Litiquette

[Little_Sister]

5 women have openly admitted to stalking or wanting to stalk you. Paul, I think you are doing something most men around Lit can only dream of. Just saying, if you want to keep attracting women... I wouldn't change a thing.

 

[stickygirl]

5 women have openly admitted to stalking or wanting to stalk you. Paul, I think you are doing something most men around Lit can only dream of. Just saying, if you want to keep attracting women... I wouldn't change a thing.

I have to say, with my feminist head on, that we shouldn't really be joking about stalkers! But we all know what we mean in a Lit context…
sorry - my conscience is placated now

 

[Paul_Chance]

My thanks to everyone for the kind words.

As a topic that was discussed sometime ago - I do think an OP owns a thread and has the right (even the obligation) to shape it in whatever way they see fit as it evolves. Which is what drove me to flat out ask if Chained had an alternate vision for the thread, specifically if the length of my posts was breaking an unwritten rule. He articulated his vision nicely. I look forward to some more lengthy answers.

 

[kimbalee]

I am smiling now as I am reading this thread and see that people can be cordial to each other and actually talk about things in a civilized manner. I believe some other threads would do well to use this one as an example. As such, I think the title "Litiquette" and the direction of the thread is holding up to its implications.

 

[NotHisLady]

I love this thread.
One of the reasons for that is the fact that people TALK about things. They don't drop one liners or simply react to the person above them. There is real thought here.
Paul thinks--I love his analogy of swimming in the deeper end of the pool. Too many people paddle around in the shallows and call it swimming.
I consider this entire conversation the deeper end of the pool and am happy that I haven't yet drowned.
If something is set up as a discussion then people should discuss--state their views. If that means using more or fewer words then that's what it means. The idea is to be clear. I'd rather have more words that leave me understanding his point than fewer that are vague and don't fully convey his thought.
That being said, if he were answering every post with one with his own thoughts on it at great length it would get tiresome.
(Sorry to use you as the example here Paul, love ya--really.)

 

[Thandi]

I am smiling now as I am reading this thread and see that people can be cordial to each other and actually talk about things in a civilized manner. I believe some other threads would do well to use this one as an example. As such, I think the title "Litiquette" and the direction of the thread is holding up to its implications.

Very well put. OP does an amazing job with this thread, and there are so many smart and funny posters that contribute.

 

[ChainedUp]

There's a thread in the PG started a couple of days old where a Litster just disappeared (not all that rare) and his two partners were so concerned that they ended up finding a way to contact RL people to check on him. To me, that's so far over the line it's unbelievable. In my opinion you are to never contact anyone's RL without explicit authorization.

Thoughts?

 

[Aquagal]

Lots of thoughts, and not pleasant ones.

I have a want to separate here and my everyday life and the two aren't going to mesh with my family life. There is no way I'd want someone to intrude on it and I can't imagine doing that to someone else. Especially in the manner it was done in that thread, now it's for all to know when he was probably just needing a break from the constantness of need.

I've put people on ignore for far less. I have a couple friends on Facebook and Gatorgurl knows my phone number, but not any single one of them would I want to call the cops because they hadn't seen me around. That would surely end a friendship instantly.

 

[rubydlite]

I don't know how to say this without sounding snippy...or have it be eloquent but unless I've invited someone into my real life this situation would infuriate me. I have family members who would crucify me if I made public, information about them. I get caring for someone...worrying about them...feeling sad if they disappear but....
I would think if someone wanted me involved in their life to that level I'd already know how to get in touch with them in real life.
Saying this, however, it's clear there are many different rl/ol relationship dynamics and I can only offer how I would feel.

 

[Thandi]

There's a thread in the PG started a couple of days old where a Litster just disappeared (not all that rare) and his two partners were so concerned that they ended up finding a way to contact RL people to check on him. To me, that's so far over the line it's unbelievable. In my opinion you are to never contact anyone's RL without explicit authorization.

Thoughts?

When I first read the posts I was concerned as I have lost quite a few to suicide. But I have to admit that I do think it was stepping over the boundary. My life here on Lit is secret......never to be brought into my RL.

