Litiquette

[perkyT]

What social structures are you talking about?

 

[KalIsBack]

Cliques and things, and those informal groupings that all human beings tend to after a period of time.

The ignore list is a good thing. I use it. The buddy list? I mean, you can have your buddies, but formally codifying them as such? Not so much. Think about it. The beauty of Lit is that you have access to such a broad range of ideas that it's dizzying. You've said it yourself that you come here to explore and such. And with that territory comes the people that are already firmly adopted into those ways. There are also people that are just there, with no particular preference of any kind, who are 'just looking.' There are the people that exist on the fringes, that you never really see. And they're all thrown together in this one virtual room. Think of it like a ballroom.

Naturally, you as a new Litizen are going to gravitate to what you like, or what you think you like. A few brave souls might explore a bit more, circulate around the room, which is more or less the whole point of Lit, I think. But the problems arise when you start with a group of people and then stick with that group of people, to the exclusion of others. After a little while, you might form a circle with your backs facing out, and stay that way. And that'll happen in a few spots in the room. People make their comfort zones and stay inside of them, for the most part.

And then some people will just clam up, not talking to the folks they want to talk to. And then someone will be a clown. Someone will attempt to stir things up.

When you're here long enough that Lit starts to seem like a microcosm of society, that defeats the point of Lit, doesn't it? You don't feel free enough to talk to whomever, to bring up whatever ideas might be circulating through your head, for fear of an unfavourable response, or worse yet, being entirely ignored. I always feel terrible for the threads that never get very far, even though they have a good premise, just because they weren't started by a terribly popular poster.

Social structures. We impose them on Lit.

 

[ChainedUp]

But it fades, I think, when social structures start to come into play. Lit wasn't meant for that, and when you add it in, well...

I'm a little list as well, Kal. Can you explain the last paragraph?

 

[ChainedUp]

I'm a little list as well, Kal. Can you explain the last paragraph?

And you did

 

[ChainedUp]

Cliques and things, and those informal groupings that all human beings tend to after a period of time.

The ignore list is a good thing. I use it. The buddy list? I mean, you can have your buddies, but formally codifying them as such? Not so much. Think about it. The beauty of Lit is that you have access to such a broad range of ideas that it's dizzying. You've said it yourself that you come here to explore and such. And with that territory comes the people that are already firmly adopted into those ways. There are also people that are just there, with no particular preference of any kind, who are 'just looking.' There are the people that exist on the fringes, that you never really see. And they're all thrown together in this one virtual room. Think of it like a ballroom.

Naturally, you as a new Litizen are going to gravitate to what you like, or what you think you like. A few brave souls might explore a bit more, circulate around the room, which is more or less the whole point of Lit, I think. But the problems arise when you start with a group of people and then stick with that group of people, to the exclusion of others. After a little while, you might form a circle with your backs facing out, and stay that way. And that'll happen in a few spots in the room. People make their comfort zones and stay inside of them, for the most part.

And then some people will just clam up, not talking to the folks they want to talk to. And then someone will be a clown. Someone will attempt to stir things up.

When you're here long enough that Lit starts to seem like a microcosm of society, that defeats the point of Lit, doesn't it? You don't feel free enough to talk to whomever, to bring up whatever ideas might be circulating through your head, for fear of an unfavourable response, or worse yet, being entirely ignored. I always feel terrible for the threads that never get very far, even though they have a good premise, just because they weren't started by a terribly popular poster.

Social structures. We impose them on Lit.

Please take this in the rhetorical argument it was intended, not in the personal way it may sound. You make some pretty good points about groups and cliques and even the buddy list. How do you explain having a Lit relationship? In your response, it seemed like you were advocating for a free love type of an approach where societal norms of partners and exclusive partnerships were not intended.

 

[hatlover123]

When you're here long enough that Lit starts to seem like a microcosm of society, that defeats the point of Lit, doesn't it? You don't feel free enough to talk to whomever, to bring up whatever ideas might be circulating through your head, for fear of an unfavourable response, or worse yet, being entirely ignored. I always feel terrible for the threads that never get very far, even though they have a good premise, just because they weren't started by a terribly popular poster.

Social structures. We impose them on Lit.[/QUOTE]

Agree 100%.
You mention it as well vaguely I think. But as people we give other posters status based on humour, what they write about, what we view their personality as etc.
Gives what they say more or less weight depending on that status. How much we take them seriously, etc etc.

All of these things forge one social construct for better or for worse. And we define the interpersonal relationships we have within this construct.

 

[KalIsBack]

Please take this in the rhetorical argument it was intended, not in the personal way it may sound. You make some pretty good points about groups and cliques and even the buddy list. How do you explain having a Lit relationship? In your response, it seemed like you were advocating for a free love type of an approach where societal norms of partners and exclusive partnerships were not intended.

