The unappreciated limerick

[Qky75]

Piss off with the gents of Lit
Those pompous and libelous twits
They prance about as they flex
Spouting they're god's gift to sex
But can nary find her clit!

 

[AlinaX]

Piss off with the gents of Lit
Those pompous and libelous twits
They prance about as they flex
Spouting they're god's gift to sex
But can nary find her clit!

I'm itching to rewrite this a little:

Those gents and their ungentle kind
Who raucously speak their own mind
They flounce as they flex
That they're god's gift to sex
But nary a clit can they find

 

[THBGato]

@verseandworse2 has been publishing loads of limericks. A kind of sexual Grand Tour of India...

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

An author, in his hubris once chose,
to share not with the locals his prose.
They laughed, not mislead,
as, It's beyond you, he said.
while wearing the emperors new clothes.

 

[SimonDoom]

The libertine said to the stoic:
"Dear sir, your restraint is heroic.
All the girls that you spurn,
At every turn!
Your morality's Paleozoic."

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

An author, in his hubris once chose,
to share not with the locals his prose.
They laughed, not mislead,
as, It's beyond you, he said.
while wearing the emperors new clothes.

Almost forgot... Bump.

 

[SimonDoom]

"I'm innocent!" I heard Jane say.
I sighed. "Oh well, no sex today."
But her fingers moved down,
Till her thong hit the ground,
And she said, "Let's not get carried away!"

 

[TarnishedPenny]

A notable whore of Hirst
In the pleasures of man is well-versed.
A sign o’erhead
Her well-rumpled bed
Says, “The customer always comes first!”

 

[SimonDoom]

The gigolo said to the whore,
"Miss, I'll bet you that I get paid more."
But the whore shook her head,
And smiling, she said,
"Sir, it's pussies, not pricks, they adore."

 

[Tir_an_Beithioch]

A sexy tenant routinely kvetched
Until my maintenance crew were all fetched
We cleaned out her plumbing
And gave her a bumming
Which left her anus weary and stretched.

 

[SimonDoom]

Mom sits snugly in the backseat
The luggage packed high, wide, and neat.
But it's such a tight fit
On son's lap she must sit
'Til their joinder--oh my!--is complete.

 

[Plathfan]

Mom sits snugly in the backseat
The luggage packed high, wide, and neat.
But it's such a tight fit
On son's lap she must sit
'Til their joinder--oh my!--is complete.

Till is a legitimate and, in fact, much older word than until, yet the ignorant gringos use 'til instead.

 

[SimonDoom]

Till is a legitimate and, in fact, much older word than until, yet the ignorant gringos use 'til instead.

To call the use of "'til" "ignorant" is itself both pedantic and ignorant, because it's wrong. The mere fact that one version of a word has an older provenance in no way establishes its superiority in use. While "till" is correct, I don't see it used often. "Until" is much more common, at least in American usage. "'til" is commonly used as an informal substitute for "until" in poetry, especially poetry with a deliberately informal tone, where the meter demands it. The meaning is clear, and it's clearer than "Till," because "Till" has multiple meanings.

I stand in good company, I think: The new wave band 'Til Tuesday and Michael Jackson (Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough). That's provenance enough for a silly limerick about mom-son incest.

Pedantry is bad enough. Rude pedantry is worse, and ignorant rude pedantry is the worst of all.

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

Till doesn't have multiple meanings; it is synonymous with until—a fact most Americans are unaware of, which is why it’s not commonly used. Abbreviating a two-syllable word into one just to mimic the exact pronunciation of an already existing word is not only anti-pedantic but also a product of ignorance. Nice excuses, though.

Read the "Did you know?" section below:
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/till

A quick Google search found these four:

1. up to (the point in time or the event mentioned); until.
2. a cash register or drawer for money in a store, bank, or restaurant.
3. prepare and cultivate (land) for crops.
4. a sediment consisting of particles of various sizes and deposited by melting glaciers or ice sheets.

A few other useful definitions:
Ignorance is the lack of information.
Stupidity is not using information you possess
Being aggressively ignorant is called being an ass

 

[Tir_an_Beithioch]

A poet did question his skills
For his word choice was savaged by shills
'Til he resolved at once
To ignore non-rhyming cunts
And use whatever word that he wills

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

In Limericks, beats are the key.
'Tis three, three two two, and three.
There's rhyming too,
and giving a clue
is oft harder than it ought to be.

 

[SimonDoom]

A poet from chilly Saint Peter
Oft struggled with rhymes and with meter.
And yet, she would write
For her words caused delight.
No limerick could ever defeat her.

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

In Limericks, beats are the key.
'Tis three, three two two, and three.
There's rhyming too,
and giving a clue
is oft harder than it ought to be.

Bump

 

[SimonDoom]

Bump

The limerick said, "I agree"
"To the need for 3,3,2,2,3."
But then he got up,
And quite drunk, he threw up,
And forgot all about poetry.

 

[Tir_an_Beithioch]

Limericks are simple to pen
Most lines are seven to ten
Except for these lines
Which are seven to five
But ignore me, I'm drinking again.

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

How could I see this and not ‘borrow’ it for this thread. From Instagram. Thank you Cameron Malcher, who ever you are.

 

[SimonDoom]

Said the Limerick
To the Haiku: "You win, friend."
"Let's go get a beer."

 

[SimonDoom]

If Shakespeare wrote in limericks rather than blank verse:

Friends, countrymen, lend me your ears.
Ceasar's passing has brought you to tears.
His killers say, "Trust us."
But I'll choose Augustus,
And skewer that Brutus with spears.

Tomorrow creeps slowly, they say.
It bothers me, day after day.
I swear I can't handle
This brief, fucking candle,
So, please, McDuff, just go away.

I'm Hamlet, the Prince of Denmark.
"To be" is my famous remark.
They killed my old father
So why do I bother
With Yorick's poor skull in the dark?

 

[SimonDoom]

If TS Eliot preferred limericks:

Oh, April's unusually cruel,
A theme to make English profs drool.
But despite their good taste,
They realize it's a waste,
To teach all of this nonsense in school.

Let us go, you and I, if we're able
Strapped down, needle-stabbed on a table.
Then let's begin musing.
Sure, I know it's confusing.
But that is the point of this fable.

 

[Tir_an_Beithioch]

Limerick by e e cummings:

i carry
your heart
with me now
as the police are chasing
me down
and also now burning
the publisher's kerning
machine
somewhere across town