What's something you've always wanted to ask the opposite gender?

[Apisto42]

Sounds like great advice.

One question though: What is this, "real life outside of here" of which you speak?

I heard that it’s really bright and people make sounds with their mouths. Sounds scary.

 

[tolyk]

Don't allow yourself to fall into the trap that is LIT. The number of people who have met and stayed together is ridiculously low. The number of bad breakups, good breakups, ghostings, catfishings and drama has got to be 99.9 percent of all lit "relationships".

This is not Match.com. Those people typically live nowhere near you. Typically all you see in their online persona, or sometimes talk to them on the phone. You cannot know what someone is like enough to have a relationship with them til you are in their space. LDRs are the most ridiculously difficult ones to have, and I know because I tried it.

So, IMO the short answer is don't. Get a real life outside of here.

Love is love regardless of where the spark ignites. Just because it didn't work for you doesn't mean it can't work for someone else. I'm in a very stable open marriage with someone I met right here in the playground. We are happy, have 2 healthy and happy kids together.

I'm also dating LostgirlTink. Distance is an issue, but it's not the end of the world. Love is worth pursuing.

 

[cowslinger64]

Sounds like great advice.

One question though: What is this, "real life outside of here" of which you speak?

First off, be happy and do things that you enjoy to do, even if it's alone. Don't spend all your time here. Get OUT OF YOUR HOUSE. If you're not happy with your life, DO something about it. Go to the gym, go to school, find hobbies.. all the things that would take you away from LIT. Too many people live their lives in this place.. hell, I did it for a time too when I needed to fill a void. Get rid of the void.

 

[starrynightin64]

First off, be happy and do things that you enjoy to do, even if it's alone. Don't spend all your time here. Get OUT OF YOUR HOUSE. If you're not happy with your life, DO something about it. Go to the gym, go to school, find hobbies.. all the things that would take you away from LIT. Too many people live their lives in this place.. hell, I did it for a time too when I needed to fill a void. Get rid of the void.

Well said!

 

[cowslinger64]

Love is love regardless of where the spark ignites. Just because it didn't work for you doesn't mean it can't work for someone else. I'm in a very stable open marriage with someone I met right here in the playground. We are happy, have 2 healthy and happy kids together.

I'm also dating LostgirlTink. Distance is an issue, but it's not the end of the world. Love is worth pursuing.

So you skipped everything else I said. How many lit relationships are ever worth anything?

I've been around long enough to know the realities of the situation.. and my LDR wasn't from here.

I'm not going to defend my opinion. It's sound advice.

 

[tolyk]

So you skipped everything else I said. How many lit relationships are ever worth anything?

I've been around long enough to know the realities of the situation.. and my LDR wasn't from here.

I'm not going to defend my opinion. It's sound advice.

No, I read everything you wrote.

You take a risk falling in love anywhere. In person, online, long distance, none of it matters. Shit can always go sideways.

Just saying, it was a pretty cynical statement, regardless of its validity. You are of course entitled to your opinion, but it doesn't make it a fact, nor is it applicable to everyone.

I say it's worth the risk. Love, no matter how short the relationship may be, is worth it. We grow, we learn, we better ourselves through love. Sure, it may hurt to lose someone, but it is always a risk. With everyone in your life.

 

[cowslinger64]

No, I read everything you wrote.

You take a risk falling in love anywhere. In person, online, long distance, none of it matters. Shit can always go sideways.

Just saying, it was a pretty cynical statement, regardless of its validity. You are of course entitled to your opinion, but it doesn't make it a fact, nor is it applicable to everyone.

I say it's worth the risk. Love, no matter how short the relationship may be, is worth it. We grow, we learn, we better ourselves through love. Sure, it may hurt to lose someone, but it is always a risk. With everyone in your life.

I'm not cynical, I am a realist.

That's like quitting your job today because you bought a megamillions ticket for tonight. Lol

I'll skip the rest of what I had to say.

 

[inkandiridiumnibs]

I don’t usually flirt while commuting. Lol. Plus, I don’t want to be the idiot that thinks just because a pretty woman touched my arm and said excuse me that you want to be flirted with.

Now, if we were in a bookstore and you touched my arm, said excuse me with a nice smile and reached for the same book I was perusing? I’d be friendly and flirt.

Apisto covers it for me. It is all about setting. The only place I have lived where Public Transport was a part of daily commuting is Hawaii, and then most of the time, it was slim odds the person you were seeing was a local and not a tourist.

