Strickly online D/s relationships...discuss, share advise

[Farawyn]

Rather than misrepresentation I am sort of thinking if showing.

But; I do sort of wonder about the misrepresentation thing too. For example, Far, cos you are my friend I hope it's ok to use you! You and I see each other's images. We know what we look like in images. If you looked different it would not change my friendship any more than if a celebrity was seen without photoshopping. Two lit friends have seen me without make up, one because j accidentally sent s photo ( seriously I should not have phone more intelligent than me) and one cos I stayed at her house. I look different without makeup, have I lied?

You downplay your beauty.
I post pics without makeup all the time.
We are also FB friends. You have seen my big hair pics and all.


No. Makeup is not a lie. Nor is a good camera angle, a bad hair day, oh wait? Here is a pic without my glasses!!!

What is a lie is pretending an AV or profile pic is you. Major touch ups. Photoshopping.

But hey, I don't do it. You don't. Anyone I'm truly interested in? I would NEVER wait months.
And anyone I was ever involved with, friend or otherwise, knows what I look like and can pick me out of a crowd if they saw me in person.
I want to see you. Give it to me.
Please.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

bah...humbug..

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Iamsubmissive]

Yes; it's the people I love and guessing my me it must be the same for them lol. So why does a photo matter?

The photo thing is interesting to me because it is tied to some pretty confusing emotions for me

Depending on the intent or type of interaction between two people, I don't think a photo matters. If it's meant to be a one time cyber thing...no picture is needed at all. Hell, I don't even want a physical description from them, I'm just gonna imagine whatever turns me on. (Even though I'm not shallow about appearances, there are some attributes I'm attracted to and some I'm not, so if im trying to visualize whats hot to me I'd rather not know the guy on the other end is 4' tall, bald but with a bushy mustache and beard, tattoos on his face, and a hairy back...sorry if I offended anyone)

If the intent is to form a relationship but never meet in RL, I would eventually like to share pics and would hope they were a correct representation, but it wouldn't change my feelings for them if the pics didn't meet my expectations.

If the possibility of moving on to RL was there, I would want a real and current pic just for the simple wish for honesty.

So, for me it depends on the circumstances but the overall importance of the pic really wouldn't affect my view of them.

I can also say that I once knew a guy in RL that was not my 'type' at all and most people would not have considered him attractive. He asked me out several times before I accepted. It was probably the best first date I ever had. We hung out with the same group of friends and the more I got to know him, the more attractive he became to me. In the end I loved him like crazy, thought he was the most beautiful person in the world, and would have married him in a heartbeat if he had not died in a tragic accident. So, yeah...looks aren't as important as we might think.

 

[seela]

No. Makeup is not a lie.

I have heard several guys say makeup is a lie and I find the concept mindboggling.

I wonder if the same people find wearing shapewear under your dress lying. Or wearing a push up bra. Or even wearing a bra in general, if without it your boobs hang, because gravity.

 

[Farawyn]

But god devil's advocate sake, if it is a STRICTLY on line relationship, as OP presents...does image/ looks/ photo reality matter?

If it a real pic, then yes, I have to be attracted to him. Physically. Sorry.
I love the mind and the snark and the humor and the unexpected kindnesses, but I also like what I like.

 

[Iamsubmissive]

I have heard several guys say makeup is a lie and I find the concept mindboggling.

I wonder if the same people find wearing shapewear under your dress lying. Or wearing a push up bra. Or even wearing a bra in general, if without it your boobs hang, because gravity.

I've heard tons of guys say a padded bra or pushup bra is false advertising, and wearing too much makeup is deceiving. Maybe it kind of is...I once knew a guy that stuffed a sock in his pants to have a bigger bulge. That was pretty misleading!

 

[Primalex]

We know what we look like in images. If you looked different it would not change my friendship any more than if a celebrity was seen without photoshopping.

We are not talking about friendship though or celebrities you don't have a sexual relationship with.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Iamsubmissive]

We are talking about relationships where you will never see the other person, so it's reasonable to ask if it matters I think?

If you are NEVER going to see the person, I don't see how it could possibly matter...but that's just my opinion.

 

[Primalex]

I have heard several guys say makeup is a lie and I find the concept mindboggling.

I wonder if the same people find wearing shapewear under your dress lying. Or wearing a push up bra. Or even wearing a bra in general, if without it your boobs hang, because gravity.

Considering that "makeup" can turn you into basically everything, even an Orc warrior, the concept that it could be a lie is not really strange for me.

This is where I would draw the line:

Emphasizing:
http://justviral.eu/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/adult-models-before-and-after-makeup-17.jpg

(Whether the natural or the emphasized look is "better" is not the point.)

Lying:
https://essentialnewsmarbella.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/eva-longoria-without-makeup.jpg

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[SilverBass]

Depending on the intent or type of interaction between two people, I don't think a photo matters. If it's meant to be a one time cyber thing...no picture is needed at all. Hell, I don't even want a physical description from them, I'm just gonna imagine whatever turns me on. (Even though I'm not shallow about appearances, there are some attributes I'm attracted to and some I'm not, so if im trying to visualize whats hot to me I'd rather not know the guy on the other end is 4' tall, bald but with a bushy mustache and beard, tattoos on his face, and a hairy back...sorry if I offended anyone)

If the intent is to form a relationship but never meet in RL, I would eventually like to share pics and would hope they were a correct representation, but it wouldn't change my feelings for them if the pics didn't meet my expectations.

