Odes to Literotica categories
- Thread starter EmilyMiller
- Start date
Did your mates make all the spelling mistakes on purpose?I'm triggered, so you can have some seagulls back.
Er... pretty sure he can spell. He has a doctorate. Must be the other guy
And that right there is why we're an alpha predator and the seagulls are not. A prime example of man's superiority and sophistication.
Emilymcplugger
Deviant but Romantic
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- Mar 2, 2022
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The only downside…I can never listen to some of these songs the same way again.With you
Sorry Elton.
Yeah... was at a birthday party at the weekend and had to sing a long quietly at the back so no one heard.
onehitwanda
Venatrix Lacrimosal
- Joined
- May 20, 2013
- Posts
- 4,779
Row row row your boat
gently down the stream
I'll chase you down and fuck you up
and cut you 'til you scream.
I have no idea where I heard this version but it's now the canon version for me; I can't hear the music without having to physically restrain myself from singing the second half.
Romance?
Emilymcplugger
Deviant but Romantic
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Emilymcplugger
Deviant but Romantic
- Joined
- Mar 2, 2022
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I can’t believe we ALL missed this one.
Summer of 69
I made sure my dick was so clean
Invited her back to mine
we wound up lying in my bed
Really wanted a 69
Me and this girl were nude
She grabbed my cock and it was so hard
She said she wanted to take things slow
Made me think she wouldn’t go far
But when I look back now
I know that she was only teasing
And if I had a brain
We’d have spent all night just pleasing
Maybe the best night of my life.
Should have been my first 69
Ain’t no use in complaining
About what I didn’t do
Cause there plenty more screw-ups.
Like when I met Suzanne
She was so hot for me
But I felt so awkward round her
But now that I’m looking back
She sure would let have me pound her
I should have defo got inside
That could have been my first 69
I thought life was just so unkind
But I was just so dense then
I missed all of the signs
I guess I’d miss good sex forever, forever, oh!
But now the times have changed yeah,
I can see that things have come along,
I feel my mouth on your pussy
And your lips are wrapped around my schlong
the taste of your juicy lips
Makes me realise I’m lucky
With my cock lodged in your mouth
And your giving it a damn good suck, yeah,
This is the best day of my life.
Of yeah.
I’m finally getting my 69, uh-huh.
This is my first ever 69, oh yeah
Me and my lady in a 69, uh-huh
Maybe I should put some of these in poems
Summer of 69
I made sure my dick was so clean
Invited her back to mine
we wound up lying in my bed
Really wanted a 69
Me and this girl were nude
She grabbed my cock and it was so hard
She said she wanted to take things slow
Made me think she wouldn’t go far
But when I look back now
I know that she was only teasing
And if I had a brain
We’d have spent all night just pleasing
Maybe the best night of my life.
Should have been my first 69
Ain’t no use in complaining
About what I didn’t do
Cause there plenty more screw-ups.
Like when I met Suzanne
She was so hot for me
But I felt so awkward round her
But now that I’m looking back
She sure would let have me pound her
I should have defo got inside
That could have been my first 69
I thought life was just so unkind
But I was just so dense then
I missed all of the signs
I guess I’d miss good sex forever, forever, oh!
But now the times have changed yeah,
I can see that things have come along,
I feel my mouth on your pussy
And your lips are wrapped around my schlong
the taste of your juicy lips
Makes me realise I’m lucky
With my cock lodged in your mouth
And your giving it a damn good suck, yeah,
This is the best day of my life.
Of yeah.
I’m finally getting my 69, uh-huh.
This is my first ever 69, oh yeah
Me and my lady in a 69, uh-huh
Maybe I should put some of these in poems
Rustyoznail
Aussie smartarse
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2019
- Posts
- 6,455
Oh, there's so many out there. 
I dropped Ghost Writers into poems.
I dropped Ghost Writers into poems.
Rustyoznail
Aussie smartarse
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2019
- Posts
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Long John Fullpants
(Sorry kids...)
Are ya ready girls?
Aye-aye, Captain!
I can’t hear you!
Aye-aye Captain!
