Polyamory

[Netzach]

Ok I am not sure if anyone has asked this, but does anyone in this thread actually have a live in Poly relationship and does anyone here think a full time multi partner relationship can work? Not that you all do not have a fully time poly relationship I mean along the everyone living together line thanks for any input.

They can totally work. The question is more on a roomate level than a sexual-romantic one.

In college I went out of my way to get a single room as soon as humanly possible and not to live with other people.

I can hardly stand living with M. I don't think more people will ever live in my house.

I'm not easy to live with, either.

It's just how I roll, very private, very messy, very high maintenance, very non-roomate-y. So for me, well nigh on impossible.

Most people are more social and some are social enough to do it.

 

[Netzach]

thanks for the intro, love.

I have a three-person household. My mate M and I have been together for nearly 17 years. We have always been polyamorous, and each of us has had both outside relationships and a few live-in partners over the time we've been together.

At one point I brought a couple home to live with us, and learned a very hard lesson: ALL outside partners in a poly long term relationship must be FIRST and FOREMOST committed to the existing dyad. M and I nearly got destroyed from the outside, and it was my fault for not prioritizing that.

Eight years ago, we added a third permanent mate to our household, R. Both of my men are straight, and they have a very brotherly bond that I may not always understand but appreciate and support. I myself am bisexual, and am also the only kinky person in the household, so I have a few outside relationships that are quite precious to me. The 'husbands' policy is that if I am coming home happy and with energy to offer them, whatever I do is absolutely supported. R has one long-term lover and girlfriend whom we all adore. She is quite my opposite - maternal, kind, soft-spoken, mellow and undemanding. She's very good for him. She's also married and has a 2-year old, and her mate is appreciative of her relationship with R.

It works nicely, and since all three of us are pretty high-maintenance and complex personalities, it's valuable to be able to spread the relationship tasking and support around to other people.

If I could offer a couple of absolute rules, if in fact my 17 + 8 years of "marriage" give me any street cred, they would be these:

1. Be absolutely honest at all times. This doesn't mean you have to report every specific act with others (they SO don't want to hear about it when I go play submissive) but where you're going, how you feel about everyone, and so on.

2. Anyone you play with outside the relationship MUST be loyal to your existing dyad FIRST. Then to you, as a second priority.

3. Own your shit. If you're insecure or jealous, that's YOUR problem to solve. Your mates can offer support and compassion, but it's not their job to jump through hoops just because you're still working on issues.

4. Bring it home. Your outside relationships should energize, assist and rejuvenate your primary relationship, not drain your time and energy.

YOu didn't actually ask for this rant, but I thought I'd lay it out here anyway. It's nice to see this thread revived.

Very sound playbook.

 

[emeraldbunny]

Thank you all for this thread. I have found it very informative. I have been in a mono relationship for over 16 years that has now become poly. My best friend last year revealed to me that she was attracted to me and thus began flirting and ultimately a very intimate relationship. I had never been with another woman til her. We have since included my husband in our relationship. My husband and I both love her very very much and would do anything for her. I never thought I could be in this type of relationship and here I am. We have had our road bumps along the way but so far we have worked them out. She lives in a different state but visits frequently and even for extended visits. My husband has expressed the most jealousy at times due to how close friends we are besides being lovers. But yet when she does visit he gives us time together just me and her, I give them time just them and then we have time as the triad. In our play I have discovered a true desire to be a sub. My g/f wants to be a sub as well and I think that hubby can be the dom to both of us. My g/f is more of a switch and will take control of me in bed too.

After nearly a year this is working for us and I don't see any changes occurring in the near future. This thread has really helped solidify a lot of our feelings and helped put those feelings into black and white so to speak. THANK YOU.

 

[BiBunny]

Teh bumpage.

