The Men Who's Wives Have No Sex Drive Support Club

[StrongMaster7]

No change here either. After a couple of weeks where we had our 11 minute session every five or six days, she has gotten busy with 'more important things' and we are back to once a week or eight or nine days. I know there are men is worse situations than me, but it is still very difficult to be a good husband and have so little sex in your marriage.

Although I won't do it, I totally understand why some people cheat. Thank goodness for porn and masturbation.

 

[PMarky2]

Sexual contact 11/30/22 to 5/31/23 - two failed attempts at intercourse, a blowjob, and I have been down on her twice. Wanking myself cross-eyed to stay sane, but that is not the same. Sliding into a hot, tight, wet pussy is much more fulfilling.

I can't help comparing those slim pickings to seven years ago when it would have been two success attempts at intercourse, a blowjob, and me going down on her twice in a week - or a day, if on vacation and feeling frisky.

 

[trevorness]

Oh nothing like sex in, over a year? I have lost track. When just a little light touching, stroking my back, feels like a treat.

 

[Polranny]

No change here, I am certain it will remain that way.
Even with a bj (which, of course is non-existent) would not be flavour of the month

 

[GregThickDix]

Just chiming in to the support group, because the loneliness is real, but also feeling unattractive. It really hits your self-esteem. and that moment when you’ve been promised sex, or at least mutual masturbation, and it just… doesn’t happen. Even when I prompt. My husband has a medical issue - seems to be fairly normal in these scenarios - but the mismatch is pretty extreme. I was always the freak, and he was just… so pretty. Where was I? Oh. So now I’m masturbating in the bathroom so many times a day, he thinks I have IBS. Decided to start writing erotica as therapy. (I told myself it was to make some side cash, but no, it’s therapy). Anyway, lonely groins unite in solidarity. My heart is with you all.

you sound like me, always jerking off in the bathroom. Gotta do what you gotta do. Mutual c2c masturbation is a fun alternative though

 

[GregThickDix]

Here is my two cents. We all go through the drought, whether it be because we have kids and they kill all of the sex drive out of us and we realize why we are so fucking tired (because we fucked and had the little buggers) and don't want to make that mistake again, or work just sucks the life and drive out of me. I am here to tell you that don't give up. Have a real conversation with your wives/husbands and tell them how this is not setting well with you. My situation was just that. We had 2 kids, she was always tired, we would have sex maybe 3 times a month because I always initiated it and my cock is fantastic, she would cave. If your spouse loves you, they do things for you. Now fast forward to the kids are not the excuse, we are semi retired and have all the time in the world to fuck each other. She would never initiate and I was tired of always pestering her to have sex. I took time off from asking, and she noticed. She started to wonder if I was having an affair. I have her attention, finally. I started working out, lifting and looking better than I have in years. She is not that confident in her own skin and still wonders if I fuck around. I cam with strangers, and have no emotional connection with them, so I don't consider it cheating, just another form of masturbating. Long story short, she finally has found her drive again. She even makes noises when we fuck. Who would have thunk it. LOL. Our trips we take are fuck fests. She is beautiful, but I realize her drive is less than mine, and I take care of my needs, but we have sex at least once a week now. And I don't have to initiate all the time. Hang in there. I know some of you guys have women with hormone issues, not an excuse, Get her to see a doctor and try some shit. Guys, if the pecker doesn't get hard, see a doctor, get some pills. Fucking Mark Cubans costplusdrugs sell generic cialis and viagra for like $10 for 30 pills, just have the conversation with your doctor. Hell, they might even feel your balls with an office visit.

I put a little humor into it and know this is not a laughing matter, but it can be if you try. My conversation with my wife was not a one and done conversation. We came close to calling it quits because we were just roommates. and we didn't want to be that. Talk it out. Tell her how you feel, how you feel unwanted, unloved, not desired. Play that sympathy card, because its real.

