Normal?

[Kailey_86]

I believe that, to most, D/s is out of the norm. Mainstream sex and vanilla relationships are viewed as normal. Does anyone agree with me when I say that socieaty has a misconception about what's "normal"? I strongly believe that a relationship, whether it be friend or partner, should be built on comitment, honesty, communication and trust. This seems to be the core of D/s relationships.

I hate to bring religion into this but the bible states "Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything" (Ephesians 4:6). Am I wrong to believe that the D/s lifestyle is what everyone should be living and that the vanilla life is not normal. I think the world would be a better place if everyone communicated as well as we (those living the D/s lifestyle) seem to.

In addition to this, men are more stronger and more dominant and women are more nurturing and detail oriented by nature. We are built this way. Therefore, women are more suited to do household errands and take care of her partner and men are better suited for protecting and leading. The D/s lifestyle seems natural. Kink or BDSM adds another level of submission and adds a little spice, keeping things fun and interesting.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Oh dear, how do I say this...you have lost the plot hon if that is what you really believe...and as to religious references, not everyone is Christian and many who are would not interpret things the way you do.

Catalina

 

[Quint]

.............

 

[esclave_PP]

I think Quint said it all, and I can't add much. BDSM, D/s whatever you wish to call it is just another sexual preference. Normal? Normal is as Normal does. Everyone has their own version of what normal is. Society is so screwy and so bogged down by dogma that I don't think anyone, even the religious right have a clue what normal is.

As for the bible references, don't know what to say to that as I am not Christian, however, I've heard it before. Can't always believe all you read

 

[cati]

Sounds like a thesis statement to me.

 

[myinnerslut]

I hate to bring religion into this but the bible states "Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything" (Ephesians 4:6). Am I wrong to believe that the D/s lifestyle is what everyone should be living and that the vanilla life is not normal. I think the world would be a better place if everyone communicated as well as we (those living the D/s lifestyle) seem to.

In addition to this, men are more stronger and more dominant and women are more nurturing and detail oriented by nature. We are built this way. Therefore, women are more suited to do household errands and take care of her partner and men are better suited for protecting and leading.

what about male pyl's that submit to thier female PYL's? there are many who feel that this type of BDSM is "normal", at least for them.

 

[Netzach]

I have no illusions that my sexuality fits into a norm, especially this one, and I'm relieved to say it does not.

I would caution anyone against putting me in a house with a two year old and saying "Ok see ya later." Kid and I would agree that peanut butter and poo wall drawings make great decor and there'd be a pile of dirty dishes from the curry I made, and a note saying "went to see Ice Age 2, clean before we're back, thx."

 

[SpectreT]

We're fond of acronyms, we kinky people. Here's a few common ones:

SSC: Safe, Sane, Consensual
RACK: Risk Aware Consensual Kink (Slight variation for those who don't like the SSC credo)
BDSM: this actually breaks down several ways - Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sadism & Masochism, for just a few examples.

Here's one that's common to online communities:

YMMV: Your Mileage May Vary.

Anthropological and biological imperatives are one thing; we are not slaves to those imperatives, generally speaking. We possess self-awareness, and that screws up any discussion about things like "normal" and "should". We've used that self awareness to create codes and rules to live by, that occasionally outright fly in the face of our biological and anthropological imperatives. Laws against rape, for example, and laws about age of consent. Those are social constructs, which derive from our self-awareness. Anthropologically and biologically, these don't fit, but socially, ethically, and morally, they do.

From one point of view, on the purely physical level, on paper, men generally look like they should be the dominant gender, sure. This disregards our minds, our self- awareness, and the concept of discipline. An equally valid point of view would be to say that men's strength should be harnessed in service to, and protection of, the more nurturing and social females. (Which is closer to how society actually does it, frankly)

 

[chris9]

I grew up with a poem being often present. I believe it is actually made in regards to disabilities, but holds truth far beyond. I don't remember it exactly, but as far as I remember (and translated into English):

Joe is too tall, Jane is too small.
Tom is too slow, Gina is too fast.
(skipped for some more of the same, you get the idea)
Everyone is something too much, everyone is something not enough.
What is normal?

Ok, I confess I didn't really get it, but at least the general idea. I'll see if I find it and translate all of it.

I believe that, to most, D/s is out of the norm. Mainstream sex and vanilla relationships are viewed as normal. Does anyone agree with me when I say that socieaty has a misconception about what's "normal"? I strongly believe that a relationship, whether it be friend or partner, should be built on comitment, honesty, communication and trust.

So far I agree with you. It seems to show that you understood something about 'normality', about relationships. The rest of your post actually shows the opposite.

 

[SpectreT]

I grew up with a poem being often present. I believe it is actually made in regards to disabilities, but holds truth far beyond. I don't remember it exactly, but as far as I remember (and translated into English):

Joe is too tall, Jane is too small.
Tom is too slow, Gina is too fast.
(skipped for some more of the same, you get the idea)
Everyone is something too much, everyone is something not enough.
What is normal?

Ok, I confess I didn't really get it, but at least the general idea. I'll see if I find it and translate all of it.
<snip>

Heh. I did a Yogi-ism that summed up the message of that book in another thread here.

"Everyone's unequal in so many different ways that we're all equal."

 

[CutieMouse]

Oh dear... I do applaud you for working so hard to figure all this stuff out, but trying to understand why we enjoy what we enjoy, rather than simply accepting that it's enjoyable, may be an exercise in frustration.

I would propose that kink is far more "normal" than most people want to believe (or are willing to admit), and the only thing Christianity has to do with it, is that Christians have done some horrificly painful things (all in the name of God), that kinky people sometimes recreate for fun. *mind wanders ever so slightly...*

Then again, I also firmly believe we'd have a lot less war in the world, if men in power would wear frilly panties more often, so my opinion of "normal" may be a wee bit skewed...

