The Limits We Thought We Had...Forever?!!

[Stegral]

Bump for our newer members to the board who may wish to reflect and/or add.......

3 Years ago I would have NEVER thought I could be involved in this lifestyle.
2 Years ago I needed to understand why 2 guys left me for the lifestyle.
1 Year ago I realized that when I stopped supressing who I was I felt better.
I panic with percussion of any type. thanks to abusive stepdads.
My Top has been able to introduce LIGHT spanks during play (3-5 sets)
I panic when bound/restrained thanks to many people.
I can now have "opera sleeves" in the back or have my hands tied in front
for about 15 minutes before the panic startsif my mind is kept occupied while in bondage
I never thought I could Dominate anyone thanks to my mother
I now "service Top" 2 males in the group & am taking on a fella on a much more serious note (& it scares me a bit)

Scat & kids are still hard limits.
Breath play & humiliation are hard ones too but could be worked on with trust.
I have medium limits when I Top. Not quite hard but not quite soft either...
The 2 I play know this & enjoy my "type" of play.
I can flogg with something soft (deerskin or denim), cane with bamboo, crop & paddle,
but the mental repercussions are nasty as I still feel guilty about inflicting what I percieve to be pain.


MMmmmMMMMMMmmm Wartenburg Wheels were the first "toy" I was intro'd to.
still love them to this day. *shivers*
e-bay has all kinds.. or medical supply stores... even some adult toy stores carry them..

 

[catalina_francisco]

You know, I must be odd when it comes to limits. When I start to talk to someone about playing with them it's always one of the first questions, obviously. But I have no good answer.

I almost always am willing to try anything once.
If I don't like it, gimme a while and I'll try it again. *wonders when her current play partner is gonna find a wartenburg wheel..*

Seriously. The person I'm playing with is usually the one who comes up with the limits. I would have told you any sort of watersports was on my list, but then I got together with the guy I'm playing with now. Neither of us ever thought of going there before but we did together. And I hope he does more face slapping with me when we can, and I would have said that was a limit before.

I think I need to go at the 'limit' thing differently than others do. Because I have done everything a serious partner has asked me to do even if I wasn't too interested in it or even felt a little unnerved by it. I simply don't know how I can do it differently.

And really? I don't even like having limits. It feels...wrong to put that sort of limitation on someone who is the one in control.

I think I need to stop babbling now.

Happy that works for you but just as we have seen around these parts when 'no limits' discussions come up, some can come up with some very interesting and valid options to test another's theory of whether they will do anything they are asked by their PYL. Things such as scat, toilet slavery (no not just letting them piss in your mouth), bestiality, being open to anyone and everyone about your kink, branding, cutting of a serious kind, clit removal, amputation, castration, heavy needleplay and the list goes on.

We also have been approached by a lot of subs who claim they have no limits and will do anything, but it doesn't usually take long for me to find something they won't do and which we would love to do with the right person...but then they often cover it by saying it is not something they imagined anyone would want to do because they don't think it is appealing. That seems to be a common mistake...if someone doesn't think it is appealing or possible, they assume their PYL and/or others will feel the same. Of course there are also a lot of people who make sure they have a nice PYL who knows what they will and won't find acceptable, and then commit to no limits on the understanding those things won't be changed. LOL, that doesn't fly in this house...there are quite a few things he was never interested in before that have suddenly become an attractive proposition.

Until I entered a permanent relationship I was happy to have limits. I guess due to the fact I had someone who taught me well and yet I probably would have been willing to offer no limits in the flesh. I learned the importance of having some limits, and how that was looked upon favourably by serious players as healthy and aware. It is what suits people most works for them I guess, but 'no limits' is a fairly dangerous game to play from day one with someone you are not sure is going to end up as more than another one in the list of failed or unsuccessful relationships. Just MHO.

Catalina

 

[_kiana_]

Happy that works for you but just as we have seen around these parts when 'no limits' discussions come up, some can come up with some very interesting and valid options to test another's theory of whether they will do anything they are asked by their PYL.

