Polyamory

[BiBunny]

It just varies from person to person. I'll play with most anyone who doesn't disgust me. I'll fuck or blow any guy to whom I have a moderate attraction. But kissing? No. Uh-uh. Kissing is on the same level as unprotected sex with me because I freaking hate being kissed most of the time. I have to really care about you to let you do more than give me a fleeting peck on the lips.

What can I say? I'm strange.

 

[ecstaticsub]

Eh, I would. You aren't fucking anyone else, and have no romantic entanglements. Then again, I don't consider tying someone up and beating them while 15 people watch (or being tied and beaten) to be all that intimate. It can be, sure, but it is not inherently an intimate act. Often times, it is as much putting on a show as getting up and doing a scene from MacBeth.

Then again, I'm not monogamous, so I may not be the best source to get an opinion from

We're pretty much the opposite. I have fucked other people that he has ordered me to do but I don't consider that sex intimate at all. However, being spanked or restrained or being peed on by someone else or anything that he would consider bottoming is strictly off-limits because we both feel it is very intimate. I can fully understand how it could be seen as non intimate to some, but he knows that if I allow myself to be b\tied up by anyone it will be someone I would want to fuck and the two things together is way too intimate for him to allow me to do with others.

 

[Homburg]

We're pretty much the opposite. I have fucked other people that he has ordered me to do but I don't consider that sex intimate at all. However, being spanked or restrained or being peed on by someone else or anything that he would consider bottoming is strictly off-limits because we both feel it is very intimate. I can fully understand how it could be seen as non intimate to some, but he knows that if I allow myself to be b\tied up by anyone it will be someone I would want to fuck and the two things together is way too intimate for him to allow me to do with others.

I can certainly understand why someone would consider it intimate. I was just listing a particular circumstance where I do not consider it intimate, as it was a circumstance that ITW encounters. Were I to do the same in private, it would likely be intimate in my eyes as well.

 

[intothewoods]

It just varies from person to person. I'll play with most anyone who doesn't disgust me. I'll fuck or blow any guy to whom I have a moderate attraction. But kissing? No. Uh-uh. Kissing is on the same level as unprotected sex with me because I freaking hate being kissed most of the time. I have to really care about you to let you do more than give me a fleeting peck on the lips.

What can I say? I'm strange.

I am capable of having emotionally detached sex actually. The no sex rule is more of a control/that's my wooooman thing. But more importantly --

YOU DON'T LIKE KISSING!!!

We're pretty much the opposite. I have fucked other people that he has ordered me to do but I don't consider that sex intimate at all. However, being spanked or restrained or being peed on by someone else or anything that he would consider bottoming is strictly off-limits because we both feel it is very intimate. I can fully understand how it could be seen as non intimate to some, but he knows that if I allow myself to be b\tied up by anyone it will be someone I would want to fuck and the two things together is way too intimate for him to allow me to do with others.

I can only do it at a party.

Eh, I would. You aren't fucking anyone else, and have no romantic entanglements. Then again, I don't consider tying someone up and beating them while 15 people watch (or being tied and beaten) to be all that intimate. It can be, sure, but it is not inherently an intimate act. Often times, it is as much putting on a show as getting up and doing a scene from MacBeth.

Then again, I'm not monogamous, so I may not be the best source to get an opinion from

Most poly people consider me ultra-monogamous. The monos in the scene think the same. Mono for them means no fucking other people, everything else is fair game. My vanilla friends -- well, some of them -- think I'm a total freak.

Cracks me up.

And yeah, it's -- well, less of a show for me since I don't usually have 15 people watching me, although I could get into that too -- and more of a social thing. I guess just a smaller scale. I don't usually do the crazy scenes everyone is watching.

 

[EmpressFi]

Just because I'm nosy: For those of you with multiple partners, how many of them have multiple partners that you may or may not be involved with?

Malin has one other besides me, she has a boyfriend she lives with and he has another girlfriend. I have Master and right now, he's not dating anyone else, so I'm only intimate with the two of them.

 

[Homburg]

YOU DON'T LIKE KISSING!!!

I'm largely the same way. I have to be really into someone to kiss them.

Most poly people consider me ultra-monogamous. The monos in the scene think the same. Mono for them means no fucking other people, everything else is fair game. My vanilla friends -- well, some of them -- think I'm a total freak.

Cracks me up.

And yeah, it's -- well, less of a show for me since I don't usually have 15 people watching me, although I could get into that too -- and more of a social thing. I guess just a smaller scale. I don't usually do the crazy scenes everyone is watching.

Well, 15 people works out as an average. Most often, I have a rotating crowd of 4-8 people watching at average parties. The overall average gets bumped up like crazy because I occassionally tie at a club where there might be 40 people watching at times.