Oooooooooooooooo,
Who has the largest bulge in the sea?
Long John Fullpants!
So strong a fellow and gorgeous is he!
Long John Fullpants!
If a bit of his dong is something you wish,
Long John Fullpants!
Then drop on the deck and open your swish!
Long John Fullpants!
Ready?
Long John Fullpants!
Long John Fullpants!
Long John Fullpants!
Long Johnnnnnn Fullpaaaaaants!
Arrr harr harr harr!
(Sorry kids...)
Are ya ready girls?
Aye-aye, Captain!
I can’t hear you!
Aye-aye Captain!
Oooooooooooooooo,
Who has the largest bulge in the sea?
Long John Fullpants!
So strong a fellow and gorgeous is he!
Long John Fullpants!
If a bit of his dong is something you wish,
Long John Fullpants!
Then drop on the deck and open your swish!
Long John Fullpants!
Ready?
Long John Fullpants!
Long John Fullpants!
Long John Fullpants!
Long Johnnnnnn Fullpaaaaaants!
Arrr harr harr harr!
TheRedChamber
Apprentice
- Joined
- Mar 21, 2014
- Posts
- 2,608
Mature
Are you gonna take me home tonight?
Aah, down beside that red fire light
Are you gonna let it all hang out?
Fat bottomed girls
You make the rocking world go 'round
Hey!
I was just a skinny lad
Never knew no good from bad
But I knew life before I left my nursery
Left alone with big fat Fanny
She was such a naughty nanny
Heap big woman, you made a bad boy out of me
Hey, hey!
I've been singing with my band
Across the wire, across the land
I seen every blue eyed floozy on the way, hey
But their beauty and their style
Went kind of smooth after a while
Take me to them dirty ladies every time
C'mon
Oh, won't you take me home tonight?
Oh, down beside your red fire light
Oh, and you give it all you got
Fat bottomed girls
You make the rocking world go 'round
Fat bottomed girls
You make the rocking world go 'round
Hey, listen here
Now I got mortgages on homes
I got stiffness in my bones
Ain't no beauty queens in this locality, I tell you
Oh, but I still get my pleasure
Still got my greatest treasure
Heap big woman, you done made a big man out of me
Now get this
Are (I know) you gonna take me home tonight? (Please)
Oh, down beside that red fire light
Are you gonna let it all hang out?
Fat bottomed girls
You make the rocking world go 'round (yeah)
Fat bottomed girls
You make the rocking world go 'round
Get on your bikes and ride
Oh yeah, oh yeah, them fat bottomed girls
Fat bottomed girls
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Alright, ride 'em cowboy
Fat bottomed girls
Yes, yes
No I didn't change anything. Didn't need to...
Are you gonna take me home tonight?
Aah, down beside that red fire light
Are you gonna let it all hang out?
Fat bottomed girls
You make the rocking world go 'round
Hey!
I was just a skinny lad
Never knew no good from bad
But I knew life before I left my nursery
Left alone with big fat Fanny
She was such a naughty nanny
Heap big woman, you made a bad boy out of me
Hey, hey!
I've been singing with my band
Across the wire, across the land
I seen every blue eyed floozy on the way, hey
But their beauty and their style
Went kind of smooth after a while
Take me to them dirty ladies every time
C'mon
Oh, won't you take me home tonight?
Oh, down beside your red fire light
Oh, and you give it all you got
Fat bottomed girls
You make the rocking world go 'round
Fat bottomed girls
You make the rocking world go 'round
Hey, listen here
Now I got mortgages on homes
I got stiffness in my bones
Ain't no beauty queens in this locality, I tell you
Oh, but I still get my pleasure
Still got my greatest treasure
Heap big woman, you done made a big man out of me
Now get this
Are (I know) you gonna take me home tonight? (Please)
Oh, down beside that red fire light
Are you gonna let it all hang out?
Fat bottomed girls
You make the rocking world go 'round (yeah)
Fat bottomed girls
You make the rocking world go 'round
Get on your bikes and ride
Oh yeah, oh yeah, them fat bottomed girls
Fat bottomed girls
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Alright, ride 'em cowboy
Fat bottomed girls
Yes, yes
No I didn't change anything. Didn't need to...
