Jokes

[carrie-on]

When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle, she was attracted to him, and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex. "Tarzan not know sex," he replied.
Jane explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said, "Oh, Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree."

Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly."

She took off her clothes and lay down on the ground. "Here," she said. "You must put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer with his huge erection, and then gave her an almighty kick right in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually she managed to gasp for air and screamed, "What did you do that for?"

"Tarzan check for bees."

 

[carrie-on]

There was this party in the woods and all of a sudden there
was a down pour of thunder and rain. These two young men
ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain, finally reaching
their car just as the rain let up. They jumped in the car,
started it up and headed down the road, laughing and, of
course, still drinking one beer after the other. All of a sudden
an old man's face appeared in the passenger window and
tapped lightly on the window! The passenger man screamed out, "eeeeekkk! Look at my window!!! There's an old guy's face there!"(Was this a ghost?!?!?!?) This old man kept knocking,
so the driver said "well open the window a little and ask him
what he wants!" The passenger rolled his window down part
way and said, scared out of his wits, "What do you want???"
The old man sofly replied, "Do you have any tobacco?" The passenger , terrified, looked at the driver and said, "He wants tobacco!" "Well offer him a cigarette! HURRY!!" the driver
replies. So he fumbles around with the pack and hands the
old man a cigarette and yells "Step on it!!!" rolling up the
window in terror. Now going about 80 miles an hour, they calm down and they start laughing again, and the passenger says, "What do you think of that?" The driver says, "I don't
know? ? I am going pretty fast?" Then all of a sudden
AGAIN there is a knock on the window and there is the
old man again. "aaaaaaaaaaaaa, there he is again!",
the passenger yells. "Well see what he wants now!" yells
back the driver. He rolls down the window a little ways
and shakely says "Yes?" "Do you have a light?" the old
man quietly asks. The passenger throws a lighter out the
window at him and rolls up the window and yells, "STEP
ON IT!" They are now going about 100 miles an hour
and still guzzling beer, trying to forget what they had
just seen and heard, when all of a sudden again there
is more knocking! "Oh my God! HE'S BACK!" He rolls down
the window and screams out, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" in
stark fear. The old man gently replies, "You want some
help getting out of the mud?"

 

[Joey3308]

http://www.rudefun.com/pictures/photos/90.jpg

 

[Guest]

One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. After kissing each other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her, "Honey, would you give me a blow job?"

Horrified, she replies "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"

"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"

"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"

"Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"

"No way. It's just too risky!"

"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?"

"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"

"Oh yes you can. Please?"

"No, no. I just can't"

"I'm begging you ...


Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says, "Dad says to go ahead and give him a blow job, or I can do it. Or if need be, Mom says she can come down herself and do it. But for God's sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom."

 

[Joey3308]

http://www.neophi.com/home/danielr/fun/elves.jpg

 

[Guest]

http://www.funnypictureswebsite.com/funnypictures/funny-pictures234.jpg

 

[TheOverlord]

lol!!!

 

[Joey3308]

http://www.neophi.com/home/danielr/fun/dalmation.gif

 

[Joey3308]

http://www.rudefun.com/pictures/various/9.jpg

 

[Guest]

http://www.rudefun.com/pictures/various/9.jpg

 

[Succulent-one]

Holiday Greetings

Holiday Greetings

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all



And a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2004, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual preference of the wishee.



(By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.)

 

[Guest]

http://www.imgmag.com/images/jasmine/sunscreen.jpg

 

[midwestyankee]

One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. After kissing each other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her, "Honey, would you give me a blow job?"

Horrified, she replies "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"

"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"

"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"

"Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"

"No way. It's just too risky!"

"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?"

"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"

"Oh yes you can. Please?"

"No, no. I just can't"

"I'm begging you ...


Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says, "Dad says to go ahead and give him a blow job, or I can do it. Or if need be, Mom says she can come down herself and do it. But for God's sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom."

I have seen this as a video. It's hysterical. You can find it at ifilm.com but I don't recall the title off the top of my head.

 

[Joey3308]

http://www.rudefun.com/pictures/animated/4.gif

 

[Joey3308]

Uh oh, we're in trouble now
http://www.rudefun.com/pictures/holidays/2.jpg

 

[Joey3308]

http://www.rudefun.com/pictures/holidays/7.jpg

 

[Succulent-one]

Where is the rake

Find the rake




http://www.myshutter.com/flash/where_is_the_rake.htm

 

[Joey3308]

Check this one out

http://www.neophi.com/home/danielr/fun/jake.gif

 

[tonitits]

Re: Where is the rake

Find the rake




http://www.myshutter.com/flash/where_is_the_rake.htm

that was a good one!

 

[tonitits]

Check this one out

http://www.neophi.com/home/danielr/fun/jake.gif

oh, that's too funny!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Joey3308]

http://www.neophi.com/home/danielr/fun/6beers.gif

 

[Joey3308]

Hope this works...its funny

http://www.neophi.com/home/danielr/fun/madcow/

 

[My Erotic Tail]

you all have me in stitches

Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
A: She heard that the drinks were on the house.

Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

Q: What is the difference between Elvis and smart blondes?
A: Elvis has been sighted.

Q: What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
A: Some traffic signs say stop.

yall keep it up.....these jokes make my day..
every day......................Art...........................
@tail waggin good time................

 

[Guest]

Top Ten Signs of Trouble in Santa Claus's Marriage


10. He's replaced all the elves with scantily clad Swedish exchange students

9. Mrs. Claus calls him "that fat freak in the red underwear"

8. He traded in his sleigh for a van with a waterbed

7. He's been spending a little too much time with the life-sized Holiday Barbie

6. His new live-in personal elf valet, Steve

5. Mrs. Claus having cybersex relationship with accountant from New Jersey

4. He knows when she's been sleeping, he knows when she's awake, because he's bugged the bedroom

3. Lately, she keeps "forgetting" to tie her robe when she brings the elves their morning coffee

2. Stocking aren't the only things he's been nailing in front of the fireplace

1. Not a creature is stirring in Santa's pants

 

[Guest]

http://www2.freepichosting.com/Images/125133/0.jpg