The Men Who's Wives Have No Sex Drive Support Club

[littlecordelera]

Who pissed in your corn flakes?

What I see is most of these men are trying to understand what happened to their relationships and why it seems that no matter what they do or don't do, the sexual side has been cut off.

Then again, maybe this doesn't surprise me since the general cliché would be:

Rule 1.... I have the pussy, so I get to make all the rules and the rules are subject to change without notice at any time.

Rule 2.... The man can never know ALL the rules.

Rule 3.... If the man somehow figures out The Rules, see Rule 1.

The Little Cordelera touches up her lipstick in the mirror of her compact. She closes the case, picks up her purse, and walks away.

Her work is done.

 

[MrJeff0903]

You're a better man than most.

I don't think I am better than "most". I love my wife as someone more than just a fulfiller of my sex needs. She's my best friend and confidant. She sat at my bedside after a heart attack and surgery in my 30's. She's the mother of my 2 daughters. We said "in sickness and in health" in our vows 35 years ago . I meant that when it was easy, but also when it's difficult. Better, no just old fashioned.

What I struggle with is that for many people it seems sex is a weapon or game. Not a loving exchange.

 

[KUJACK]

She told me last night

I was never a sexual person,
Maybe you should find another woman
Most women don't like sex either, Goodluck!

 

[jellogrl]

I was never a sexual person,
Maybe you should find another woman
Most women don't like sex either, Goodluck!

What a hurtful thing to say. I'm so sorry, Kujack.

 

[KDBKDB2]

I was never a sexual person,
Maybe you should find another woman
Most women don't like sex either, Goodluck!

Cold hearted

 

[pikmin1388]

Just found this thread it says ladies are welcome so here I am , not married but stuck in a relationship with almost no sex and a lack of intimacy, been on dead bedrooms on reddit helped to know I wasn't alone, been researching the effects of a sexless relationships none of them good, hence on here to keep myself sane and to let off steam, hopefully find a guy to get to know in the same situation help each other out

 

[Mr. Briggs]

A wife's viewpoint. Forgive me that I'm not as great at writing/wording as many of you are.

I was married for 36 years. We waited until marriage to have sex. From the get go it was awesome. Incredible type of awesome. We would make out 3-4 times a day. Even after I had a child the sex was still great. Morning, noon or night sex count me in.

What changed for us wasn't either of our libidos. It was his lack of attention in many other areas. That's merely my opinion. I'm not bashing him. At his job he has always been a hard worker. But at home he became a slacker ,. I tried keeping up with home maintenance and landscaping. But after my 40's then 50's my body just couldn't keep up. I still wanted sex. Still achieved orgasm easily. But dammned if I was going to touch a man who was cool with me doing 90% of basically everything. I mowed the grass. I ran the weed eater. I was in charge of caring for a wee one. I washed my own car. I cleaned the pool. I killed the spiders. Why the heck shouldn't I get my own self off.

I didn't like feeling that way. I missed that physical touch. But the resentment got to me so I just slowly pulled away. And yes. I tried talking. Counseling. Begging. Pleading. Tears. A chore chart showing just how much of the work I was doing. Keep in mind I also had a full time job. I wasn't a stay at home Mom. I became exhausted and said no more. It's been about two years I guess . I miss it. I want it. Just not with him.

I wish I knew how to fix things. But I can't do it by myself. And I'm sure not going to be anyones yardboy any longer. For several years I worked harder than any wife ever should. Again, just my opinion and how I feel.

This is very enlightening. Thank you for sharing. I appreciate it more than you'll ever know.

 

[newhere2learn]

This thread has turned into the "He-Man Women Hater's Club." Any suggestion that a male might be at fault is simply unacceptable.

With all due respect, that's complete and utter bollocks. Not the case at all.


It's men, who have had entire sex and in slot of cases entire support from their wives removed.

If I screenshot the text exchanges between my wife and I for the last few months, it's laughable.

I tell her I love her regularly, I always ask how she is, what I can do to help. At home I do 80% of all housework, pay 100% of all outgoings, provide her Access to 2 vehicles. And we're moving house, to suit her.


In the last 4-6 months, not once has she asked about my day, told me she loved me, given me a hug, a kiss. All our texts, are her ranting at me about one thing or another. Demanding I pay bills etc because she forgot and spent her money on shite off the net.

