What made you laugh your ass off today?

[Guest]

 

[bobsgirl]

I was on the phone with my mother-in-law today and she asked how my trip to Boston was. She asked how my visit with Cate went. I told her, and she got around to asking where Cate and I met. :eek" "Oh, I met her a website called---um, I can't remember the exact name of it--it's for amateur writers..." I'm so glad she's as computer illiterate as she is.

 

[hdlynnette]

On my way to work this morning...pulled off my road onto one of the main roads here and I noticed up ahead several cars were going real slow and it looked like someone was walking in the turn off lane...I get closer and realize if it's a person it's a real short one...nope....not a person....as i drive by....this CALF...trotting right along...looks over at me as I pass...like 'What you lookin at?"

I swear...it's things like this that makes the world think all the people in my area are toothless, barefooted, tobacco spitting morons.

 

[midwestyankee]

On my way to work this morning...pulled off my road onto one of the main roads here and I noticed up ahead several cars were going real slow and it looked like someone was walking in the turn off lane...I get closer and realize if it's a person it's a real short one...nope....not a person....as i drive by....this CALF...trotting right along...looks over at me as I pass...like 'What you lookin at?"

I swear...it's things like this that makes the world think all the people in my area are toothless, barefooted, tobacco spitting morons.

At least your cattle appear to have the smarts to stay to the right and allow faster traffic to pass on the left. I can't say the same for as many Chicago-area drivers as I'd like.

 

[hdlynnette]

At least your cattle appear to have the smarts to stay to the right and allow faster traffic to pass on the left. I can't say the same for as many Chicago-area drivers as I'd like.

Ditto for the drivers here in Hawkins County. Some of them are straight out of Hooterville!

 

[Quoll]

Ditto for the drivers here in Hawkins County. Some of them are straight out of Hooterville!

Yeah but it's understandable that they can be distracted.

 

[midwestyankee]

Sardonically

Announcement by the gate agent shortly after a 45-minute delay showed up on the departure monitor:

"Ladies and gentlemen, the aircraft has landed and we will be able to make our new on-time departure of 2:45."

 

[EJFan]

Announcement by the gate agent shortly after a 45-minute delay showed up on the departure monitor:

"Ladies and gentlemen, the aircraft has landed and we will be able to make our new on-time departure of 2:45."

LMAO!

that's priceless... and it reminds me of some of carlin's observations about air travel discourse.

 

[Eilan]

Out of the mouths of babes

My oldest kids came home today loaded down with Mother's Day stuff they'd made at school.

One of my kindergartener's gifts was a class cookbook. My first thought was, "Wait a minute! I didn't know I was supposed to send in a recipe!" Then I started reading. Turns out the teacher asked the kids how to make some of their favorite foods and wrote down their answers word-for-word.

Here's one:

Fried Chicken and Mashed Potatoes

Get 5 chickens and cut them up. Put them in a pan with oil on the chicken. Put 3 cups of salt on it and bake for 2 minutes. Let it cool and then eat it. Next, peel 10 potatoes and get hot water. Cook 30 minutes. Get the stirrer out and stir it up. Put in 2 gallons of milk and put in a big bowl.

Here's my little one's:

Brownies

Go to the store and get brownie dough. Buy a can of vanilla icing. Cut some squares of the dough and put in the oven for 15 minutes. If not done cook longer. When done put the icing on and they are good.

 

[Guest]

 

[midwestyankee]

As we sit on the tarmac...

LMAO!

that's priceless... and it reminds me of some of carlin's observations about air travel discourse.

The captain had just explained that we were going to move out onto the tarmac to await clearance from ATC in Chicago, which he expected in about 90 minutes, when the flight attendant insistd that we turn off all electronic devices "in preparation for our departure." Yeah, right! If this is a departure, I'm John Glenn.

 

[bobsgirl]

The captain had just explained that we were going to move out onto the tarmac to await clearance from ATC in Chicago, which he expected in about 90 minutes, when the flight attendant insistd that we turn off all electronic devices "in preparation for our departure." Yeah, right! If this is a departure, I'm John Glenn.

Why, Senator Glenn, whatever are you doing at Lit?!

 

[Guest]

 

[EJFan]

Why, Senator Glenn, whatever are you doing at Lit?!

boldly going where no man has gone before?

 

[M's girl]

My oldest kids came home today loaded down with Mother's Day stuff they'd made at school.

One of my kindergartener's gifts was a class cookbook. My first thought was, "Wait a minute! I didn't know I was supposed to send in a recipe!" Then I started reading. Turns out the teacher asked the kids how to make some of their favorite foods and wrote down their answers word-for-word.