I'm having a bit of cognitive dissonance at the moment. It's extremely weird to be the one entering the established relationship. Not to mention the fact that it's damn near impossible to find any advice for poly situations involving two dominants and one submissive. It's all of the "two-subs-one-dom" variety, which is completely unhelpful.

I may write more later. I'm not sure.

 

[intothewoods]

Teh bumpage.

I'm having a bit of cognitive dissonance at the moment. It's extremely weird to be the one entering the established relationship. Not to mention the fact that it's damn near impossible to find any advice for poly situations involving two dominants and one submissive. It's all of the "two-subs-one-dom" variety, which is completely unhelpful.

I may write more later. I'm not sure.

Are you on any poly forums? I actually thought of you recently when I realized that I hadn't mentioned a triad in our local group who are practically pillars of the local community (if we can have pillars ). They are one Domme, one f-switch and an m-sub. The f-switch joined the pre-existing couple. I could ask them what poly boards they hang out on, if that would be helpful. They are really awesome and suffered through tons of my dumb questions about how the hell they managed their situation when I was a newbie. Oh, come to think of it, they're on fetlife. I can message you there later tonight if you want.

 

[BiBunny]

Are you on any poly forums? I actually thought of you recently when I realized that I hadn't mentioned a triad in our local group who are practically pillars of the local community (if we can have pillars ). They are one Domme, one f-switch and an m-sub. The f-switch joined the pre-existing couple. I could ask them what poly boards they hang out on, if that would be helpful. They are really awesome and suffered through tons of my dumb questions about how the hell they managed their situation when I was a newbie. Oh, come to think of it, they're on fetlife. I can message you there later tonight if you want.

That'd be great, actually. Thanks bunches.

 

[sexycaz22]

I this thread....

Just saying....

 

[Homburg]

Bloggy article on triad marriages. Figured it was relevant to more than just myself here.

 

[BiBunny]

Bloggy article on triad marriages. Figured it was relevant to more than just myself here.

Thanks for that. Interesting read. I've been debating starting a thread about the practical aspects of polyamory, rather than the emotional and the "OMG, how do you get over being jealous?" aspects, but I can't decide if there'd be enough interest of not.

 

[Homburg]

Thanks for that. Interesting read. I've been debating starting a thread about the practical aspects of polyamory, rather than the emotional and the "OMG, how do you get over being jealous?" aspects, but I can't decide if there'd be enough interest of not.

Isn't that what this thread is? I'd say there's enough interest here, so why not just post the discussion here?

 

[intothewoods]

Believe it or not, I went to a class on practical polamory. It involved a lot of spreadsheets.

 

[BiBunny]

Isn't that what this thread is? I'd say there's enough interest here, so why not just post the discussion here?

Because a lot of times, it's hard to get people to respond to an old multi-page thread 'cause they don't want to read the whole thing before responding, LOL.

Believe it or not, I went to a class on practical polamory. It involved a lot of spreadsheets.

That is both amusing and worrisome at the same time.

 

[Homburg]

Because a lot of times, it's hard to get people to respond to an old multi-page thread 'cause they don't want to read the whole thing before responding, LOL.

*nod* Just figuring that the folks that are most likely to have the experience to answer the question are already following this thread. And it avoids both the "What does this have to do with BDSM?" questions as well as the folks that are down on the whole topic and feel the need to express it every time a new thread starts.

 

[BiBunny]

*nod* Just figuring that the folks that are most likely to have the experience to answer the question are already following this thread. And it avoids both the "What does this have to do with BDSM?" questions as well as the folks that are down on the whole topic and feel the need to express it every time a new thread starts.

True.

I may post some questions later when I have a bit more time.

 

[BiBunny]

Bumping the shit out of this thread yet again. It's always me who's the instigator, isn't it?

I'm in a kind of bittersweet, philosophical mood tonight.

I've been at the Domly ones' house since Sunday evening. I love being here. Even when they're gone, I like to just hang out. We played tonight, and I couldn't stop crying once it was over. It took me awhile to figure out why.

