Strickly online D/s relationships...discuss, share advise

[Iamsubmissive]

yeah..
I don't have a problem with being me.
I have a problem with others who have a problem with me being me..

I agree, there's no sense in trying to be somebody you're NOT, when who you ARE is somebody that's real.

And you're beautiful in either pic...I don't post pics, but I could post a completely hideous pic taken from an unflattering angle or a much better version after I've prettied myself and blocked the parts I don't want shown from the camera. I agree with Elle...the problem isn't the view, it's how we view it that's the problem...

 

[Farawyn]

I agree, there's no sense in trying to be somebody you're NOT, when who you ARE is somebody that's real.

And you're beautiful in either pic...I don't post pics, but I could post a completely hideous pic taken from an unflattering angle or a much better version after I've prettied myself and blocked the parts I don't want shown from the camera. I agree with Elle...the problem isn't the view, it's how we view it that's the problem...

This.
Of course the pics I post on lit are from a nice camera angle, but when you know me, you'll get pics of me and my cats, my dogs, videos of me laughing, etc.
MyNameisNO and I have been friends for a few years from another site. When we first became close we sent each other our "ugliest" pictures. She's beautiful there, just like always.

My online friends got the treat of my pink eye pics, too.
Of course, In the Flesh you can't hide a thing.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

I love both pics. You are a beautiful intelligent sharp woman.
Thank you for allowing me to see ALL sides of you, even if it's just a glimpse.

I agree, there's no sense in trying to be somebody you're NOT, when who you ARE is somebody that's real.

And you're beautiful in either pic...I don't post pics, but I could post a completely hideous pic taken from an unflattering angle or a much better version after I've prettied myself and blocked the parts I don't want shown from the camera. I agree with Elle...the problem isn't the view, it's how we view it that's the problem...

thank you, both.

I don't see myself as a very sexual being, to be honest. Never have viewed myself in that way which is why I can post my pics with little reserve. To me?
Just a big woman. Not sexual, just *is*. More medical, academic, etc.


I don't post in AmPics because I get a little creeped out by the pretend compliments that get posted. Plus, I don't want every Tom, Dick,
Harry, and Margo telling me what they would do to me..

But, back to the online perception... I find it difficult to be something I'm not, and in my experience, because online can be such a part time/half time/ on demand type of deal, it's expected that since your time is limited, you'd only put your best face forward.

I don't just want someone's best..I want the whole shebang.. And I'd like to think that they want all of me, as well.

It's why I suck at roleplay, too (+_+)

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Primalex]

The best phone sex I had, he told me to go upstairs NOW and put my headphones on.
He told me to cover my mouth and not to say a word. Then he talked to me until I came.

And the finger on your clit had nothing to do with it?

 

[Farawyn]

And the finger on your clit had nothing to do with it?

Okay, you got me.
50/50.

 

[SilverBass]

I think that's a really good example of how you can control how you're viewed online. I do that all the time... It's so easy to crop out the parts that you'd rather other people don't see.

I know how to take pics where I look wildly different from reality. It is still me in the pics, but the people who only see that version of me are gonna be so disappointed with the reality, and I get it. They aren't fake pics, they're not photoshopped or anything, but they show me in a light that's simply not feasible in real life.

Showing someone a pic of what you really look like after they have seen the "engineered" versions is a very scary thing, indeed.

Another interesting sidetrack in this thread. As I have mentioned before, most of my related experience to this topic came before the internet when I was dating through newspaper personal ads, so there was definitely the intention and expectation of meeting in RL, IF some kind of connection was made beforehand on the phone. With that said, and in regards to this newest turn. Many of the first responses I received from my ad were in an actual handwritten letter that was forwarded to me by the newspaper's system (forwarded to protect identity). These letters always included a phone number and at least half the time included a photo.