Here's one:

Fried Chicken and Mashed Potatoes

Get 5 chickens and cut them up. Put them in a pan with oil on the chicken. Put 3 cups of salt on it and bake for 2 minutes. Let it cool and then eat it. Next, peel 10 potatoes and get hot water. Cook 30 minutes. Get the stirrer out and stir it up. Put in 2 gallons of milk and put in a big bowl.

Here's my little one's:

Brownies

Go to the store and get brownie dough. Buy a can of vanilla icing. Cut some squares of the dough and put in the oven for 15 minutes. If not done cook longer. When done put the icing on and they are good.

That is just so cute! Plus I like it when schools (teachers) are being creative like that - something out of the ordinary. By the way.... my first reaction would have been exactly the same! Funny....

 

[Lady_Prowless]

My oldest kids came home today loaded down with Mother's Day stuff they'd made at school.

One of my kindergartener's gifts was a class cookbook. My first thought was, "Wait a minute! I didn't know I was supposed to send in a recipe!" Then I started reading. Turns out the teacher asked the kids how to make some of their favorite foods and wrote down their answers word-for-word.

Here's one:

Fried Chicken and Mashed Potatoes

Get 5 chickens and cut them up. Put them in a pan with oil on the chicken. Put 3 cups of salt on it and bake for 2 minutes. Let it cool and then eat it. Next, peel 10 potatoes and get hot water. Cook 30 minutes. Get the stirrer out and stir it up. Put in 2 gallons of milk and put in a big bowl.

Here's my little one's:

Brownies

Go to the store and get brownie dough. Buy a can of vanilla icing. Cut some squares of the dough and put in the oven for 15 minutes. If not done cook longer. When done put the icing on and they are good.

..aweeeeeeee that is so cute..

 

[Saucyminx]

On my way to work this morning...pulled off my road onto one of the main roads here and I noticed up ahead several cars were going real slow and it looked like someone was walking in the turn off lane...I get closer and realize if it's a person it's a real short one...nope....not a person....as i drive by....this CALF...trotting right along...looks over at me as I pass...like 'What you lookin at?"

I swear...it's things like this that makes the world think all the people in my area are toothless, barefooted, tobacco spitting morons.

On my drive back from FL, i saw this big black and white thing running down the side of I95 smack in the middle of GA, and thought "wow that is a big dog." Not a dog--great big goat. Seriously wondered if i was having a severe case of the DTs, but my friend saw it too. For some reason i found that reassuring. lol.

 

[BigFatMeat]

The Red Button

 

[SlickTony]

I'd been looking most of the week for 3 packets of pictures I took of our Pittsburgh trip (some of which I'd posted in the photography thread). I'd taken them to church to show some friends there, and then stuck them along with my bible and purse in the closet in the robing room where we lock up our stuff during services. Then when church was over, I took them, my bible and purse, and went home.

A couple of days later I wanted them, and couldn't find them. I looked around the computer, in the car, on the table where we don't eat because everything paper lands there, etc., etc....

Then Henry found them on top of a case where I have our cameras. "I put them there so they'd be safe," I said.

I didn't laugh my ass off, but he did.

 

[Quoll]

Reading a post on HT proper, it was a particularly femine post, which was all good, trouble is I misread the user name for someone who is definitely male.
"You're going to put a tampon where?????




Hi BG.

 

[Quoll]

My visitor, she is so puffed up because she is getting some of the questions right on a tv quiz show. But most of those damned eight year olds on the show are getting more right.
Bwahahahahahahahaha

 

[Saucyminx]

time to call the eye doctor. . . or not

I hang out on here way too much. I just was looking at an advertisement for some graphic novels, and saw one called The King's Dog--except i read it as the The King's Dong. Good for quite a case of the giggles.

 

[pleasteasme]

My ebay auctions.

One listing is a duplicate to one I sold about a month ago (my first sale). This time I put a lower starting bid and it is already going for twice as much as the first item I sold. Crazy people make me laugh my ass off!

 

[bobsgirl]

My ebay auctions.

One listing is a duplicate to one I sold about a month ago (my first sale). This time I put a lower starting bid and it is already going for twice as much as the first item I sold. Crazy people make me laugh my ass off!

I love eBay! What kinds of things do you auction off?

 

[bobsgirl]

I have a site bookmarked that I was looking for today.

What I saw: The Vagina Quilter

What it really said: The Virginia Quilter

Maybe I spend too much time at Lit...