M/s...why or why not?

[Netzach]

Wow. So am I abnormal?

None of my meals happen at set times. Is there anyone else out there who just eats when they're hungry?

We pretty much do. But seven is still early, people eat here six and five thirty ?!?! I'm a seven thirty eight kind of person.

 

[JMohegan]

To be fair, this was sort of in response to JM's post about not liking arguing, negotiating or pushing back. He's not into M/s. On the other hand, in defense of JM, he has always said he appreciated and expects his partner to provide her point of view.

BDSM aside, I think many people view arguing and yelling differently depending on where they're from, cultural background, etc. I used to invite friends over for dinner who would say, wow, your family is LOUD.

We are not quiet or shy people. Ahem.

Yes to all of this, and thank you.

 

[00Syd]

These are the same misconceptions I had about M/s relationships. I'm allowed to give my opinions, I'm allowed to speak up. He just has final say. And at times I'll speak up and he'll say yeah, you're right, we can do it your way.

I can't have someone listen to me and say "hm, that's nice, but we're doing it my way." I need to hear reasoning, ideas, logic, opinions, which I will then consider, and I need my reasoning and opinions considered as well. Agreements need to be come to. If someone just told me "well, okay, but tough, we're doing it my way," I would probably seethe and resent in a way that would be far more harmful long term than a small disagreement or argument.

Again, having someone else have final say would be like having a teacher listen to my opinion and then say "mm, okay, but I'm the teacher and so I'm right." Those are maybe the most FRUSTRATING moments of my life. I don't respect those teachers. I can't and never could.

Wow. So am I abnormal?

None of my meals happen at set times. Is there anyone else out there who just eats when they're hungry?

I eat when I'm hungry. Didn't eat breakfast today until 2pm.

 

[Netzach]

That's what Jewish women do? Explains a lot about the only Jew I know well, believe it or don't. Can I expect anything else?

That's what Jews do.

Since we're allowed to read and have jobs and go join the Israeli army and shit it's gone fairly equal opportunity.

 

[Netzach]

I can't have someone listen to me and say "hm, that's nice, but we're doing it my way." I need to hear reasoning, ideas, logic, opinions, which I will then consider, and I need my reasoning and opinions considered as well. Agreements need to be come to. If someone just told me "well, okay, but tough, we're doing it my way," I would probably seethe and resent in a way that would be far more harmful long term than a small disagreement or argument.

Again, having someone else have final say would be like having a teacher listen to my opinion and then say "mm, okay, but I'm the teacher and so I'm right." Those are maybe the most FRUSTRATING moments of my life. I don't respect those teachers. I can't and never could.

How about, look, I respect your outlook, but we're trying it my way this time. If it doesn't work, you can totally feel like you told me so, but try it, ok?

 

[nh23]

I can't have someone listen to me and say "hm, that's nice, but we're doing it my way." I need to hear reasoning, ideas, logic, opinions, which I will then consider, and I need my reasoning and opinions considered as well. Agreements need to be come to. If someone just told me "well, okay, but tough, we're doing it my way," I would probably seethe and resent in a way that would be far more harmful long term than a small disagreement or argument.

Again, having someone else have final say would be like having a teacher listen to my opinion and then say "mm, okay, but I'm the teacher and so I'm right." Those are maybe the most FRUSTRATING moments of my life. I don't respect those teachers. I can't and never could.




I eat when I'm hungry. Didn't eat breakfast today until 2pm.

Lol..M/s probably isn't for you. That's ok though. Whatever works for each of us. I think a lot of D's in D/s relationships are the same way too. From my experience anyway.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I can't have someone listen to me and say "hm, that's nice, but we're doing it my way." I need to hear reasoning, ideas, logic, opinions, which I will then consider, and I need my reasoning and opinions considered as well. Agreements need to be come to. If someone just told me "well, okay, but tough, we're doing it my way," I would probably seethe and resent in a way that would be far more harmful long term than a small disagreement or argument.

Does this ever sound familiar

 

[MisterSir]

That's what Jews do.

Since we're allowed to read and have jobs and go join the Israeli army and shit it's gone fairly equal opportunity.

Wasn't an insult. Wanna make that completely clear. Need a handy copy-pastable disclaimer. Talking like Rorschach. Don't have the voice to pull it off.

Hurm.

 

[00Syd]

How about, look, I respect your outlook, but we're trying it my way this time. If it doesn't work, you can totally feel like you told me so, but try it, ok?

Sure, when its put that way its totally fine. I just can't have it like "We are doing it my way because I said so and that's the end of it period." I will do things even though I don't think it's the best way to go about it, I just need to know that my opinions are being considered and that if we go in a different direction its for a better reason than "because I said so." And I always reserve the right to say "Told ya so, told ya so!"

Lol..M/s probably isn't for you. That's ok though. Whatever works for each of us. I think a lot of D's in D/s relationships are the same way too. From my experience anyway.

Haha, no, probably not

 

[Netzach]

Wasn't an insult. Wanna make that completely clear. Need a handy copy-pastable disclaimer. Talking like Rorschach. Don't have the voice to pull it off.

Hurm.

Nope, I gotcha.

It's a long ingrained cultural thing, beginning with Talmud. Arguing tests the strength of ideas.

I'll argue anything, but when an idea comes along that's better I have no problem jumping trains.

 

[JMohegan]

That's what Jews do.

Since we're allowed to read and have jobs and go join the Israeli army and shit it's gone fairly equal opportunity.

