Litiquette

[NotHisLady]

For my own part, there are people who know me well enough to be able to get in touch outside this forum.
At any time a 'feedback' message can be sent from a person's primary profile page that goes directly to his/her email instead of being a PM.
If the ladies in question were as worried as they seemed they should have contacted the site management and asked THEM to try and contact their friend.

That thread was way over the line in so many ways it's amazing that it wasn't pulled down. (Why wasn't it pulled down BTW?)
Airing what were obviously details from private conversations would be enough for me to cut someone off right there. I'm not even sure I'd bother with a message saying why.
'Outing' his Lit persona to friends/room-mates etc? That would be unforgivable.

I've been pretty open about a lot of things but a lot of things I've shared privately. If those things started popping up in threads because someone was 'concerned' about me I'm pretty sure it would be enough for me to close my account here completely.

 

[Ellafun]

That thread was way over the line in so many ways it's amazing that it wasn't pulled down. (Why wasn't it pulled down BTW?)

I just felt compelled to respond to you, NotHisLady. There is nothing that reveals his personal email address, phone number or address on the thread. It was not threatening. Therefore, it would not be pulled down unless the OP wrote to Laurel and requested that it be pulled down.

These ladies were participating in what they interpreted as a D/s relationship with someone who disappeared. They asked for help. They got lots of help. While I agree with a lot of the things IHateClowns said in his reply regarding exposing the person's personal issues, I think these two ladies were genuinely concerned for someone they care about, felt helpless, and turned to those who know him best: Us.

It is unfortunate that he didn't prevent the entire situation by simply letting his two subs know that he was going off the grid for a bit. Communication, people. That being said, it looks like at least one of them is seeking a new Dom. Not sure how well that's going to work out if he wants his privacy.

And here you thought I was going to post my usual snarky,five-word response, didn't you, chainedup?

 

[Lustful_Intentions]

I would be furious if anyone aired my life out like that, or tried to contact anyone in my real life. I understand the concern, and I'm sorry he didn't say anything to his friends before he left, but to me, that's how this online game works. You come and you go. Real life is first, Lit is supplemental. In most cases, for me, never the two shall meet.

Bingo. Lines up with how I see it.

 

[NotHisLady]

These ladies were participating in what they interpreted as a D/s relationship with someone who disappeared. They asked for help. They got lots of help. While I agree with a lot of the things IHateClowns said in his reply regarding exposing the person's personal issues, I think these two ladies were genuinely concerned for someone they care about, felt helpless, and turned to those who know him best: Us.

It is unfortunate that he didn't prevent the entire situation by simply letting his two subs know that he was going off the grid for a bit. Communication, people. That being said, it looks like at least one of them is seeking a new Dom. Not sure how well that's going to work out if he wants his privacy.

And here you thought I was going to post my usual snarky,five-word response, didn't you, chainedup?

I honestly don't think it's fair to lay this on the doorstep of the person who took a break from this site. Granted it would seem reasonable to have let the ladies know his intent but we don't really know what was going on before he left so saying that HE should have prevented all this is a bit of a stretch.

It's also worth noting that all the upset was caused by these ladies because of what they interpreted as a relationship. Looking at it reasonably if this had been more than an online fantasy, had in fact been a real relationship they would have already known how to contact him in his real life. Not having something as simple as a cell phone number speaks volumes to me.

 

[Ellafun]

I honestly don't think it's fair to lay this on the doorstep of the person who took a break from this site. Granted it would seem reasonable to have let the ladies know his intent but we don't really know what was going on before he left so saying that HE should have prevented all this is a bit of a stretch.

It's also worth noting that all the upset was caused by these ladies because of what they interpreted as a relationship. Looking at it reasonably if this had been more than an online fantasy, had in fact been a real relationship they would have already known how to contact him in his real life. Not having something as simple as a cell phone number speaks volumes to me.