There were people I did get to know, but it was because we rode the same buses day after day. But it was a small community too, so it was really easy to see the same people like that day after day. At the time I wasn't single either, and she was a very Green Eyed Latina, so keeping conversation with other women short was a great way to keep her happy. I mean, she accused me of having an affair with the other closing manager simply because we were constantly being paired for shifts. Never mind the fact I worked 15 hour days, 6 days a week.

Get me in a Bookstore, and it is very easy for me to strike up conversation. Hell, it is amazing what kinds of conversations I would get into while taking my daughters on shopping sprees and ending up in Vicky's for new bras.

Then there is like right now for instance. I am okay flirting online, because I know that is as far as it is going to go, flirting. But, once I leave the computer I double, triple, and quadruple question myself about speaking to someone else. Everything with my Ex is too fresh, too new, and too raw. I just feel like I would be setting myself up for failure. I am constantly questioning my motives and thoughts, trying to figure out if my thoughts are genuine, or just rebound. Real or just a means to make her jealous of what she threw away. Honest or just a cover to not be alone...

 

[Little_Sister]

I want everyone to understand how difficult this is for me to say, but

I agree with slinger.

Lordy that was hard to type.

I am not sure I believe in finding love, or at least my definition of love, is something you can do in a place like this. Lit is fantasy. It is porn. It is things I would never do, say, or be in my real life.

Is this dirty porn loving girl still part of me in real life, sure but it is not what makes up the vast majority of me. It is a small slice of something that makes me but you can't "love" if you don't know it all.

I think the best you can hope to find is a friend who may share a kink or two.

 

[Little_Sister]

Love is love regardless of where the spark ignites. Just because it didn't work for you doesn't mean it can't work for someone else. I'm in a very stable open marriage with someone I met right here in the playground. We are happy, have 2 healthy and happy kids together.

I'm also dating LostgirlTink. Distance is an issue, but it's not the end of the world. Love is worth pursuing.

So the wife, obviously you got to know her off lit, and IRL if you have babies together but with Tink, how do you know it is love if you have never met? It seems like a big word. I think of all of the 90 day fiance shows where they have been talking online and then they meet and things explode because RL is different.

 

[tolyk]

So the wife, obviously you got to know her off lit, and IRL if you have babies together but with Tink, how do you know it is love if you have never met? It seems like a big word. I think of all of the 90 day fiance shows where they have been talking online and then they meet and things explode because RL is different.

We have met. It is love. I didn't need to meet her to know that either. But yes, we connect on every level, even the physical.

I understand what slinger was saying, I was just saying it's not ALL doom and gloom. Not every internet relationship is in peril. That is not everyone's experience. I also understand what you are saying, especially about it being hard to type that you agree with Slinger

 

[JerseyJade]

I think it depends on how you do Lit. I am my real self here...not a fantasy. I know many others are the same. I don't share things that I wouldn't do, say or be in real life. If it's just a porn site for some, that's fine. But for others it's a community.

P.S. They've met.

What she said.

 

[tolyk]

I think it depends on how you do Lit. I am my real self here...not a fantasy. I know many others are the same. I don't share things that I wouldn't do, say or be in real life. If it's just a porn site for some, that's fine. But for others it's a community.

P.S. They've met.

That's a large part of it, and I was just talking about how we portray ourselves with Tink on the phone. I'm me. You are you. Tink is her. Not everyone is here to pretend they are something they aren't. Not everyone is here for fantasy. It's fine for those that are. It is a board attached to an erotic fiction site after all.

 

[Tedfkats]

Ladies:

How important is scent to you?

I mean cologne, not body odor or bad breath. Have you ever found yourself attracted to man you normally wouldn't be attracted to because he really smelled nice? Or found yourself less attracted because he didn't? or is it more of an affirmation of your being attracted or not being attracted.

 

[Interested_Girl]

So you skipped everything else I said. How many lit relationships are ever worth anything?

I've been around long enough to know the realities of the situation.. and my LDR wasn't from here.

I'm not going to defend my opinion. It's sound advice.

It's so funny. I have always had so many questions about online relationships. Are they fun? Are they real? Are they healthy? Are they even okay to have? I don't have the answer, but I do agree that like any addiction, people can fall in deep. Really deep. I think the internet lends to a lot of anonymity which allows for people to construct a persona. I would argue those who are not happy with themselves do just that, and try to play it off as a reality vs. the fiction that it really is.

I agree with you. There are a lot of people who need to sign off the internet and get a real life, because you can't be fully committed in an "internet relationship". At least not in my opinion. That said, I think a lot of people have a lot of real feelings and attachment to those they meet online whether it be based on experiences, situations or common interests, and I don't think you can undermine or discredit that.

