M/s...why or why not?

[Homburg]

You ID as pansexual?

Me? Not really, but our relationship as a whole is pansexual, as it encompasses both hetero and same-sex relations, as well as group.

What I ID as is less important than what I want to teach the kids. In this case, it is tolerance of (adult) sexual orientation in general. Pansexual tolerance allows for all sorts of divergent sexuality.

So long as healthy choices are being made, and informed consent is the strict rule, I don't care if the kids turn out to be hetero, homo, bi, top, bottom, switch, vanilla, etc.

So "pansexual" in the sense that a munch group is pansexual. Not in the sense that I am gender-blind.

 

[ownedsubgal]

i feel really lucky that Daddy's son is typical of a lot of adolescent/teen kids today and completely self-absorbed. i honestly do not think he would even notice if i were walking around with two black eyes and a shuffle-limp. he is just wayyyy too into himself and whatever is going on in his little world of video games, comics, cartooning and transformers movies.

so, some things we just don't have to worry about having to hide or explain, because it's not something that garners his attention in the first place. Daddy told me of how his former slave's teen daughter saw the bruises covering her body in the bathroom one day, and she and the rest of the kids immediately started viewing Daddy as a violent monster. no chance of that kind of thing happening with t., he's just way too oblivious to anything not concerning him, and if he did notice he would easily accept the lamest of excuses.

as far as sex stuff, no kid wants to know what their parents are up to sexually. Daddy hasn't really gotten deep with t. just yet in the sexuality discussions, just because t. has not reached that maturity level yet...something which makes us both nervous to be honest. i think one of the happiest days of Daddy's life would be walking in on t. boinking some girl, that would be a cause for much relief and celebration, lol. it is weird because t. has to go back and forth somewhat from our M/s, Dom/sub sexually liberal household to weekends and holidays at his maternal grandparent's uber conservative religious household, where they have declared halloween "the devil's day." strangely though he is there much less, t. seems to take some kind of comfort or security in the more conservative message and so he may very likely be one of those virgins til married at 35, haughtily judging and condemning sinners and fornicators like his Dad and i.

 

[graceanne]

If there is some sort of discussion where I am the determinant and the power dynamic is going to be a factor, we have that discussion in private.

Honestly, I think the major conversations should be kept from the kids, anyway. I think that children are happier when the parents work as a team, and to do that major decisions and discussions need to be kept private.

Which begs a kind of interesting side question:

do people intend to "come out" when their kids are of age to be watching the average R rated film in which SM might appear etc? At some point is the latent going to be more transparent, when you know they're not going to tell everyone at school and make a big giant mess for you? Is the variant of SM going to be on the table in your talks about sex when the variants of sexualities are on the table?

I have no intention of 'coming out', but who knows? I'm pretty upfront with my kids, but I keep it appropriate. If they want to get nosy when they get older, I might tell them. I bet they don't get nosy again.

 

[myinnerslut]

I ask Master if I can do things in front of the kids. My daughter who is eight has said to me before. He's not your boss..lol.

people have said that to me before. particularly one of Master's friends who came over for dinner a few months ago said it several times. he then started playfully telling m to say no, etc. i smiled and laughed through it, but kept getting up to fill his water and get him more food or whatever. its just how it is.

 

[Homburg]

people have said that to me before. particularly one of Master's friends who came over for dinner a few months ago said it several times. he then started playfully telling m to say no, etc. i smiled and laughed through it, but kept getting up to fill his water and get him more food or whatever. its just how it is.

The fun part about that particular friend is that any time I even ask him to do something he jumps up and hops to like I gave him an order. He wants to help out so bad that it's almost pathetic.

If he weren't married to a woman that loves him and makes him happy I might try nudging him towards a dominant female. I think he'd do really well in that sort of environment.

 

[ataxia.girl]

i was outwardly submissive to hubby for awhile in front of the kids when we first started labeling ourselves as D/s. As i have come to better understand my very deep seated contempt for the Patriarchy i have just sort of naturally stopped displaying submission outside the bedroom and become more myself. i am much more feminine than i used to be but also more willful. i wouldn't say we model an egalitarian team, more like an easygoing Dominant man and his fiesty, occasionally fearsome, unpredictable wife. The older kids observe, analyze, question and discuss the power structure in our home regularly, usually right at the dinner table. They also love to discuss God. The oldest just turned 8.

Neither of us were comfortable with me modeling traditional female submission to our 2 girls. Not because we don't think female submission is valid we just don't necessarily feel like me artificially modeling more submission than really suits me will help them to be authentic, independent and self sufficient adults. i worry it would be interpreted as you have to submit even if you might not be that submissive or you won't be able to keep a man which is the message i received growing up. Granted my girls are both young and both already have a princess complex which worries me already.