Emilymcplugger
Deviant but Romantic
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- 1,363
Yeah. I whacked the collection of my six faves (which I wrote…no-one else’s) into humour.Oh, there's so many out there.
I dropped Ghost Writers into poems.
It’s something quick just to add to my overall output.
Rustyoznail
Aussie smartarse
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2019
- Posts
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Not a bad idea. It took ages for the poem to go up.
SimonDoom
Kink Lord
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2015
- Posts
- 19,729
Mother and Son Reunion
Yes, I would like to give you hope
On this bright and sunny day,
For the mother and son reunion
Is only a car ride away
Oh, strapping son of mine
18, footloose and free,
Join me in the backseat here
And sit, cozy, right next to me
Dad is quite distracted
His eyes are on the road
He's driving all our luggage
To our cozy new abode.
Yes I would like to give you hope
On this bright and sunny day
For a mother and son reunion
Is only a car ride away
No I'm not wearing panties
And--gosh!--I lost my bra
My dress is short, oh sonny!
What did you think you saw?
I'm sorry, I can't help myself
A fever's turned me on
And no relief can ever do
Except my big, strong son
Yes I would like to give you hope
On this bright and sunny day
For a mother and son reunion
Is only a car ride away
A mother and son reunion
Is only a car ride away
Yes, I would like to give you hope
On this bright and sunny day,
For the mother and son reunion
Is only a car ride away
Oh, strapping son of mine
18, footloose and free,
Join me in the backseat here
And sit, cozy, right next to me
Dad is quite distracted
His eyes are on the road
He's driving all our luggage
To our cozy new abode.
Yes I would like to give you hope
On this bright and sunny day
For a mother and son reunion
Is only a car ride away
No I'm not wearing panties
And--gosh!--I lost my bra
My dress is short, oh sonny!
What did you think you saw?
I'm sorry, I can't help myself
A fever's turned me on
And no relief can ever do
Except my big, strong son
Yes I would like to give you hope
On this bright and sunny day
For a mother and son reunion
Is only a car ride away
A mother and son reunion
Is only a car ride away
Emilymcplugger
Deviant but Romantic
- Joined
- Mar 2, 2022
- Posts
- 1,363
Fuck against the Wall (Wonderwall)
Today was gonna be the day
I was gonna slide right into you
Outside in spaces nice and wide
I was gonna lick your pussy too
I don’t believe that anybody
Would have had a clue
That we’d fucked now.
You could have sat on my big dick a-riding
Near the observatory where stars are sighted
There are many things that I would like to do you, you mucky cow.
I said, baby.
Lean up against the wall ass splayed yeah.
We will stand tall
And fuck against the wall.
Today is gonna be the day
When outside we’re gonna get so rude
Hidden from all the prying eyes
We will strip off and be totally nude.
I don’t believe that anybody
Will see me and you
While we’re outside
And all things we want to do are dirty
Not having sex indoors behind the curtains
There are many things that you,
Want to do to me but you just daren’t show
Because lady,
My body makes you totally crazy,
So near Tesco
Sex is Alfresco
Today was gonna be the day
I was gonna slide right into you
Outside in spaces nice and wide
I was gonna lick your pussy too
I don’t believe that anybody
Would have had a clue
That we’d fucked now.
You could have sat on my big dick a-riding
Near the observatory where stars are sighted
There are many things that I would like to do you, you mucky cow.
I said, baby.
Lean up against the wall ass splayed yeah.
We will stand tall
And fuck against the wall.
Today is gonna be the day
When outside we’re gonna get so rude
Hidden from all the prying eyes
We will strip off and be totally nude.
I don’t believe that anybody
Will see me and you
While we’re outside
And all things we want to do are dirty
Not having sex indoors behind the curtains
There are many things that you,
Want to do to me but you just daren’t show
Because lady,
My body makes you totally crazy,
So near Tesco
Sex is Alfresco
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Ugh. Killed the mood right there.