I shit you not, it's like being married to a fucking teenager. Fuck all money management, no job, can't even pick her dirty knickers up off the floor.

The dishwasher is a mythical machine, that if you leave pots on the sofa... Sorts itself.


But of course, has cunt.... Can't be cunt.

Has cock, must be at fault. Wholeheartedly.

 

[StudleyWondercock]

Just found this thread it says ladies are welcome so here I am , not married but stuck in a relationship with almost no sex and a lack of intimacy, been on dead bedrooms on reddit helped to know I wasn't alone, been researching the effects of a sexless relationships none of them good, hence on here to keep myself sane and to let off steam, hopefully find a guy to get to know in the same situation help each other out

I've been married for 9 years, have three beautiful children. Other than the sex to get pregnant, I've barely had sex with my wife in that time. A few years ago I was at breaking point and asked her if it bothered her, her response was, well I'm happy, if you're not, perhaps you should leave.

She hasn't worked since she got pregnant with our first and she is nearly 8 years old now. I have a good job, pull my weight around the house and treat her well.

The thing that hurts the most is the lack of empathy that I need sex and physical contact. We've had none in over a year, and had it twice in the previous 12 months.

Since my twins were conceived approaching 6 years ago, we've done it maybe 15 times.

It's torture.

 

[Icy1]

One of the biggest things to end relationships I am told is resentment. If one partner has any kind of resentment and it is not resolved that can turn into anger and even end the relationship. I went through therapy years ago and I did not realize how many things she resented about me. It took the both of us to work through it, but in most cases one partner never knows the resentment exists.

In your discussion above you could pay someone to do the yard work but your resentment of your husband not doing his part may still be there until he works with you and acknowledges your feelings.

When I was in therapy, I was told many times resentment comes from making things up in your head. It is something we do all the time our minds trying to make sense of things. It does not mean there is something wrong with you. Example: My girlfriend turns me down when I ask her to dance. In my head I think she does not want to dance because I am not a good dancer. Instead of asking her why, I accept that theory I made up and become sad the rest of the evening.

So when your husband is not doing all of the work, or at least his part you might think it is because he does not care about you anymore. Unless he told you that himself, it is something that you made up. That is ONE possibility just as his thought that you really enjoyed doing all the yard work by yourself and that he is in the way when you are doing it could be another. I could go on. (Your feelings are very important whatever he is thinking.)

Just remember IF both partners are honest about their feelings nothing ever has to be made up, you just ask. In some cases it can be a simple misunderstanding in other cases it will take A LOT of discussion to understand each other.

The hard part is listening to my partner describe her feelings. It may involve her thinking I don't care or making up some bad thoughts I don't have. I may tell her that I don't feel that way but if she is still feeling like I don't care that is where the discussion and understanding comes. So for me it is important not to get angry that she made up some thoughts that I don't have, it is more about me understanding why she is feeling that way. In some cases just understanding, not fixing, will lift resentment and lead to resolution.

To summarize:

We all make up reasons why are partners are doing things. While it is best to ask why they are doing what they are doing, it is most important deal with the feelings in the first place. That involves both people talking and listening.

ES

I think this makes a lot of sense.
I see a lot of resentment in the wording of a lot of the posts here.

 

[KimGordon67]

I don't think that's old fashioned. I think it's lovely that someone can value a relationship for myriad reasons. You obviously miss sex, but feel that it's not the most important thing, and don't feel the need to resent it's absence ... but obviously it's nice to be able to talk about the sense of loss of something, without blame. That echoes my own experience with my husband during our (very long) dry spell, and I love him all the more for it.
He's also supported me through some tough times (and vice versa). Having each others back is really the point, isn't it?

I don't think I am better than "most". I love my wife as someone more than just a fulfiller of my sex needs. She's my best friend and confidant. She sat at my bedside after a heart attack and surgery in my 30's. She's the mother of my 2 daughters. We said "in sickness and in health" in our vows 35 years ago . I meant that when it was easy, but also when it's difficult. Better, no just old fashioned.

What I struggle with is that for many people it seems sex is a weapon or game. Not a loving exchange.

 

[newhere2learn]

I've been married for 9 years, have three beautiful children. Other than the sex to get pregnant, I've barely had sex with my wife in that time. A few years ago I was at breaking point and asked her if it bothered her, her response was, well I'm happy, if you're not, perhaps you should leave.