 

[Polranny]

Here is my two cents. We all go through the drought, whether it be because we have kids and they kill all of the sex drive out of us and we realize why we are so fucking tired (because we fucked and had the little buggers) and don't want to make that mistake again, or work just sucks the life and drive out of me. I am here to tell you that don't give up. Have a real conversation with your wives/husbands and tell them how this is not setting well with you. My situation was just that. We had 2 kids, she was always tired, we would have sex maybe 3 times a month because I always initiated it and my cock is fantastic, she would cave. If your spouse loves you, they do things for you. Now fast forward to the kids are not the excuse, we are semi retired and have all the time in the world to fuck each other. She would never initiate and I was tired of always pestering her to have sex. I took time off from asking, and she noticed. She started to wonder if I was having an affair. I have her attention, finally. I started working out, lifting and looking better than I have in years. She is not that confident in her own skin and still wonders if I fuck around. I cam with strangers, and have no emotional connection with them, so I don't consider it cheating, just another form of masturbating. Long story short, she finally has found her drive again. She even makes noises when we fuck. Who would have thunk it. LOL. Our trips we take are fuck fests. She is beautiful, but I realize her drive is less than mine, and I take care of my needs, but we have sex at least once a week now. And I don't have to initiate all the time. Hang in there. I know some of you guys have women with hormone issues, not an excuse, Get her to see a doctor and try some shit. Guys, if the pecker doesn't get hard, see a doctor, get some pills. Fucking Mark Cubans costplusdrugs sell generic cialis and viagra for like $10 for 30 pills, just have the conversation with your doctor. Hell, they might even feel your balls with an office visit.

I put a little humor into it and know this is not a laughing matter, but it can be if you try. My conversation with my wife was not a one and done conversation. We came close to calling it quits because we were just roommates. and we didn't want to be that. Talk it out. Tell her how you feel, how you feel unwanted, unloved, not desired. Play that sympathy card, because its real.

I'm glad its worked out for you

 

[slavecaro]

Not sure how I missed this post for so long on Literotica. Having experienced this, I have been trying to write a story(s) about the how a kinky couple could keep going after the wife completely loses her sex drive and sex becomes painful. How do you keep kink going on in a loving relationship when one partner is completely not interested in sex? I have a few different stories started but I will list a few ideas and would love to discuss them. In almost all of these scenarios it assumes a loving relationship where both partners care about the others well being. These are kinky BDSM ideas that try to minimize the effort on the part of the wife and do require a lot more effort on the part of the husband