Emilymcplugger
Deviant but Romantic
- Joined
- Mar 2, 2022
- Posts
- 1,363
No Pants! (After Let’s Dance)
No Pants! I’ll do an upskirt if you so choose
No Bra! You can flash me quickly whilst I am at work
Show tits! While others all look away
Show minge! Under your skirt on a sunny day
If you say cum
I’ll cum for you
If your undies slide,
They’ll slide slide slide down
Voyeurism’s cool
Feels like we’re breaking rules
If we expose our private parts
And try not to get SPOTTED!
No Pants! I’ll film for Instagram.
No Bra! You can’t show this your gran
Show tits! Show me your bare heart
Show slit! I’ll look up your skirt, and see your bare arse there!
And when I say cum
You’ll cum for me
remote control vibes
Will vibe from my phone
And the toy inside you
Will buzz up your love-flute
Making you squirm
While on the bus
You’ll feel sated for HOURS!
No Pants! I’ll do an upskirt if you so choose
No Bra! You can flash me quickly whilst I am at work
Show tits! While others all look away
Show minge! Under your skirt on a sunny day
If you say cum
I’ll cum for you
If your undies slide,
They’ll slide slide slide down
Voyeurism’s cool
Feels like we’re breaking rules
If we expose our private parts
And try not to get SPOTTED!
No Pants! I’ll film for Instagram.
No Bra! You can’t show this your gran
Show tits! Show me your bare heart
Show slit! I’ll look up your skirt, and see your bare arse there!
And when I say cum
You’ll cum for me
remote control vibes
Will vibe from my phone
And the toy inside you
Will buzz up your love-flute
Making you squirm
While on the bus
You’ll feel sated for HOURS!
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SimonDoom
Kink Lord
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2015
- Posts
- 19,729
Another One Up The Butt
Steve walks gingerly down the street
Having tripped the day down low
Ain't no pain but the pain in his seat
Downstairs saying "Uh oh."
Are you ready? Hey, are you ready for more?
Are you ready pulling down your pants, ass looking clean and neat?
Out of the side glance, the zippers zip
Looking for fresh meat, yeah
Another one up the butt
Another one up the butt
And another one in, and another one in
Another one up the butt.
Hey, I'm gonna fill you too
Another one up the butt.
How do you think I'm going to get a dong?
Without you, when you're gone
You stuffed me for everything that I had
And kicked me out on my own
Are you happy, are you satisfied?
How much can you enjoy the treat?
Into the buttcrack, the rocket rips
To the sound of the beat, look out
Another one up the butt
Another one up the butt
And another one in, and another one in
Another one up the butt
Hey, I'm gonna boof you too
Another one up the butt
Hey
Oh, take it
Up the butt
Up the butt
Another one up the butt
Another one up the butt, ow!
Another one up the butt, hey
Another one up the butt.
Steve walks gingerly down the street
Having tripped the day down low
Ain't no pain but the pain in his seat
Downstairs saying "Uh oh."
Are you ready? Hey, are you ready for more?
Are you ready pulling down your pants, ass looking clean and neat?
Out of the side glance, the zippers zip
Looking for fresh meat, yeah
Another one up the butt
Another one up the butt
And another one in, and another one in
Another one up the butt.
Hey, I'm gonna fill you too
Another one up the butt.
How do you think I'm going to get a dong?
Without you, when you're gone
You stuffed me for everything that I had
And kicked me out on my own
Are you happy, are you satisfied?
How much can you enjoy the treat?
Into the buttcrack, the rocket rips
To the sound of the beat, look out
Another one up the butt
Another one up the butt
And another one in, and another one in
Another one up the butt
Hey, I'm gonna boof you too
Another one up the butt
Hey
Oh, take it
Up the butt
Up the butt
Another one up the butt
Another one up the butt, ow!
Another one up the butt, hey
Another one up the butt.
Emilymcplugger
Deviant but Romantic
- Joined
- Mar 2, 2022
- Posts
- 1,363
Rustyoznail
Aussie smartarse
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2019
- Posts
- 6,455
Another old song based on a juvenile version we sang on a bus trip many years ago. Simple, but to the point. 
