If you could sit down with your child(ren).....

[Ishmael]

#5. Get a hobby, get many. Doesn't matter what it is, HO trains, RC aircraft, Target shooting, hunting, fishing, painting, musical instruments, signing, photography. As long as it teaches patience and precision and the child is included, it just doesn't matter. You need something that you can have fun at and your child needs to see that too.

Ishmael

 

[CandiCame]

This whole notion is just flying over your head, isn't dear? As well as logic. If the child is running towards you the distance is shorter.

Let's start with a simple premise. Your job as a parent is to prepare the child for life without you, not to be the perpetual safety net. Statistically you are going to die before your child so what is the point of not preparing them for life without you?

You've jumped to the defensive as if I've accused you of being a bad mother when in reality all I've asked in this thread is for the readers to think.

My little 'rules' are my own. If they make sense fine, if not then argue the merits. Don't come at me like "Superwoman to the rescue" bull shit. You aren't superwoman and I'm not superman. And neither of us can live our children's lives for them.

The subject is advice you would give your child. The unsaid premise is that they're at least mature enough to understand you, even if they think you're full of shit (and they will for a time).

And here you are trying to play 'Mother of the Year' even though that has nothing to do with the subject.

Get Over It

Ishmael

And teaching your child obedience remains really bad for them and people should not do it. Not because of me, personally, or my... motherhood? But because it teaches them to OBEY not to THINK. Like how if you knew how to think in concrete, practical terms, you would know that someone with more developed muscles can cover the same amount of ground faster. How would the distance be shorter? But again, not just for that one example, but for all of life; it's better to teach a kid to think than it is to blindly obey.

"Get over here" is a command- one used in Mortal Kombat.

"Holy shit a car," is something, screamed while running to save them, that lets them interrpret the situation and LEARN that getting hit by a car is a DANGER and they need to pay more attention to the world around them. Standing there yelling at them to move while they might be paralysed by fear is... evil? I mean, it's fucked up. You would literally have to fight your instincts to be able to do that.

 

[CandiCame]

I wish I was superwoman... isn't she dating Rene Montoya now?

 

[nowisthetime]

And teaching your child obedience remains really bad for them and people should not do it. Not because of me, personally, or my... motherhood? But because it teaches them to OBEY not to THINK. Like how if you knew how to think in concrete, practical terms, you would know that someone with more developed muscles can cover the same amount of ground faster. How would the distance be shorter? But again, not just for that one example, but for all of life; it's better to teach a kid to think than it is to blindly obey.

"Get over here" is a command- one used in Mortal Kombat.

"Holy shit a car," is something, screamed while running to save them, that lets them interrpret the situation and LEARN that getting hit by a car is a DANGER and they need to pay more attention to the world around them. Standing there yelling at them to move while they might be paralysed by fear is... evil? I mean, it's fucked up. You would literally have to fight your instincts to be able to do that.

You just have to do what works best for you and your child.

 

[Ishmael]

And teaching your child obedience remains really bad for them and people should not do it. Not because of me, personally, or my... motherhood? But because it teaches them to OBEY not to THINK. Like how if you knew how to think in concrete, practical terms, you would know that someone with more developed muscles can cover the same amount of ground faster. How would the distance be shorter? But again, not just for that one example, but for all of life; it's better to teach a kid to think than it is to blindly obey.

"Get over here" is a command- one used in Mortal Kombat.

"Holy shit a car," is something, screamed while running to save them, that lets them interrpret the situation and LEARN that getting hit by a car is a DANGER and they need to pay more attention to the world around them. Standing there yelling at them to move while they might be paralysed by fear is... evil? I mean, it's fucked up. You would literally have to fight your instincts to be able to do that.

Who is the parent to the child? Obviously not you.

Ismael

 

[CandiCame]

You just have to do what works best for you and your child.