She hasn't worked since she got pregnant with our first and she is nearly 8 years old now. I have a good job, pull my weight around the house and treat her well.

The thing that hurts the most is the lack of empathy that I need sex and physical contact. We've had none in over a year, and had it twice in the previous 12 months.

Since my twins were conceived approaching 6 years ago, we've done it maybe 15 times.

It's torture.

That is alarmingly familiar. I've had similar discussions, and have had responses from;

- "sex isn't everything you know"
- "wank if you must, but do it when I'm out"
- "if you want sex, leave"
- "I don't see a need to kiss or hug any more... "
- "we have sex plenty" (once in the last 12-18months)
- "I could happily never have sex again" (she's 31)


What hurts me most is the lack of empathy and intimacy, coupled with the fact that before I met her she was a bisexual party girl who's fuck anyone within minutes of meeting and try anything.

Which leads to her final comments of;

"I've had plenty of sex in my life, done all I want to, I'm done with it. It's not my fault you didn't have the same fun I did.."

 

[Porkwarrior]

It started as a mutual joke between me and my (now ex) wife, but the key to a successful relationship is oral sex. Made her very old school Eyetalian mother blush, niece's and nephew's laugh at the Sunday dinner table, but it's true.

If you still go down on each other...it's a relationship.

I ended up in the position where my wife entered an early menopause, and like a light switch, nothing. We soldiered on for a few more years, but really our relationship was pretty much dead. No "working" would fix it.

 

[Porkwarrior]

A wife's viewpoint. Forgive me that I'm not as great at writing/wording as many of you are.

I was married for 36 years. We waited until marriage to have sex. From the get go it was awesome. Incredible type of awesome. We would make out 3-4 times a day. Even after I had a child the sex was still great. Morning, noon or night sex count me in.

What changed for us wasn't either of our libidos. It was his lack of attention in many other areas. That's merely my opinion. I'm not bashing him. At his job he has always been a hard worker. But at home he became a slacker ,. I tried keeping up with home maintenance and landscaping. But after my 40's then 50's my body just couldn't keep up. I still wanted sex. Still achieved orgasm easily. But dammned if I was going to touch a man who was cool with me doing 90% of basically everything. I mowed the grass. I ran the weed eater. I was in charge of caring for a wee one. I washed my own car. I cleaned the pool. I killed the spiders. Why the heck shouldn't I get my own self off.

I didn't like feeling that way. I missed that physical touch. But the resentment got to me so I just slowly pulled away. And yes. I tried talking. Counseling. Begging. Pleading. Tears. A chore chart showing just how much of the work I was doing. Keep in mind I also had a full time job. I wasn't a stay at home Mom. I became exhausted and said no more. It's been about two years I guess . I miss it. I want it. Just not with him.

I wish I knew how to fix things. But I can't do it by myself. And I'm sure not going to be anyones yardboy any longer. For several years I worked harder than any wife ever should. Again, just my opinion and how I feel.

Guessing you didn't turn down any cheques though, right?
If I could get a job as a yard boy for what he paid out to you I would take it tomorrow.

I love hearing phrases thrown about these days such as "male privilege". My personal fav is coming back to my home and finding out the locks have been changed. Not only did the bitch steal my (paid for mortgage free) dream home, she took the dogs...hell she even took the 60's Madmen era ice trays that I hunted for & coveted.

So sorry if you had to mow the lawn more than you thought you should've hun, going from daddy's money to hubby's money and always knowing where "home" would be that night is in a completely different league than what you have, and probably are still, putting your husband through.

Marriage for Y chromosome's are for suckers.

 

[pikmin1388]

I've been married for 9 years, have three beautiful children. Other than the sex to get pregnant, I've barely had sex with my wife in that time. A few years ago I was at breaking point and asked her if it bothered her, her response was, well I'm happy, if you're not, perhaps you should leave.

She hasn't worked since she got pregnant with our first and she is nearly 8 years old now. I have a good job, pull my weight around the house and treat her well.

The thing that hurts the most is the lack of empathy that I need sex and physical contact. We've had none in over a year, and had it twice in the previous 12 months.

Since my twins were conceived approaching 6 years ago, we've done it maybe 15 times.

It's torture.