It makes me so happy, gives me such contentment, to be their slave. But, no matter what, this will never be reality for me. It'll always be more of an escape from reality.

That's no knock against them. It's just how life is. There's no way I could ever be their 24/7 live-in slave. It'll never work out that way, no matter how much I'd like for it to.

It hurts a lot, honestly.

I had a kind of friend from high school add me on Facebook the other day. She's apparently either bisexual or a lesbian, which I didn't know back then. She has all these pictures of herself and her girlfriend on her profile. I wish I could be that way.

Sometimes, I think I'm so cool, so avant-garde for doing what I do, for choosing to go against the societal grain and doing what ultimately puts me at peace. But then I look at it like I'm looking at now and think, "You fucking coward."

I'll never be brave. I'm not going against society's norms. I'm conforming to them, too, at least in outward appearances. I've become the one thing I've never wanted to be: a hypocrite. I can tolerate being anything else that people can rightfully call me, but I'm not sure how I can live with myself for being a hypocrite.

My home doesn't feel like home anymore. Home is HERE, with them. If I could be here with them always and add an extra bedroom for Kitty, I wouldn't need anything else. But there's no chance of any of that ever happening.

It's really lonely with one foot in "normalcy" and one foot out of it.

I think I'm really just whining and pouting. But if anyone has any words of wisdom for me, I certainly wouldn't turn them down. Thanks for listening.

 

[kitten_candy]

thanks for the bump.

i got to page 4 and then came to the end. i'll read more later.

Bi-Bunny, your post is timely. i've been dating - very casually - a Dominant man who is poly. his primary is actually a switch. i've met her and like her very much.

recently, he asked me to consider formally joining their group. (group? family? he called it circle)

Bi-Bunny, i wonder why you feel you can't find an arrangement with the "Domly one"?

i totally get the sentiment that this kind of arrangement is almost an escape from reality rather than your real life. what prevents you from taking that leap?

i have always been in monogamous relationships but recently am dipping my toes in that "open" relationship water. however, i've had the luxury of being in that single dating mode. now that this particular relationship feels ready to go to the next level, it feels a little... not scary but... unfamiliar??? i'm not sure if i have the fortitude for open or poly??

i'll definitely continue reading through past posts; it's been a very enlightening read.

p.s. - sorry i have no words of wisdom for you. i hope you find your place.

 

[Homburg]

Y'know, I've been a gamer just about my entire life, literally (getting on towards thirty years now). I know a bit about escape from reality that doesn't involve drugs. Gaming, be it role-playing, video games, or even gambling, is all about escaping the tedium of reality by entering into a tightly controlled little world with actual rules that everyone follows and a theoretically even playing field. In other words, as unreal as it gets.

You aren't doing this. The Domly Ones are PART of your reality. Your very real ass drives over to their very real house and does very real things with their very real selves. So, no, you are not escaping your reality. You are adding to it.

The problem you have is not escapism, it's compartmentalisation. You are using escapism as punishment verbiage. You feel bad, and are naming it in a way as to make it seem tawdry, less than it is. Instead of accepting that this part of your life is compartmentalised from the rest, you label it an escape, and thus make it seem like it is somehow irresponsible.

In other words, your mother has climbed into your mouth and is speaking for you.

See, it is not just okay to compartmentalise, it is fuck-all necessary. And I don't just mean for kinky people. Even Joe Vanilla has to compartmentalise. He can't start telling the judge how his wife gave him a blow job last night while in court for a speeding ticket. You're in the same boat, you just have a bit more that you can't talk about.

Think about that for a second. Do you need to tell people? Is this an "I found Jesus and I must share the Good News!" thing? Do people need to know about your relationship and approve to make you feel actualised? Or are you just knee-jerk trying to live up to the unrealistic standards of someone else?

Some time in the next day or two when you're outside of the house in some public place, look around. Look at the people that surround and ask yourself if you are just like them. If the answer is "No," ask yourself if it is okay to not be just like them.

