Threesome Aftermath

[Hand_solo77]

I have a question as I read a lot, but don't typically respond. my wife and I of 20 years are that point where we often discuss sexual fantasies typically involving a third party male or female. We haven't gotten further than talk, but i am convinced that in the right situation our sex life could evolve into a three way. My question is how many relationships have taken this step and then failed? I know I can handle either scenario as long as it is together, but I wouldn't want to lose my wife if she couldn't. What are peoples afterward experiences, what tips do you have to prevent this?

 

[Becki890]

My husband and I have discussed it as well. Same concerns. but we have talked about it being a thing we experience together, as husband and wife. a loving thing. with a person we respect and trust. but we havent done it yet.

 

[QueequegsHead]

Been there, done that, it almost never lives up to the fantasy as one person, in my case my first wife, always seems to go into control-freak mode. Don't do this, don't do that, you can't put your dick into her...

So, my advice is just to hold on to the fantasy, because reality always seems to have trouble living up to fanciful dreams

 

[Mtnmike]

My husband and I have discussed it as well. Same concerns. but we have talked about it being a thing we experience together, as husband and wife. a loving thing. with a person we respect and trust. but we havent done it yet.

The key word's, Trust & Respect !!!!

 

[Wishingbox]

I have a question as I read a lot, but don't typically respond. my wife and I of 20 years are that point where we often discuss sexual fantasies typically involving a third party male or female. We haven't gotten further than talk, but i am convinced that in the right situation our sex life could evolve into a three way. My question is how many relationships have taken this step and then failed? I know I can handle either scenario as long as it is together, but I wouldn't want to lose my wife if she couldn't. What are peoples afterward experiences, what tips do you have to prevent this?

First we’ve not participated in third personally. I find the idea fascinating and would be open to exploring it as a potential.

It came up recently in conversation on evening when we were discussing swinging and open marriages. It’s a very foreign concept to her and she doesn’t get it given she needs intimacy to want sex. Ergo any other person for a threesome would be a very bonding experience. Where I believe I’d be able to better separate the emotional feelings.

However some things that I’ve read about the topic highly emphasize the importance of communication and interpersonal skills. I’ve read a few books recently and discussing those together has revealed how poor our sex communication is. We’re very open with a lot but we struggle to talk about sex sometimes so defining boundaries, setting expectations, discussing dos and don’t and then checking in as we go would be hard for us.

All that to say we’d need to really improve our communication and personal understanding before we tried anything.


Books:
Come As You Are
Mating In Captivity
Polysecure

 

[nkycatsfan]

Been there, done that, it almost never lives up to the fantasy as one person, in my case my first wife, always seems to go into control-freak mode. Don't do this, don't do that, you can't put your dick into her...

So, my advice is just to hold on to the fantasy, because reality always seems to have trouble living up to fanciful dreams

We had the opposite experience. We both enjoyed several moments (both with M or F added) where it was hot and an amazing sexual experience. What threw things off for us wasn't either of us with a controlling aspect to it all, but we had a female once join who got CRAZY possessive about my wife and ended the friendship spitefully with her when she didn't show the same level of interest (she and I were both able to remove feelings from it all, but this girl took it beyond physical into an obsession with her). That kinda killed it for us in terms of looking for anything. We've had a couple of moments since that were spontaneous, but she lost the desire to look for anything after that one.

 

[Hand_solo77]

My husband and I have discussed it as well. Same concerns. but we have talked about it being a thing we experience together, as husband and wife. a loving thing. with a person we respect and trust. but we havent done it yet.

Just out of curiosity, do you have a specific situation like mfm, fmf, or a couple? I'm curious if you feel you would be more insecure or him afterwards depending on the situation.

 

[Hand_solo77]

Been there, done that, it almost never lives up to the fantasy as one person, in my case my first wife, always seems to go into control-freak mode. Don't do this, don't do that, you can't put your dick into her...

So, my advice is just to hold on to the fantasy, because reality always seems to have trouble living up to fanciful dreams

How long were you with your first wife before your first experience?

 

[Hand_solo77]

First we’ve not participated in third personally. I find the idea fascinating and would be open to exploring it as a potential.

It came up recently in conversation on evening when we were discussing swinging and open marriages. It’s a very foreign concept to her and she doesn’t get it given she needs intimacy to want sex. Ergo any other person for a threesome would be a very bonding experience. Where I believe I’d be able to better separate the emotional feelings.

However some things that I’ve read about the topic highly emphasize the importance of communication and interpersonal skills. I’ve read a few books recently and discussing those together has revealed how poor our sex communication is. We’re very open with a lot but we struggle to talk about sex sometimes so defining boundaries, setting expectations, discussing dos and don’t and then checking in as we go would be hard for us.

All that to say we’d need to really improve our communication and personal understanding before we tried anything.


Books:
Come As You Are
Mating In Captivity
Polysecure

Interesting point on the intimacy aspect, it would almost be interesting to engage with another couple with similar interests. Grow a friendship knowing that it could grow but start small with conversations and maybe adult games involving some nudity just to understand how comfortable or uncomfortable your partner truly is.