Not the tack I was taking. I hadn't meant to start an argument at all. I was only explaining. And I was only explaining the societal structures I see on Lit, not advocating any type of 'proper' approach to relationship.

How do I explain it?

What happens when you see someone that you like, more than casually? When you see something you really like about them? You're attracted, naturally. That's just what happens. And things progress much like they might in a real-world relationship.

I never said that non-exclusive relationships are a good thing. Never advocated them. They can be terribly, terribly damaging. Attempting to entertain multiple women/men at once can be difficult, at best.

 

[KalIsBack]

Please take this in the rhetorical argument it was intended, not in the personal way it may sound. You make some pretty good points about groups and cliques and even the buddy list. How do you explain having a Lit relationship? In your response, it seemed like you were advocating for a free love type of an approach where societal norms of partners and exclusive partnerships were not intended.

And, you know, I think that's part of the beauty of Lit. It's another reason why I have Av's turned off. Because you get to judge people by what they post, not how they look. It's like really, really blind dating. You've got this brick wall of people that you can sift through at your leisure, with certain directional queues to help you get around (specific forums). And maybe you find someone you like, who likes you too. Who admires your thoughts, with the way you look being of secondary importance. And it clicks. Can you think of a faster way to get to know someone than good conversation? I can't. And Lit is rampant with it. I wouldn't even dare to guess on the number of PM's sent every day.

I take no offence, by the way.

 

[ChainedUp]

Not the tack I was taking. I hadn't meant to start an argument at all. I was only explaining. And I was only explaining the societal structures I see on Lit, not advocating any type of 'proper' approach to relationship.

How do I explain it?

What happens when you see someone that you like, more than casually? When you see something you really like about them? You're attracted, naturally. That's just what happens. And things progress much like they might in a real-world relationship.

I never said that non-exclusive relationships are a good thing. Never advocated them. They can be terribly, terribly damaging. Attempting to entertain multiple women/men at once can bet difficult, at best.

Kal - not an argrument at all, a healthy discussion. I think where I got confused was in your original post you stated you didn't think Lit was intended to meet societal norms but yet each of us, for the most part, act as if they do apply. And when they don't people get upset. I guess it boils down to how each of us view Lit and "use" the forum.

 

[hatlover123]

And, you know, I think that's part of the beauty of Lit. It's another reason why I have Av's turned off. Because you get to judge people by what they post, not how they look. It's like really, really blind dating. You've got this brick wall of people that you can sift through at your leisure, with certain directional queues to help you get around (specific forums). And maybe you find someone you like, who likes you too. Who admires your thoughts, with the way you look being of secondary importance. And it clicks. Can you think of a faster way to get to know someone than good conversation? I can't. And Lit is rampant with it. I wouldn't even dare to guess on the number of PM's sent every day.

I take no offence, by the way.

Yeah.
Nobody judged me on my avatar.

 

[KalIsBack]

Kal - not an argrument at all, a healthy discussion. I think where I got confused was in your original post you stated you didn't think Lit was intended to meet societal norms but yet each of us, for the most part, act as if they do apply. And when they don't people get upset. I guess it boils down to how each of us view Lit and "use" the forum.

No, not an argument. I like this discussion.

I have a question for you: what do you think would happen if it were mandatory to PM at least 5 unique people per day to retain access to the Forums? For no real reason. Just to say, or something more. Do you think people would follow the rules? Or just drift away from Lit sooner rather than later?

I think Lit should be based off of societal norms.

Not societal structures.

If you take the hierarchies out, things improve. If you take the norms out, things devolve. Take the hierarchies out, you get mingling. Take the norms out, you get anarchy. There's a bit of a difference there.

 

[KalIsBack]

Yeah.
Nobody judged me on my avatar.

I never looked your Avatar until we started joking about the hats you wore. Because pictures aren't quintessential for me. I can't speak for others, but I like not being able to see people. It lets you 'see' the real them. No judging allowed. And it would be awesome if that was Lit-wide, don't you think?

 

[hatlover123]

I never looked your Avatar until we started joking about the hats you wore. Because pictures aren't quintessential for me. I can't speak for others, but I like not being able to see people. It lets you 'see' the real them. No judging allowed. And it would be awesome if that was Lit-wide, don't you think?

Oh that wasn't directed to you specifically but based on your post.

It would be awesome if that was Lit-wide. However I see too much of outside put in here. Like, hidden agendas, resentments, jealousy, lust, preconceptions, environmental/learned behaviours, etc etc.
Judgements happen based on myriad conditions and situations.

