I Need to Vent

[lavender]

For the past 4 months, I have been working very hard towards a particular goal. It was something I wanted desperately. Something that I knew would make me happy. Something that I was focused upon.

I had to cross one hurdle that took time, patience, convincing, struggle on my part and then I crossed that hurdle.

Then I came to a second great hurdle, confronting one of my worst fears. I stressed about it, but handled it in the most responsible and best manner I knew how. It took a lot of courage, courage that I had never exhibited before.

After that second hurdle, there were little bumps in the road that continually interrupted the progression towards my goal.

The goal had seemingly arrived. It was going to be attained in just a few short days. It had been set in irreversible motion. Then all of the sudden, even after months of awareness, I encountered one final hurdle.

Right now I'm too tired and too stressed to deal with this last hurdle. I don't know how to deal with it. I don't know what I should do. I have alternatives, but none of them are too pleasant. And this final hurdle that has arisen, is one that affects more than just me - it effects several people.

I'm really stressed right now. I'm really stressed and upset. I've tried to do my best with respect to reaching this goal. I've tried to keep everyone's desires and needs in perspective. But right now I just want to scream. It seemed so close. I felt as though I was about to reach what I had wanted for so long. I was about to have in my hands something that would make me extremely happy. And now I don't know what to do.

Yes, this is incredibly vague. It has to be so. But right now, I'm just a bit beaten down mentally and emotionally.

I have too much other stuff on my plate to be worrying about this. Somehow I feel as if this is some greater force telling me that the initial goal was somehow wrong to begin with. That all the concerns expressed in the first 3 hurdles are coming to fruition before I ever get to experience the happiness.

 

[Angel]

Check your PMs.

 

[curious2c]

The good things in life come with hard work. That which comes easy is not fun nor is it good. I think you know deep in your heart what is the right thing for you...follow your heart.

 

[Willing and Unsure]

I'm sure this is going to sound like crap, but I must say that you've worked hard, and I think you will still achieve this goal. I have no idea what it is, or what the hurdles are that you have to overcome, but I dont think you should back down from it even though you have worked so hard to be a bit disappointed now.

If I'm thinking right, in what I know of you and who you are, you are very strong and you dont back down easily. I dont see you as giving up on this thing either. Maybe take a few steps back from it all and just look at it from the outside and try to find a feasable solution to the problem that you've come to, and maybe you (and all those involved) can come to a solution and get it all to work out in the end.

*hugs*

 

[Lancecastor]

...Queen Procrastination yesterday, then Ultra Horny, now Depressed Again...

- You feel an exaggerated elation, or have rapid, unpredictable mood swings.

- You get irritable or impatient when people can't keep up with you.

- You have an abnormal sleeping pattern. You haven't been able to sleep, you are too busy to sleep, you feel you don't need to sleep, and you don't feel tired the next day.

- You make big (unachievable) plans, have an inflated self-esteem, or have an exaggerated sense of your own importance.

- You are an impulsive spender.

- You can't control how much, how loud, or how fast you speak.

- People are having a hard time keeping up with you in conversation.

- Your thoughts are racing and jumbled, they jump from topic to topic.

- You have poor concentration and are easily distracted.

- You've been acting out of character, feel uninhibited, have an increased sexual drive, or have been behaving promiscuously.

- You behave like you can't be stopped, and have increased energy.

- Your driving is erratic and aggressive.

- You refuse treatment, blame others for your symptoms, have been using poor judgment, or show a lack of insight in your decision making.

- You've been acting inappropriately in social situations. You tell people off, misinterpret events and overreact, distort the meaning of ordinary remarks, or act out other high-risk behaviors.

 

[lavender]

In real life in things that matter the most, personal stuff, I'm incredibly nonconfrontational. I'm confrontation with my family and those who I love the most, but with others, I tend to be nonconfrontational to the extreme.

I'll be confrontational about someting I believe in. But, I won't be confrontational about things that effect me directly. It kinda makes situations like this very difficult.

 

[lavender]

Re: ...Queen Procrastination yesterday, then Ultra Horny, now Depressed Again...

Lance, I've never said this to anyone. But, I truly hope you rot in hell.

 

[Willing and Unsure]

In real life in things that matter the most, personal stuff, I'm incredibly nonconfrontational. I'm confrontation with my family and those who I love the most, but with others, I tend to be nonconfrontational to the extreme.

I'll be confrontational about someting I believe in. But, I won't be confrontational about things that effect me directly. It kinda makes situations like this very difficult.

you dont have to be confrontational to be strong and make good decisions. Just remember, there comes a time when you have to do something out of the ordinary for yourself. that time wont be any easier if you do it now, or wait until later... so why not make it now, when you might be needing to so you can push forward with everything else?

 

[k¡tty]

I don't think that there is anything that I can say to make you feel better or to help your situation in any way Lavender.. but I wish you the best and I hope that there will be a way to achieve your goal.




Lance did someone stand you up tonight? I've noticed you've been extremely pissy tonight, well even more than usual. Does it make you happier in your own life to constantly go around and belittle people here?

 

[Lancecastor]

Lance did someone stand you up tonight? I've noticed you've been extremely pissy tonight, well even more than usual. Does it make you happier in your own life to constantly go around and belittle people here?

Nope. Things are good here!

Two things though....first, it's a full moon coming round so you women are back to your monthly three day whine/snivel phase...I can set my lunar calendar by you (just look at Lav's threads tonite, as one example...all over the hormone map.)...

Second, I've decided to turn it up a notch; I've been very patient with all the baseless name calling I let people sling at me here and I think it's time I gave a little smackdown out to those who've had it coming to them. You aint seen nothing yet.



