Please advise

[Guest]

I could really use some advice right now. I'm very frightened and confused and about ready to lose my mind. I need to start by giving some background info.

First, I'm married, but seperated from my husband. I have no intention of getting back together with him. I don't love him and I'm not happy with him. I intend on filing for divorce, but have yet to get the paperwqork started.

Second, I'm in a long distance relationship with a man I love very much and intend on marrying. Due to our distance, we have made certain physical concessions. Mainly, there's nothing stopping either of us from having sex with someone else if we feel the physical need arising, so long as the 3rd party understands that it's a "no strings attached" situation.

Well, in the past, I've not felt the need. Recently tho, I did finally break down and slept with a male friend of mine. I have been taking birth control pills, mainly for their reduction in my PMS symptoms. So I wasn't too worried about becoming pregnant. Well, I missed taking my pill the day I slept with this man. I remembered the next morning. Took the double dosage, both pills right then. Not a problem.

Well, now there seems to be a problem. My period is 3 days late. My SO knows I slept with this guy. Other than that, it was between me and him, due to the fact that he's still married, even though he's in the same situation as I am. I have been praying every night that I'm not pregnant. I'm trying not to stress over it, but it's very hard. I already have 2 children, and even though I want another one eventually, I do not want it to be now and not with this man. I love my SO very much and want the next child I have to be his. I don't know what to do right now.

I have always said that abortion is OK for those who need r want it, but that I don't think I ever could. Well, right now, I have a strong idea that if I turn up pregnant I would resort to it, for the simple reason that I do not love the man I slept with. He does not love me. We used each other and that was that. I know people will say "give it up for adoption". Well, the thing of it is, I don't think I would be able to go through 9 months of carrying a child around inside me that I don't want and would resent. I also don't want to have to explain to my other children why the baby in my tummy doesn't come home from the hospital.

I also need to figure out how to confess this fear of mine to my SO. He's always been accepting of my mistakes, but this one could be a life altering one for the both of us.Right now, I feel so scared and alone that I just want to crawl into bed and stay there. I feel like I've let everyone down over one stupid fuck. I had bad feelings from the moment he walked out the door afterwards, and I just find them getting worse. Can someone just please offer me some advice? I could really use it right now.

 

[Mischka]

Do not tell your SO anything just yet. At this point, he already knows you have had sex with another man. The situation does not change unless you are pregnant. You are only three days late. Wait another four days, and if you still have not started your period, then take a pregnancy test. If the results are positive, then you need to talk to your SO and the two of you need to discuss your alternatives.

I would not recommend hiding a pregnancy from your SO because you will need his support no matter if you choose an abortion, adoption, or to keep the child. Since you plan on marrying, this will affect him as well.

As for your current marriage, how long have you been separated? Are you legally separated? Have you agreed that you will take care of the children, does your estranged husband pay support, etc.? Extramarital affairs will be used against you if divorce proceedings turn nasty. You need to consult an attorney and find out how to best protect your interests in light of these events.

You're not facing an easy road ahead. I wish you luck.

 

[lilminx]

I agree with Mischka- do not tell him anything until you take a pregnancy test (I would also suggest a test for all STDs, since it does not seem like you used a condom with this other man).

I am on the pill, and I have screwed up my schedule in the past. I took a pregnancy test once when I was stressing about my period being a few days late, and I ended up getting my period the day after I took it and found out the results were negative. Often, stress can majorly fuck with your period, whether you're on the pill or not.

I wish you luck in your predicament, and it would be nice if you could respond to this thread with the outcome of your results and your decision (as unregistered, of course).

 

[LadyDarkFire]

You said you're 3 days late, so a pregnancy test at this point would most likely be accurate. Don't do anything until you take that test, as Mischka and lilminx said, along with the STD test. Even if you don't turn out to be pregnant (relax, 3 days is not a long time, especially factoring stress), I think you better talk with your SO about what percautions you two should use with any "stress relief" for STDs, and Pregnancy. If it was a meaningless fuck, there was NO reason not to use a condom. Unless in a completely exclusive relationship, where both people are tested, you do NOT go without a condom. Relax, and let it be a lesson either way.

 

[Guest]

I think it is time to call Jerry Springer. Trailer parks rule...................

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

I think it is time to call Jerry Springer. Trailer parks rule...................