There are those who will meet and those feelings will grow stronger and turn into something. I wish at periods there were certain people who did live closer and I could meet, if only to have a conversation and get to know them better.

Like anything, it depends on the person. I think the real issue is when you cut yourself off to the outside world and live your life through the internet (not just lit), this becomes dangerous and very unfulfilling. Just my 2 cents.

 

[Deleted member 3041612]

Ladies:

How important is scent to you?

I mean cologne, not body odor or bad breath. Have you ever found yourself attracted to man you normally wouldn't be attracted to because he really smelled nice? Or found yourself less attracted because he didn't? or is it more of an affirmation of your being attracted or not being attracted.

I came in contact with the public 90% of the time when I was working. When I came in contact with with someone with a nice fragrant cologne, I would politely say, "Wow, you really smell nice...forgive me if I sound too forward, but what cologne are you wearing?" I would go research it at the department stores when I had time. I would approach a man if I he smelled nice and tell him his cologne smells good but not if he was wearing enough to choke the living daylights out of me having me blink back the tears.

 

[Interested_Girl]

Ladies:

How important is scent to you?

I mean cologne, not body odor or bad breath. Have you ever found yourself attracted to man you normally wouldn't be attracted to because he really smelled nice? Or found yourself less attracted because he didn't? or is it more of an affirmation of your being attracted or not being attracted.

Good question. It is very important to me. Extremely so. I have 3 recent experiences in the last year that seriously solidify this.

1) Met one guy who wore cologne and I picked up on it a mile away, it was nice, but didn't suit him in my opinion. I, however was still attracted to him, but the next time we met he was wearing something different and I was like...OH.MAH.GAWD. Amazing.

2) Guy I was seeing for a few months...I just couldn't. There was a ton that bothered me about him, which is why I ended it. But I did not like the way he smelled. I could smell him in my bed after he left and I just could not deal with it. It was like poison almost. I had to change my sheets immediately.

3) Then I met someone over the summer. We had a very small stint because he was travelling through town, but never in my life I have I smelled someone like that, or should I say didn't smell. He had no smell, and I found it so intriguing. I was super attracted to this guy. His character and thoughtfulness was out of this world. He was shorter than me, weighed less than me, had facial hair...all these things I would have walked away from, but honestly, if i had had a few weeks with him i swear I would have fallen in love. But he didn't smell, and I wondered if it's because maybe secretly he smelled like me naturally and so I didn't pick up on it. It was a really intriguing experience.

 

[Deleted member 3041612]

Don't allow yourself to fall into the trap that is LIT. The number of people who have met and stayed together is ridiculously low. The number of bad breakups, good breakups, ghostings, catfishings and drama has got to be 99.9 percent of all lit "relationships".

This is not Match.com. Those people typically live nowhere near you. Typically all you see in their online persona, or sometimes talk to them on the phone. You cannot know what someone is like enough to have a relationship with them til you are in their space. LDRs are the most ridiculously difficult ones to have, and I know because I tried it.

So, IMO the short answer is don't. Get a real life outside of here.

I'm not here to make a love connection, but to have a bit of fun and possibly collect platonic friendships possibly. I noticed for myself I was spending waaaaaay too much time here, I cut back on that. Because I am a bit shyer in real life, I may be a bit bolder on here, but I still blush and smile, and show the real me here. There was a time when I first got here that I gave off a different persona. I'm still shy, but with a bit of spice added in now.

 

[Little_Sister]

I think it depends on how you do Lit. I am my real self here...not a fantasy. I know many others are the same. I don't share things that I wouldn't do, say or be in real life. If it's just a porn site for some, that's fine. But for others it's a community.

P.S. They've met.

Not really what I meant. I don't act or say things I wouldn't say IRL... well I have asked people about masturbation which is something I have never done IRL but I meant more as in the real life me, my kids are a HUGE part of my life. My life is taking them from practice to game to practice. I am making dinner, on the PTA and going out with friends and going to church. All parts of me that I don't share about here other than in a general sense as in I have children and a family. Even if I shared more about my life, I still think it is impossible to really know someone you have not met. Again, just my opinion.

We have met. It is love. I didn't need to meet her to know that either. But yes, we connect on every level, even the physical.