 

[Netzach]

Eh, I would. You aren't fucking anyone else, and have no romantic entanglements. Then again, I don't consider tying someone up and beating them while 15 people watch (or being tied and beaten) to be all that intimate. It can be, sure, but it is not inherently an intimate act. Often times, it is as much putting on a show as getting up and doing a scene from MacBeth.

Then again, I'm not monogamous, so I may not be the best source to get an opinion from

I can enjoy very dispassionate SM of the "let's play squash together!" type, too. I only marginally see that as sex, really. If I were in a rel. where a partner was really jealous of it, there would obviously be problems. Fortunately M always saw it as "heh, I get to fuck her AND get all that and I don't have to pay, ha."

The same act, let's say, caning, can be the most intimate glue of my marriage, or just a "hi, nice to meet you and your pretty buttocks!"

ETA, obviously, I play casually for fun too and not just profit. But at that "sport" level usually. Sometimes more, depends on the person.

 

[BiBunny]

Ugh, no. I don't like kissing.

In my life, I've tolerated kissing three people, all of whom I loved. Only one makes me WANT to kiss him when he's not immediately handy.

I'd rather drink piss and lick ass than kiss. Sorry. *Shudder*

 

[intothewoods]

I'm largely the same way. I have to be really into someone to kiss them.

Eh, sometimes I make out with the Starbucks guy after a particularly nice grande latte with an extra shot of espresso. That's just how I roll.

 

[Netzach]

I'm pro kissing, generally. Unless the person's totally awful at it. I have to actually be panting to get in someone's pants to get into the tongue action, though. No major sexual hotness, no point.

 

[intothewoods]

I can enjoy very dispassionate SM of the "let's play squash together!" type, too. I only marginally see that as sex, really. If I were in a rel. where a partner was really jealous of it, there would obviously be problems. Fortunately M always saw it as "heh, I get to fuck her AND get all that and I don't have to pay, ha."

The same act, let's say, caning, can be the most intimate glue of my marriage, or just a "hi, nice to meet you and your pretty buttocks!"

ETA, obviously, I play casually for fun too and not just profit. But at that "sport" level usually. Sometimes more, depends on the person.

Yup!

Ugh, no. I don't like kissing.

In my life, I've tolerated kissing three people, all of whom I loved. Only one makes me WANT to kiss him when he's not immediately handy.

I'd rather drink piss and lick ass than kiss. Sorry. *Shudder*

I heart kissing. Not so much with the tongue though.

It's funny, I sometimes think I'm not so much mono as I am a really grumpy person who can't tolerate people. I still have a thing for the ridiculously smart intellectual types, but I rarely meet one who's got that whole intense intellectual yet dashing thing going on. I met one, and, welllll, his wife was pretty cute too. And their two kids. Gah, was he hot. Not sure if he would pass the toothbrush test. I think he was vegan.

 

[intothewoods]

I'm pro kissing, generally. Unless the person's totally awful at it. I have to actually be panting to get in someone's pants to get into the tongue action, though. No major sexual hotness, no point.

I'm strongly against tongue, it turns out. Well, super sparingly is okay.

 

[Homburg]

I can enjoy very dispassionate SM of the "let's play squash together!" type, too. I only marginally see that as sex, really. If I were in a rel. where a partner was really jealous of it, there would obviously be problems. Fortunately M always saw it as "heh, I get to fuck her AND get all that and I don't have to pay, ha."

The same act, let's say, caning, can be the most intimate glue of my marriage, or just a "hi, nice to meet you and your pretty buttocks!"

ETA, obviously, I play casually for fun too and not just profit. But at that "sport" level usually. Sometimes more, depends on the person.

Yeah, it's all about what sort of energy and emotion you put into it. If you approach it as sport, it's sport. With erotic overtones, of course.

----

Eh, sometimes I make out with the Starbucks guy after a particularly nice grande latte with an extra shot of espresso. That's just how I roll.

*snort*

This actually made me laugh. Out loud even.

 

[nh23]

Ugh, no. I don't like kissing.

In my life, I've tolerated kissing three people, all of whom I loved. Only one makes me WANT to kiss him when he's not immediately handy.

I'd rather drink piss and lick ass than kiss. Sorry. *Shudder*

I'm the same exact way! I have no idea how many people I've slept with, but it's up there. But kissed...there have only been three in my life, and I was very much in love with all of them.

 

[SubKekiLee]

I'm pro kissing, generally. Unless the person's totally awful at it. I have to actually be panting to get in someone's pants to get into the tongue action, though. No major sexual hotness, no point.