Lance

 

[lavender]

Second, I've decided to turn it up a notch; I've been very patient with all the baseless name calling I let people sling at me here and I think it's time I gave a little smackdown out to those who've had it coming to them. You aint seen nothing yet.



Lance

Then you're basing your attacks tonight on shit I said weeks and months ago. I've avoided your threads. I have avoided you. You follow me wherever I go. You can't play the "defending yourself" card with me anymore because I have treated you the way I see you as a non-contributor to this board. You have joined the ranks of other no-names who I don't even recognize if they are here or not. It's only when you come running into one of my threads to demean me in whatever way you see fit at the time that I even realize you still post at this place.

So, I've left you alone lately. You, and you alone, are the one that is perpetuating this bullshit.

 

[Lancecastor]

1. Then you're basing your attacks tonight on shit I said weeks and months ago.

2. I've avoided your threads. I have avoided you. You follow me wherever I go. You can't play the "defending yourself" card with me anymore because I have treated you the way I see you as a non-contributor to this board. You have joined the ranks of other no-names who I don't even recognize if they are here or not. It's only when you come running into one of my threads to demean me in whatever way you see fit at the time that I even realize you still post at this place.So, I've left you alone lately. You, and you alone, are the one that is perpetuating this bullshit.

1. At least you recognize you have a debt to be repaid.

2. Stop begging. It will make no difference.

 

[curious2c]

Something I just thought of Lavy...' The dogs all barking, but the caravan keeps on going.' Or something along those lines. Ignore that which does not matter and push on. I have faith in you.

 

[Lost Cause]

I may have read the thread wrong..

But did you say you put off being happy until a future event/goal? Are you happy with life now, or do you define happiness in the future based on conditions? I ask that because I know too many people that define completion in life as reaching a stage in it, instead of being in it every day. If you love the life you live now, nothing is a disappointment if it comes slowly, or on time.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Oh lance, can it.

Sometimes a woman just needs a hug and some support. You're quite obviously in the wrong thread, so wander elsewhere, and let us better equipped to handle humanity and friendship take over.


*hugs* for Lavy.

*offers you chocolate*

*offers you tissue*

*offers you my bigass punching bag*

*and gloves if you want them*

 

[lavender]

Lost Cause, you raise a good point. I'm I happy with my life? In many respects yes. I have a loving family who are absolutely stellar and supportive and encouraging. I couldn't have asked for a better family. I have very good friends. Unfortunately, the vast majority of my closest friends do not live in the same city as me. I do have good friends here including Mischka and my roommate as well as others but I wish I were closer to others who mean the most to me. I also have a loving, wonderful, amazing boyfriend who never fails to put a smile on my face. In this respect, I feel amazingly lucky and happy.

But, I'm in my final year of an academic program that I'm very unhappy with. But, I'm a fighter and not a quitter and I have to stick it out. I'm also at a point of great uncertainty in my life, which adds stress.

There are things in my life that make me happy, yet I know a few steps towards a goal of some sort (like the one I am sharing) and it would make me happier and more content with my situation. The step I would be taking, this goal, is one that would definitely improve my day to day happiness.

It's not that I'm unhappy. I'm just at an awkward time in my life. I think we've all experienced those times. I just knew this step would help ease some of the tension and close one of the gaps that caused me a bit of heartache.

 

[Spinaroonie]

One word: Powernap.

 

[lavender]

Thank you, vixenshe.

I could use a hug. Thankfully, I'm not all that far from one. I just have to wait a little longer.

 

[KillerMuffin]

Sometimes we just get tested to see how much 'quit' we have in us. Every once in a while life seems to just do its level best to try to break us. And when it's over you stand there, shaking, wondering how you made it and you'll find a new bit of steel inside yourself, tempered by fire and unbreakable. That bit of steel will always be there and it will always help you through when it seems difficult because you'll know what the worst feels like and you'll know that you can survive it.

Either that or boot camp corrupted me.

 

[Monazwx]

I think you need to be quoted LC.

You've come so far, only one hurdle to go.
Do you really want to break now?

Push on but steadily.
Good Luck.

 

[lavender]

One word: Powernap.

I'm not sure sleep is going to cure this one, Spinster.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Sometimes we just get tested to see how much 'quit' we have in us. Every once in a while life seems to just do its level best to try to break us. And when it's over you stand there, shaking, wondering how you made it and you'll find a new bit of steel inside yourself, tempered by fire and unbreakable. That bit of steel will always be there and it will always help you through when it seems difficult because you'll know what the worst feels like and you'll know that you can survive it.

Either that or boot camp corrupted me.

In this sense, boot camp didn't corrupt you (I'm not saying you're corrupted, I don't know you well enough to say anything about that).

You're right... life will crash against us like waves against a beach.. either you're a pile of sand that quickly dissipates, or you're a rock that, over time might lose some of your edge, but will remain strong through it all.

Lavy, I have a feeling you're a rock here... I think you'll be fine.

*hugs*

 

[Spinaroonie]

I'm not sure sleep is going to cure this one, Spinster.

Running yourself ragged, overly stressed.... don't just regularly sleep (But do get enough sleep). Take a break and nap for a while. Relax.

 

[Lancecastor]

Oh lance, can it.

Sometimes a woman just needs a hug and some support.

Just think of me as Dr. Phil, Vix.

I care. I really do. About balance. And harmony.

And hugs, too.

C'mere, Lavvykins and turn around...I've got a big special hug for you!






Lance

 

[kiwiwolf]

Is it anything we or some folks here could help with Lavy? You have a hell of a lot more friends than you realise here and I am damned sure that if they/we could give you any assistance it would be given quickly.

I hope it works out for you.

And lance... fuck off! If you don't have anything positive to say shut the fuck up.