I understand what slinger was saying, I was just saying it's not ALL doom and gloom. Not every internet relationship is in peril. That is not everyone's experience. I also understand what you are saying, especially about it being hard to type that you agree with Slinger

My apologies as I thought it was online only. I still don't think you can really love, at least my definition, someone without knowing them IRL. I also don't believe in love at first sight. Lust, friendship, but love to me is something different. I would die with a smile on my face, for my children, for my husband, I love them... not for anyone I have ever met online.

 

[Mei5ter]

There is always the risk of falling in love with an idealised version of someone as they appear online. Equally, I’ve met a few people on Lit whom I like very much, and have got to know outside this site. They live thousands of miles away and I’d never otherwise have got to know them. Good friendships are good things, surely, however you meet?

Yes, not everyone here is what they seem. That’s no less true with people we meet face to face, though. Remember the “friend” who was lovely to your face but bitched behind your back? Or the supportive work colleague who screwed you to get a promotion?

Online relationships aren’t a substitute for ones formed face to face. But that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re in themselves unhealthy or toxic or inferior.

 

[tolyk]

There is always the risk of falling in love with an idealised version of someone as they appear online. Equally, I’ve met a few people on Lit whom I like very much, and have got to know outside this site. They live thousands of miles away and I’d never otherwise have got to know them. Good friendships are good things, surely, however you meet?

Yes, not everyone here is what they seem. That’s no less true with people we meet face to face, though. Remember the “friend” who was lovely to your face but bitched behind your back? Or the supportive work colleague who screwed you to get a promotion?

Online relationships aren’t a substitute for ones formed face to face. But that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re in themselves unhealthy or toxic or inferior.

Well said.

 

[SoulAssasin247]

Watching all these opinions are funny, on the love LIT relationship issue I could understand all sides. Most don't work out, they're hard, complicated, long distance can be torturous and filled with drama. I wouldn't recommend others to get into a love LIT Relationship, but my dumb ass thinks it's worth the risk for me, others can't deal with the heartache.

I wouldn't get upset at any persons opinion on it and there are special cases that do work out, but it's very rare. Remember relationships are great, until the day they're not. Even if you are in a great relationship now, doesn't mean you're going to be together when you're 80 years old plus. I know no one has got this love shit figured out, when it comes to love we're all idiots and all we can do is take a risk in having true love and do your best to keep it. When you think you have all the answers, love changes all the questions and rightfully so, because love like anything else progresses and changes.

 

[AlwaysFara]

What about...have you ever had unrequited feelings for someone on Lit? Or have they had them for you? How do you handle this without getting your/their heart broken?

You don’t. Once the words are out there, you’ve handed them your heart. They can break it if they want, even if they don’t want.
Hurt and heartbreak is inevitable.

And, what cowslinger said.

 

[AlwaysFara]

No, I read everything you wrote.

You take a risk falling in love anywhere. In person, online, long distance, none of it matters. Shit can always go sideways.

Just saying, it was a pretty cynical statement, regardless of its validity. You are of course entitled to your opinion, but it doesn't make it a fact, nor is it applicable to everyone.

I say it's worth the risk. Love, no matter how short the relationship may be, is worth it. We grow, we learn, we better ourselves through love. Sure, it may hurt to lose someone, but it is always a risk. With everyone in your life.

It’s not cynical. It’s realistic because of all the heartbreak we all witness day after day here.

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

When I was working, I rode the metro train to get to my destination. I did almost everything but speak to get males to acknowledge my existence. I smelled nice, not overpowering (Flowerbomb perfume), wore 3-5 inch heels, dresses to emphasize my ASSets. I was always well put together and my hair looked decent, it wasn't long but a little longer than it is now. When passing others to get to the first train, I would gently touch the side, back or arm of the male to get his attention to be able to slide past him. Mind you, the trains were ALWAYS crowded and we were packed like sardines in there, so I used what charms I could to spark conversation as I passed by each FINE individual, even saying hello and excuse me as I slid past by them. For some, I lingered on their specific train, since my stop was the next to the last stop. It got to a point where I stopped trying since men were in their own little world not acknowledging my attempts. They were preparing for their day, focused on other things. I would stand instead of sitting down. I'm 5'2". I carry my weight well, I'm curvy. Unconsciously, those things became habit where I did them without thinking. I began to lose interest and began reading the paper, doing the Sudoku puzzle, word games or crossword in the daily express newspaper.

What is it I could have done to encourage more than just a stare back?

I don't know when this was, but for the last twenty years or so, Society has gradually diminished the possibility of this approach working. Guys who hit on women on the train might as well send a dick pic. I like to think that if I was single I would have noticed, read the signs correctly and taken the hint. On the other hand, nobody wants a slapped face or worse over a misunderstanding.