Please take note that I never did say I'm "no limits". I have NO illusions about the fact that there are things I am not willing to entertain. But those come under the very extreme cases...some of the examples you used were clit removal, amputation, etc etc. Maybe I should have said that one thing I do always keep to is "no permanent damage/change to my body". IMO, it's just stupid to assume that sort of thing would be ok with casual partners, which is the kind of play I'm talking about. I don't have the lucky situation of my primary partner being the BDSM-D/s-kink partner of my dreams.

I suppose I was trying to say that I don't have a shopping list of shit that I'm not willing to do with most people. It would take a very, very long time of being with someone in order to come to the things that I could consider "limits" as any of those activities would involve a very deep trust in order to even think about doing them.

I don't feel like I'm explaining myself well enough. But the way my brain has been working lately that doesn't surprise me.

If I was in a similar situation to you I could imagine myself thinking about an actual no limits situation. That is not posturing on my part. If I had already been with someone for several years, had been progressing in our D/s and BDSM relationship together, had the trust needed to do such things, I would want to be able to give my partner that sort of power. It's how I am. I want to give everything I am and everything I have to the one I am with. I am willing to do things I do not like or enjoy to please the person I'm with - and that even applies to regular play partners. But I also don't just jump into playing with just anyone. I don't throw myself at every JoeDom hoping they're safe and ok. I take the time to get to know my partners before they become partners.

I'm gonna stop trying to convince you that I'm more genuine than you think I am. Cuz it's simply not gonna happen. If my life was in a good place right now I'd be out doing this shit instead of writing about it anyway.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I'm gonna stop trying to convince you that I'm more genuine than you think I am. Cuz it's simply not gonna happen. If my life was in a good place right now I'd be out doing this shit instead of writing about it anyway.

I did not say you weren't genuine. I also see lots of folk discuss 'no limits' in an offhand way because they feel it means 'no limits on their terms and expectations'. I also see a lot of people, even here, who feel if it is not something they approve of or are attracted to, then anyone who does is bad, wrong, misguided, dangerous, stupid etc. It is disappointing I have seen this attitude recently from some I thought had more tolerance and respected others right to make their own choices without being labelled inferior or suspect for it. I wouldn't recommend heavy play as in cutting and possibly body changing or health risk things for casual play either, but reality is there are people out there who don't have a problem with it in such a situation, and people who are happy to accomodate them. Not my cup of tea, but for some it is not an issue. Not realising it is a possibility then leaves someone open to abuse if they believe it to be non-existant in certain relationships they are entering on an understanding which doesn't extend to both but is assumed to.

Catalina

 

[OneLustyWench]

Personally, I find it very hard to have open and honest discussions in the boards. What starts out as a very interesting topic then becomes a lot of "my way" comments. For a lifestyle that is highly varied, why do we judge each other? Now that my soap box is put away, *grins*

Limits, yes I have limits. I have no problem saying I am new to BDSM but that I am thoroughly enjoying my experiences so far. But I did cross over a couple of limits I "thought" I had.

Why did I think they were limits? Because of past experiences. Humiliation growing up taught me that I didn't enjoy it.

When experienced in a play setting, it squicked me out. I thought about stopping play there but didn't. At that point, my "perceived" limits were crossed. Yes I had to do a lot of soul searching to find out why I thought to stop the play, why I didn't and why it bothered me. But that is what pushing the limits is supposed to do. It should make you think, make you pause and eventually make you better.

I don't have any experience with abuse. I think it's awful and those that can overcome it are amazing people in my book. Dom/mes that can take someone and rebuild that are worth seeking. But we don't have the same psyche as the next sub, we don't have the same experiences and so we will all react differently, have different limits.

I am still searching for someone who makes me complete in my BDSM life. Play is great, but that trust, that commitment, to me is worth seeking. When you have that absolute trust that they know you, you won't need to have hard limits, they will know you don't want amputations, permanent cuttings, or want you to do anything illegal. That is the harmony I seek in which to test my boundaries even further because I can trust and let go of what is holding me back from being my true self.