Odes to Literotica categories

[Rustyoznail]

All right, listen. This is a Blues riff in B.
Watch me for the changes and try and keep up. Ok?

(Marty McFly - Back to the Future) - Just for Em who may not be aware of the classics...

===

Johnny the Wood

Deep down in Louisiana close to New Orleans
Way back up in the woods among the evergreens
There stood a log cabin made of earth and wood
Where lived a country boy named Johnny the Wood
Who never ever learned to read or write so well
But he could play them white girls just like a-ringing a bell

(They'd go) Whoh!
Oh Johnny no! No!
Oh Johnny I don't know!
Oh Johnny take it slow!
Oh Johnny go! Go!
Johnny, that's good!

He entertained the ladies in his quiet shack
Or kissed beneath the tree by the railroad track
Oh, all the girls would see him sittin' in the shade
Strummin' his big ramrod that the women all craved
The ladies passing by, they would stop and say
"Oh my, but that goodly country boy could stay"

Whoh!
Oh Johnny no! No!
Oh Johnny I don't know!
Oh Johnny take it slow!
Oh Johnny go! Go!
Johnny, that's good!

The chicks they told him, "John, you’re a real big man,
And you will be guy's envy with your group of fans
Many women comin' from miles around
To help you make some magic and feel you pound
Maybe someday you’ll have a real cute wife
Sayin' 'Johnny, he’s good tonight!'

Oh Oh Whoh!
Oh Johnny no! No!
Oh Johnny I don't know!
Go Johnny take it slow!
Oh Johnny go! Go!
Johnny, that's good!

 

[Zenith77]

All right, listen. This is a Blues riff in B.
Watch me for the changes and try and keep up. Ok?

The song was good, but the intro was in its own class.

 

[Djmac1031]

All right, listen. This is a Blues riff in B.
Watch me for the changes and try and keep up. Ok?

===

Johnny the Wood

Deep down in Louisiana close to New Orleans
Way back up in the woods among the evergreens
There stood a log cabin made of earth and wood
Where lived a country boy named Johnny the Wood
Who never ever learned to read or write so well
But he could play them white girls just like a-ringing a bell

(They'd go) Whoh!
Oh Johnny no! No!
Oh Johnny I don't know!
Oh Johnny take it slow!
Oh Johnny go! Go!
Johnny, that's good!

He entertained the ladies in his quiet shack
Or kissed beneath the tree by the railroad track
Oh, all the girls would see him sittin' in the shade
Strummin' his big ramrod that the women all craved
The ladies passing by, they would stop and say
"Oh my, but that goodly country boy could stay"

Whoh!
Oh Johnny no! No!
Oh Johnny I don't know!
Oh Johnny take it slow!
Oh Johnny go! Go!
Johnny, that's good!

The chicks they told him, "John, you’re a real big man,
And you will be guy's envy with your group of fans
Many women comin' from miles around
To help you make some magic and feel you pound
Maybe someday you’ll have a real cute wife
Sayin' 'Johnny, he’s good tonight!'

Oh Oh Whoh!
Oh Johnny no! No!
Oh Johnny I don't know!
Go Johnny take it slow!
Oh Johnny go! Go!
Johnny, that's good!

"I guess you guys aren't ready for that yet. But your kids are gonna love it."

 

[Zenith77]

"I guess you guys aren't ready for that yet. But your kids are gonna love it."

That... that doesn't work so well in the context of that song.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

Loving wives (Rocket Man - Elton John)

I packed her bags before, cheap whore.
For sucking off, 90 men.
She was covered in dryyyyy, other guy’s semen
Don’t miss that girl that much, don’t miss my wife.
That cheater’s laughing face.
After being ou-OU-OUT, all night.

Can’t believe I ever thought she was my type
Thought rumours bout her were a load of tripe.
She’s not the gal I always thought she was oh no no no.
Ain’t no loving wife.

LOVING WIFE!
sharing her booty with everyone.

She let 90 guys take her from behind
They rammed their meat right into her insides
She kept on screaming out she wanted more, more more, more.
Such a slutty whore.