1. Set an alarm for every 30 min. When it goes off you must come find me, kneel down or follow me around and ask permission to masturbate.”
   1. Different Versons
      1. You ignore me while I get to an edge. Then I must put it away and go back to what I was doing
      2. You give me a topic (SPH cum eating, public humiliation etc) I must tell you a fantasy while I masturbate to an edge.
      3. You humiliate me pathetic little cock until I edge
      4. You have me follow you around masturbating while you ignore me until I edge.
2. Each morning I have to beg to have sex. You ask me how long it has been since I was allowed to enter you and then tell me that it is not happening today.
   1. Different Versions
      1. Allowed to hump your leg, or belly until I cum
      2. Denied and I must masturbate and cum while you ignore me or go back to sleep
      3. Denied and I must lay on the shower floor masturbating until you come in and pee on me.
      4. Denied and told that I must set up a bondage scenario for XX hour that day
3. You make me lie across your lap as you spank me I have to hump between your legs with a condom on
4. You make me bring the masturbation sleeve down to you and hump it or you use it on me
   1. Different Versions
      1. You hold it and I have to hump it or you just hold it and turn on the movement and/or vibrator
      2. I have to hold it
      3. You put it on the couch and I have to hump it
5. You put a huge butt plug inside of me and then make fun of me because I cannot get hard as you make me have a limp dick orgasm with your vibrator
6. You put the masturbation sleeve between your legs and force me to fuck it instead of being allowed inside of you
   1. Different versions
      1. You lay on our stomach and put the sleeve under you and I have to do you dogg style while you read and ignore me.
7. Have to ask for permission to Masturbate but earn it first. Ideas for earning it
   1. Foot massage
   2. Clean something: kitchen, toilet, other
   3. Honey-do list
   4. Errand
8. Humiliation: Have to perform the task in a humiliating manner. Ideas:
   1. Naked
   2. Wearing diapers
   3. Butt plug
9. Masturbation Humiliation
   1. Sitting in front of you telling you ways I would like to be humiliated after you ask a question
   2. “Tell me all the reasons why I will never let your cock inside me?”
   3. “ Tell me what humiliation you would endure in front of “persons name” for me?”
   4. “Tell me a humiliation fantasy about “X?” X could be a trip, a dinner, an event or just a time in the future when you have a certain amount of time
   5. You ignore me and go about your day and tell me I have to masturbate until I edge and ask permission to cum
   6. You make me get the masturbation sleeve and tuck it into the sofa cushion beside you or you hold it and I have to fuck it while you ignore me or humiliate me further
   7. You put a condom on me and I have to hump your foot,cast,hand,thigh etc.
10. Challenges with punishment
    1. Must stay hard while being fucked with huge dildo. If you cannot stay hard
       1. Orgasm denial for a period of day
       2. Spanking
11. When I wake up I snuggle up and tell you to please let me make love to you:
    1. “do you think your pathetic cock is worthy of my pussy” “No Mistress I am sorry” “Go and get your fake pussy and come back here and I will let you fuck it while I watch you”
    2. You say, “handjob” and I have to masturbate
12. Self Humiliation
    1. Things being forced to say
       1. “I know my cock does not please you anymore. I know you never came from my cock”
       2. You asking me to tell you how to humiliate me for the hour/day/period
    2. Please let me edge and then put on very obvious casts and wear diapers. When we are out I have to ask for permission to pee. When we are in the house I have to be in only a diaper. Please mention the diapers multiple times in public “how does it feel to be a grown sissy in diapers in public.? What do you think all these people would think of you if they knew you were in diapers. Come here diaper boy! Have you wet yourself etc.
13. Prostate massage
14. Mechanical release: As the end of a scene doing some form of masturbation that lacks anything emotional. E.g. quick vibrator on penis till cum. goal is to treat his release as the opposite of intimate to maximize the humility of the act
15. Tasks: Given a task (dishes, clean something) in a humiliating setup and then rewarded or punished

 

[BobbyandtheCabin]

Hey all.
I'm in the same situation, and horniness right now is associated with misery for me.

Mine and my partner's sex life started out pretty fruitful. I was 21 and she was 30, with this being my first solid long term relationship. In truth, I didn't fully recognise what I was really into while the sex was regular. At that age, my mind and ideas were influenced by porn, which worried my partner, who hates the stuff. She put forward an ultimatum and a complete porn ban.

Once I quit porn, and a few years went by, I started to really recognise and appreciate what I was in to. However, simultaneously, my partner went to therapy. She came out of the other side of deciding if she's not driven by (internal) threat, she's not particularly interested in sex. 4 years in, and every session became 'be quick as you can' with no room for me to actually really enjoy myself. It was less regular, but regular. The attitude towards it made it feel a little degrading, but it was bearable. 7 years in, we had a kid. We had 0 sex for the first 12 months. No foreplay, no intercourse, nothing. She rejects all advances (and the fact I've tried to instigate then makes her feel guilty so she'd rather I didn't).

Since then we've averaged once every 6 weeks. It still starts with 'be quick'. It's clumsy and awkward. None of my interests are taken into account, and it's uncomfortable for her down there (it's known between us that it has to be regular for her to adjust 'down there' to accommodate me comfortably). Then once it's over, she feels the box is ticked so she doesn't 'have to' do that again for another 6 weeks.