You do not have to explain yourself to strangers. You do not have to justify yourself, your existence, or, most importantly, who you love. None of that is their business. And you likewise don't have to do it to family and friends. If they really love you and care about you, they're not going to require explanation and justification.

"I am not going to talk about it, so please drop it."

Don't abuse yourself with your mother's words, darlin. It's not worth it. You have something in your life that makes you happy, makes you feel at home, and puts you in the only place that has ever fit. Stop feeling like you don't deserve to be there. You do.

*hug*

 

[ecstaticsub]

In my perfect world I would live in a big house in the forest with a bedroom for my husband and I, another for Daddy and his wife one each for the kids and then a bunch more for Daddy's children and grandchildren when they come to visit. And yet another bedroom for Daddy and I when he wanted me to serve his needs. Everyone would be happy and content and get along without jealousy.

But it'll never happen. We may get close to it when my kids are older, but not now.

I always thought of it as a kind of escapism too, but I like how Homburg explains it--compartmentilising. Sometimes I think of it as fantasy--but it's not. It's reality.

I have made peace in the last couple of years with how it is, and I like it. I get what I need from my different compartments.

 

[BlitzKrieger]

Y'know, I've been a gamer just about my entire life, literally (getting on towards thirty years now). I know a bit about escape from reality that doesn't involve drugs. Gaming, be it role-playing, video games, or even gambling, is all about escaping the tedium of reality by entering into a tightly controlled little world with actual rules that everyone follows and a theoretically even playing field. In other words, as unreal as it gets.

You aren't doing this. The Domly Ones are PART of your reality. Your very real ass drives over to their very real house and does very real things with their very real selves. So, no, you are not escaping your reality. You are adding to it.

The problem you have is not escapism, it's compartmentalisation. You are using escapism as punishment verbiage. You feel bad, and are naming it in a way as to make it seem tawdry, less than it is. Instead of accepting that this part of your life is compartmentalised from the rest, you label it an escape, and thus make it seem like it is somehow irresponsible.

In other words, your mother has climbed into your mouth and is speaking for you.

See, it is not just okay to compartmentalise, it is fuck-all necessary. And I don't just mean for kinky people. Even Joe Vanilla has to compartmentalise. He can't start telling the judge how his wife gave him a blow job last night while in court for a speeding ticket. You're in the same boat, you just have a bit more that you can't talk about.

Think about that for a second. Do you need to tell people? Is this an "I found Jesus and I must share the Good News!" thing? Do people need to know about your relationship and approve to make you feel actualised? Or are you just knee-jerk trying to live up to the unrealistic standards of someone else?

Some time in the next day or two when you're outside of the house in some public place, look around. Look at the people that surround and ask yourself if you are just like them. If the answer is "No," ask yourself if it is okay to not be just like them.

You do not have to explain yourself to strangers. You do not have to justify yourself, your existence, or, most importantly, who you love. None of that is their business. And you likewise don't have to do it to family and friends. If they really love you and care about you, they're not going to require explanation and justification.

"I am not going to talk about it, so please drop it."

Don't abuse yourself with your mother's words, darlin. It's not worth it. You have something in your life that makes you happy, makes you feel at home, and puts you in the only place that has ever fit. Stop feeling like you don't deserve to be there. You do.

*hug*

Some of the best god-damned advice I have ever heard! Take heed upon what he says Bi, it will change your life! For the better.

My words of... pseudo-wisdom:

You do not have to feel ashamed of who you really are. Embrace yourself first and those that truly love and care for you will embrace your choices, and you, no matter how different those choices are from their own.

The ones that judge and condemn? Well, I think you just found out who your "real" friends and loved ones are, don't you agree?

And I'm not sure how groundless this next statement is, but I believe it's warrented:
You do NOT have to have your mothers approval to live a happy, healthy, and successful life!