LOVING WIFE
Glad I kicked her ass out to the floor.

Her cars now gone and that’s the end of her.
I won’t see her again
I’m gonna be BAAACK on Tinder.
Get myself new friends.

Of all the women I’d have wound up with
Didn’t think she’d break my heart
That mucky TAAAART
Glad we’re apart.

Now I need to get her washed out of my mind.
Date some new women and enjoy my time.
Don’t think about her sucking all those dicks,
licking her lips.
That dirty b#*ch.

LOVING WIFE!
Sent her videos right to my phone.

Comment and rating:

Sexy as hell. 5*
This guy’s a cuck wimp. 1*

 

[Rustyoznail]

Fucking Whore

(Living Doll - Cliff Richard and The Young Ones)

"Hey kids, stop snogging and pay attention to me. 'Cause if
you're a wild-eyed loner standing at the gates of Oblivion,
hitch a ride with us. 'Cause we're on the last freedom moped out
of Nowhere City, and we haven't even told our parents what
time we'll be back! So put on your dancing trousers, and get
down to the utter King of Rock and Roll, CLIFF RICHARD!"

Got ourselves a horny sucking, teasing, slutting, fucking whore
She wants to do her best to please us, just 'cause she's a fucking whore
She gets an orgy high and that is why she satisfies our balls
Got the gang a slutty walking talking, fucking whore

Take a look at her minge, it's creamy
And if you don't believe what I say, just feel it
We're gonna tie her on to a bunk
And fuck her tight cunt then give her a buk-kak-ee

Got ourselves a crying, talking, sexy, walking, cock lovin' whore
Got to do our best to demean her, just 'cause she's a fucking whore
She loves a load inside and that is why we go and fuck her holes
Got the one and only walking talking, fucking whore

Well, take a look at her boobs, they're real
And if you don't believe what I say, just squeeze 'em
Gonna fill her arse with our spunk
Slap her face with our junk and whip her until she squeals

Got myself a crying, talking, sleeping, walking, fucking whore
Got to do my best to please her, just 'cause she's a fucking whore
Got a roving eye and that is why she satisfies my soul
Got the one and only walking talking, fucking whore

 

[EmilyMiller]

Fucking Whore

(Living Doll - Cliff Richard and The Young Ones)

"Hey kids, stop snogging and pay attention to me. 'Cause if
you're a wild-eyed loner standing at the gates of Oblivion,
hitch a ride with us. 'Cause we're on the last freedom moped out
of Nowhere City, and we haven't even told our parents what
time we'll be back! So put on your dancing trousers, and get
down to the utter King of Rock and Roll, CLIFF RICHARD!"

Got ourselves a horny sucking, teasing, slutting, fucking whore
She wants to do her best to please us, just 'cause she's a fucking whore
She gets an orgy high and that is why she satisfies our balls
Got the gang a slutty walking talking, fucking whore

Take a look at her minge, it's creamy
And if you don't believe what I say, just feel it
We're gonna tie her on to a bunk
And fuck her tight cunt then give her a buk-kak-ee

Got ourselves a crying, talking, sexy, walking, cock lovin' whore
Got to do our best to demean her, just 'cause she's a fucking whore
She loves a load inside and that is why we go and fuck her holes
Got the one and only walking talking, fucking whore

Well, take a look at her boobs, they're real
And if you don't believe what I say, just squeeze 'em
Gonna fill her arse with our spunk
Slap her face with our junk and whip her until she squeals

Got myself a crying, talking, sleeping, walking, fucking whore
Got to do my best to please her, just 'cause she's a fucking whore
Got a roving eye and that is why she satisfies my soul
Got the one and only walking talking, fucking whore

Sorry, but couldn’t help but think…

View attachment 2227790



Em

 

[SimonDoom]

Spanking Pleasure (Under Pressure - David Bowie and Queen)

Pleasure
Spanking down on me
Spanking down from you, my ass is raw
Spanking pleasure
That burns my buttocks, ow!
Makes them turn red, too
I’ll struggle to sit.

Up-ma-bum-yea
That butt plug yeah
Dee-day-da
E-day-da, that's okay!