I find threads and articles about the importance of communication frustrating because it just doesn't apply here. The communication is there. We've discussed it in length. We've discussed her wants and needs taking that completely off the table. She just isn't interested.

I get by but same as everyone else, it's an unsatisfying quick release in the bathroom. The rest of the relationship is fine. I love her to pieces and love our life, but the sex side is excruciating for me.

Despite all of this she still has the total porn ban. Don't get me wrong, I've gotten to the point I sort of dance near it from time to time. I've developed an aversion to it, having not looked in so long, but try and find technicalities that aren't actual-porn (that she still bans, but fuck that, a guy needs SOMETHING). Once my drive builds up, and the whole time I'm in that state and haven't yet had release, I feel frustration, sadness, and resentment.

My friends are all living sex-filled lives. My partner's friends talk to her about issues in their sex lives where the GUY isn't interested. If ONLY.

I just feel hopeless in it. I want to spend the rest of my life with this woman, the mother of my child. Knowing that just puts that cloud over my head, that I have sacrificed the rest of my life to 6-8 weekly shoddy shitty sex.

This drove me to Literotica, to write some stories that satisfy the things I can't and may never get to explore, which really saddens me as I type this. I feel genuinely glee when I see my story ratings go up, or read positive comments about what people enjoyed. I know it's sad, but right now I just don't have an outlet.

I'm lying in bed next to her on my phone, where she's been asleep the past 3 hours and I've been stewing.

Rant over

(Ps. Happy talking publicly on forums, but feel quite uncomfortable talking via PMs about anything other than writing).

 

[canogagrizz]

Hey all.
I'm in the same situation, and horniness right now is associated with misery for me.

Mine and my partner's sex life started out pretty fruitful. I was 21 and she was 30, with this being my first solid long term relationship. In truth, I didn't fully recognise what I was really into while the sex was regular. At that age, my mind and ideas were influenced by porn, which worried my partner, who hates the stuff. She put forward an ultimatum and a complete porn ban.

Once I quit porn, and a few years went by, I started to really recognise and appreciate what I was in to. However, simultaneously, my partner went to therapy. She came out of the other side of deciding if she's not driven by (internal) threat, she's not particularly interested in sex. 4 years in, and every session became 'be quick as you can' with no room for me to actually really enjoy myself. It was less regular, but regular. The attitude towards it made it feel a little degrading, but it was bearable. 7 years in, we had a kid. We had 0 sex for the first 12 months. No foreplay, no intercourse, nothing. She rejects all advances (and the fact I've tried to instigate then makes her feel guilty so she'd rather I didn't).

Since then we've averaged once every 6 weeks. It still starts with 'be quick'. It's clumsy and awkward. None of my interests are taken into account, and it's uncomfortable for her down there (it's known between us that it has to be regular for her to adjust 'down there' to accommodate me comfortably). Then once it's over, she feels the box is ticked so she doesn't 'have to' do that again for another 6 weeks.

I find threads and articles about the importance of communication frustrating because it just doesn't apply here. The communication is there. We've discussed it in length. We've discussed her wants and needs taking that completely off the table. She just isn't interested.

I get by but same as everyone else, it's an unsatisfying quick release in the bathroom. The rest of the relationship is fine. I love her to pieces and love our life, but the sex side is excruciating for me.

Despite all of this she still has the total porn ban. Don't get me wrong, I've gotten to the point I sort of dance near it from time to time. I've developed an aversion to it, having not looked in so long, but try and find technicalities that aren't actual-porn (that she still bans, but fuck that, a guy needs SOMETHING). Once my drive builds up, and the whole time I'm in that state and haven't yet had release, I feel frustration, sadness, and resentment.

My friends are all living sex-filled lives. My partner's friends talk to her about issues in their sex lives where the GUY isn't interested. If ONLY.