I was raised in a household that considered yelling to be an *extremely* disrespectful way to communicate. A sign that the one doing the yelling, male or female, had lost personal control.

This has nothing to do with equal opportunity. It's a cultural thing.

 

[Netzach]

Sure, when its put that way its totally fine. I just can't have it like "We are doing it my way because I said so and that's the end of it period." I will do things even though I don't think it's the best way to go about it, I just need to know that my opinions are being considered and that if we go in a different direction its for a better reason than "because I said so." And I always reserve the right to say "Told ya so, told ya so!"

Right.

I encountered a prof who literally was like "I'm going to ask you to do it my way once even if you think it's totally stupid" and I stole his leadership philosophy wholesale.

Anyone who likes me a little and thinks I'm not totally insane will usually agree to almost anything presented like that.

Curiosity kills cats.

 

[Netzach]

I was raised in a household that considered yelling to be an *extremely* disrespectful way to communicate. A sign that the one doing the yelling, male or female, had lost personal control.

This has nothing to do with equal opportunity. It's a cultural thing.

Yelling isn't arguing. They're separate entities.

I know more functional Jewish families who have grave intellectual arguments over organic dinners served by household help. And then there was my family. Who yells as baseline communication and can't argue with any validity on anything because I am the first to utter the words in three generations "huh, let me think about that idea for a minute, I haven't formed an opinion yet."

I have a lack of inside voice and I can certainly yell, but holy shit, there's a time you don't have to at some point, isn't there?

 

[graceanne]

How about, look, I respect your outlook, but we're trying it my way this time. If it doesn't work, you can totally feel like you told me so, but try it, ok?

I've been known to say to K, when he insists on doing something that I don't think we should do, 'if I'm right, you know I'm gonna gloat, right?'

 

[JMohegan]

Yelling isn't arguing. They're separate entities.

I know more functional Jewish families who have grave intellectual arguments over organic dinners served by household help. And then there was my family. Who yells as baseline communication and can't argue with any validity on anything because I am the first to utter the words in three generations "huh, let me think about that idea for a minute, I haven't formed an opinion yet."

I have a lack of inside voice and I can certainly yell, but holy shit, there's a time you don't have to at some point, isn't there?

I'm a big fan of intellectual debate and exchange of ideas, with a partner even more so than anyone else.

I am NOT a fan of arguments over a decision I've made. We've discussed the options for Thanksgiving and we disagree on what to do, but someone has to make the decision - and that's my right as the one in charge. Arguing, whining, push back, attempts to negotiate an alternative outcome, are all totally unacceptable. I'm just plain not interested in putting up with that shit.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I was raised in a household that considered yelling to be an *extremely* disrespectful way to communicate. A sign that the one doing the yelling, male or female, had lost personal control.

This has nothing to do with equal opportunity. It's a cultural thing.

wasps. ack.

 

[00Syd]

wasps. ack.

hee hee hee Different, aint it?

 

[JMohegan]

wasps. ack.

My mother gave us sandwiches with white bread for lunch, every single day of my childhood.

I'm not kidding.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I've been known to say to K, when he insists on doing something that I don't think we should do, 'if I'm right, you know I'm gonna gloat, right?'

I don't have a problem with that. Getting second-guessed, I-told-you-soed and monday-morning-quarterbacked is all part of the burden of leadership.

 

[rosco rathbone]

My mother gave us sandwiches with white bread for lunch, every single day of my childhood.

I'm not kidding.

I know the whole story. I'm half wasp.

The "get married at the yacht club with your sailboat tied up in the place of honor" type.

 

[JMohegan]

I know the whole story. I'm half wasp.

The "get married at the yacht club with your sailboat tied up in the place of honor" type.

Oh, no, I'm not that type of wasp.

My parents were (and still are) liberal, anti-excess materialism, pro-social change, dedicated community activists. The fact that my mother considered the Betty Crocker Cookbook to be her kitchen bible is just sort of a cultural side note.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Oh, no, I'm not that type of wasp.

My parents were (and still are) liberal, anti-excess materialism, pro-social change, dedicated community activists. The fact that my mother considered the Betty Crocker Cookbook to be her kitchen bible is just sort of a cultural side note.

Unitarians?

 

[JMohegan]

Unitarians?

No religion of any kind.

 

[Keroin]

If the front door's wide open? Everybody understands that each partner is free to walk on out, at any time?

That's not slavery, it's willing participation by someone with a certain personality type. Some people are just naturally relaxed and satisfied when the other person is in charge in the day-to-day living of a personal relationship.

I understand your negative reaction, because I wouldn't last 3 minutes in a relationship with a person like me! I'm just disagreeing with your use of the slavery label to describe it.

But the above definition seems no different than what those here that identify as M/s describe as their arrangement - at least as I've understood it.

I'm not a big "label" person, as I think I've made clear enough in several posts, so really I don't have a problem with whatever anyone chooses to call their behaviour. However, for me, the bold text is part of I how I conceptualize slavery. *For me*

You know, if you're not in the mood to cook, it's fine if you just pick up some sushi on the way home.

Well, now that I can do! I am also skilled at ordering pizza.

 

[Keroin]

that's the way i would roll if i were on my own, unowned, un-partnered, single and free. but i don't think that way is really practical when you live with others.

It depends, my live-in partners have always felt the same way as I do about meals, so it's never been an issue.

Now, with kids, yes, that is a different deal. Obviously. Reason #543 that I am childless by choice.