Regarding these initial photos, which I see as really the same sort of thing as exchanging a photo online, whether you want to meet in person in RL or not, I think should most definitely be accurate, IF you are intending to start something real and meaningful. I was disappointed quite a few times receiving these photos which were not at all representative of the real person. Of course we want to share photos in our best light. Filter out those shots with a stupid expression or the ones that just make us look bad, but don't use photos that hide the truth. When they have, in my experience, all this does is cause problems. First is, this potential relationship was started off with a lie. And yes I'd call it a lie. It may be the actual person, but when you expect one woman to show up, and then essentially another shows up instead, then there is a problem. Is this judging someone for superficial reasons? Absolutely it is, but there is biology involved, and we cannot help what we are attracted to. I am attracted to a certain type and would gently and slyly try to gain enough information, though words and photos, so that neither of us would end up wasting any time. When the misrepresented women showed up, of course I was polite and kind and we always had a good conversation, but there would be no second dates.

With that said, it works both ways and plenty were not interested in me for a number of reasons, including I'm sure not being attracted to me as well, but no one can ever say I did not send out photos that were not current and accurate portrayals of myself.

Sorry, but this whole misrepresentation of who you really are thing just bugs me. Chalk that up to bad experiences. I'm all for fantasy if that is your thing, but when one person is trying to be real and upfront, and the other is still misrepresenting, then no thank you.

 

[Farawyn]

Another interesting sidetrack in this thread. As I have mentioned before, most of my related experience to this topic came before the internet when I was dating through newspaper personal ads, so there was definitely the intention and expectation of meeting in RL, IF some kind of connection was made beforehand on the phone. With that said, and in regards to this newest turn. Many of the first responses I received from my ad were in an actual handwritten letter that was forwarded to me by the newspaper's system (forwarded to protect identity). These letters always included a phone number and at least half the time included a photo.

Regarding these initial photos, which I see as really the same sort of thing as exchanging a photo online, whether you want to meet in person in RL or not, I think should most definitely be accurate, IF you are intending to start something real and meaningful. I was disappointed quite a few times receiving these photos which were not at all representative of the real person. Of course we want to share photos in our best light. Filter out those shots with a stupid expression or the ones that just make us look bad, but don't use photos that hide the truth. When they have, in my experience, all this does is cause problems. First is, this potential relationship was started off with a lie. And yes I'd call it a lie. It may be the actual person, but when you expect one woman to show up, and then essentially another shows up instead, then there is a problem. Is this judging someone for superficial reasons? Absolutely it is, but there is biology involved, and we cannot help what we are attracted to. I am attracted to a certain type and would gently and slyly try to gain enough information, though words and photos, so that neither of us would end up wasting any time. When the misrepresented women showed up, of course I was polite and kind and we always had a good conversation, but there would be no second dates.

With that said, it works both ways and plenty were not interested in me for a number of reasons, including I'm sure not being attracted to me as well, but no one can ever say I did not send out photos that were not current and accurate portrayals of myself.

Sorry, but this whole misrepresentation of who you really are thing just bugs me. Chalk that up to bad experiences. I'm all for fantasy if that is your thing, but when one person is trying to be real and upfront, and the other is still misrepresenting, then no thank you.

...or your brother shows up.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Primalex]

They aren't fake pics, they're not photoshopped or anything, but they show me in a light that's simply not feasible in real life.

Very much like the McDonalds burger advertisements.

Showing someone a pic of what you really look like after they have seen the "engineered" versions is a very scary thing, indeed.

The scary part comes from admitting a lie. Not lying is a simple solution.

 

[Farawyn]

But god devil's advocate sake, if it is a STRICTLY on line relationship, as OP presents...does image/ looks/ photo reality matter?

Only to your conscience.
I want him to want me. Not some great, fake ass I found on Google images.
I've had strictly online before. I was still me.

 

[Primalex]

But god devil's advocate sake, if it is a STRICTLY on line relationship, as OP presents...does image/ looks/ photo reality matter?

Yes.​

 

[SilverBass]

But god devil's advocate sake, if it is a STRICTLY on line relationship, as OP presents...does image/ looks/ photo reality matter?