I just feel hopeless in it. I want to spend the rest of my life with this woman, the mother of my child. Knowing that just puts that cloud over my head, that I have sacrificed the rest of my life to 6-8 weekly shoddy shitty sex.

This drove me to Literotica, to write some stories that satisfy the things I can't and may never get to explore, which really saddens me as I type this. I feel genuinely glee when I see my story ratings go up, or read positive comments about what people enjoyed. I know it's sad, but right now I just don't have an outlet.

I'm lying in bed next to her on my phone, where she's been asleep the past 3 hours and I've been stewing.

Rant over

(Ps. Happy talking publicly on forums, but feel quite uncomfortable talking via PMs about anything other than writing).

Your not alone in this. I'm almost 60yrs old & been in a sexless marriage for well over 15yrs. Love my wife but not "in love" anymore. She's turned me off over the years sadly. Her entitled attitude & personality changed. We USE TO have a great sex life after we got married from our 20s into our 40s. It was great. I often fantasies about that woman who's sexual desires were amazing back then. As time went on sometime in her 40s she had to have her uterus remove because she could have caught cancer. That didn't end the great sex life though she was able to orgasm still afterwards. It was about 5yrs later her desires & interest seemed to subside. Then she was diagnosed with kidney disease. Which led to more health issues & her desire for sex basically stopped 100%. I DO feel bad for her situation & I've stood behind her every step of the way. Could she perform sexual acts for me, yes she could. IF she wanted to. Even a simple hand job or blow job would have been nice. But nope, nothing. And the topic of sex became a total sore spot discussion for her that would upset her. BUT, she was perfectly fine doing other things with her hands & mouth non sexual perfectly fine. I looked at it & take it like SHE doesn't GAF about my own want, needs & desires whatsoever. And yes this has made me very bitter towards her. When we did discuss it all she would do is cry and say how sorry she felt. Whatever. She just didn't care about pleasing me anymore so I gave up. I have never been a man that begs for sex. If a woman doesn't find me appealing enough to have sex then she can take a hike. Now, sex is not worth it in my opinion to break up or get divorced over. Tooo much $$$ at steak and uprooting of our lives. Plus with a woman I've known & loved for most of my life, I wouldn't disrupt her nor my life over my want & desire for sex. Fast forward about 5yrs into this sexless marriage, I was lucky enough for about 3yrs to find a buddy in the same situation. A close friend most of my life. We'd hang out & do the typical video games, have a beer & whatnot, then get each other off. No kissing, no romantic crap, we were both straight. We'd just basically do oral & 69 and give a helping hand & mouth. This was a great relief and sure it was "cheating" I suppose in a way, but I had no other outlets so I truly do not feel guilty about our rare get togethers. For us both we just looked at his a being better than masturbation. And it was ideal because we were both married & sexually safe so we had to use no condoms either. Were we gay or bi? We'd both say 100% no. Not attracted to guys at all we were doing it just to get off. Well, he ended up sadly having to moving away so all that stopped about 10yrs ago. SO fast forward to now & it's just me my hand & porn. I feel bad for you that you let your wife control you in regards to the porn. If you are not getting sex enough then I wouldn't feel guilty about watching & masturbating to porn. My wife doesn't care what I do. IF she has caught me IDGAF. I try to keep my masturbation to when she is asleep & private. She doesn't care that I do that. However, I would never hurt her & tell her that my friend & I hooked up that would be stupid. Plus, she'd then wonder if liked guys more when that is totally not the case. We have no sex life so in my thinking it's none of her business my personal sex life it won't effect her. But I've never went out seeking sex or random hook ups with other guys and haven't since my friend moved away. That is just not my style. Now if gloryholes was a thing & easy to visit, I might consider that. Getting, not giving. But those are not in my area sadly.
All said & done, my marriage is just a marriage of convenience now. My wife & I get along without fighting and basically we communicate whatever about maybe 10mins a day. Yes it's sad but I learned to get over it because it became obvious years ago she didn't GAF about me. She wasn't the woman she is now. It's like a different person I married. I DO still love her because I've known her for years. I know that even now IF SHE WANTED TO, she COULD sexually please me but she doesn't & won't. I don't even bother asking. Plus I'm not attracted to her that way anymore anyways. Her personality, her selfishness & showing lack of care for me has turned me off regarding her. She is entitled, spoiled & doesn't seem grateful for what she currently has in life. She takes food and me for granted. All that has turned me off sexually towards her, It's a shame. Weird how the things you never expected if later years would turn out. So, as far as the watching porn thing goes, you do what you want. I'm not into controlling women. IF my wife wanted a divorce over porin I'd tell her "Go for it". And then she's do NOTHING about it. My wife doesn't "control me in ANY WAYS anymore. I got over that bullshit long ago. Plus, anytime I tried to please her (not sexually speaking), it was never good enough. So I don't focus on whatever it is she might want anymore. And NO WAY do I do things I don't want to do just because she might want this or that. Her lack of care towards me made me realize why should I care? I'm not stressing myself out to please her with no results and to never be good enough in her eyes. Yes all this does piss me off but I just don't let it bother me or get to me at my age. I'm too old for that kind of stress. And believe me, IF I by some chance found another neighbor or friend I could 100% trust, yes I would get my some sex again. But that is highly unlikely. And IDC about seeking out any women anymore I don't want any of their drama or the cost associated with courting or dealing with any of women's emotional baggage anymore. Too old for that nonsense. Especially still being married also. Sex is not that important. I have learned to be content & grateful for what I have and not fret over the shit I don't have or sex I don't get. Way it goes I guess. I don't prioritize getting sex as being that important, as frustrating as it may be sometimes. I guess I'd say just be happy you are getting some kind of sex from your wife still every 3 to 6 weeks. I personally wouldn't EVER ask or remind her. I'd make her initiate it all otherwise fuck it. But don't take my advice as I live in a sexless marriage now for well over 15yrs.