I need to kiss to get things going for me... I am not big on kissing and sleeping around.. and so to me kissing is just the biggest turn on for me and I dont think I could get into a relationship where kissing wasnt allowed or H/she didnt like it.. YMMV

 

[sexycaz22]

I kissing, sometimes with a tongue. It depends on the person, although. The last person I have kissed, let's just say he was tooooo obsessed with his tongue, every chance he got, he tried to stick his tongue in! Yuck!

Anyway....to my situation - it's still the same - still 'open-dating', still playing the field and having some fun. Who knows what the future will bring, but I am hoping for a long-term relationship with someone(s) I am in love with soon! Who that might be, who knows!

LOL.

 

[RuReal]

Ok I am not sure if anyone has asked this, but does anyone in this thread actually have a live in Poly relationship and does anyone here think a full time multi partner relationship can work? Not that you all do not have a fully time poly relationship I mean along the everyone living together line thanks for any input.

 

[Homburg]

Ok I am not sure if anyone has asked this, but does anyone in this thread actually have a live in Poly relationship and does anyone here think a full time multi partner relationship can work? Not that you all do not have a fully time poly relationship I mean along the everyone living together line thanks for any input.

Full time multi-partner relationships can, and do, work. Unpredictablebijou posts on this thread and is in the sort of poly relationship you describe. I want to say that there are others, though I'm not sure who all has posted here to date.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Ok I am not sure if anyone has asked this, but does anyone in this thread actually have a live in Poly relationship and does anyone here think a full time multi partner relationship can work? Not that you all do not have a fully time poly relationship I mean along the everyone living together line thanks for any input.

thanks for the intro, love.

I have a three-person household. My mate M and I have been together for nearly 17 years. We have always been polyamorous, and each of us has had both outside relationships and a few live-in partners over the time we've been together.

At one point I brought a couple home to live with us, and learned a very hard lesson: ALL outside partners in a poly long term relationship must be FIRST and FOREMOST committed to the existing dyad. M and I nearly got destroyed from the outside, and it was my fault for not prioritizing that.

Eight years ago, we added a third permanent mate to our household, R. Both of my men are straight, and they have a very brotherly bond that I may not always understand but appreciate and support. I myself am bisexual, and am also the only kinky person in the household, so I have a few outside relationships that are quite precious to me. The 'husbands' policy is that if I am coming home happy and with energy to offer them, whatever I do is absolutely supported. R has one long-term lover and girlfriend whom we all adore. She is quite my opposite - maternal, kind, soft-spoken, mellow and undemanding. She's very good for him. She's also married and has a 2-year old, and her mate is appreciative of her relationship with R.

It works nicely, and since all three of us are pretty high-maintenance and complex personalities, it's valuable to be able to spread the relationship tasking and support around to other people.

If I could offer a couple of absolute rules, if in fact my 17 + 8 years of "marriage" give me any street cred, they would be these:

1. Be absolutely honest at all times. This doesn't mean you have to report every specific act with others (they SO don't want to hear about it when I go play submissive) but where you're going, how you feel about everyone, and so on.

2. Anyone you play with outside the relationship MUST be loyal to your existing dyad FIRST. Then to you, as a second priority.

3. Own your shit. If you're insecure or jealous, that's YOUR problem to solve. Your mates can offer support and compassion, but it's not their job to jump through hoops just because you're still working on issues.

4. Bring it home. Your outside relationships should energize, assist and rejuvenate your primary relationship, not drain your time and energy.

YOu didn't actually ask for this rant, but I thought I'd lay it out here anyway. It's nice to see this thread revived.

Dossie Easton's book The Ethical Slut is one of the best primers on polyamory and open relationships I've seen. I recommend it quite constantly.

regards,
bj, Queen of the TMI rant.

 

[RuReal]

Thank you. I think it is a great thread for anyone.

thanks for the intro, love.

I have a three-person household. My mate M and I have been together for nearly 17 years. We have always been polyamorous, and each of us has had both outside relationships and a few live-in partners over the time we've been together.

At one point I brought a couple home to live with us, and learned a very hard lesson: ALL outside partners in a poly long term relationship must be FIRST and FOREMOST committed to the existing dyad. M and I nearly got destroyed from the outside, and it was my fault for not prioritizing that.

Eight years ago, we added a third permanent mate to our household, R. Both of my men are straight, and they have a very brotherly bond that I may not always understand but appreciate and support. I myself am bisexual, and am also the only kinky person in the household, so I have a few outside relationships that are quite precious to me. The 'husbands' policy is that if I am coming home happy and with energy to offer them, whatever I do is absolutely supported. R has one long-term lover and girlfriend whom we all adore. She is quite my opposite - maternal, kind, soft-spoken, mellow and undemanding. She's very good for him. She's also married and has a 2-year old, and her mate is appreciative of her relationship with R.

