The unappreciated limerick

[Tir_an_Beithioch]

I once had a fuck buddy, Zack.
Who liked to take dicks from the back.
He said "I'd take it up front,
If I'd been born with a cunt."
Then bent over and lubed up his crack.

 

[SimonDoom]

Miss Limerick was known to be pure,
A sweet lass, steadfastly demure.
Yet her dress oft fell down,
When young Ode was around--
Her favorite young rhyming voyeur!

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

Twas once an old maid from Maine
and sailors she did entertain.
With an eye made of glass
and a dry piece of ass,
with her eye out
could still pull a train

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

Just one line, he decries
A sentence or thought you'd surmise
With context in play
I guess you could say
It depends on your font and screen size

 

[SimonDoom]

The lottery one day, I had won.
So dear Dad said, "My advice to you, son:
"Save your winnings, be wise."
"Dad, that sounds really nice,
"But the booze and the whores were too fun."

 

[UsuallyPresent]

It’s been too long, I see,
That I let the limericks be.
Without abuse,
Direct or obtuse,
These rhymes’d never get free.

 

[AlinaX]

He pulled down my knicks in the street
And fed me his amorous meat
I said, "Sir! Do you mind!
You've skewered my behind
And my husband’s the cop on this beat!"

 

[AlinaX]

I teased my new man in the shop
And ignored his suggestion to stop
When I fell to my knees
He cried out, "Oh, please!"
And soon he was ready to pop...

 

[AlinaX]

With apologies...

The lasses in cold John O'Groats
Do seldom go out without coats
But gie them a drink
And quick as a blink
They'll have cocks hard and deep in their throats

 

[BusDee276]

I once met a nice man called Mick
Who wanted to show me his dick
His pants started to rip
As he went to unzip
The damned thing was so bloody thick!

 

[UsuallyPresent]

Went hunting a week ago last
Came up roses, slick and fast.
A quick little fling
With an insatiable thing,
Who’s now lost in the past

 

[AlinaX]

A walk in the woods goes awry
When a vine snares my foot, then my thigh
My mouth is soon filled
My ass is well drilled
And when the vine joins in too I could cry

 

[12oclocktales]

The untutored young girl up the road,
Was the best edger that place ever knowed;
She would start and then stop
Till the guy was ready to pop,
And then she’d encircle his dong with her juicy wet tongue till his brain would go bong and finally before long . . . he’d explode!

 

[SimonDoom]

Marie had a taste for men's cum;
It caused her to titter, "Yum yum!"
When the bar's top drink fixer
Asked what could he mix her,
She ordered a jism and rum.

 

[SimonDoom]

John opened a porn magazine,
His first sight of a sight so obscene.
How its pages did lure
His thoughts to the sewer.
Poor John's mind! Good lord, where it's been.

 

[UsuallyPresent]

He told the councilor with strain,
"This is pure hell in my brain!
They try to find
My dirty ol’ mind -
It’s not in the gutter, but the drain!"

 

[AvgMan9000]

There once was a queer from Broome
who took a young whore to his room
They argued all night
as to who had the right
to do what with which to whom.

I can't take credit for this one. I heard it from Robin Williams quite a while back.

 

[SimonDoom]

The question marks started to stammer,
While commas and stops raised a clamor.
They'd had quite enough
Of the author's rebuff
Of preferred punctuation and grammar.

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

Grammar cops on the prowl
saw those commas, and proffered a scowl.
It’s not Oxford they’re talkin’,
nor Shatner or Walken,
but splices they hate most of all.

 

[UsuallyPresent]

Black ‘ink’ on white screen flows
In its irregular, regular rows
Thoughts inside
Trying to hide
Regardless of the meaning it shows

 

[SimonDoom]

Grammar cops on the prowl
saw those commas, and proffered a scowl.
It’s not Oxford they’re talkin’,
nor Shatner or Walken,
but splices they hate most of all.

 

[SimonDoom]

Two authors, Joe Bob and Elise,
Were caught by the grammar police.
Their crimes were so sordid,
That each was awarded,
Two long, run-on sentences apiece.

 

[SimonDoom]

I sat with my girl in a wood,
She smiled and said, "If you're good,
I'll let you see, maybe, a
Peek at my labia,
But don't tell a soul, understood?"

 

[SimonDoom]

Eyeore's friends staged a meal but forgot
To invite him, which they did a lot.
So when he barged in
With a dastardly grin,
Pooh Bear asked, "What's that axe that you've got?"

 

[Smuttyandfun]

There once was a man named Sweeney
Who spilled some gin on his weenie
That being uncouth
He dipped it in vermouth
Ang slipped his wife a dry martini