As usual trolls are an immense lot of help, very sensitive and not in the least bigoted assholes - NOT!

Everybody (that isn't a troll) seems to be giving fairly good advice, but I have one reservation about STD testing. I know they have gotten a lot better over the years, but I am not at all sure they will detect some STDs so soon - sometimes you need to wait some months before you can be sure about an STD, sometimes as long as 6-18 months. Antigen tests, IIRC are not as deterministic as Antibody tests, and Antibodies take some time to develop.

 

[Rubyfruit]

If you are pregnant and decide to abort, the "medical" abortion is now widely available in the U.S.

Mifepristone (RU486) information here:

http://www.ru486.com/topics/articles/article_22.asp

Good luck.

 

[Guest]

STG-----SHUT UP

 

[Nobody Special's wife]

You have alot of choice to make.. but if your only three days late.. well you just might be let and it could be stress... The questions is are you haveing any symtoms of pregnancy?? And I hope That what ever you do it is the right desion for you...

But I would take a test just to be sure...

good luck in all

 

[registered "^^"]

I could really use some advice right now. I'm very frightened and confused and about ready to lose my mind. I need to start by giving some background info.

First, I'm married, but seperated from my husband. I have no intention of getting back together with him. I don't love him and I'm not happy with him. I intend on filing for divorce, but have yet to get the paperwqork started.

Second, I'm in a long distance relationship with a man I love very much and intend on marrying. Due to our distance, we have made certain physical concessions. Mainly, there's nothing stopping either of us from having sex with someone else if we feel the physical need arising, so long as the 3rd party understands that it's a "no strings attached" situation.

Well, in the past, I've not felt the need. Recently tho, I did finally break down and slept with a male friend of mine. I have been taking birth control pills, mainly for their reduction in my PMS symptoms. So I wasn't too worried about becoming pregnant. Well, I missed taking my pill the day I slept with this man. I remembered the next morning. Took the double dosage, both pills right then. Not a problem.

Well, now there seems to be a problem. My period is 3 days late. My SO knows I slept with this guy. Other than that, it was between me and him, due to the fact that he's still married, even though he's in the same situation as I am. I have been praying every night that I'm not pregnant. I'm trying not to stress over it, but it's very hard. I already have 2 children, and even though I want another one eventually, I do not want it to be now and not with this man. I love my SO very much and want the next child I have to be his. I don't know what to do right now.

I have always said that abortion is OK for those who need r want it, but that I don't think I ever could. Well, right now, I have a strong idea that if I turn up pregnant I would resort to it, for the simple reason that I do not love the man I slept with. He does not love me. We used each other and that was that. I know people will say "give it up for adoption". Well, the thing of it is, I don't think I would be able to go through 9 months of carrying a child around inside me that I don't want and would resent. I also don't want to have to explain to my other children why the baby in my tummy doesn't come home from the hospital.

I also need to figure out how to confess this fear of mine to my SO. He's always been accepting of my mistakes, but this one could be a life altering one for the both of us.Right now, I feel so scared and alone that I just want to crawl into bed and stay there. I feel like I've let everyone down over one stupid fuck. I had bad feelings from the moment he walked out the door afterwards, and I just find them getting worse. Can someone just please offer me some advice? I could really use it right now.

You fucked up....so tell your SO, or keep lying to him all your life.
I feel sorry for the kid either way. Your an idiot. Think before you fuck next time.

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Please advise

You fucked up....so tell your SO, or keep lying to him all your life.
I feel sorry for the kid either way. Your an idiot. Think before you fuck next time.

Yes, I DID fuck up. I admitted that freely. And you aren't the only one who feels sorry for the child, if there is one. I do as well. I feel sorry for it because if it IS really there, I won't be able to see it without remembernig the mistake I made. But to call me an idiot because of this is unfair. I didn't come here looking to be berrated and insulted. I came here looking for a little advice, and perhaps a little bit of support from a community that I vsit quite often. I would have expected better from you. Think before you respond next time, because you just might find out down the road that it's someone you know who you've insulted.

And so you know, I have not once lied to my SO. I told him what I'd done. I went about my daily life and have just recently been waiting for my period. What's lying about that? Just because I didn't tell him right away? I know I need to tell him one way or the other, but I don't want to risk throwing away a year and a half relationship over the possibility of an unplanned pregnancy. He's a very supportive man. I doubt he'll end the relationship over this. I do, however, think this will hurt him. I'm sorry for that, but I can't change anything. I can't go back in time and make it stop.