I respectfully disagree. There are several people with whom I talk to on a semi regular basis on the internet and we do not share cell phone numbers. Online is online. If they considered themselves as subs, then again, I disagree that there wasn't a some kind of "relationship." Sub frenzy can cause people to do foolish things, like worry about someone who has been talking to them frequently and then vanishes. And yes, HE could have prevented this; that is not a stretch, it is a fact.

 

[Aquagal]

I believe if people want others to be able to contact them, then that crossover would have gone into the real world. It didn't.

Airing his dirty laundry, albeit out of concern, is inexcusable.

 

[JoyDyan]

I just felt compelled to respond to you, NotHisLady. There is nothing that reveals his personal email address, phone number or address on the thread. It was not threatening. Therefore, it would not be pulled down unless the OP wrote to Laurel and requested that it be pulled down.

These ladies were participating in what they interpreted as a D/s relationship with someone who disappeared. They asked for help. They got lots of help. While I agree with a lot of the things IHateClowns said in his reply regarding exposing the person's personal issues, I think these two ladies were genuinely concerned for someone they care about, felt helpless, and turned to those who know him best: Us.

It is unfortunate that he didn't prevent the entire situation by simply letting his two subs know that he was going off the grid for a bit. Communication, people. That being said, it looks like at least one of them is seeking a new Dom. Not sure how well that's going to work out if he wants his privacy.

And here you thought I was going to post my usual snarky,five-word response, didn't you, chainedup?

This is such a kind thing to say, Ella....and true. A short message letting them know he was going to be gone for a bit would have gone a long way here. While no one is obligated to 'check in' with anybody else...if you change your usual behavior without explanation, you will cause some concern to those who care about you.

I think my biggest issue here is airing his dirty laundry in public.

I believe if people want others to be able to contact them, then that crossover would have gone into the real world. It didn't.

Airing his dirty laundry, albeit out of concern, is inexcusable.

Also true. I have friends here who know how to reach me in RL, because that is what both of us were comfortable with. And I have friends who know my kids' names, my address, and my real name. Those people would certainly know how to get in touch if they were concerned for me, without calling the police or putting personal information on the board. And most people I talk to on the board know who my friends are here and who they could contact from the board if they were worried for me in some way.

I sympathize with these ladies. I believe their concern was genuine and most likely well intentioned...but there are better ways to go about checking on their friend.

 

[pfflyerhot]

I think in general for a guy on here, a PM is like hitting the lottery. For a bunch of women, I imagine answering one can be like opening a funhouse door. For me, PM communication that suddenly stops at the other end is worse than not having it at all.

*reminds self to reply, soon*

 

[pfflyerhot]

There's a thread in the PG started a couple of days old where a Litster just disappeared (not all that rare) and his two partners were so concerned that they ended up finding a way to contact RL people to check on him. To me, that's so far over the line it's unbelievable. In my opinion you are to never contact anyone's RL without explicit authorization.

Thoughts?

If Lit is my the only medium I know you on and you just disappear? Sure, I'll worry... wonder... second guess, kick myself, be saddened, curse you... wonder wtf... and then ...I won't.
It is what it is.

 

[ChainedUp]

The weekend...........yes!

There's a a practice there that a few people partake in and while I don't know it's official Lit term I'll call it "scouring". This practice when when you go way back into someone's post history to find something to confront them on. I think of it as whenever the search function is used dig through posts. I understand checking out someone's posts in the initial stages of getting to know them but going back sometimes years to find posts seems over the top. Thoughts?

 

[Aquagal]

The weekend...........yes!

There's a a practice there that a few people partake in and while I don't know it's official Lit term I'll call it "scouring". This practice when when you go way back into someone's post history to find something to confront them on. I think of it as whenever the search function is used dig through posts. I understand checking out someone's posts in the initial stages of getting to know them but going back sometimes years to find posts seems over the top. Thoughts?

So many.