My personal life improved greatly when I realized that I would never make either of my parents happy with my choices, so instead I make the choices that make me happy. I've never been happier, or more secure, in my life.

 

[00Syd]

Before I go ahead and change the subject a little, lemme give BiBunny a *biiiiig hug*

[topic change]

Now, I'm not sure if this has been covered in this thread already (and I'm too impatient to read the whole thing and find out), but I just wanted to get all of your opinions on relationships where one member is polyamorous and the other is monogamous. Recipe for eventual disaster? Think it can work? Long term? Short term? Any and all thoughts on the subject are welcome and appreciated.

 

[ownedsubgal]

Before I go ahead and change the subject a little, lemme give BiBunny a *biiiiig hug*

[topic change]

Now, I'm not sure if this has been covered in this thread already (and I'm too impatient to read the whole thing and find out), but I just wanted to get all of your opinions on relationships where one member is polyamorous and the other is monogamous. Recipe for eventual disaster? Think it can work? Long term? Short term? Any and all thoughts on the subject are welcome and appreciated.

doesn't that pretty much describe "traditional" polygamy? that is, in cultures where polygamy is routinely practiced, it is not about some big happy horny group orgy, but rather one husband with multiple wives who are sexual only with him. that is honestly the only way i can wrap my brain around poly, but then i am not poly-wired at ALL (sex with more than one yes, love or commitment between more than one heck heck HECK NO!). i could envision myself with a man whom i did not love romantically, and being one of 2 or 3 slaves of relatively equal status.

to answer your question Syd, yes obviously that kind of poly can work and i think it has worked for many through countless generations of humanity. i've always found it strange that one rarely if ever hears about this kind of poly within the "lifestyle" however.

 

[00Syd]

doesn't that pretty much describe "traditional" polygamy? that is, in cultures where polygamy is routinely practiced, it is not about some big happy horny group orgy, but rather one husband with multiple wives who are sexual only with him. that is honestly the only way i can wrap my brain around poly, but then i am not poly-wired at ALL (sex with more than one yes, love or commitment between more than one heck heck HECK NO!). i could envision myself with a man whom i did not love romantically, and being one of 2 or 3 slaves of relatively equal status.

to answer your question Syd, yes obviously that kind of poly can work and i think it has worked for many through countless generations of humanity. i've always found it strange that one rarely if ever hears about this kind of poly within the "lifestyle" however.

Well, a practicing polygamous relationship wasn't really what I had in mind when I asked. I just meant a relationship between two people where one person is wired for polyamory, and the other simply isn't. Where two people fall in love and then one person is like, "oh, and by the way, I'm poly." and the other person is like "Well, I'm not." Can a relationship between those two people work in the long term? Is it all just going to crash and burn sooner or later? Does anybody know of an example where it worked? How? What did the people in the relationship do to make it work?

ETA: And yes, I am asking because I'm in this situation.

 

[midwestyankee]

Well, a practicing polygamous relationship wasn't really what I had in mind when I asked. I just meant a relationship between two people where one person is wired for polyamory, and the other simply isn't. Where two people fall in love and then one person is like, "oh, and by the way, I'm poly." and the other person is like "Well, I'm not." Can a relationship between those two people work in the long term? Is it all just going to crash and burn sooner or later? Does anybody know of an example where it worked? How? What did the people in the relationship do to make it work?

ETA: And yes, I am asking because I'm in this situation.

Syd, methinks that your gut reaction as described here is likely the most common result. Seems to me that poly is a state of mind as much as anything else and if all parties are not in a more or less similar state concerning poly, then it's just not likely to work.

That said, all relationships are somewhat different just because all people are somewhat different. So there may well be lots of anecdotal evidence out there to suggest otherwise.

What matters most, it seems to me, is how you think that you would respond. And let that be the guide to your decision making.