It's exciting the knowing what this kink is about
Feeling the smacks and screaming "Let me out"
But what follows gets me higher.
Pressure on nipples
Nipples with clamps

Dey-dey-dey-mm-hm
Da-da-da-ba-ba
Okay

Wax melts down, stings and burns ever so,
The sensation stings and yet I’m still wanting more

Ee-do-ba-be
Ee-da-ba-ba-ba
Um-bo-bo
Be-lap

Nipples and clamps
Ee-da-de-da-de
A clamp on my clit
Ee-da-de-da-de-da-de-da

It's the pleasure of knowing what this pain is about
Pulling on those clamps, they’re tweaking, makes me shout
But what follows gets me higher.
Paddle on backside
Wax melts on teats

Thats okay, feeling more with the blind on
I’m in restraints, so it’s all good
Keep coming up with love, but it's just such a bore
Why? Why? Why?
Love (love, love, love, love)
Insanity laughs, spanking pleasure we're facing
Can't you give me just one more spank?
Why can't we give clamps just one more yank?
Why can't we give love, give love, give love?
Give love, give love, give love, give love?
'Cause love's such an old fashioned term
But love daren’t do the sort of things that we often like (in between sheets)
But bondage can, it changes ways of teasing and pleasing us
This is our last spank
This is our last yank
This is ourselves
Spanking pleasure
Clit clamp pressure
Pressure

Click
Click
Click
Click

Clever. I've always liked this song, and I could imagine Bowie and Mercury (were they still with us) having fun with this version.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

Something (the Beatles)

Something in the way he moves
Reminds me that he’s my twin brother
Something in the way he snoozes
Always he’s in the nude.
led there all super-lewd.

Something in his smile, he knows.
That I just got out of the shower
Something in his style that shows me
His dick is now fully hard
It’s about a third of a yard

You say “our parents mustn’t know”
That I know, that I know.
His dick’s so long it’s in my throat.
Gonna choke, I will choke.

(Instrumental break)

Something in my ass that’s long
And all I have to do is clench my cheeks
Something in my ass exploded
Can’t let my ma find out
Her twins are now making out.

(George Harrison must be spinning like a revolving door).

 

[Emilymcplugger]

Fucking Whore

(Living Doll - Cliff Richard and The Young Ones)

"Hey kids, stop snogging and pay attention to me. 'Cause if
you're a wild-eyed loner standing at the gates of Oblivion,
hitch a ride with us. 'Cause we're on the last freedom moped out
of Nowhere City, and we haven't even told our parents what
time we'll be back! So put on your dancing trousers, and get
down to the utter King of Rock and Roll, CLIFF RICHARD!"

Got ourselves a horny sucking, teasing, slutting, fucking whore
She wants to do her best to please us, just 'cause she's a fucking whore
She gets an orgy high and that is why she satisfies our balls
Got the gang a slutty walking talking, fucking whore

Take a look at her minge, it's creamy
And if you don't believe what I say, just feel it
We're gonna tie her on to a bunk
And fuck her tight cunt then give her a buk-kak-ee

Got ourselves a crying, talking, sexy, walking, cock lovin' whore
Got to do our best to demean her, just 'cause she's a fucking whore
She loves a load inside and that is why we go and fuck her holes
Got the one and only walking talking, fucking whore

Well, take a look at her boobs, they're real
And if you don't believe what I say, just squeeze 'em
Gonna fill her arse with our spunk
Slap her face with our junk and whip her until she squeals

Got myself a crying, talking, sleeping, walking, fucking whore
Got to do my best to please her, just 'cause she's a fucking whore
Got a roving eye and that is why she satisfies my soul
Got the one and only walking talking, fucking whore

Well that songs now ruined.

…er…more so.