The one thing that does not get toned down much is male dominance which i think is good for our 2 boys because it sure isn't being modeled anywhere else. i try to model for my girls that you can be a lively, eccentric, fiercely independent, outside the box, woman and still retain the affection of a strong, dominant man. We civilly and openly disagree in front of our children and try to show them that we can disagree on something, put it aside, have a nice meal and a walk, go to bed, and get up the next morning and come to an amiable resolution and everyone is still hugging, kissing and smacking each others asses even if there were raised voices along the way.

We joke that he is the master of the house and i am kept locked up in the office to my computer handing over my paychecks but the kids see me comfortably voice my opinion even if it contradicts him and even defy him on occasion. i am the type of woman that will just haul off and hire someone to do something because i've been asking hubby for 3 weeks and he hasn't gotten around to it yet. He generally has final say when he chooses to put his foot down but usually by that time i've lost interest anyway.

 

[graceanne]

The fun part about that particular friend is that any time I even ask him to do something he jumps up and hops to like I gave him an order. He wants to help out so bad that it's almost pathetic.

If he weren't married to a woman that loves him and makes him happy I might try nudging him towards a dominant female. I think he'd do really well in that sort of environment.

You never know . . . maybe she's dominant in the bedroom and that's why he's so happy.

 

[intothewoods]

Me? Not really, but our relationship as a whole is pansexual, as it encompasses both hetero and same-sex relations, as well as group.

What I ID as is less important than what I want to teach the kids. In this case, it is tolerance of (adult) sexual orientation in general. Pansexual tolerance allows for all sorts of divergent sexuality.

So long as healthy choices are being made, and informed consent is the strict rule, I don't care if the kids turn out to be hetero, homo, bi, top, bottom, switch, vanilla, etc.

So "pansexual" in the sense that a munch group is pansexual. Not in the sense that I am gender-blind.

Ah, ok. Thank you for clarifying.

Honestly, I think the major conversations should be kept from the kids, anyway. I think that children are happier when the parents work as a team, and to do that major decisions and discussions need to be kept private.




I have no intention of 'coming out', but who knows? I'm pretty upfront with my kids, but I keep it appropriate. If they want to get nosy when they get older, I might tell them. I bet they don't get nosy again.

I gotta say, I have never asked.

 

[graceanne]

Ah, ok. Thank you for clarifying.



I gotta say, I have never asked.

LOL I think most people instinctually avoid questions that might lead to that kind of information about their parents. That said, occasionally conversations that you don't realize will lead there, lead there.

Like when my daughter kept bugging me about why I had a lock on my bedroom door, but won't let her have one. Or when a friend of mines teenager kept pressing as to why he had to stay in his own room after 10.

 

[Homburg]

You never know . . . maybe she's dominant in the bedroom and that's why he's so happy.

Pfft. I'm better friends with her than I am with him. She's a leggy, brilliant, giggly-nervous redhead that gongs the kinkdar as submissive.

 

[CutieMouse]

Pfft. I'm better friends with her than I am with him. She's a leggy, brilliant, giggly-nervous redhead that gongs the kinkdar as submissive.

You rang?

Oh wait... I'm not married.

 

[graceanne]

Pfft. I'm better friends with her than I am with him. She's a leggy, brilliant, giggly-nervous redhead that gongs the kinkdar as submissive.

LOL Ok.

 

[Bandit58]

do people intend to "come out" when their kids are of age to be watching the average R rated film in which SM might appear etc?

My kids are 26 and 21. They know I am bisexual, but not that Sir and I are D/s.
I told my daughter I was bi when she was 19. It came about during a phone conversation where she was asking my advice about a male friend of hers who was confused about his sexuality. I said I know what he is going through because I am bi. All she said was "I always knew you were weird Mum" in a joking kind of way - maybe she had already worked it out for herself, who knows. I said she could tell her brother but please don't tell your dad or your nana (my mum) and she's been ok with that.

But as the subject of BDSM hasn't come up, I haven't bothered to tell either one of them just what kind of relationship Sir and I have. They have seen the dynamic, in which I am obviously the caring spouse, but it hasn't been mentioned as a Dom/sub context.

Subject is on a need to know basis, and they really don't need to know

 

[Homburg]

You rang?

Oh wait... I'm not married.

I don't mind. I'll ring your bell anyway.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Such a good thread and I haven't had the time to devote to formulating a decent response. I'll be back.

 

[minx1]

Intersted in hearing more....so bumping