 

[dutchrain]

I've no idea what thread you three are taking about, and that really annoys me, it sounds like some nice drama. Of the worst sort.

"In my opinion you are to never contact anyone's RL without explicit authorization." This.

If I (would) feel the need people here should have a possibility to contact me outside the boards or my RL I would/will give them the means to so so.

Not seeing me here for a few days and searching a way to reach out into my RL, whatever the reason, I would consider a big mistake. Big. Huge.

 

[Paul_Chance]

I would agree. Never cross into RL unless you are specifically invited to do so or you already have a relationship that extends there. If you are heavily invested in an online community you may want to make sure that at least one person you trust has your IRL contact and can speak for you when you're gone without warning.

 

[stickygirl]

If there were friends here that I'd invited into my real world they'd know about it and hopefully my family would let them know if I got squished, so no - it would stepping over a boundary in the case the OP raised.
But since so much of our lives are cyber these days it's as well to have arrangements for post-squish: online banks, memberships, passwords - you have to leave some clues to family. I have someone I trust with that info.

 

[rubydlite]

I'm wondering if the answer is different depending on how you incorporate lit into your life. For me lit is a huge secret....tangled webs...yada yada...
If you 'lit'completely on the up and up...full disclosure....would it make a difference?
I'm asking just because I'm curious.

 

[stickygirl]

I'm wondering if the answer is different depending on how you incorporate lit into your life. For me lit is a huge secret....tangled webs...yada yada...
If you 'lit'completely on the up and up...full disclosure....would it make a difference?
I'm asking just because I'm curious.

My family already think I'm cranky - no need to add sexually depraved to the list

 

[Deleted member 1306910]

I'm wondering if the answer is different depending on how you incorporate lit into your life. For me lit is a huge secret....tangled webs...yada yada...
If you 'lit'completely on the up and up...full disclosure....would it make a difference?
I'm asking just because I'm curious.

If I might answer? My lit life is no secret, my GF knows most of what I do and I even relate amusing anecdotes. If I was sick or something, or otherwise disappeared out of character and someone I knew here cared enough, they should be welcome to check on me. I don't have that kind of relationship with anyone at Lit, but if I did, it would not bother me. *ghosts out again*

 

[Paul_Chance]

Here is a post-bad-things-happened-to-you suggestion. Write down any critical information for someone who was suddenly your caregiver or emergency response person - bank accounts, insurance information, PIN numbers, next-of-kin numbers, emergency instructions, etc. and drop them into a lock box or a sealed security envelope and give it to them (or place it somewhere in your house they can find). Go all out: "If I disappear." "If I an unconscious." "If I am badly injured but will recover." "If get arrested." "If my name appears on a 60 Minutes segment and they have video of me running away." "If my name appears anywhere near the words "Most Wanted"." Everyone who loves you will appreciate the instructions. Being the emergency contact for someone is a great responsibility and a horrible thing to go through. Directions from the person will help you immensely.

 

[rubydlite]

My family already think I'm cranky - no need to add sexually depraved to the list

Ha....I feel the same way.

If I might answer? My lit life is no secret, my GF knows most of what I do and I even relate amusing anecdotes. If I was sick or something, or otherwise disappeared out of character and someone I knew here cared enough, they should be welcome to check on me. I don't have that kind of relationship with anyone at Lit, but if I did, it would not bother me. *ghosts out again*

...and that's why I asked...I still couldn't/wouldn't but I'm sure some see it this way.

 

[Paul_Chance]

My family already think I'm cranky - no need to add sexually depraved to the list

Too funny!

 

[dutchrain]

Here is a post-bad-things-happened-to-you suggestion. Write down any critical information for someone who was suddenly your caregiver or emergency response person - bank accounts, insurance information, PIN numbers, next-of-kin numbers, emergency instructions, etc. and drop them into a lock box or a sealed security envelope and give it to them (or place it somewhere in your house they can find). Go all out: "If I disappear." "If I an unconscious." "If I am badly injured but will recover." "If get arrested." "If my name appears on a 60 Minutes segment and they have video of me running away." "If my name appears anywhere near the words "Most Wanted"." Everyone who loves you will appreciate the instructions. Being the emergency contact for someone is a great responsibility and a horrible thing to go through. Directions from the person will help you immensely.

