessing Her beautifully Sadistic transformation, I can't stand to be blindfolded.... I NEED TO SEE, that RAW POWER, the total FREEDOM SHE GETS, the apparent loss of Her self control, as She turns loose and digs deeply within Her inner being, sometimes appearing to scare Herself (typically after the fact)... that's the absolute HOTTEST THING I've ever seen!
As a hopeless masochist, that's, my happy place, what I strive to facilitate, it's actually where I feel truly free!....all I really want, is to see and FEEL Her complete and total FREEDOM!


IMHO, self control is akin to suppressing or stifling one's self, whereas, loss of control, is true freedom!
The mere thought of Her having to "control Herself" to me, would be the equivalent of prison, of locking up Her beautiful soul, placing Her "in a box" which is unacceptable to me...
I hope and pray that other Dommes/Doms don't feel the need to "restrict themselves" too much,, as that would make it all seem like "work" rather than, unfettered, unabashed FREEDOM!


Please feel free to weigh in, as I'd LOVE to hear other ideas and opinions!

 

[magic_rat]

That's a difficult one.

When I dom I occupy a different space but I'm also very aware that a) I enjoy hurting and b) I have to maintain control of my sub, and more importantly myself, the whole time. I have to communicate, and be aware of my sub even if she's not using safe words, I have to be aware of what I'm doing and know before she does when I need to ramp things up or pull back.

Subspace I think happens because one can surrender all thoughts to the sensations and the emotions. Dom space (for me) is unattainable (if it's even a thing) because I can't.

 

[Boat1]

That's a difficult one.

When I dom I occupy a different space but I'm also very aware that a) I enjoy hurting and b) I have to maintain control of my sub, and more importantly myself, the whole time. I have to communicate, and be aware of my sub even if she's not using safe words, I have to be aware of what I'm doing and know before she does when I need to ramp things up or pull back.

Subspace I think happens because one can surrender all thoughts to the sensations and the emotions. Dom space (for me) is unattainable (if it's even a thing) because I can't.

Thank you so much for your input!
I agree, it's a difficult one, as well as "dicey territory"... as one doesn't want it to be too much of a dangerous territory.

It's difficult for me to articulate, but there's a deep, innate desire within me, that wants and needs me to experience my Domme, having enough freedom to lose control and enjoy the same kind of pleasure that I do from relinquishing mine... again, though, hardcore masochism is a difficult thing to explain.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

I'm more of a top than a domme (actually more of a bottom/sub, but I do switch happily). I do love having my plaything choosing to be at my mercy and then I get to decorate my fun toy and make them squeak and make all sorts of interesting noises. Great fun. But if I ask them if they can take more, to make me happy, and they agree to do it for me - that's a great satisfying feeling. Knowing you've got them out of control, totally undignified, and you're controlling them - I have to admit to getting a kick out of that. Or sometimes, knowing how embarrassment gets someone off, and using that to get them both ashamed and aroused...

On the receiving end, there's this really evil satisfied grin my mistress has when she knows I've gone into subspace (it's not a far slide, honestly, from the minute she gets in touch), where she's possessive as hell. Phrases like "*My* toy" have me totally melting. Other people I play with are more naturally tops than doms, but there's the odd moment where the same expression comes out.

 

[MasterDarcy]

I'm a Dominant.

The difference between a good Dominant and a bad one is nuanced. A good Dominant will ALWAYS be in control of their temper. They will always have a laser like focus and they will always keep a balanced mind.

That's actually a big red flag. If a Dom/Domme loses their temper, what chance do they have of controlling a submissive when they can't even control themself.

With both a Dom and a sub there's a duality. There's two different characters living in one body.

With me, I'm mild mannered, and dare I say, Mr Darcyesque with my allure, chivalry and my wit. However, when my Dom side comes to the force my entire demeanor alters and I'm authoritative and extremely serious and abrupt.

I'm very interested in TPE so my Dominant nature is always bubbling on the surface.

 

[Boat1]

I'm more of a top than a domme (actually more of a bottom/sub, but I do switch happily). I do love having my plaything choosing to be at my mercy and then I get to decorate my fun toy and make them squeak and make all sorts of interesting noises. Great fun. But if I ask them if they can take more, to make me happy, and they agree to do it for me - that's a great satisfying feeling. Knowing you've got them out of control, totally undignified, and you're controlling them - I have to admit to getting a kick out of that. Or sometimes, knowing how embarrassment gets someone off, and using that to get them both ashamed and aroused...

On the receiving end, there's this really evil satisfied grin my mistress has when she knows I've gone into subspace (it's not a far slide, honestly, from the minute she gets in touch), where she's possessive as hell. Phrases like "*My* toy" have me totally melting. Other people I play with are more naturally tops than doms, but there's the odd moment where the same expression comes out.