I also want to state right now that this is the only time that I had ever sought what has been mine to look for in the entire time my SO and I have been together. I've been tempted before, but there was something I needed to prove to myself this time. I proved it, but in the end, I think I could have lived with my own thoughts instead of what I am now facing.

And one more thing before I close this for now. Registered, I may be an idiot, but at least I know the difference between "your" and "you're". Obviously, you don't. But I'm at least kind enough to not say "You're an idiot". Too bad you weren't.

 

[Guest]

If you are pregnant and decide to abort, the "medical" abortion is now widely available in the U.S.

Mifepristone (RU486) information here:

http://www.ru486.com/topics/articles/article_22.asp

Good luck.

Thank you, Ruby. I appreciate this information. I'm not overly familiar with abortion facts. I don't even really know where in my area that I could go and get one. Being froma small town, I figure it would require a trip to a bigger city where I can also be blessed with the anominity of so many faces. Would you happen to know if this is in all 50 states?

 

[PowerOfOne]

A long three days...

I am sure that three days seems like an eternity to you but do not do anything until you know for sure. Stress will cause a delay in the cycle, also. It sounds like guilt is a big part of your stress..learn from it before repeating something that will cause you such grief.

 

[Guest]

 

[Guest]

I agree with Mischka- do not tell him anything until you take a pregnancy test (I would also suggest a test for all STDs, since it does not seem like you used a condom with this other man).

I am on the pill, and I have screwed up my schedule in the past. I took a pregnancy test once when I was stressing about my period being a few days late, and I ended up getting my period the day after I took it and found out the results were negative. Often, stress can majorly fuck with your period, whether you're on the pill or not.

I wish you luck in your predicament, and it would be nice if you could respond to this thread with the outcome of your results and your decision (as unregistered, of course).

I haven't tested yet, but I plan on getting a test within the next couple days to see. I'm praying to my Higher Power that it comes back negative. I will, no matter what happens, keep the board updated, because believe I think if I bring anyone into my soap opera of a life, they deserve to see how it plays out.

And to the insulting "unregistered", I guess maybe Jerry Springer does need to come into this. He seems to like assholes and idiots on his show. You'd fit right in. Don't trailer park me. I''m a middle class woman with 2 kids, a house and a couple pets. I get up each day. I work hard. I raise my children to be resepctful of others and I try to live my life in such a way that I don't hurt anyone, especially those I love. I made a mistake. So why not save the insults until you become perfect and can live by example. Last time I hear of anyone like that, he ended up being crucified in biblical times.

 

[Kristine]

Well, seeing as how I know the atention usually paid to unregistered people posting problems, I have decided to register another Lit ID so I can keep you aware of what's going on. Also so if anyone might have faced a similar situation but not be willing to post it up here, please feel free to PM me.

I would also like to thank everyone for their kind words and their offers of support. I made a major descision and informed my SO of my plight. He was a bit upset, but he is NOT angry. He's being very supportive of me, in whatever happens and in whatever I choose. He still loves me deeply and has no intentions of breaking off our relationship due to my error in judgement.

I plan on buying a home test tomorrow and seeing what comes from it. After that, I'll have to wait and see where it goes to. I can only hope it comes out negative. One way or the other thoough, I will not be carrying a child to term over this. I won't bring my male friend that far into my life. He may be a good man and a good friend, but a good father he's not. He's just plain not the kind of person I would ever considering sharing my life with due to a child.

I realize I will probably get judged for my choices, but I also know that it's better this way. For my current children, for my friend, for my family, for my SO, and for my own mental state.

 

[StLBob]

A guy's perspective...

First, I feel for you. I truly do!

I notice that most if not all responses thus far have been from the fairer sex. So I thought I'd put in my two cents worth, from a guy's perspective...

If I were the SO, what would I want and need from this? First, don't stress him or your relationship with anything prematurely, in case it ends up a false alarm...

