The unappreciated limerick

[UsuallyPresent]

Jim Sutton made such a scene
On the Pastorage green -
Old Widow MacCreith
Was found beneath
A pint of his, most obscene.

 

[SimonDoom]

"Hey, Piglet, I've got a new game,"
Said Pooh. "I call it, 'I Came.'"
So Pooh dropped his pants,
His hand did a dance,
And that Wood! It was never the same.

 

[Vammatar]

There was a young lady from Ongar
Who was had on the beach by a conger
When asked how did it feel
To be had by an eel
She said "like a man only longer."

 

[Smuttyandfun]

I once met a girl in a diner

Who’d stretched fiddle strings ‘cross her vaginer

With the proper sized cocks

What was sex became Bach’s

Toccata and Fugue in D minor

 

[Smuttyandfun]

In order to sidestep the blues,

When visiting public loos:

Face away from the middle,

And try not to piddle,

On anyone else's shoes.

 

[Vammatar]

There was a young lady from Bude
Who went for a swim in the nude
As she swam round a pier
A man said "My dear,
please put some clothes on, that's rude,"

 

[Vammatar]

There was a young lady from Chester
Who was proud of what nature had blessed her
To get nice and brown
She walked nude through the town
And the Police all took turns to arrest her

 

[UsuallyPresent]

Vammatar shares her limerickial quips
Without needing temptation or whips
"It's this infernal muse, you see -
Her cerebral boots make me
Post my cleverness from these fingertips!"

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

The City if Scum awaits
your tales of woe and ill fates.
Rife with despair,
morose not fair;
a place no one truly escapes.

@StillStunned

 

[Vammatar]

A couple named Jackie and Bill
Decided to go on the pill
As she grew fatter each day
Jackie cried in dismay
"Are you sure you took every pill, Bill?"

 

[Vammatar]

A pirate lass lithe and limber
Signed up on the good ship Marimba
She set out to screw
All of the crew
And thoroughly shivered their timbers

 

[Vammatar]

In the amoral City of Scum
A slave girl was under the thumb
Of a lustful demon
Who liked to shoot semen
All over her face, tits and bum

 

[Vammatar]

A shortsighted old lady from Looe
Was in need of a bloody good screw
She went for the lube
But picked the wrong tube
And filled up with extra strong glue

 

[Vammatar]

A policeman from Clapham Junction
Whose penis had long ceased to function
Kept his manly pride
And his wife satisfied
With the aid of his policeman's truncheon

 

[Vammatar]

I write a limerick every day
It helps to keep my dementia at bay
It takes quite some time
To find the right rhyme
To express what I want to convey

 

[Smuttyandfun]

On the breast of the lovely Miss Hale
Was tattooed the price of her tail.
And on her behind
For the sake of the blind
Was the same information in braille.

 

[Smuttyandfun]

There once was a fellow from Trent
Whose dick was all twisted and bent.
To save himself trouble,
He stuck it in double,
So instead of coming, he went.

 

[Smuttyandfun]

If I had a tent would you rent it?

I don’t know, I’m not for or agin’ it.

Until you are sure

I’ll put down that you’re

A tentative rent-a-tent tenant.

 

[Smuttyandfun]

A lively young French girl named Claire,
Was happy to screw anywhere.
Anyone, any way,
Any time of the day,
Need I say, she was très populaire?

 

[SimonDoom]

Jane had the most succulent bottom,
The kind to inspire Old Sodom.
She wore thongs every day,
And asked why, she would say:
"I'm showin' my humps 'cause I got 'em."

 

[Vammatar]

I give a hand job every day
It helps to keep my arthritis at bay
When over the hill
It takes lots of skill
To rub one out in the right way

 

[LeSabreur]

There once was a plumber from Lea
Who was plumbing a maid by the sea.
Said the maid, "stop your plumbing,"
"I hear someone coming!"
Said the plumber, still plumbing, "That's me!"

 

[Vammatar]

A wizard once cast an enchantment
To give him a penis enhancement
He used his new tool
Through magical school
As an aid to further advancement

 

[Smuttyandfun]

There once was a man named McGruder,

Who wooed a young girl from Bermuda,

She thought she was shrewd being wooed in the nude,

But McGruder was shrewder and screwed her.

 

[Smuttyandfun]

There once was a man from McCameter,

Whose dick was prodigious in diameter,

But it wasn't the size that gave ladies surprise,

It was his rhythm, iambic pentameter!