Fuck Around the Clock by Bill Hairyballs and the Cocksuckers
One, two, three o'clock, four o'clock, fuck
Five, six, seven o'clock, eight o'clock, fuck
Nine, ten, eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock, fuck
We're gonna fuck around the clock tonight
Take your glad rags off and join me, hon'
We'll have some fun when the clock strikes one
We're gonna fuck around the clock tonight
We're gonna fuck, fuck, fuck, 'til we get it right
We're gonna fuck, gonna fuck, around the clock tonight
When the clock strikes two, three and four
If the gang slows down I'll yell for more
We're gonna fuck around the clock tonight
We're gonna fuck, fuck, fuck, 'til broad daylight
We're gonna fuck, gonna fuck, around the clock tonight
When the chimes ring five, six and seven
We'll be sending you to seventh heaven
We're gonna fuck around the clock tonight
We're gonna fuck, fuck, fuck, 'til broad daylight
We're gonna fuck, gonna fuck, around the clock tonight
When it's eight, nine, ten, eleven too
I'll be goin' strong and so will you
We're gonna fuck around the clock tonight
We're gonna fuck, fuck, fuck, 'til broad daylight
We're gonna fuck, gonna fuck, around the clock tonight
When the clock strikes twelve, we'll cool off then
Start a fuckin' round the clock again
We're gonna fuck around the clock tonight
We're gonna fuck, fuck, fuck, 'til broad daylight
We're gonna fuck, gonna fuck, around the clock tonight
Fuck Around the Clock by Bill Hairyballs and the Cocksuckers
One, two, three o'clock, four o'clock, fuck
Five, six, seven o'clock, eight o'clock, fuck
Nine, ten, eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock, fuck
We're gonna fuck around the clock tonight
Take your glad rags off and join me, hon'
We'll have some fun when the clock strikes one
We're gonna fuck around the clock tonight
We're gonna fuck, fuck, fuck, 'til we get it right
We're gonna fuck, gonna fuck, around the clock tonight
When the clock strikes two, three and four
If the gang slows down I'll yell for more
We're gonna fuck around the clock tonight
We're gonna fuck, fuck, fuck, 'til broad daylight
We're gonna fuck, gonna fuck, around the clock tonight
When the chimes ring five, six and seven
We'll be sending you to seventh heaven
We're gonna fuck around the clock tonight
We're gonna fuck, fuck, fuck, 'til broad daylight
We're gonna fuck, gonna fuck, around the clock tonight
When it's eight, nine, ten, eleven too
I'll be goin' strong and so will you
We're gonna fuck around the clock tonight
We're gonna fuck, fuck, fuck, 'til broad daylight
We're gonna fuck, gonna fuck, around the clock tonight
When the clock strikes twelve, we'll cool off then
Start a fuckin' round the clock again
We're gonna fuck around the clock tonight
We're gonna fuck, fuck, fuck, 'til broad daylight
We're gonna fuck, gonna fuck, around the clock tonight
Rustyoznail
Aussie smartarse
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2019
- Posts
- 6,455
This one I rewrote for a friend who sings in an acapella group and wanted something naval related, but just mildly spicy.
Rocki is Rockingham which is near the HMAS Stirling naval base.