If the possibility of moving on to RL was there, I would want a real and current pic just for the simple wish for honesty.

So, for me it depends on the circumstances but the overall importance of the pic really wouldn't affect my view of them.

I can also say that I once knew a guy in RL that was not my 'type' at all and most people would not have considered him attractive. He asked me out several times before I accepted. It was probably the best first date I ever had. We hung out with the same group of friends and the more I got to know him, the more attractive he became to me. In the end I loved him like crazy, thought he was the most beautiful person in the world, and would have married him in a heartbeat if he had not died in a tragic accident. So, yeah...looks aren't as important as we might think.

Definitely not everything, but for some it is a deal breaker. This is my theory of dating and I think it is pretty accurate in most cases, but certainly not all, but let's say for about 75% of men, and why I think men have it easier than women in the dating world.

Generally speaking, women have one chance with a man. Men have two chances with a woman.

For example, Iamsubmissive met a guy she was not attracted to, so therefore she was not interested in dating. He struck out. That was the first chance. Because they hung around with the same group or would see him around, she got to know him over time, and became attracted to him because of his personality. He hit a home run with his second time at bat because his personality is what made her become attracted to him. Granted, had they not seen each other around, there would be no opportunity for this second chance.

Now reverse it and the guy is not attracted to the woman. She strikes out. They hang out with the same group and he gets to know her and likes her. That is great, but odds are that does not make her more attractive to him, or at least not attractive enough to change his original view.

Men are generally more visual, and though having a great personality and connection helps greatly, and makes her even more beautiful for him, it is still not enough, most of the time, to get her over the hump from being not attractive (not his type) to becoming attractive. Now yes you'll see exceptions, but generally this is the case.

I would not call men superficial in this way, or if you do want to call men superficial, blame it on biology. It is not a choice, you are attracted or you are not. Luckily for us men, if our personalities light a fuse with her, we can much more often climb the attractiveness ladder in her eyes. The ladder women have is much shorter and often just not enough.

 

[Primalex]

I am drawing parallels. And I think these we pretty good ones. My loves are also my close friends. This is pretty important to me, which might be why image is less so?

The friendship to my drinking buddy does not depend on his showering habits, the sexual attraction to a woman might.

We are talking about relationships where you will never see the other person, so it's reasonable to ask if it matters I think?

I didn't object the question, but the comparison.


To elaborate my previous answer:

The importance of a picture will very much depend on how you generate the sexual pleasure from the interaction.

If you generate your sexual pleasure by reading an interactive story, then a picture is likely not important. If you generate your sexual pleasure by being intimate with an existing individual that you consider hot, while 'hot' is a definition upon your discretion, then a picture is mandatory.

 

[cascadiabound]

Men are generally more visual, and though having a great personality and connection helps greatly, and makes her even more beautiful for him, it is still not enough, most of the time, to get her over the hump from being not attractive (not his type) to becoming attractive. Now yes you'll see exceptions, but generally this is the case.

I would not call men superficial in this way, or if you do want to call men superficial, blame it on biology. It is not a choice, you are attracted or you are not. Luckily for us men, if our personalities light a fuse with her, we can much more often climb the attractiveness ladder in her eyes. The ladder women have is much shorter and often just not enough.

I would say that SilverBass is generally correct in his assessment and this is WHY most women do all kinds of things to make themselves appear attractive - make up, push up bras, clothing that suits their figure and coloring, wear their hair in ways that are attractive and take other pains around their appearance. It is both societal norms and the subtle messages we are given from childhood that how we "look" matters.

I am not endorsing this. Just noting that it is the case.

I would also say that it is a particularly shallow man who cannot love his chosen mate when she is fresh out of bed without makeup, bed head etc - because there is real beauty in each of us in our nakedness without the artifice of societal convention too.

 

[SilverBass]

The friendship to my drinking buddy does not depend on his showering habits, the sexual attraction to a woman might.



I didn't object the question, but the comparison.


To elaborate my previous answer:

The importance of a picture will very much depend on how you generate the sexual pleasure from the interaction.

If you generate your sexual pleasure by reading an interactive story, then a picture is likely not important. If you generate your sexual pleasure by being intimate with an existing individual that you consider hot, while 'hot' is a definition upon your discretion, then a picture is mandatory.

Yup. I often disagree with your style Prima, but both being dudes, we often think alike. Blame the testosterone.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Farawyn]

Elle looks fucking fabulous with big hair, BTW.

 

[Farawyn]

Primalex, who is that in the second set of pics?

 

[SilverBass]

I just want you all to know that you are getting in the way of my productivity! I have things I need to do today but I like y'all and the convo is interesting and educational. Hard logging off to get goin', but I gotta' get going! Thanks to all for a great discussion! Until later......

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Primalex]

Equal-opportunity bashing:

Emphasizing:
http://resources3.news.com.au/images/2012/11/29/1226525/847107-makeup-before-and-after.jpg

Lying:
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/fd/5f/91/fd5f91348b01da157756b8f2a1510485.jpg

 

[cascadiabound]

I am curious - Primalex and other men here...

how do you feel about women judging whether they want to be involved with you on-line based upon appearances of a photo? Or has this not been an issue?

 

[Farawyn]

Stop breaking the Rules. Actually that's just every day hair. Big hair is like Ronald mac Donald and is quite cool. Or was when I was young

Sorry.
Big hair sideways pic in my profile now.
I don't know why it's sideways.
Perhaps the weight of my hair.

That's nursing school graduation pic.
Sans cap.