People say that, but authoritarian parenting styles don't work for ANYONE. They fuck kids up. So many psychologists are working so hard to get people in the states to stop doing that. I've worked with at risk kids for years, I've seen them develop their horrible habits, there are three juvenile detention centers in this town, and there are outreach programs with parenting classes that literally explain how what Ish is saying can kill your child. It's DANGEROUS. You can't think of what makes your life easier, by treating your child like a pet with operant conditioning, you have to think about what makes their life tolerable, what skills will help them survive and thrive. I mean, in that scenerio that he laid out, his child would be hit by a car. That's unacceptable. The US has one of the highest rates of child abuse and neglect in the world, and sociologist like Karmaloff-Smith and Vygotski can correlate to authoritarian parenting styles.

 

[CandiCame]

Who is the parent to the child? Obviously not you.

Ismael

Parenting is about nurturing your offspring. Not training them until they're so codependant that they'll be unable to function if you aren't there to bark commands at them.

Using the word "obedient" in place of "well behaved" is one of the things that social workers are trained to look for because it signals an abusive personality type. Sex slaves are obedient; puppies are obedient; children are well behaved.

 

[bg23]

People say that, but authoritarian parenting styles don't work for ANYONE. They fuck kids up. So many psychologists are working so hard to get people in the states to stop doing that. I've worked with at risk kids for years, I've seen them develop their horrible habits, there are three juvenile detention centers in this town, and there are outreach programs with parenting classes that literally explain how what Ish is saying can kill your child. It's DANGEROUS. You can't think of what makes your life easier, by treating your child like a pet with operant conditioning, you have to think about what makes their life tolerable, what skills will help them survive and thrive. I mean, in that scenerio that he laid out, his child would be hit by a car. That's unacceptable. The US has one of the highest rates of child abuse and neglect in the world, and sociologist like Karmaloff-Smith and Vygotski can correlate to authoritarian parenting styles.

i think i mainly agree with your point that it shouldn't be about obedience - to me it should be about critical thinking, independent thought, and respect. like - i want my child to listen to me because she RESPECTS me, (if not agrees with me), not because i have conditioned her out of fear or punishment to simply do whatever i say.

i think there will be times when she will disagree with me and i want her to be able to voice those disagreements and be able to have thoughts independent of what i teach her - but at the end of the day i still want to have the kind of relationship where she obeys and listens to me because she understands that as her mother, i am wiser and have her interests at heart.

at some point though she's going to quit listening, and there's nothing you can really do about that except to hope that it's at a time when she IS old enough to make her own choices. well unless you want to do the whole unconditional unquestioning obedience thing, but i can tell you from first hand experience that that can result in a terrible, emotionally crippling childhood.

 

[Ishmael]

Parenting is about nurturing your offspring. Not training them until they're so codependant that they'll be unable to function if you aren't there to bark commands at them.

Using the word "obedient" in place of "well behaved" is one of the things that social workers are trained to look for because it signals an abusive personality type. Sex slaves are obedient; puppies are obedient; children are well behaved.

But you do, or will. It's an inevitable part of parenthood.

Ahh, social workers. Those particular entities that have either NO experience at raising a child, or have done a particularly bad job at doing so. It's wonder that the human race ever survived without them.

They are the very formula driven people that you are railing against.

It's becoming obvious to me that you had no familial role model. You, and your children are/will become the product of state indoctrination. I think it's safe for me to say that you are on welfare of some sort. Probably always will be, as will your children. The 'Social workers' will insure that. Because you are ignorant, the proof lies in your unfounded belief that the US is not predominately Caucasian. You expressed a 'belief' unfounded by facts and apparently a reflection of the neighborhood you live in. As if that is a reflection of a greater reality.

I reiterate, the entire premise of this thread flew right over your head. You didn't think, you saw a personal insult and reacted.

And yes, you DO look fat in that dress.

Ishmael

 

[Mell0wM0nk]

#2. Teach your children to play real cards at the earliest age possible. They'll learn math by osmosis. Cards are not just a game, they're a lesson in business. How and when to take calculated risks and how to 'read' the other player(s). After they've learned the rules, show no mercy. If you do so then you're just cheating and they'll catch on and do the same. And they'll have no sense of accomplishment when they finally kick your ass.