Sheesh, get outta my head.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

Well... If you do "scour" someone, and you see a consistent pattern of stupidity , you could use that as an "Ah-Ha!" moment and just avoid them altogether.

My two cents.

But I guess that's the difference between simple post-stalking to learn about someone and the "scouring" you've penned..

Yeah..scouring is childish.

 

[Paul_Chance]

My general advice would be if you every find yourself doing it - stop immediately, log off, and go searching for a life because, congratulations, you are now an Official Internet Troll.

http://static.ddmcdn.com/gif/troll-2.jpg

You know, that might be a great avatar...

 

[NotHisLady]

The weekend...........yes!

There's a a practice there that a few people partake in and while I don't know it's official Lit term I'll call it "scouring". This practice when when you go way back into someone's post history to find something to confront them on. I think of it as whenever the search function is used dig through posts. I understand checking out someone's posts in the initial stages of getting to know them but going back sometimes years to find posts seems over the top. Thoughts?

I'm of two minds about this.
If it's your regular behavior when you meet someone new then, yes it's a problem.
Looking back at a few posts is something I've done. More specifically looking back at where those posts have been made--that makes difference to me. To do that over a few weeks can tell you a little bit about a person who may be on their best behavior in those first one or two messages.

On the other hand if something happens that causes you to wonder if a person is misrepresenting him/herself then looking back further may be a wise thing. I would certainly want to have a conversation if I saw a pattern that made me uncomfortable. Honesty is important and if you see evidence of an outright lie posted there for the world to see, even if it is months old maybe it's a thing you need to know.
It would take a serious precipitating event to make me do something like that though.
Given that every word I've posted is public in front of God and everybody I don't think I could fault a person for knowing those things. After all, someone who had been around as long as me would know them anyway.

 

[Ellafun]

Wondering who the heck would have time for that...just...wow.

 

[stickygirl]

I do it occasionally if I'm suspicious of someone: men posing as women being a case in point

 

[dutchrain]

The weekend...........yes!

There's a a practice there that a few people partake in and while I don't know it's official Lit term I'll call it "scouring". This practice when when you go way back into someone's post history to find something to confront them on. I think of it as whenever the search function is used dig through posts. I understand checking out someone's posts in the initial stages of getting to know them but going back sometimes years to find posts seems over the top. Thoughts?

Yes, clicking on the Profile and "Find all posts" I think is quite normal if someone you don't know sends a PM. But more ... I would think often it is just done to stir up some drama.

Paul, I love the troll! I had one of them some years ago!

 

[ChainedUp]

One thing I've noticed is that the number of people that post what they think is small compared to the number that post to look good. This thread has a lit if people posting what they think , thanks for that.

 

[ydahecnot]

I thought posting history as far as what could be seen was only 200 posts

 

[ChainedUp]

That's if you look at a person's profile, but you can search through the Lit search tool and find more.

 

[dutchrain]

One thing I've noticed is that the number of people that post what they think is small compared to the number that post to look good. This thread has a lit if people posting what they think , thanks for that.

You are welcome.
Might be due to good questions and such, I think.

I thought posting history as far as what could be seen was only 200 posts

Yes, but there is also "Threads started by" And you could post a name in the "search for" that would show you the threads the one you are looking for has ever posted or is named in.

 

[ydahecnot]

That shizz is creepy

 

[rubydlite]

That shizz is creepy

Speaking of creepy....if you Google your lit name....sometimes it comes up with all your posts....particularly if you have an ongoing back and forth...
Websites collect stats on 'popular' posts...


Ps....I know this because I googled my own....not 'cause I'm a stalker

 

[ydahecnot]

Gotta love teh Google

 

[SweetSam42]

Speaking of creepy....if you Google your lit name....sometimes it comes up with all your posts....particularly if you have an ongoing back and forth...
Websites collect stats on 'popular' posts...


Ps....I know this because I googled my own....not 'cause I'm a stalker

I confess to totally having done this. It got me no real information, but was interesting to see which pages showed up at the top.