It works nicely, and since all three of us are pretty high-maintenance and complex personalities, it's valuable to be able to spread the relationship tasking and support around to other people.

If I could offer a couple of absolute rules, if in fact my 17 + 8 years of "marriage" give me any street cred, they would be these:

1. Be absolutely honest at all times. This doesn't mean you have to report every specific act with others (they SO don't want to hear about it when I go play submissive) but where you're going, how you feel about everyone, and so on.

2. Anyone you play with outside the relationship MUST be loyal to your existing dyad FIRST. Then to you, as a second priority.

3. Own your shit. If you're insecure or jealous, that's YOUR problem to solve. Your mates can offer support and compassion, but it's not their job to jump through hoops just because you're still working on issues.

4. Bring it home. Your outside relationships should energize, assist and rejuvenate your primary relationship, not drain your time and energy.

YOu didn't actually ask for this rant, but I thought I'd lay it out here anyway. It's nice to see this thread revived.

Dossie Easton's book The Ethical Slut is one of the best primers on polyamory and open relationships I've seen. I recommend it quite constantly.

regards,
bj, Queen of the TMI rant.

 

[Bandit58]

3. Own your shit. If you're insecure or jealous, that's YOUR problem to solve. Your mates can offer support and compassion, but it's not their job to jump through hoops just because you're still working on issues.

When Sir and I have played with others (females, but He never plays without me there), I have had a couple of "moments" and have had to take a few days to process my feelings. He had noticed me being a bit quieter than usual, but did not press the issue and I did come to Him and explain what I had felt and why....

He understands that being with others in a sexual way is still new to me and that because of my sheltered upbringing I will have a few minor problems with insecurity. But I have found it helpful to discuss these with Him - I know that we are committed fully to this relationship and He has told me that if it ever becomes a major problem that we will go back to being monogamous

 

[sexycaz22]

thanks for the intro, love.

I have a three-person household. My mate M and I have been together for nearly 17 years. We have always been polyamorous, and each of us has had both outside relationships and a few live-in partners over the time we've been together.
*snip*

Just a litte snip of your quote...as to not take up the whole post.

Anyway, I wanted to say that I do appericate your whole post, and that it have given me some insights into a poly-household, so thank you!


Random note:

I this thread!

 

[nh23]

Ok I am not sure if anyone has asked this, but does anyone in this thread actually have a live in Poly relationship and does anyone here think a full time multi partner relationship can work? Not that you all do not have a fully time poly relationship I mean along the everyone living together line thanks for any input.

When Master and I first got together I was married and in a poly relationship. We all lived together with my two kids in the same household for about four months. It can be very difficult, but it can be done. I don't feel like the best person to give advice on this seeing as how my husband and I are now legally separated, and Master and I are in a monogamous relationship, so I'll leave it to others who know better. I will add that the reason my ex-husband and I are not together anymore has nothing to do with our poly relationship, or my meeting Master.

On a side note every time I read this thread I'm more and more content that I started it. Pure gold in here. A lot of awesome advice, and people that can really help those new in this journey.

 

[Homburg]

thanks for the intro, love.

I have a three-person household. My mate M and I have been together for nearly 17 years. We have always been polyamorous, and each of us has had both outside relationships and a few live-in partners over the time we've been together.

*snip*

regards,
bj, Queen of the TMI rant.

You're welcome, darlin. I figured you were the best example, and the most likely to offer a post of the quality you just did. Thank you.

You rock.

Oh, and in case anyone has missed it, bij has given me loads and loads of help along the way to the construction of my own poly triad. She is Good People.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

If I've been any assistance at all in making sure you three continue to live in a happy and loving construct, it's the best reward I could ask.

When Sir and I have played with others (females, but He never plays without me there), I have had a couple of "moments" and have had to take a few days to process my feelings. He had noticed me being a bit quieter than usual, but did not press the issue and I did come to Him and explain what I had felt and why....

He understands that being with others in a sexual way is still new to me and that because of my sheltered upbringing I will have a few minor problems with insecurity. But I have found it helpful to discuss these with Him - I know that we are committed fully to this relationship and He has told me that if it ever becomes a major problem that we will go back to being monogamous

In retrospect I think that particular statement of mine came across as a little harsh. Your model here is a better and more complete one and says it more effectively. We walk through things as they happen, and evaluate as we go along. The only rules, really, are the ones you're demonstrating here - kindness, flexibility, love. Good on ya.

bj