I guess that is a judgment call. Using a fake or misrepresented photo of myself would never even be given a thought. So I wouldn't do it. Though I do understand why some others would, as Glad had pointed out earlier about not wanting to be judged right off the bat because of his photo (some kind of disability in his case). So I get that. It is really a Catch 22 situation. You fib a little at first to get in the door, but now you are in the door based on a lie. I won't say what is right for anyone else, and when you never plan to meet in RL anyway, it is debatable if being completely honest about these kinds of things even matters anyway, so really it is a judgment call. For that matter, misrepresenting your income or education, etc, or (assuming these things are even brought up, which they might not be) is also not a good thing.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[seela]

I'm all for fantasy if that is your thing, but when one person is trying to be real and upfront, and the other is still misrepresenting, then no thank you.

If I'm planning to meet someone in real life from the get go, I don't send those hot pics where I don't look like myself at all. But because 99% of the time I'm really not looking to meet anybody, and I'm upfront about it too, I don't really see sharing pics where I look 99% hotter than in reality as a problem.

If the topic of meeting in real life comes up later, after some "misrepresenting" pics have already exchanged hands, so to say, I own up to the situation and send a pic that more closely matches the reality.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[seela]

Very much like the McDonalds burger advertisements.



The scary part comes from admitting a lie. Not lying is a simple solution.

Perhaps.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

looks matter, I don't give a fig what anyone says. .
I can't count how many times I'd get into conversations with people,
even write erotica, then they'd see that I'm more Robust than Rubenesque and *poof*.


Which is why I'm pretty up-front about being BBW..


Of course, it doesn't dissuade the Jack ass crowd. I've mentioned before, and likely will have opportunity to say it again, but I was once told that it's just unrealistic to be expect anyone to be attracted to a fat woman.

Ok. I understand that.

It's unrealistic to expect me to be attracted to a moron. I totally get having preferences...

But he didn't stop there.. he also went on to say how grateful I should be for all the virtual fucks I was being offered.. that if my mind could be so arousing to someone that they want to go a round with me... Blah. Blah. Fuckety blah..




Sigh..

It's a really good thing he was only online. He'd have needed help picking his teeth up off the floor.


We all have preferences. Some like to humiliate. Others would rather die than participate in that. Some don't give a shit... Others like to eat it..

Online or not.....

It's a preference.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

Then my husband and lover, who are both lovely looking and very much better looking than I and in good shape too, unlike me, are both seriously hard done by. Do I find them attractive, of course. They both see opticians. . But it's not that I find them attractive that is why there is a relationship; it's that I love them. I would love them if they were not. I am absolutely upfront about my looks. The most attractive thing about them physically to me is they are healthy. Weight does matter to me; more to me than them I guess; I find it unattractive in me because it represents my lack of health. I recognise this is not the case for many overweight people. It's very personal.

ultimately, it's the inside that keeps a person in your heart..
My experience has proven how ugly people are on the inside, though, and I've not wanted much to do with them.

Of course, I'm admittedly pretty fucked up, and keep others at a distance purposefully. I'm doing them a favor..lol

The person who made the above comments to me was physically beautiful. Well maintained, as it were, but his commentary made him pretty ugly to me.

"Beauty is skin deep, but ugly goes to the Bone".

My Nana used to tell me that.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

Yes; it's the people I love and guessing my me it must be the same for them lol. So why does a photo matter?

The photo thing is interesting to me because it is tied to some pretty confusing emotions for me

for me? It's about avoiding fantasy. If I'm having to imagine what you look like, then why the fuck an I "connecting" with you?

If I want an imaginary lover, I'll make him up..in my head.. I don't need my imaginary friend to talk to me.. Because.. Duh.. he's inaginary and therefore will say whatever I want him to...in my head.

If, however, I'm trying to connect with another person, I am communicating with that person. Not what I think that person is or what that person is pretending to be, but that person.

I, personally, don't need the interactive fantasy. I'm repulsed by it.
It's too painful for me to connect with someone who only wants the "online" version of me.

Does that make sense?

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

It makes sense, I am just not sure I agree .

If I am never to see someone for real, I can make them look how I want ( which for me would probably never take form... ) it doesn't make them imaginary. Just like I know you have emotions without needing to read your facial expressions now: you are still real .

I don't expect people to agree or disagree..just understand that's​ my take on it.

To me, if you're having virtual /cyber sex, It's guided or inspired masturbation, but you're just having sex with yourself at the same time they are having sex with themselves...

I know I'm splitting hairs..lol

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]