The Gentle Dom/ Daddy

[Strixaluco]

But without good smell there is no base for other attractions however exciting the rest may be.

Oh no disagreement on that part. Without smell, any attraction is ultimately just potential for me. Need to get on sniffing distance, preferably without fragrances messing with the natural smell!

 

[Liberia]

Oh no disagreement on that part. Without smell, any attraction is ultimately just potential for me. Need to get on sniffing distance, preferably without fragrances messing with the natural smell!

There are studies from universities, a worn t-shirt usually can be a good detector.
But I would strongly advise against getting too close to someone where you have no idea how they smell. And you need to see them talk on video at last, their actual facial movements and gestures.

Then, a prolonged online might be possible.

But you mentioned the safety aspect, that's a huge one.

 

[Strixaluco]

There are studies from universities, a worn t-shirt usually can be a good detector.
But I would strongly advise against getting too close to someone where you have no idea how they smell. And you need to see them talk on video at last, their actual facial movements and gestures.

Then, a prolonged online might be possible.

But you mentioned the safety aspect, that's a huge one.

I prefer meeting offline to start with, if possible. Which also happened - I met my partner in a local munch. So I was basically sitting beside him by chance before I even introduced myself. And before next munch, when I already knew he wanted to take me on a date, I asked other women about him (and he passed with flying colours, basically "he's a good guy, I wish he'd finally find a good partner").

But if meeting offline first, yes video would be good, though not absolutely necessary. Then also meeting in a public place even if you have had a video call.

 

[Liberia]

I prefer meeting offline to start with, if possible. Which also happened - I met my partner in a local munch. So I was basically sitting beside him by chance before I even introduced myself. And before next munch, when I already knew he wanted to take me on a date, I asked other women about him (and he passed with flying colours, basically "he's a good guy, I wish he'd finally find a good partner").

But if meeting offline first, yes video would be good, though not absolutely necessary. Then also meeting in a public place even if you have had a video call.

First of all: sounds great for you, congratulations and I'm glad you're happy.

I grew up on the more conservative countryside with the internet.

Never actively looking, never on a dating platform.

I have met one of my favorite exes via chance when I was at a girlfriend's place and he came by and befriended him for months, every single other person I have ever been with, I've met online first. ;o
Political debate forums, music groups, a forum about a newspaper, some satire group, theatre, that kind of thing. It was never an active search but shared interests and normal befriending first. Never planned to lead to something, always just happened when there was a basis of friendship and trust first.

 

[sweetheart97]

I have said it before, and I'll say it again: Lit is not the best place to meet partners.

Yes, it can be done. But for every actual Dom, there are at least 20 (and that's being optimistic) keyboard warriors who wouldn't know what to do with a sub if they fell out of the sky at their feet.

This, incidentally, is one of the reasons I don't bother playing online. (Well, that, and I find it boring.) Anybody can talk behind a screen, but can you actually do it irl?

It wasn't on Lit that I met partners. I chose to remove myself, because every community I found myself was okay with predators being present.

It's all well and good to be very excited about dd/lg, but for me, it just led to more pain and more harm. Then when I talk about that harm, I get victim blamed. Even writing a post like this is a risk because I know how people like to comment and pile on with "well my daddy is amazing, you should be more careful." Any sort of "Oh this can be done" rings hollow after a while. Who is that even for? Who does that statement help? It doesn't help the littles who get caught in these relationships and then hurt.

 

[cascadiabound]

It wasn't on Lit that I met partners. I chose to remove myself, because every community I found myself was okay with predators being present.

It's all well and good to be very excited about dd/lg, but for me, it just led to more pain and more harm. Then when I talk about that harm, I get victim blamed. Even writing a post like this is a risk because I know how people like to comment and pile on with "well my daddy is amazing, you should be more careful." Any sort of "Oh this can be done" rings hollow after a while. Who is that even for? Who does that statement help? It doesn't help the littles who get caught in these relationships and then hurt.

I'm so sorry.
There are so many predators and wanna be doms who are clueless and cause harm even when they have no malicious intent. There are quite a few of us who try to monitor and warn.
You are not to blame for the crap that has happened to you.

 

[BiBunny]

It wasn't on Lit that I met partners. I chose to remove myself, because every community I found myself was okay with predators being present.

It's all well and good to be very excited about dd/lg, but for me, it just led to more pain and more harm. Then when I talk about that harm, I get victim blamed. Even writing a post like this is a risk because I know how people like to comment and pile on with "well my daddy is amazing, you should be more careful." Any sort of "Oh this can be done" rings hollow after a while. Who is that even for? Who does that statement help? It doesn't help the littles who get caught in these relationships and then hurt.

I'm sorry that happened to you. There are many of us who have been victims of predators, and it's none of our faults.

 

[OralAllOver]

I have said it before, and I'll say it again: Lit is not the best place to meet partners.

Yes, it can be done. But for every actual Dom, there are at least 20 (and that's being optimistic) keyboard warriors who wouldn't know what to do with a sub if they fell out of the sky at their feet.

This, incidentally, is one of the reasons I don't bother playing online. (Well, that, and I find it boring.) Anybody can talk behind a screen, but can you actually do it irl?

Yeah, being Dom difficult (it appeared to me)

 

[OralAllOver]

Why announce this? Maybe it would be more polite if you ASKED to DM them first.
And, if anyone gets a message from you, I hope they check out all your other posts before responding.

Maybe he should ask if he is allowed to ask to DM
Like a DM becomes a major life distraction

U got a lotta rules ...

 

[cascadiabound]

Maybe he should ask if he is allowed to ask to DM
Like a DM becomes a major life distraction

U got a lotta rules ...

That particular guy was all over the board half stalking anyone one who had a D/lg vibe. He sent grossly inappropriate DMs to a bunch of women. It's icky and we shouldn't have to put up with it.

We give guidance to help the good guys do better. Don't be one of the not good guys by belittling what many women experience here. Ya, I know I can leave anytime I want, but why should I feel unsafe here?

 

[Strixaluco]

every community I found myself was okay with predators being present.

Oof. That sucks. And I really wonder why they allow it.

 

[BiBunny]

That particular guy was all over the board half stalking anyone one who had a D/lg vibe. He sent grossly inappropriate DMs to a bunch of women. It's icky and we shouldn't have to put up with it.

We give guidance to help the good guys do better. Don't be one of the not good guys by belittling what many women experience here. Ya, I know I can leave anytime I want, but why should I feel unsafe here?

Just to add to what you said: This is not a dating site. Some people don't mind being approached like that here, but some don't want that at all. I--and everyone else--have a right to come here, share experiences with friends, etc. without some douchecanoe trying to hit on us.