Ishmael

I am a card player myself, and make money off it on the side, and I really think that poker is one of the best games to learn out there. I dont play any other casino games, Just poker. ITs a lesson in life. Since I started taking up poker seriously, and reading books, It has helped me become a much better person. It has opened my mind to many things, and I have started to take a very wholistic approach to every decision I take. I would go out on a limb to say that poker is just like life. Both in poker and in real life, there are so many factors that are beyond our control. we cannot choose our cards, we cannot choose our opponents cards, and we have no control over their actions. Only thing we can control, is ourselves. Learning to deal with this kind of uncertainty, learning to make best decisions with incomplete information, knowing when to take risks, reading people, creating a profile of the opponent, getting in their heads. And there are times even when u get everything spot on, and have him pinned down, there is only once card in the whole deck that can save him, and BOOM, it comes ,without any warning, Crushing your hopes. What do the good player do then ? join the next game, keep playing, dont let it hurt you, its a skill game and all you need to do is keep makiing good decisions and leave the rest to the universe to figure it out. And dealing with this day after day, really builds some character. I am able to deal with the lemons life throws at me very well, I just chalk it up at variance (bad luck as u call it) and move on. Although I must agree it has made me a lil numb to emotions, and thats a good thing for me, cause I used to be quite emo as a teen. Needless to say all the math and logic skills I sharpened , and keeps my brain sharp too.

#3. Demand instant obedience from your children. Especially before the age of seven. The last thing you want to see is your child arguing with you in the middle of the street after you've said, "Come here" while the auto they didn't notice runs them down. The other side of that is knowing when to let go and by how much. Like you, every child is different and this is something I can't help you with. You didn't come with a set of instructions and neither will your children.

Ishmael

Ishmael, I might be too young for this (am 25) , and def think about having kids at some later stage. I was bought up by a very strict dad, and although I hate to admit it, he was very narcissistic. I was very sacred to interact with him, and any convo we had was always about him. So when i think about having kids, I always think what Id teach them. Since my dad always demanded obedience, tried to be all strict just to feed his own narcissistic needs, I always picture myself being a friend to the lil guy/girl. I would want them to start thinking for themselves at an early age, and instead of telling the kid he shouldnt put his hands in the fire, I would rather like to tell him/her ' here are the merits , here are the demerits, do as you'd like' , and slowly, through his subconscious experience he will start to understand that whatever I say has some merit in it, and he will automatically start obeying me. I feel like my parents lied to me a lot, specially when it came to topics that they did not feel comfortable sharing, or just dint wanna talk about it or w.e . like sometimes parents say " the ghost will come and bite you from the dark if u dont eat your food" . I see how eating food is for the benefit of the kid, but maybe they shoulda just let me be hungry for a bit and I would automatically eat anything when i felt hungry (human instinct) and then i would realize that they were right, and I d be more inclined to believe them next time. I dont think I penned this down very well, prob just a jumble of thoughts.Grats if you managed to read here xD . All thoughts on this appreciated.

It took me a while to type out that post, and seems like a lot has happened in between, kinda agree with candi here in that, let them think for themselves, not obey, that;d be the gist of my post

 

[CandiCame]

i think i mainly agree with your point that it shouldn't be about obedience - to me it should be about critical thinking, independent thought, and respect. like - i want my child to listen to me because she RESPECTS me, (if not agrees with me), not because i have conditioned her out of fear or punishment to simply do whatever i say.

i think there will be times when she will disagree with me and i want her to be able to voice those disagreements and be able to have thoughts independent of what i teach her - but at the end of the day i still want to have the kind of relationship where she obeys and listens to me because she understands that as her mother, i am wiser and have her interests at heart.

at some point though she's going to quit listening, and there's nothing you can really do about that except to hope that it's at a time when she IS old enough to make her own choices. well unless you want to do the whole unconditional unquestioning obedience thing, but i can tell you from first hand experience that that can result in a terrible, emotionally crippling childhood.