I am Pro-Choice, all the way... If you are pregnant, then I would recommend the abortion for all the reasons already stated. Many of them by yourself... The child is the one that would suffer the worst, and most unfairly in the long run. I know I'm opening myself up for shots for that line of thinking. But so be it! Its my formed opinion... << Especially coming from one who married at 15 1/2 due to a teen pregnancy, and experiencing firsthand how the child suffers for so many years... >>

Whatever the outcome, however, you will need to come completely clean with him! Perhaps even traveling to a location for the procedure << if you are pregnant >> where he can be there to comfort and support you...

Same for the potential for STDs... He needs to know ALL about what has transpired, since he should be protected for a period of time, as already discussed. Perhaps even for a year or more.

If you are concerned about what this may do to your relationship with your SO... Well, put faith in your love for one another. If it is the love that you obviously believe it is, then it will endure. He should be understanding, and forgiving for your indiscretion. And by all means, he should be supportive in your times of need. I know I would be...

That's it... My two cents worth, for what its worth...

 

[Kristine]

Thanks for your imput and support, Bob. Travelling to be near him for the procedure woudnl't be possible. The distance is too much, and my finances can't take such an expense. I have, however come completely clean with him. I've showed him this post and let him know all my fears.He's said that whatever I choose, he will supporet me. I am now taking this one day at a time and dealing with it the best way I can.

I would also now like to say this because I know my SO is reading this. Honey, I'm sorry I messed up. I love you deeply and I am so sorry that I did anything to hurt you. I am grateful that you are as supportive of em as you have been. You are a blessing to me and I thank God that I have you in my life.

 

[Guest]

I'm the SO in this little melodrama. Firstly, to everyone who gave sensible caring advice, WE thank you. To those that trolled, get a life, you need one. Whats happened has happened and cant be changed or taken back, so WE deal with it one day at a time. I just want to let all the good folks know that Kristine has been very straight up with me about what occurred. In fact I was in the know less than 24 hours after the event took place. She had my blessing then and still has. She has allowed me to have my little daliances from time to time, always with her knowledge and blessing. Because of our situations we cannot be together for sometime and both of us are highly sexual individuals.

I fully support her decision (whichever way it may be) and stand beside her in her time of need. I give my word to all of the Litizens here that I will continue LOVE, CHERISH & RESPECT her
for as long as she'll have me.

Once again, to the folks who matter to US.
I thank you from the bottom of my heart and any more wise
advice would be greatfully recieved and accepted.
WISH US LUCK

 

[Rogan]

I'm the SO in this little melodrama. Firstly, to everyone who gave sensible caring advice, WE thank you. To those that trolled, get a life, you need one. Whats happened has happened and cant be changed or taken back, so WE deal with it one day at a time. I just want to let all the good folks know that Kristine has been very straight up with me about what occurred. In fact I was in the know less than 24 hours after the event took place. She had my blessing then and still has. She has allowed me to have my little daliances from time to time, always with her knowledge and blessing. Because of our situations we cannot be together for sometime and both of us are highly sexual individuals.

I fully support her decision (whichever way it may be) and stand beside her in her time of need. I give my word to all of the Litizens here that I will continue LOVE, CHERISH & RESPECT her
for as long as she'll have me.

Once again, to the folks who matter to US.
I thank you from the bottom of my heart and any more wise
advice would be greatfully recieved and accepted.
WISH US LUCK

Please dont Troll This Is Really Me.
Slight F**K Up with the new ID but that happens

 

[firemagik]

you do realize that the more you stress mentally, the more you stress physically. it sounds kind of odd, but just put it in the back of your mind for a bit and see what happens.

 

[Rubyfruit]

Kristine, you have a PM.

 

[Sweetlola]

Okay... did you take the test yet? That would be step #1 for me. *HUGS* to you both. If there is indeed a new baby involved, good luck in making the right decision for this child. Please keep us updated.

 

[Kristine]

Ruby, you also have a PM.

Lola, I haven't tested yet. I am going to buy a home test tomorrow afternoon and go from there. I can only hope that it comes out negative. It's out of my hands for now. I'll keep you all informed.

Rogan and I thank you for your concern and kind words, and a special thank you to those of you offering me advice and comfort in PM. You are helping me more than you know.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

STG-----SHUT UP

Why of course! I always do exactly what unregistered asshole trolls tell me - NOT!

Now run along before your mother discovers you are playing on the computer and gives you a spanking you deserve but which you are obviously too young to enjoy.