Thanks.. and KNOW, that's absolutely beautiful to me that you see, feel and know BOTH sides of what I'm desperately trying to articulate here!
Kudos and Hat-Tip to you!

 

[Boat1]

I'm a Dominant.

The difference between a good Dominant and a bad one is nuanced. A good Dominant will ALWAYS be in control of their temper. They will always have a laser like focus and they will always keep a balanced mind.

That's actually a big red flag. If a Dom/Domme loses their temper, what chance do they have of controlling a submissive when they can't even control themself.

With both a Dom and a sub there's a duality. There's two different characters living in one body.

With me, I'm mild mannered, and dare I say, Mr Darcyesque with my allure, chivalry and my wit. However, when my Dom side comes to the force my entire demeanor alters and I'm authoritative and extremely serious and abrupt.

I'm very interested in TPE so my Dominant nature is always bubbling on the surface.

Thank you so much for your input!
That's a very well, deeply thought out response...
I do understand where you're coming from and appreciate it...
However, I will post a picture (and possibly a letter, which explains myself more fully)... but that in NO WAY lessens your great reply!

 

[MasterDarcy]

Thank you so much for your input!
That's a very well, deeply thought out response...
I do understand where you're coming from and appreciate it...
However, I will post a picture (and possibly a letter, which explains myself more fully)... but that in NO WAY lessens your great reply!

You're very welcome.

That's very sweet of you.

And yeah. That's the beauty of the lifestyle.

Two people couldn't describe their own experiences and their own interpretation of what Dom/Domme space looks like the same.

It's akin to a snowflake. A kinky snowflake.

 

[Boat1]

You're very welcome.

That's very sweet of you.

And yeah. That's the beauty of the lifestyle.

Two people couldn't describe their own experiences and their own interpretation of what Dom/Domme space looks like the same.

It's akin to a snowflake. A kinky snowflake.

I made this cheesy little box for my Lovely Wife Domme, along with a heartfelt letter, that I NEED Her to be able to go through every moment of our lives, KNOWING that what it symbolizes...... the mud, the blood, the darkness She's experienced in Her life...will NEVER be felt again... that that box will remain "forever empty!"

 

[Boat1]

I told Her... "When You check and verify that it's empty, we can burn it."

Instead, She chose to keep it on Her dresser as a "keepsake."

She's the sweetest Lady I've ever known! View attachment 2533693

 

[MasterDarcy]

I told Her... "When You check and verify that it's empty, we can burn it."

Instead, She chose to keep it on Her dresser as a "keepsake."

She's the sweetest Lady I've ever known! View attachment 2533693

That's beautiful.

 

[IrisAlthea]

I’m not interested in being in charge in sexual situations, but I am the one in power in other situations.
To me, the feeling of being the one in control of a situation is like the crisp clarity an awareness of driving fast, in comparison to tha passing blur in tha passenger seat and also like the being at least two steps ahead of hosting in comparison to the relaxed going with the flow of being a guest.

 

[SPARTAN047]

I think what other people say is true, usually when you're in a dominant head space at work you want to submit outside of that role.

 

[EdwardsOtherSide]

For me, Dom-space is about the exercise of power. When I tie my partner up, it isn't to inflict pain, but render her helpless while I toy with her, deciding whether or not she will climax, and how many times, or with a partner who is slow to climax, how long I can titillate her and delay climax before bringing her off.
Watching her shiver as I drag my nails along a sensitive area, hearing her moan when I nibble on a sweet spot, and feeling her pussy get slippery when I brush her labia is my rush.
I will get around to my own climax, eventually, but Dom-space is about creating the strongest climax for her that I can, then keeping her climaxing until she begs for me to stop as she strains against her bonds.

 

[Boat1]

I think what other people say is true, usually when you're in a dominant head space at work you want to submit outside of that role.

Agreed. I've seen a lot of that discussed here in Lit forums.

 

[Boat1]

For me, Dom-space is about the exercise of power. When I tie my partner up, it isn't to inflict pain, but render her helpless while I toy with her, deciding whether or not she will climax, and how many times, or with a partner who is slow to climax, how long I can titillate her and delay climax before bringing her off.
Watching her shiver as I drag my nails along a sensitive area, hearing her moan when I nibble on a sweet spot, and feeling her pussy get slippery when I brush her labia is my rush.
I will get around to my own climax, eventually, but Dom-space is about creating the strongest climax for her that I can, then keeping her climaxing until she begs for me to stop as she strains against her bonds.

Thanks for the great share!
I'm not much into "labels" but you sound like what I think of as a "Pleasure Dom"... but I'm certain you're an amalgamation of much more than that...
I'm also certain that you have a happy sub(s)!

 

[SPARTAN047]

Agreed. I've seen a lot of that discussed here in Lit forums.

And rich people need to feel submissive.