Don't we all know we should have these informations and instructions complete for 'in-the-case-if I's so our loved ones don't have to go to all our drawers (in dressers and laptops) to find it in the case if and when they (hopefully) are very distressed because of me, but who really has?

I for one, made a few starts and have half or quarterly finished lists laying around. Which wouldn't help my dear one(s) very much because I always start with the same things ... How sad I am they now have to do the things I ask from them in list, and the music I want them to play on my funeral. Somehow I always run out of zest after that ...

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

if I have not brought you into my inner sanctum of "real" life, I'd consider it a tad "stalker-esque" to be hunting me down if I disappeared on a forum.

Now, that said. I think it's rude as hell to just up and disappear if you've involved yourself in a certain relationship (real or imaginary) for any length of time. It's just Common courtesy to say. ."Hey, taking a break. May or may not be back. No need to worry. "


That's just me, though.

 

[JoyDyan]

There's a thread in the PG started a couple of days old where a Litster just disappeared (not all that rare) and his two partners were so concerned that they ended up finding a way to contact RL people to check on him. To me, that's so far over the line it's unbelievable. In my opinion you are to never contact anyone's RL without explicit authorization.

Thoughts?

I have to say that I'd be soooooooper pissed off if someone did that to me.

I have friends here who have crossed over into RL, and Lit is no secret to people who know me, so those friends are generally not a secret. While I wouldn't disappear for days without some explanation....I also have a RL and don't feel I should have to explain to everyone where I am if I'm off the grid for a few days because of RL commitments or problems. Maybe I'm on vacation, or busy, or off getting laid...in which case I'd be a little upset that someone called the police. The people who know me know that I have RL friends and family, and I'm not alone. Someone would notice if something bad happened to me. The person in question has roommates who would know if something happened to him, and if his Lit friends were so important to him, his loved ones/roommates would know to contact them in the event of some kind of tragedy. If he hasn't brought them into his RL, they are not as important as they think they are to him.

That said, I do get a bit concerned when my far-away friends act out of character and disappear....but I also have enough respect for them that I would NEVER intrude into their real lives like that from afar. There's too much I don't know. I would assume that they would answer my messages when they could or wanted to. And I would never post their personal bidness on Lit.

It *is* common courtesy to answer a text or message and say! hey! I'm alive! no worries! ttys....but no one has any obligation to do so if they don't want to.

 

[SweetSam42]

I would be furious if anyone aired my life out like that, or tried to contact anyone in my real life. I understand the concern, and I'm sorry he didn't say anything to his friends before he left, but to me, that's how this online game works. You come and you go. Real life is first, Lit is supplemental. In most cases, for me, never the two shall meet.

 

[CodeYellow]

I guess I agree with most of what has been said. The majority of us do draw a distinction between here and out there and it is a boundary not to be crossed. However, I am not sure that I judge them too harshly (not saying others are or aren't) because I think that for some people and relationships here the feeling of being dropped is quite unnerving. All you have here is communication... That is how you feel presence. Where out here there is a constant sense of presence that is physical. My friend lives 50 minutes from my house but there is something permanent about our friendship even though we have not talked in 3 months. I don't worry if he is hurt or worse. However, online, I think that drop of communication can be so unsettling because all that was permanent was the communication itself... There is nothing else. It can drive you to do some things that, I agree, cross boundaries. I guess I just believe there is a lot of power in that communication for some people and it leads to things like this. I don't know.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

Chain can throw a rock at me here. .. But... With all the talks about o/l vs rl.. I saw this and it made me chuckle. .
https://24.media.tumblr.com/b5c768e9e874fb9e09aa0c0adc2a76d7/tumblr_n1qnqlQkdE1rf9ekto1_500.png

https://24.media.tumblr.com/7051484d4250997d1f5a5b7283d7922f/tumblr_n1qnqlQkdE1rf9ekto2_500.png