Exactly.

And the thing is, at times when you would "need" obedience, it would be for shit like, "put down the knife". If you still have to say shit like that when your kid is too big for you to physically take the knife from them; you've already fucked up to the point that it probably can't be fixed. As an adult, right now, if my dad said to me, "Give me the knife" I would have the critical thinking skills to say, "He wants to cut the watermelon" or "he wants to stab me". Because I have learned that he's a crazy motherfucker. Little kids don't understand that. So when you teach them to obey you, they tend to generalize that into obeying all adults, and I'll be goddamned if my kid thinks that she has to do that. Some adults are crazy motherfuckers. If she's willing to listen to me when I say she should obey, but then tell her that kidnappers and pedophiles exist, and her as little as she is, what the fuck is she supposed to do with that information if she doesn't have critical thinking skills? You ever read, "Living dead girl?" That little girl got kidnapped BECAUSE she trusted an adult in authority. An employee at the aquarium she was visiting. Because she was taught to obey adults rather than to think critically about what they were saying. 90-something percent of child abductions are from family members or friends that they were told to obey. That's the kind of shit you don't really think about until you have a kid. Obedience is really dangerous.

Then you take into account the cycle of abuse and the cycle of neglect and the cycle of poverty and all the other horrible things that sociologists have put "cycle" in front of and it doesn't take a genius to realize that teaching a child blind obedience is literally one of the most dangerous things you can do to a kid. Kids need to be able to think critically. Because I'm not always going to be there; sometimes, she's gonna be on field trips with overworked and underpaid teachers. Sometimes she's gonna be on dates with some idiot teenager. Shit goes down and she needs to be able to think and make significantly better decisions than I did. And teaching her to obey-especially to obey some goddamn idiot, which is what I am, is gonna cripple her for life.

And I see a lot of parents do it with conflicting interests too. And that's a whole other crop of shit that I don't want to deal with. Parents that try to micromanage because of their desire to control; who try to dictate everything from a kid's religion to hairstyle and expect blind obedience; and then the kid goes off and comes back completely culture shocked and incredibly annoyed AT BEST. It's just not worth it.

 

[CandiCame]

Ishmael, I might be too young for this (am 25) , and def think about having kids at some later stage. I was bought up by a very strict dad, and although I hate to admit it, he was very narcissistic. I was very sacred to interact with him, and any convo we had was always about him. So when i think about having kids, I always think what Id teach them. Since my dad always demanded obedience, tried to be all strict just to feed his own narcissistic needs, I always picture myself being a friend to the lil guy/girl. I would want them to start thinking for themselves at an early age, and instead of telling the kid he shouldnt put his hands in the fire, I would rather like to tell him/her ' here are the merits , here are the demerits, do as you'd like' , and slowly, through his subconscious experience he will start to understand that whatever I say has some merit in it, and he will automatically start obeying me. I feel like my parents lied to me a lot, specially when it came to topics that they did not feel comfortable sharing, or just dint wanna talk about it or w.e . like sometimes parents say " the ghost will come and bite you from the dark if u dont eat your food" . I see how eating food is for the benefit of the kid, but maybe they shoulda just let me be hungry for a bit and I would automatically eat anything when i felt hungry (human instinct) and then i would realize that they were right, and I d be more inclined to believe them next time. I dont think I penned this down very well, prob just a jumble of thoughts.Grats if you managed to read here xD . All thoughts on this appreciated.

Narcissism is what causes authoritarian parenting. That's why Ish is trying to project narcissism onto me; they're really bad for projecting, and tend to project their perceived defects onto their kids as well.

Also... I look fat in everything lately.

