I Need to Vent

[lavender]

I'm such a daddy's girl, and I know that Lance is going to come in an mock me for this admission. But, I called him tonight because he knows my situation. I called him very late to share with this hurdle. He had offered assistance in a solution months ago, but I felt I wouldn't need his help. Tonight I called and asked him to consider that again and to see if his offer still was available. I don't want to use it, it's not an ideal solution by any means. But, I wanted and needed to know I had support if things came down to that.

After talking to me, he called 30 minutes later to check on me. He wanted to calm me down and make sure I knew that he supported my decision and appreciated the fact that I would consider his advice the moment this adversity arose. He also said he was going to call me in the morning to give me moral support. Even when things are bad, the support of those who love you can really bring a smile to your face.

This is going to be tough. It's not in my nature to do what I have to do tomorrow. I like to pick my battles in real life, which means I avoid confrontations if I can just grin and bear it. Unfortunately, tomorrow is a battle that has to be chosen.

I just hope I can have the fortitude and intelligence to handle this in the most positive constructive manner possible.

 

[Silverlily]

But, I'm a fighter and not a quitter and I have to stick it out.

And that right there is the key to all of this. It's a setback, not a defeat, you have to grit your teeth and push through.

Obviously, I don't know the situation, but it sounds like you've put quite a bit into it and to not follow through now would be a waste. I think it would be better to do your utmost and not have it be right, than to not finish it and never know.

If you need to scream, scream.

 

[KillerMuffin]

I'm safely corrupted. You people are degenerates, you know?


I think probably the only thing I can say that'd be remotely helpful is that I've been there myself, I think I know how you feel, and I'm pulling for you, lavy.

 

[lavender]

Is it anything we or some folks here could help with Lavy? You have a hell of a lot more friends than you realise here and I am damned sure that if they/we could give you any assistance it would be given quickly.

I hope it works out for you.

And lance... fuck off! If you don't have anything positive to say shut the fuck up.

Thanks kiwi. I appreciate it. I wish I could be more explicit about this so people could offer advice tailored to the situation. But, I really can't do so. I'll be ok. It's just a huge speedbump in the road. I'll get over it. I just hope it doesn't ruin my tires.

 

[Debbie]

Quote by lavender,"Then I came to a second great hurdle, confronting one of my worst fears. I stressed about it, but handled it in the most responsible and best manner I knew how. It took a lot of courage, courage that I had never exhibited before."

If you can confront your worst fear? This takes incredible strength and courage. If you can do that I truly believe you can get over any other hurdles life has decided to place in your walk of life.

 

[lavender]

And that right there is the key to all of this. It's a setback, not a defeat, you have to grit your teeth and push through.

Obviously, I don't know the situation, but it sounds like you've put quite a bit into it and to not follow through now would be a waste. I think it would be better to do your utmost and not have it be right, than to not finish it and never know.

If you need to scream, scream.

The deal is there's no turning back now. I don't want to turn back. The goal has been reached and will be reached. The only problem is the fact that it might turn sour due to circumstances. I know that I can grin and make the most of it. I just hope the others involved can do so as well. Otherwise, I'm going to be in the middle of one helluva mess.

I can't scream right now, Silverlily. I wish I could. But, I have to keep a cool head and a calm and steady hand about this one. It's hard to do when it's such an emotional issue.

I'm just frustrated and tired of it. I just wish it could be simpler. I wish it could be more smooth. I thought I had done everything in my power to make it so. Unfortunately, I assumed wrong. I just don't want to let down those involved.

 

[Lost Cause]

I see..

The attainment of this goal would provide some type of monetary increase, or mobility to maybe be able to visit the closest friends more often?
Sometimes dwelling on a sticking point too long clouds the big picture, think of all the distance you've come so far, and all the skills you aquired to get here now.
You're approaching the summit of your personal mountain. You've got to make sure you're rested, got your oxygen, ropes, spikes, cool goggles, and most important, your flag you'll plant at the top! You'll know when it's time to push.
Good luck, and be like water........

 

[kiwiwolf]

Thanks kiwi. I appreciate it. I wish I could be more explicit about this so people could offer advice tailored to the situation. But, I really can't do so. I'll be ok. It's just a huge speedbump in the road. I'll get over it. I just hope it doesn't ruin my tires.

I've said it before and I'll say it again... you have incredible guts and character Lavy. Speed bumps are just designed to slow you down not make you come to a screaming halt. You WILL make it past this obstacle and succeed in what you are doing. You have to much stubborness not to.

Remember... tires can be fixed or replaced. All the best sweet lady. And listen to my good and wise friend Debbiexxx... she knows her stuff. She has saved my sanity a few times.