 

[BiBunny]

Y'know, I've been a gamer just about my entire life, literally (getting on towards thirty years now). I know a bit about escape from reality that doesn't involve drugs. Gaming, be it role-playing, video games, or even gambling, is all about escaping the tedium of reality by entering into a tightly controlled little world with actual rules that everyone follows and a theoretically even playing field. In other words, as unreal as it gets.

You aren't doing this. The Domly Ones are PART of your reality. Your very real ass drives over to their very real house and does very real things with their very real selves. So, no, you are not escaping your reality. You are adding to it.

The problem you have is not escapism, it's compartmentalisation. You are using escapism as punishment verbiage. You feel bad, and are naming it in a way as to make it seem tawdry, less than it is. Instead of accepting that this part of your life is compartmentalised from the rest, you label it an escape, and thus make it seem like it is somehow irresponsible.

In other words, your mother has climbed into your mouth and is speaking for you.

See, it is not just okay to compartmentalise, it is fuck-all necessary. And I don't just mean for kinky people. Even Joe Vanilla has to compartmentalise. He can't start telling the judge how his wife gave him a blow job last night while in court for a speeding ticket. You're in the same boat, you just have a bit more that you can't talk about.

Think about that for a second. Do you need to tell people? Is this an "I found Jesus and I must share the Good News!" thing? Do people need to know about your relationship and approve to make you feel actualised? Or are you just knee-jerk trying to live up to the unrealistic standards of someone else?

Some time in the next day or two when you're outside of the house in some public place, look around. Look at the people that surround and ask yourself if you are just like them. If the answer is "No," ask yourself if it is okay to not be just like them.

You do not have to explain yourself to strangers. You do not have to justify yourself, your existence, or, most importantly, who you love. None of that is their business. And you likewise don't have to do it to family and friends. If they really love you and care about you, they're not going to require explanation and justification.

"I am not going to talk about it, so please drop it."

Don't abuse yourself with your mother's words, darlin. It's not worth it. You have something in your life that makes you happy, makes you feel at home, and puts you in the only place that has ever fit. Stop feeling like you don't deserve to be there. You do.

*hug*

You're right; it's not that I want to go shout from the rooftops that I'm kinky and poly and oh-God-look-how-cool-I-am.

I'm really envious of you, H. I wish my triad could be like yours. I just don't see it happening. I will always have to live separate from them. It'll always be visits here, even though it's hard to "visit" a place that feels like home.

I don't want to parade around and draw attention to myself. I just want this to be my life and fuck everyone else if they don't like it. I don't want to be the awkward single person who spends every holiday alone. I want to be able to go places with my owner people and not have to hold back. I don't mean I want them to lead me around on a leash or be able to obviously kiss and grope them in public. That's not my style. It's just...hell, I'm afraid to even meet their friends because I am afraid I will embarrass them by the fact that it's obvious when I look at them that I think the sun rises and sets in them.

And my family? Well, that's a hopeless cause right there. I can't even introduce them to my family as friends because my mom knows Master from another time and hates him.

I don't want to be that obnoxious, in-your-face person. I just want to not have to hide myself away like the madwoman in the attic all the time.

In my perfect world I would live in a big house in the forest with a bedroom for my husband and I, another for Daddy and his wife one each for the kids and then a bunch more for Daddy's children and grandchildren when they come to visit. And yet another bedroom for Daddy and I when he wanted me to serve his needs. Everyone would be happy and content and get along without jealousy.

But it'll never happen. We may get close to it when my kids are older, but not now.

I always thought of it as a kind of escapism too, but I like how Homburg explains it--compartmentilising. Sometimes I think of it as fantasy--but it's not. It's reality.

I have made peace in the last couple of years with how it is, and I like it. I get what I need from my different compartments.

I wish I could make peace with it. I'm really glad you have been able to.

I think I'm odd in that I don't want a husband and children and all the stuff that goes along with it. Even before I found myself in this relationship, I didn't. But, unfortunately, choosing to go one's own way can be awfully lonely at times.