I agree with the torture bit nothing worse than a high sex drive with no outlet for it , causes you huge problems such as low self esteem even depression. Makes me mad that our needs are invalidated 'I'm okay so you should be ' I told my partner he can have a sexless relationship just not with me,
if you need to let off steam,chat vent etc pm me

 

[Larkfield61]

I may be different to most men on this thread but l have to empathy with my wife whatsoever, twenty years ago she couldn't get enough sex, regularly had sex with other men at our parties both singly and in groups, so l found the sudden cut off to be totally unreasonable. I have no conscience at all about the fact that l find sex elsewhere, l would happily go back to fucking her but she will not even discuss it.
It used to bother me but not any more, l have a good life.

 

[KimGordon67]

Hi, I wanted to say that I agree with you on your post. My husband waited for me for quite a while before things started to change for the better. Your statement of "something in your partner's mind or life will change". I believe that is what happened in my case as well. Although not religious, it was a change in my mind probably because of several things that had been happening lately.

Ditto. I still to this today have no idea why I lost interest, but when it came back, it came back with a vengeance. I would have totally understood if my husband had left me during that time - and he only stayed because he loved me. We have no interest in being together for financial reasons, or because it's 'better for the children', so it's only really because of our care for each other. I was so pleased when things changed, as much for him as for me.

 

[Icy1]

Guessing you didn't turn down any cheques though, right?
If I could get a job as a yard boy for what he paid out to you I would take it tomorrow.

I love hearing phrases thrown about these days such as "male privilege". My personal fav is coming back to my home and finding out the locks have been changed. Not only did the bitch steal my (paid for mortgage free) dream home, she took the dogs...hell she even took the 60's Madmen era ice trays that I hunted for & coveted.

So sorry if you had to mow the lawn more than you thought you should've hun, going from daddy's money to hubby's money and always knowing where "home" would be that night is in a completely different league than what you have, and probably are still, putting your husband through.

Marriage for Y chromosome's are for suckers.

A bit rough.
How do you know anything about her financial situation?
Unless she's your ex wife.
Plus she said she worked a full time job as well as all the other chores.

 

[Porkwarrior]

A bit rough.
How do you know anything about her financial situation?
Unless she's your ex wife.
Plus she said she worked a full time job as well as all the other chores.

Rougher than this th'd is meant for, my bad.

But there's a reason the suicide gender ratio is somewhere around 10:1. And why th'ds like this exist.
I actually started out on Lit as one of those caring, nurturing, won't stray hubbies "working on it". It was an utter waste of time, and one of the few things I regret is getting married. I knew it was stupid, I spent my 20's telling other guys it was stupid, and of course then I had to be an idiot and waste 14yrs being stupid.

Zorba the Greek put it succinctly.

Am I not a man? And is a man not stupid? I'm a man, so I married. Wife, children, house, everything. The full catastrophe.

 

[Icy1]

Rougher than this th'd is meant for, my bad.

But there's a reason the suicide gender ratio is somewhere around 10:1. And why th'ds like this exist.
I actually started out on Lit as one of those caring, nurturing, won't stray hubbies "working on it". It was an utter waste of time, and one of the few things I regret is getting married. I knew it was stupid, I spent my 20's telling other guys it was stupid, and of course then I had to be an idiot and waste 14yrs being stupid.

Zorba the Greek put it succinctly.

I don't know. Just seems a place where people can vent about the things in their relationships that bother them and have contributed to their lack of sex.
And maybe seek some support.

 

[MrEd63]

Just found this thread it says ladies are welcome so here I am , not married but stuck in a relationship with almost no sex and a lack of intimacy, been on dead bedrooms on reddit helped to know I wasn't alone, been researching the effects of a sexless relationships none of them good, hence on here to keep myself sane and to let off steam, hopefully find a guy to get to know in the same situation help each other out

Sent you a pm

 

[susurrus]

Okay, I will readily admit that, even though I've been on this thread since the beginning, I've gotten so far behind on so many things, that I've only done cursory glances regarding the content here. However, I'm going to comment anyway on some of the things I have read and try to make or reiterate a point or two of my own:

One of the primary reasons this thread was started was because there seemed to be no outlet, no forum, for men to commiserate when their women lost interest in sex - for whatever reason. There seem to be any number of places where women stand up in public, usually on television, bemoaning their husbands' lack of interest. Then the discussion often turns into mild male bashing. From this, the conclusion gets to be that women are the only ones affected by such situations. This thread was set up to prove that that isn't the case, since there are so few forums where men can share such information, being as it's not manly for your woman not to want sex with you anymore, so you just don't talk about such things.