What you're describing in the "wives submitting blah blah blah" would accurately describe my very much non-kinky (well, not in the way I'd have liked) no longer in exsistance marriage. It was very traditional, I advised/offered opinions but left final decisions to him, etc. I bought that "obey" line of BS hook, line, and sinker when I was 20 (in part because I do lean more towards submissivness)- you'd think such a setting would be happy happy joy joy for a girl like me...

Neither of us were happy, we divorced, and I will probably never enter into a "traditional" marriage type relationship ever ever ever again. Ever. Did I say never ever? 'Cause I mean never ever.

 

[GeekySub]

Well as has already been stated, not all of us are Christian. The best way to make me close-minded to any argument you have is to try to back it up with christian theology.

2nd of all, your argument just has flaws.

The bible also says that being heterosexual is normal, but I don't agree with that either. I think bisexuality is far more normal a reaction than heterosexuality.

There's a great number of women out there who don't fit in with the traditional female role.

For example, any child left in my care would likely be found wandering the streets several days later, and me completely unaware of the situation.

Cooking is a disaster when I do it.

Cleaning isn't my forte either.

In fact, my desire to be submissive does not in any way correlate to a talent at domestic duties or traditional female talents in any way.

I'm one of least nurturing people I know and my materal instincts don't even exist.

Besides, saying that a Male dom/fem sub relationship is normal is just as biggoted as thinking a vanilla relationship is normal.

Regardless of what's between your legs, some people are more or less right brained/left brained. Some are more or less nurturing, detail oriented, etc and it only makes sense that within each individual relationship you have to make a decision as to whose going to take what role, based on the individual talents shared between the two people in the partnership.

 

[Aeroil]

Normal! Christianianity! ACRONYMS! Hissss!

This is an evil thread.

 

[Ebonyfire]

In addition to this, men are more stronger and more dominant and women are more nurturing and detail oriented by nature. We are built this way.

You don't get out much do you? That is just nonsense. However, you are entitled to your opinon, and we will note it as such. But as for you stating your opinions as fact, you will have to support your hypotheses with more than your version of the bible.

Eb

 

[Aeroil]

You don't get out much do you? That is just nonsense. However, you are entitled to your opinon, and we will note it as such. But as for you stating your opinions as fact, you will have to support your hypotheses with more than your version of the bible.

Eb

that is how we're "built", actually, but the building process is pretty imperfect (we're humans after all) and a lot of people don't meet the 'specs'

 

[Ebonyfire]

that is how we're "built", actually, but the building process is pretty imperfect (we're humans after all) and a lot of people don't meet the 'specs'

That is not how we are built. That is bullshit.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I dunno Aeroil, I know some fairly brain dead men, as well as some who lack enough muscle to throw a wet towel, and then there are the ones who still live with their mothers at 50 because they can´t cope alone or won´t.....the list of contradictions to the claims goes on.

Catalina

 

[Aeroil]

Humans were once living creatures like any other >_< (or so I believe...) we do have a way we're supposed to be, thats how any creature survives. We just.... yanno, deviate from that a lot, and we survive anyway, cuz we're awesome

 

[Ebonyfire]

I dunno Aeroil, I know some fairly brain dead men, as well as some who lack enough muscle to throw a wet towel, and then there are the ones who still live with their mothers at 50 because they can´t cope alone or won´t.....the list of contradictions to the claims goes on.

Catalina

Well done Oh Diplomatic One. I still say that statement is bullshit. lol

Eb

 

[Aeroil]

I dunno Aeroil, I know some fairly brain dead men, as well as some who lack enough muscle to throw a wet towel, and then there are the ones who still live with their mothers at 50 because they can´t cope alone or won´t.....the list of contradictions to the claims goes on.

Catalina

but the building process is pretty imperfect (we're humans after all) and a lot of people don't meet the 'specs'

does nobody listen to the second 80% of my setences? >_<

 

[Ebonyfire]

does nobody listen to the second 80% of my setences? >_<

And what spec are you talking about?

If you are refering th the Judeo-Christian "spec" then you need to be more specific if you want to be taken seriously.

If you are just bullshittin' (which is what I suspect), then you are getting the response that you deserve, at least the response you deserve from ME since you were so gauche as to reply on my post and not reply on your own. Your post was not relevant to what I said.

Eb

 

[Aeroil]

This is indeed an evil thread, I suggest that males have a tendancy (by no means a rule!) to be stronger and females have a tendancy (by no means a rule!) to be nurturing and it twists my words and makes people crazy.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Aw Aeroil, if you really want us ladies to whap your butt you just need to ask in the right way and see if we consider it enticing.

Catalina

 

[Aeroil]

Whipping too! the thread's evil power is growing stronger!!! Quickly! we must begin a torch vigil and burn this thread to nothingness before it consumes us all!

I'll pass on the whipping bit much for a newbie like me.

 

[Kailey_86]

Ok, hold on now. I didn't mean to offend anyone. I'm not saying that I completely believe everything I said is true. I was just pondering a few things and thought I would put them out there to see what other people thought. I definately don't think that you can define "normal" because it is just not possible. Basically the point I was trying to get at was that it sounds like people in D/s relationships seem to have a greater bond. I DO believe that doing some of the things that people do in D/s relationships, such as having your limits stretched and whatnot, builds trust and therefore a better relationship. That's why I thought that people in the vanilla world would benefit from that kind of relationship. As for the bible part, I was just....I dunno...talking. I can't say anything from experience so I don't really know. Just thinking out loud in a sense. I sincerely apologize for offending anyone or turning anyone off. I don't want any enemies. *pout* Maybe I've learned this lesson the hard way.