 

[Ishmael]

i think i mainly agree with your point that it shouldn't be about obedience - to me it should be about critical thinking, independent thought, and respect. like - i want my child to listen to me because she RESPECTS me, (if not agrees with me), not because i have conditioned her out of fear or punishment to simply do whatever i say.

i think there will be times when she will disagree with me and i want her to be able to voice those disagreements and be able to have thoughts independent of what i teach her - but at the end of the day i still want to have the kind of relationship where she obeys and listens to me because she understands that as her mother, i am wiser and have her interests at heart.

at some point though she's going to quit listening, and there's nothing you can really do about that except to hope that it's at a time when she IS old enough to make her own choices. well unless you want to do the whole unconditional unquestioning obedience thing, but i can tell you from first hand experience that that can result in a terrible, emotionally crippling childhood.

Exactly.

And the thing is, at times when you would "need" obedience, it would be for shit like, "put down the knife". If you still have to say shit like that when your kid is too big for you to physically take the knife from them; you've already fucked up to the point that it probably can't be fixed. As an adult, right now, if my dad said to me, "Give me the knife" I would have the critical thinking skills to say, "He wants to cut the watermelon" or "he wants to stab me". Because I have learned that he's a crazy motherfucker. Little kids don't understand that. So when you teach them to obey you, they tend to generalize that into obeying all adults, and I'll be goddamned if my kid thinks that she has to do that. Some adults are crazy motherfuckers. If she's willing to listen to me when I say she should obey, but then tell her that kidnappers and pedophiles exist, and her as little as she is, what the fuck is she supposed to do with that information if she doesn't have critical thinking skills? You ever read, "Living dead girl?" That little girl got kidnapped BECAUSE she trusted an adult in authority. An employee at the aquarium she was visiting. Because she was taught to obey adults rather than to think critically about what they were saying. 90-something percent of child abductions are from family members or friends that they were told to obey. That's the kind of shit you don't really think about until you have a kid. Obedience is really dangerous.

Then you take into account the cycle of abuse and the cycle of neglect and the cycle of poverty and all the other horrible things that sociologists have put "cycle" in front of and it doesn't take a genius to realize that teaching a child blind obedience is literally one of the most dangerous things you can do to a kid. Kids need to be able to think critically. Because I'm not always going to be there; sometimes, she's gonna be on field trips with overworked and underpaid teachers. Sometimes she's gonna be on dates with some idiot teenager. Shit goes down and she needs to be able to think and make significantly better decisions than I did. And teaching her to obey-especially to obey some goddamn idiot, which is what I am, is gonna cripple her for life.

And I see a lot of parents do it with conflicting interests too. And that's a whole other crop of shit that I don't want to deal with. Parents that try to micromanage because of their desire to control; who try to dictate everything from a kid's religion to hairstyle and expect blind obedience; and then the kid goes off and comes back completely culture shocked and incredibly annoyed AT BEST. It's just not worth it.

Neither one of you have had to deal with the reality of having to raise a child.

And while I appreciate your participation, in reality neither one of you have anything of value to say re. rearing a child.

Quite frankly all you've had to say is how you are "always going to be there." That isn't parenting, it's the role of a slave master. You are raising a generation of perpetual dependents.

Ishmael

 

[CandiCame]

Neither one of you have had to deal with the reality of having to raise a child.

And while I appreciate your participation, in reality neither one of you have anything of value to say re. rearing a child.

Quite frankly all you've had to say is how you are "always going to be there." That isn't parenting, it's the role of a slave master. You are raising a generation of perpetual dependents.

Ishmael

You're projecting Ish.

 

[Ishmael]

You're projecting Ish.

Not at all.

Are you living with the father of your child?

Ishmael

 

[Mell0wM0nk]

Narcissism is what causes authoritarian parenting. That's why Ish is trying to project narcissism onto me; they're really bad for projecting, and tend to project their perceived defects onto their kids as well.