For those ladies, in particular, who've pegged this thread as an outlet for woman-bashing... it wasn't and isn't intended to be. The trouble gets to be, those of us affected are really railing against the situation. However, in our descriptions of our frustration, there's a person involved, and so by describing our own situations, we have to tell about the (in my case) woman who's the source of the current frustration. It isn't really anything she's done consciously, but she doesn't see it as a problem. In fact, she doesn't think about it at all (her admission). There are others involved with this, in specific, our general practitioner, who refuses to prescribe something to supplement what she's missing because of potential side effects. I understand that concern and support it, but it doesn't change my situation.

I've always masturbated a lot, but I long for the return of a wife who wants me again in that way. On those television talk shows I mentioned above, the women often go on to say how unattractive they feel when they get no sense of desire from their partners. I can tell you, that feeling goes both ways. Masturbation is all fine and well, but once you've tasted (figuratively and actually) the joys and wonders of pussy, you never really want to give it up entirely...

Oh, and I'm not the type to look for a willing partner outside my marriage. It makes such devotion doubly frustrating...

 

[pikmin1388]

Okay, I will readily admit that, even though I've been on this thread since the beginning, I've gotten so far behind on so many things, that I've only done cursory glances regarding the content here. However, I'm going to comment anyway on some of the things I have read and try to make or reiterate a point or two of my own:

One of the primary reasons this thread was started was because there seemed to be no outlet, no forum, for men to commiserate when their women lost interest in sex - for whatever reason. There seem to be any number of places where women stand up in public, usually on television, bemoaning their husbands' lack of interest. Then the discussion often turns into mild male bashing. From this, the conclusion gets to be that women are the only ones affected by such situations. This thread was set up to prove that that isn't the case, since there are so few forums where men can share such information, being as it's not manly for your woman not to want sex with you anymore, so you just don't talk about such things.

For those ladies, in particular, who've pegged this thread as an outlet for woman-bashing... it wasn't and isn't intended to be. The trouble gets to be, those of us affected are really railing against the situation. However, in our descriptions of our frustration, there's a person involved, and so by describing our own situations, we have to tell about the (in my case) woman who's the source of the current frustration. It isn't really anything she's done consciously, but she doesn't see it as a problem. In fact, she doesn't think about it at all (her admission). There are others involved with this, in specific, our general practitioner, who refuses to prescribe something to supplement what she's missing because of potential side effects. I understand that concern and support it, but it doesn't change my situation.

I've always masturbated a lot, but I long for the return of a wife who wants me again in that way. On those television talk shows I mentioned above, the women often go on to say how unattractive they feel when they get no sense of desire from their partners. I can tell you, that feeling goes both ways. Masturbation is all fine and well, but once you've tasted (figuratively and actually) the joys and wonders of pussy, you never really want to give it up entirely...

Oh, and I'm not the type to look for a willing partner outside my marriage. It makes such devotion doubly frustrating...

I see this as a thread that anyone can join in regardless of gender , man or lady it affects us all deeply , this should be a common ground to help each other out , some people misuse it unfortunately, but I chose to ignore their posts , only someone in a sexless relationship can understand and sympathise with you, dead bedrooms is another site,
do men on here seek relief from a massage of a sexual kind ? I absolutely would unfortunately all these kind of outlets are aimed at men only

 

[susurrus]

I see this as a thread that anyone can join in regardless of gender , man or lady it affects us all deeply , this should be a common ground to help each other out , some people misuse it unfortunately, but I chose to ignore their posts , only someone in a sexless relationship can understand and sympathise with you, dead bedrooms is another site,
do men on here seek relief from a massage of a sexual kind ? I absolutely would unfortunately all these kind of outlets are aimed at men only

I'm actually not sure what many of us here are really looking for, aside from a place to voice our frustration and dismay, and be with people we hope will understand

 

[Uneklensane]

I So Agree

Being the one with the sex dive and not being touched in yrs is so frustrating. Havent sought relief outside of relationship but its been 8 months since she moved away I feel I need to feel like a desired man again. Women should feel desired and beautiful as well.
So any women who want to PM and explore these feelings and needs..Im here.