 

[Becki890]

Just out of curiosity, do you have a specific situation like mfm, fmf, or a couple? I'm curious if you feel you would be more insecure or him afterwards depending on the situation.

We have talked about both mff and mfm. I think mfmf would be fun too. I think mfm is probably the most likely. WE have talked about how it would feel afterwards. maybe a bit weird if we do it with a friend. But also fun. He has a friend that is only in town about once or twice a year. that might be perfect.

 

[Hand_solo77]

We have talked about both mff and mfm. I think mfmf would be fun too. I think mfm is probably the most likely. WE have talked about how it would feel afterwards. maybe a bit weird if we do it with a friend. But also fun. He has a friend that is only in town about once or twice a year. that might be perfect.

That sounds like a good situation, she is absolutely not interested in anyone we know for fear of being judged if it goes wrong. Plus we are professionals which could lead to other issues. I wish we could find a couple or the right single person and just start a friendship knowing ahead of time there's a common interest, and once trust is built it could be a great experience, with fun early on activities. Maybe even grow to vacation fun. Thanks again and I hope you guys find what you're looking for.

 

[daystate]

Its very hard to look another man in the eye while youre at either end of a woman.
Especially if its his wife.
Far too many unsaid words in a casual glance.

 

[QueequegsHead]

How long were you with your first wife before your first experience?

A year or so.

She was a self-styled "actress."

It took me a while to figure it out, but she was also bat-guano crazy...

 

[Mtnmike]

Its very hard to look another man in the eye while youre at either end of a woman.
Especially if its his wife.
Far too many unsaid words in a casual glance.

I've never had that problem before.

 

[daystate]

I've never had that problem before.

Ha....have you no shame..lol

 

[Mtnmike]

Ha....have you no shame..lol

When you get my age there's not much shame left.

 

[daystate]

When you get my age there's not much shame left.

I feel your aches and pains..

 

[Lovethefox]

When you get my age there's not much shame left.

And we won’t even speak about hair, flexibility or worrying about what others will think

 

[daystate]

And we won’t even speak about hair, flexibility or worrying about what others will think

Im way past that

 

[Mtnmike]

And we won’t even speak about hair, flexibility or worrying about what others will think

You are so right

 

[Hand_solo77]

We have talked about both mff and mfm. I think mfmf would be fun too. I think mfm is probably the most likely. WE have talked about how it would feel afterwards. maybe a bit weird if we do it with a friend. But also fun. He has a friend that is only in town about once or twice a year. that might be perfect.

Was going to follow up on our conversation the other night, reach out when you get a. Chance

 

[Becki890]

Hi there. whats new in your thoughts?

 

[Valendon]

I've had a long history with sharing--40+ years, on and off. Started with next door siblings--brother and sister--as we finished high school. HUGE issues accepting that I could (choke, gasp) like girls!! But we had grown up together, and had the kind of gracious trust that kids have. I alternated between them well before we tried a threesome. (Huge step for them to be with me at the same time!)

My 2nd marriage led me into the lifestyle. Seemed OK between us at first, but he left me for a guy. That sucked. On the other hand, I developed skills, LOL!

Single and in my 60s now, but with a wonderful SO. I'd never given up my girl/girl time with my neighbor/friend, and that enabled our first "swing" with my SO. She's passed away, but SO and I have found our way to other adventures.

Trust, trust, trust. That's the key. If both of you can allow the other to express interest in playing outside of your own relationship, that's pretty huge. If you can both avoid wondering whether you're being "tested" with the permission to swing, that's pretty huge too.

"Is it REALLY OK? Or is this a setup?" Very common worry. Depending on your own history and dynamics, it will take time and conversation to become comfortable with permission. So take the time. Enable each other to speculate on potential lovers without ever, ever, calling them to task for it.

And in the end, accept that unless you're both cool with sharing it's probably a very bad idea! Don't pressure or coerce, and assure your mate that they're always your best and forever lover.


Val

 

[Jingling_Geordie]

I have a question as I read a lot, but don't typically respond. my wife and I of 20 years are that point where we often discuss sexual fantasies typically involving a third party male or female. We haven't gotten further than talk, but i am convinced that in the right situation our sex life could evolve into a three way. My question is how many relationships have taken this step and then failed? I know I can handle either scenario as long as it is together, but I wouldn't want to lose my wife if she couldn't. What are peoples afterward experiences, what tips do you have to prevent this?

I've taken part in a MFM threesome with a girlfriend, we both found it an amazing experience, the other guy enjoyed it too. Communication before and during is very important, knowing boundaries and anything off limit. If it's something you both want to try give it a go. Worst case is one or both of you don't enjoy it, so you don't try it again, but at least you know you gave it a try.

 

[Valendon]

Good point! Part of the conversation needs to include an "afterwards" strategy both toward your new playmate and each other. What if we don't like it? What if we do? What if we're of different thoughts? How do we gracefully move forward after normal breathing returns and it's just the two of us again? Odds are you can't anticipate every possible reaction, but some thoughtfulness before taking the first step will smooth things afterward.