Bear my children Candi xD

I had a fucked up childhood because of my dad, although I wanst aware of that then. HE wasnt bad or anything, just too full of himself. and I always wanted to be like him , someone everyone respected (or so i thought) and obeyed. Then i went to college and was away from home for a few years, and that was probably thing best thing that happened to me. I interacted with alot of people , did some psychadelics, opened my mind, really. Now am back home , working with the old man in a family business, and cant stand him most of the time. We often get into arguments, never talk to each other unless its about work, and sometimes even when he is right, I tend t fight with him , cause I feel like everything he is doing is to control me ( and I am right most of the times).
there are times I have told him how he fucked up my childhood, recently he agreed to that, and ican ssee very small changes in him and I really appreciate it. a while back we had a couple beers together at a family get together, and i really liked him like that. but those kinda moments are very few.

 

[CandiCame]

Not at all.

Are you living with the father of your child?

Ishmael

I'm living with the mother of my child.

 

[CandiCame]

Bear my children Candi xD

I had a fucked up childhood because of my dad, although I wanst aware of that then. HE wasnt bad or anything, just too full of himself. and I always wanted to be like him , someone everyone respected (or so i thought) and obeyed. Then i went to college and was away from home for a few years, and that was probably thing best thing that happened to me. I interacted with alot of people , did some psychadelics, opened my mind, really. Now am back home , working with the old man in a family business, and cant stand him most of the time. We often get into arguments, never talk to each other unless its about work, and sometimes even when he is right, I tend t fight with him , cause I feel like everything he is doing is to control me ( and I am right most of the times).
there are times I have told him how he fucked up my childhood, recently he agreed to that, and ican ssee very small changes in him and I really appreciate it. a while back we had a couple beers together at a family get together, and i really liked him like that. but those kinda moments are very few.

I would but I don't have a womb and after watching my baby mamma go through that I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. This shit like to killed her; kid fucking pulled the calcium out of her bones; she lost a tooth over it. And then she had a hell of a time getting more calcium because apparently, they don't tell you this unless you're preggers but the suppliments are hell on your liver for some reason and don't work unless you bind them with vitamin D. And she somehow became allergic to animal protein so she went vegan for the last 2 trimesters because even a glass of milk would make her throw her guts up. She spent so much time puking she LOST weight the whole first trimester. Pregnancy will fuck you right up. If I had a womb I wouldn't use it.

But the kid is awesome. She says it was worth it but I don't hear her clamoring to go through it again. And they make you fat. They don't tell you that but somehow they make you fat. I don't know how she did it.

And they throw shit at you.

A lot.

 

[Ishmael]

Bear my children Candi xD

I had a fucked up childhood because of my dad, although I wanst aware of that then. HE wasnt bad or anything, just too full of himself. and I always wanted to be like him , someone everyone respected (or so i thought) and obeyed. Then i went to college and was away from home for a few years, and that was probably thing best thing that happened to me. I interacted with alot of people , did some psychadelics, opened my mind, really. Now am back home , working with the old man in a family business, and cant stand him most of the time. We often get into arguments, never talk to each other unless its about work, and sometimes even when he is right, I tend t fight with him , cause I feel like everything he is doing is to control me ( and I am right most of the times).
there are times I have told him how he fucked up my childhood, recently he agreed to that, and ican ssee very small changes in him and I really appreciate it. a while back we had a couple beers together at a family get together, and i really liked him like that. but those kinda moments are very few.

You. like candi, have sever reading comprehension problems.

Blaming YOUR problems on your parents is a cop out.

Poor, poor, pitiful me.

Ishmael

 

[CandiCame]

Glad you're developing a relationship with your dad tho. That's cool. Our kid is lucky because the ma's parents are awesome. It almost makes up for how shitty my parents are. But my grandparents, who I lived with a lot of the time, were pretty awesome, but in the opposite direction. I was spoiled so bad by them. Even as an adult, they bailed my ass out when I got in a real bad way. And maybe it's from having those two extremes that I can kinda see how shit can go bad.