 

[SimonDoom]

Bondage Dream

You think I'm pretty when you put the handcuffs on
You think I'm funny when I get the box tie wrong
I know you get me, so I let my walls come down, down


Before you met me
I was alright, but things were kinda boring
You brought me to life, now every February
You'll be my Valentine, Valentine

Tie me up with rope tonight
No regrets, just jute
You can spank, me til we die
You and I, will be bound forever

You make me
Feel like I'm livin' a bondage dream
The way you master me, I can't ‘scape
The ties that bind me, don't ever let go, don’t ever let go
My limbs bound
When you paddle me, just one flog
Now, baby, I believe this is real
So tie me up and don't ever look back, don't ever look back

You built a dungeon and bound me to the wall
Suspended from the roof, but never let me fall
You controlled me, your submissive piece
I'm complete

Tie me up with rope tonight
No regrets, just jute
You can spank, me til we die
You and I, will be bound forever

You make me
Feel like I'm livin' a bondage dream
The way you master me, I can't ‘scape
The ties that bind me, don't ever look back, don't ever look back


My limbs bound
When you paddle me, just one flog
Now baby I believe this is real
So tie me up and don't ever let go, don’t ever let go

I'm a get your heart racing in my latex jeans
Be your bondage dream tonight
Let you put your hands on me in my latex jeans
Be your bondage dream tonight
(Tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight)

 

[Emilymcplugger]

Hey Lube

Don’t make it bad
Takes an asshole and makes it wetter
Remember to let them into your ass
Fingers go past
That greased-up starfish

Hey lube

Don’t be afraid
You were made to
Help make it better
You enter with digits right to the palms
Till they’re all calm
Then comes the lubed dick

And if sometime there is some pain
They will complain
You’ll need some more goo, upon your member
Just whack that lube upon your tool
more lubes the rule
To help make your cock feel nice and slender

A-na na na-na, na na na-nal.

Hey Lube
You’ll turn a frown
Into a cry of exquisite pleasure
Remember to apply liberally
Then you will see
Your cock fits better better better better better OW!

A-na na na-na-na-na, na na na-nal, hey lube
A-na na na-na-na-na, na na na-nal, hey lube
A-na na na-na-na-na, na na na-nal, hey lube (lube)

 

[Rustyoznail]

Well that songs now ruined.

…er…more so.

I get that a lot. I completely ruined "I want a hippopotamus for Christmas" for a friend here.

 

[Djmac1031]

Buddy's Loving Wife makes a big noise
Playing in the sheets, gonna fuck a big man all day
She got cum on her face, a big disgrace
Fucking your wife all over the place, singin'
She will, she will cuck you!
She will, she will cuck you!

Buddy, he's a young man, hard man
Fucking in your sheets, gonna take her in the ass someday
She got cum on her face, you big disgrace
Waving her titties all over the place
She will, she will cuck you!
(sing it!)
She will, she will cuck you!

Buddy, you're an old man, poor man
Pleading with your eyes, gonna burn you some bitch someday
You got rage on your face, big disgrace
Somebody better put her back into her place!
She will, she will cuck you!
(Sing it!)
She will, she will cuck you! (everybody)
She will, she will cuck you! hmm
She will, she will cuck you!
(Alright!)

 

[Emilymcplugger]

Buddy's Loving Wife makes a big noise
Playing in the sheets, gonna fuck a big man all day
She got cum on her face, a big disgrace
Fucking your wife all over the place, singin'
She will, she will cuck you!
She will, she will cuck you!

Buddy, he's a young man, hard man
Fucking in your sheets, gonna take her in the ass someday
She got cum on her face, you big disgrace
Waving her titties all over the place
She will, she will cuck you!
(sing it!)
She will, she will cuck you!

Buddy, you're an old man, poor man
Pleading with your eyes, gonna burn you some bitch someday
You got rage on your face, big disgrace
Somebody better put her back into her place!
She will, she will cuck you!
(Sing it!)
She will, she will cuck you! (everybody)
She will, she will cuck you! hmm
She will, she will cuck you!
(Alright!)

1 Elton John
1 Taylor Swift
1 Chuck Berry
1 Nirvana
1 Cliff Richard
1 Lou Reed
1 U2
3 Queen (including David Bowie)
4 Beatles

Amongst others. What a list

 

[Zenith77]

U2 One

FIFY.

I'm guessing the Il Divo isn't quite so popular. Shame, I used their best song.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

FIFY.