 

[KalIsBack]

Oh that wasn't directed to you specifically but based on your post.

It would be awesome if that was Lit-wide. However I see too much of outside put in here. Like, hidden agendas, resentments, jealousy, lust, preconceptions, environmental/learned behaviours, etc etc.
Judgements happen based on myriad conditions and situations.

*too much of outside put in here.*

That's what I mean should be left at the door. It won't ever happen. But a man can dream, eh?

 

[Aquagal]

Surely I can't be the only one with the thought that you're over thinking it all. Aren't there others that can post whatever and then be on their way and leave Lit behind when signing off?

 

[hatlover123]

Surely I can't be the only one with the thought that you're over thinking it all. Aren't there others that can post whatever and then be on their way and leave Lit behind when signing off?

Course that can happen.
And it does with some people.
Any conceivable possibility can happen and probably does with Lit members in how they view internet, this site and everything in between.

 

[ChainedUp]

Surely I can't be the only one with the thought that you're over thinking it all. Aren't there others that can post whatever and then be on their way and leave Lit behind when signing off?

Quite possibly, but then again I go with my strengths.

 

[KalIsBack]

Surely I can't be the only one with the thought that you're over thinking it all. Aren't there others that can post whatever and then be on their way and leave Lit behind when signing off?

Oh, there are some. Those are the few that I like and admire.

But ask yourself honestly... do you think the majority of people on here do it?

 

[AbsintheFather]

Surely I can't be the only one with the thought that you're over thinking it all. Aren't there others that can post whatever and then be on their way and leave Lit behind when signing off?

I resemble that remark.

I have a very full life outside Lit. For the most part come here to pass some time while at work. I am here for a little fun and flirtation. I pay no mind to the games and petty squabbles over irrelevant stuff. Not to say I don't have some real friendships here, but Lit is Lit and RL is RL and I do know which one counts.

 

[Edensgarden]

Hi Everyone!!

I've been reading the Cliff Notes on everything I've missed over the last week.

http://i.imgur.com/OIOgKzO.jpg?1

 

[KalIsBack]

I resemble that remark.

I have a very full life outside Lit. For the most part come here to pass some time while at work. I am here for a little fun and flirtation. I pay no mind to the games and petty squabbles over irrelevant stuff. Not to say I don't have some real friendships here, but Lit is Lit and RL is RL and I do know which one counts.

Ditto.

Ditto.

Only, I love to discuss. When I came to the forums, it was all about discussion for me. The learning that could take place here. Discussion that you can't get in RL.

 

[Aquagal]

Oh, there are some. Those are the few that I like and admire.

But ask yourself honestly... do you think the majority of people on here do it?

That's just it, I'm not concerned or wonder if people do or not.

I resemble that remark.

I have a very full life outside Lit. For the most part come here to pass some time while at work. I am here for a little fun and flirtation. I pay no mind to the games and petty squabbles over irrelevant stuff. Not to say I don't have some real friendships here, but Lit is Lit and RL is RL and I do know which one counts.

Exactly!

I mean I might come on and poke a stick, but I leave my stick at the door and not think anything more of it. Except some scary AmPics that have imbedded in my mind at times. What's up with that?!

 

[KalIsBack]

That's just it, I'm not concerned or wonder if people do or not.

*chuckle* Point.

That's just how my mind works. I mentally dissect things, out of habit.

 

[stickygirl]

Cliques and things,
...

When you're here long enough that Lit starts to seem like a microcosm of society
...
just because they weren't started by a terribly popular poster.

Social structures. We impose them on Lit.

Sure - people make friends and have 'in-jokes' but that's not necessarily a bad thing, so long as newbies aren't excluded. On numerous occasions I've seen a solitary post in a thread get ignored: sometimes because their remark was just weird or because there's a fast moving convo. I feel kinda guilty if I see it happen and I expect we've all been in that situation.

On the GB a newbie is usually told to Fuck Off and I've PM'd newbies who've wandered into it by accident, to let them know we're not all like that. Most places though you get accepted pretty quick, but it does require people to be able to string a sentence together and be a bit persistent.

 

[Aquagal]

Sure - people make friends and have 'in-jokes' but that's not necessarily a bad thing, so long as newbies aren't excluded. On numerous occasions I've seen a solitary post in a thread get ignored: sometimes because their remark was just weird or because there's a fast moving convo. I feel kinda guilty if I see it happen and I expect we've all been in that situation.

On the GB a newbie is usually told to Fuck Off and I've PM'd newbies who've wandered into it by accident, to let them know we're not all like that. Most places though you get accepted pretty quick, but it does require people to be able to string a sentence together and be a bit persistent.

Good Morning, I'm glad you stuck it out in Girl Talk.