Here in the really real world, every parent is gonna fuck up. It's gonna happen. And I want Xadie to know that I'm faliable; that I'm gonna fuck up. I don't want her to think that I'm perfect and then have that shattered. She's cool, I'm cool, and we're cool with each other. I hope. She might hate me anyway but we're not really a 'friend' relationship deal. But I love her- fell IN love with her, and it was awesome. I don't think that people who don't have kids get that whole... bonding thing. But you fall in love with your kids and it's awesome. I'd kill for her. She has absolute control over me. Which is not good, really. Like I said, I'm really hoping that her ma can set a lot of the boundaries and I just enforce them because I totally see myself falling into my grandparent's trap where I just give in to everything she wants and I gotta make myself not do that.

 

[bg23]

Neither one of you have had to deal with the reality of having to raise a child.

And while I appreciate your participation, in reality neither one of you have anything of value to say re. rearing a child.

Quite frankly all you've had to say is how you are "always going to be there." That isn't parenting, it's the role of a slave master. You are raising a generation of perpetual dependents.

Ishmael

I can only speak to my own experience and contrast it to those of others I've observed. So while I don't have experience raising kids, I still do have thoughts on it. Obviously my experiences aren't going to be universal, and obviously everyone's parenting situation is going to be different, and I think that's fine.

My spouse was raised in a "respect, not obedience" environment - he's well balanced, and now enjoys a very healthy relationship with his parents.

I was raised in a "obey or be punished" environment - I now live on the other side of the world to my mum.


I absolutely believe in discipline and I absolutely believe in showing my kids the consequences of their actions. But I am never going to say to them, "You are never allowed to ever question what I tell you ever." I want to teach, not indoctrinate. I will tell them, "I want you to listen to me because I am your mum and I love you and I make rules to make sure that you grow up happy and healthy." And I want them to understand and respect that, but if I make a decision that doesn't seem right to them, I also want them to feel free to tell me they disagree.

At the end of the day we might still disagree - I might still tell my 12 year old she can't date because she's too young and she'll get mad at me over it, but at least we'll have had the discussion. Does she obey me or not? I don't know, maybe she will, maybe she won't - rebellion comes out at the weirdest times in the most unexpected of kids. But I don't want her obeying me only because I've instilled terror into her and I don't want her feeling like she can never question my decisions.

Otherwise -- when does she learn to question anything? When does she learn to think for herself? I don't see that as slave driving - in fact, that would be "COME!" "SIT!" "ROLL OVER!" as slave driving, if you call it that (I don't, I think that's just authoritarian style parenting). Like if all her life a kid has just obeyed, unthinkingly, unquestioningly - what, does she suddenly learn to stop that at age 18? That's hard for me to see. On the other hand, you have situations like me - I obeyed unconditionally for 18 years and then snapped one day and packed up my stuff and moved out because that kind of repression was killing me.

This is just my take on it. When I have kids, no doubt my opinions will evolve, for now this is just the way I see it, and that's through the lens of my personal experiences.

 

[CandiCame]

You. like candi, have sever reading comprehension problems.

Blaming YOUR problems on your parents is a cop out.

Poor, poor, pitiful me.

Ishmael

If you can't even get the basics of "parenting style affects children" you ought not have been in, let alone started, a thread like this. Because people are gonna call you out on it.

 

[CandiCame]

"Don't fuck your circadian rythems up" is one that needs to be stated in this fucking family. I didn't sleep for three days and then slept until 4 or 5pm when I found out I didn't have to work today. And that's only because my boyfriend woke me up or I probably would have just keep right on sleeping. You gotta listen to your body and get that shit established by- most of the baby books/sites say three years old. So. We need to work on that. And daddy needs to work on fucking practicing what he preaches.

 

[StrayKat]

Neither one of you have had to deal with the reality of having to raise a child.

I have two well adapted, smart and successful daughters and one a bit less adapted step daughter. Ages 21, 25 and 28. I never had a grandmother service, I dealt with raising my children the best way my ex and current husband and me knew how. Considering everything I think we all did a damn good job.

I still agree to some of their points.

 

[nowisthetime]

You. like candi, have sever reading comprehension problems.

Blaming YOUR problems on your parents is a cop out.

Poor, poor, pitiful me.

Ishmael

Why do you have to insult folks like that just for disagreeing? Stop that condescension.