Some of the best god-damned advice I have ever heard! Take heed upon what he says Bi, it will change your life! For the better.

My words of... pseudo-wisdom:

You do not have to feel ashamed of who you really are. Embrace yourself first and those that truly love and care for you will embrace your choices, and you, no matter how different those choices are from their own.

The ones that judge and condemn? Well, I think you just found out who your "real" friends and loved ones are, don't you agree?

And I'm not sure how groundless this next statement is, but I believe it's warrented:
You do NOT have to have your mothers approval to live a happy, healthy, and successful life!

My personal life improved greatly when I realized that I would never make either of my parents happy with my choices, so instead I make the choices that make me happy. I've never been happier, or more secure, in my life.

It's odd. I've been able to tell all my friends, and none of them really batted an eyelash. My family has been kept clueless for reasons of my own personal sanity.

 

[ownedsubgal]

Well, a practicing polygamous relationship wasn't really what I had in mind when I asked. I just meant a relationship between two people where one person is wired for polyamory, and the other simply isn't. Where two people fall in love and then one person is like, "oh, and by the way, I'm poly." and the other person is like "Well, I'm not." Can a relationship between those two people work in the long term? Is it all just going to crash and burn sooner or later? Does anybody know of an example where it worked? How? What did the people in the relationship do to make it work?

ETA: And yes, I am asking because I'm in this situation.

ahhh well yes that is quite a bit different, but also commonplace. can it work out? sure. this is not something that i really like to reveal, and i won't dwell on it now because it still depresses and scares the crap outta me, but....i am in kind of this situation. about 2 years ago my Master started exploring the "idea" of poly. for the majority of that time i chose to take the route of denial...i simply would not take it seriously, and viewed his interests/relationships with other women as casual. because you see i can handle that just fine. i could handle him wanting to scrump and skullfuck a different cute subbie for every night of the week. what i cannot handle is him actually having any kind of significant emotional attachment to another person or wanting to be committed to another person. but, that is what eventually happened...he took another slave. it was never to be a live-in situation, and it was not a case of romantic love. still, he wanted to possess her, and he cared about her. that made it an absolutely emotionally and mentally devastating situation for me.

my Master never would have described himself as poly. He is an interesting sort who goes through various "phases" in his life. i happened to meet him and fall in love with him when poly was the furthest thing from his mind. however after 7 years he entered into a phase where poly was something he would like to explore. i, otoh, have always been adamantly anti-poly. my heart is just not wired that way, i cannot share my heart with more than one and i do not want to share the heart of the one i love with anyone else. to me (and i realize poly-wired folks will disagree with this) it would feel like giving someone my whole self, and receiving only a piece of them in return.

so for a time, while my Master owned this other slave, i was in a pretty constant state of misery. i tried my very best daily to not shut down completely or run out into the freaking highway. i never forgot that i am property, and therefore have no say in such matters. it is all about what makes Daddy happy, etc. but i was not able to hide my deep depression and despair. i also was not able to grant my Master's desire of becoming "friends" with the other slave. that is all the relationship he wanted between us, nothing kinky or intimate, just to be friends. i was always cordial with her, but her very existence shattered my heart, so that is as far as it could ever go. eventually she started to feel unwelcome because of this, and this combined with behavior and trust issues caused my Master to release her after a few months.

Daddy has said he no longer has a desire to explore poly, it had more to do with finding that special person than an overall relationship inclination. but deep down i feel that perhaps that may be more natural for him than what we have, and he is only trying to spare me but not expressing it. so emotionally we are in a weird place now...i feel a certain distance between us, because now i know he is capable of deeply caring for more than one, while i am not. but like we have done for 9 years, we are persevering.

so can it work? yes, but not without sacrifice on someone's part. whether or not one is willing to make that sacrifice or can live with that sacrifice, is the question.