 

[Wld1936]

That’s me and my wife don’t have any sex drive at all. Maybe made love three times in the last two years. And makes it hard on a man

 

[PMarky2]

What killed our sex life was Lichen Sclerosis which my wife developed about 7 years ago. This reduces the stretchiness of the skin and causes itching and burning, so even when she is feeling horny (which requires her to feel reasonably well, in itself a rarity) she still cannot take the old pork torpedo even when I am really careful and used lots of lube. The itching can restart at any time with the result that couple of times we have been in the middle of a 69, and the itching has caused her to call an abrupt end to proceedings. As a result, sex has dwindled away to a few attempts a year at oral or mutual masturbation. She has also developed CTCL in the last five years, which has led to further skin issues, more discomfort, and has hacked away even more at her horniness coefficient.

The perpetual discomfort has changed her personality, so things have become very difficult indeed. She has become much more possessive than she used to be, and is insanely jealous of the fact I have female friends. Never a social butterfly, she has become slightly reculsive - understandable under the circumstances. She is also pretty contemptuous of my thought world these days.

 

[1983ctm]

Glad I found this thread. Yes menopause is a terrible thing. It'll take a bit of time to go through all the posts here, but thanks everybody for sharing

 

[canopy]

For this Christmas I'm asking Santa for this support club's members list

 

[eomerson]

We could have a convention but would need a pretty big forum I fear!

 

[One_ping_only]

I'd love for my wife to take care of each one of you fellas who are in this sexless relationship. She's a good person and I'm sure would enjoy giving what you guys don't have hmmm?!?! I'm ofc joking though in my head she would wink wink!!

 

[StrongMaster7]

I'd just like to tell everyone on this thread, that it's not wrong to have a sex drive. My wife does not lift weights, but I go to the gym for my own good. If she doesn't want to have sex, I take care of my own needs. It's not what I want, but it's nothing to feel bad about.