I'm guessing the Il Divo isn't quite so popular. Shame, I used their best song.

Yeah, that was a bold move. I guess you also need to know Italian

 

[Zenith77]

Yeah, that was a bold move. I guess you also need to know Italian

Mmm. Or Spanish maybe.

 

[Rustyoznail]

Aye, My Dildo

(Calypso - John Denver)

I wake in the morn of sunny West Stralia
The kids are at camp, my husbands away
I need something big to stop this damn itching
My fingers are searching and making me moan
You part my vagina and my dampness is growing
Things are beginning to cream

Aye my dildo, the places you’ve been to
The holes that you’ve been up
The stories you’d tell
Aye my dildo, I sing to your ribbing
The rubber that’s served me so long and so well

I bought you years ago, as a freshman in college
You filled up my fanny, then I hid you away
For though I prefer a real piece of hardwood
Your width and your texture makes me want to scream

You're true to my heart and you make me orgasm
Joyful and loving, my huge BBC

Aye my dildo, the places you’ve been to
The holes that you’ve been up
The stories you’d tell
Aye my dildo, I sing to your ribbing
The rubber that’s served me so long and so well

Aye my dildo, the places you’ve been to
The holes that you’ve been up
The stories you’d tell
Aye my dildo, I sing to your ribbing
The rubber that’s served me so long and so well

 

[Emilymcplugger]

One-bomber bastard (Mr Boombastic)

They call me 1-bomber bastard, make out I’m tragic
I stab the authors in the back see, they say I’m pedantic
Acting like a fuck-stick
Dragging rating ratings to the ground, G, they say I’m a big t…

Sorry. Just got one-bombed by some see you next Tuesday.

 

[Zenith77]

Sorry. Just got one-bombed by some see you next Tuesday.

Yep, me too. Worse still, someone gave me a '3' on a story that had been hitting 5s until that point. Not even sure that'll be picked up in a sweep.

Copper nanotubes abound.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

Don’t go breaking my arse
(I’m assuming everyone knows this one)

Don't go breaking my arse
I couldn't if I tried
Be careful with my old rectum
I’ll make sure I slide inside
Don't go breaking my arse
I’ll lube you up liberally
Oh, babe, when you knocked on my back door
I’ll wipe my boots carefully

Ooh-hoo, nobody knows it
When I’m lying down
I’ll reach around
Ooh-hoo, nobody knows it (nobody knows)
You’re at my behind
Cause you don’t mind
Oh-ho, Cause you don’t mind

So don't go breaking my arse
I won't go breaking your arse
Don't go breaking my arse

Nobody told us
It’s Pornhub that showed us
And now I’ve loosened up, babe
Oh, I think that your gaping
So don't go too fast in there
I’ll make sure it fits all right
Now you’ve got your dick in my rear
Boy, it sure feel so tight

Ooh-hoo, nobody knows it
My ass in the air
It’s just waiting there
Ooh-hoo, nobody knows it (nobody knows)
You carefully touch
Your beautiful butt
Oh, ho, your Beautiful butt

Don't go breaking my arse
I won't go breaking your arse
(Don't go breaking my)
(Don't go breaking my)
Don't go breaking my arse
(Don't go breaking my)
(Don't go breaking my)
I won't go breaking your arse
Don't go breaking my arse
(Don't go breaking my)
I won't go breaking your arse

 

[Zenith77]

Slightly off-topic and more for my fellow brits, but I wanted to drop this one in for your amusement:

London Underground Song

I know one of the guys that wrote this

 

[Emilymcplugger]

Slightly off-topic and more for my fellow brits, but I wanted to drop this one in for your amusement:

London Underground Song

I know one of the guys that wrote this

Love that version. Great that you know one of the writers too.

This might be my favourite thread on here, ever.

 

[onehitwanda]

Slightly off-topic and more for my fellow brits, but I wanted to drop this one in for your amusement:

London Underground Song

I know one of the guys that wrote this

Did your mates make all the spelling mistakes on purpose? I'm triggered, so you can have some seagulls back.