My really cute tall sailor boy (Boogie-woogie bugle boy (Andrews Sisters version))
He was a gorgeous frigate Captain from the Island base
He had a quirky smile that never left his face
He was a top man in the RAN
But then his orders came up, he had to sail to Japan
He's back from duty now, he’s snuggling up to me
He's my really cute tall sailor boy from down by the sea
Thinking about no lovin’, well it made me feel sad
It really brought me down because I couldn't be bad
My Captain seemed to understand
Because the next day my cap' went out and I got a faux man
And now my heart goes thump when he stands next to me
He's my really cute tall sailor boy who lives at Rocki
A-toot, a-toot, a-toot-diddelyada-toot
His fingers take me real far, he’s got great rhythm
He can't blow his load unless my ass and tata’s are wavin’ at 'I'm
He makes my body hump when he lies next to me
He's my really cute tall sailor boy from down by the sea
Oh he’s my really cute tall sailor boy who lives at Rocki
And when he plays my little clam shell he gets buzy as a "bzzz" bee
And when we kiss, he makes my privates jump eight-to-the-bar
He's my really cute tall sailor boy who lives at Rocki
Toot-toot-toot, toot-diddelyada, toot-diddelyada
Toot, toot, he blows my lovelies real far
He can't blow his load if my ass and tata’s aren’t with 'I'm
A-a-a-and then he grabs my rump when he plays with me
He's my really cute tall sailor boy from down by the sea
He puts his girl to sleep with lovin’ every night
And wakes me up the same way in the early bright
I clap my hands and start to leak
Because I know when he smiles I gonna get me a treat
He really whips it up when he starts lovin’ me
He's my really cute tall sailor boy from down by the sea
Da-doo-da da-doo-da-da da
Da-doo-da da-doo-da-da da
Da-doo-da da-doo-da-da da
Da-doo-da da-doo-da-da
A-a-a-and now my heart goes thump when he stands next to me
He's my really cute tall sailor boy who lives at Rocki!
Rocki is Rockingham which is near the HMAS Stirling naval base.
My really cute tall sailor boy (Boogie-woogie bugle boy (Andrews Sisters version))
He was a gorgeous frigate Captain from the Island base
He had a quirky smile that never left his face
He was a top man in the RAN
But then his orders came up, he had to sail to Japan
He's back from duty now, he’s snuggling up to me
He's my really cute tall sailor boy from down by the sea
Thinking about no lovin’, well it made me feel sad
It really brought me down because I couldn't be bad
My Captain seemed to understand
Because the next day my cap' went out and I got a faux man
And now my heart goes thump when he stands next to me
He's my really cute tall sailor boy who lives at Rocki
A-toot, a-toot, a-toot-diddelyada-toot
His fingers take me real far, he’s got great rhythm
He can't blow his load unless my ass and tata’s are wavin’ at 'I'm
He makes my body hump when he lies next to me
He's my really cute tall sailor boy from down by the sea
Oh he’s my really cute tall sailor boy who lives at Rocki
And when he plays my little clam shell he gets buzy as a "bzzz" bee
And when we kiss, he makes my privates jump eight-to-the-bar
He's my really cute tall sailor boy who lives at Rocki
Toot-toot-toot, toot-diddelyada, toot-diddelyada
Toot, toot, he blows my lovelies real far
He can't blow his load if my ass and tata’s aren’t with 'I'm
A-a-a-and then he grabs my rump when he plays with me
He's my really cute tall sailor boy from down by the sea
He puts his girl to sleep with lovin’ every night
And wakes me up the same way in the early bright
I clap my hands and start to leak
Because I know when he smiles I gonna get me a treat
He really whips it up when he starts lovin’ me
He's my really cute tall sailor boy from down by the sea
Da-doo-da da-doo-da-da da
Da-doo-da da-doo-da-da da
Da-doo-da da-doo-da-da da
Da-doo-da da-doo-da-da
A-a-a-and now my heart goes thump when he stands next to me
He's my really cute tall sailor boy who lives at Rocki!
Rustyoznail
Aussie smartarse
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2019
- Posts
- 6,455
I had a look and... Ok, heres a few lines of the actual lyrics.I/T (We Are Family - Sister Sledge)
We are family
I got all my sisters with me
...and that's as far as I got, because this really isn't my category of choice. Gonna leave this here for someone else to finish
Everyone can see we're together
As we walk on by (and)
And we fly just like birds of a feather
I won't tell no lie (all)
So they're all lesbians?
All of the people around us, they say, yeah, yeah
Can they be that close
Just let me state for the record
We're giving love in a family dose
Hmm...
We're having fun
Life, life has just begin for me
Me, me and my family
Get up, get up and sing it
Huh-huh-huh, ah, uh-uh-uh-uh-huh-huh-huh, yeah
.
.
.
We love you
Oh man, it's gonna be a hot night
Hoo boy! I don't think that can be any more incestual.
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