 

[Lancecastor]

I'm not sure sleep is going to cure this one, Spinster.

Maybe it's time you quit while you're behind, Lavender.

Like I said just yesterday...you really do need to fail at something....to really scrape your nose...in order to snap you out of this self-abusive desire to crash you've been tempting the fates with.

Better to fail at something tactical than to destroy your whole life by refusing to realize your flaws and embrace them.

Then again....like Muff and Cym and Siren...there's a pretty good chance you'll keep repeating, repeating, repeating this self loathing blame other people shit you do.

Thing is....you're younger and smarter and less encumbered than each of them. Your crash will therefore be all that more tragic.

I still think you can snap out of it. That's why I posted that checklist. But I can only cajole you...you have to actually do it yourself.

 

[phrodeau]

Gee, Lance. For an advocate of self-examination, you are seriously fucked up.

 

[lavender]

Lance, if you think that I let you guys on this bulletin board into every facet of my life to the point where you could make adequate judgments and give me sufficient advice you are wrong. To assume that I am no more than what you are able to read on this board is logically flawed. Considering you do not know my situation, you do not know and you falsely assume things about me that are factually and objectively inaccurate, I can give little weight to the majority of what you say. Some of what you say rings true. But, you're not telling me things I don't already know. The majority of your opinions and your advice would change if you knew anything about me, my life, my past, my upbringing, or my current situation.

The skeleton of a person that you see on this board does not make up the flesh and being of who I am. The meat of my personality is not fleshed out on this board. You see bits and pieces and have to fill in the rest. You make your observations and give your advice based upon what you have filled in. A lot of your filler is based upon normal societal stereotypes as well as putting people into convenient little boxes in your mind.

Life is not that convenient Lance. People are not that unidimensional. People's personalities and their life are a bunch of interwoven details and nuances that don't fit into any box.

So take your cookie cutter advice and shove it up your arrogant asshole.

 

[Debbie]

Lance,

http://www.rjdposters.com/rjdesign/product.asp?dept_id=2205&pf_id=514


I believe in you lavender, I have seen you grow here
as a person and am amazed by your strength of character
and standing up for what you believe in.

Echoing kiwiwolf, if we can help in anyway?
We are here for you. Even if you just need to
vent, or you need a laugh or more.

 

[Guest]

 

[cymbidia]

lavy, sometimes we have to put our heads down, accept the raindrops and shoulder through the storm. We simply have to believe that we're stronger than the raindrops--even when we can't tell them from our tears or our fears.

Sometimes we have to stop for a while and shelter under a tree or at a bus stop, too, and wait until the worst of it roars past us. It's hard to stand idle when everythig in you is screaming for motion but sometimes that's our best choice.

I don't know what's wrong, of course, but i've been down low waiting for the worst to pass so life could make sense again. Many of us have.

There's no shame in that.
There's no shame in feeling scared.
There's no shame in asking for help from anyone who can help when you most need it. It's a strength to be able to do that, to recognize the need and make moves toward meeting it.

Go easy on yourself, darlin'.

 

[Lancecastor]

Lance, ...what you say rings true.

Yes, I know.

You should also look at all the things you've said about yourself here recently:

You have persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" moods.

_You suffer from feelings of hopelessness, pessimism and low self-esteem.

_You feel guilty and worthless.

_You have lost interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that you once enjoyed.

_Your sleep patterns are disrupted.

_Your eating habits have changed. You have started overeating.

You seem to have an agitation that you can't control.

Simple tasks seem harder and you've started procrastinating.
_ _
You feel restless, irritable, bad tempered, never relaxed or content.

Your mind is hindered by a persistent, uncontrollable cluttering of down, sad, negative thoughts that you can't keep out.

Your family has a history of members with depression, alcoholism or nervous breakdowns.

 

[Lancecastor]

lavy...i've been down low waiting for the worst to pass so life could make sense again. Many of us have.

There's no shame in that.
There's no shame in feeling scared.
There's no shame in asking for help from anyone who can help when you most need it. It's a strength to be able to do that, to recognize the need and make moves toward meeting it.

Go easy on yourself, darlin'.

Well said, if a little florid...Lav, it's time to join the other fragile ones here. Get help. Erase your posts again. Take an extended break.

As Sunstruck says....this isn't a therapy clinic and fundamentally people really don't care if you live or die...they post that they care, but it's all bullshit, as you know.

As Cym says, go rest under a tree until the buses of life roar past.

You can always catch another bus next year...you're young!

Get dad to up your limit again and go hotelling across europe or something...

 

[Guest]

 

[estevie]

Lav, I can't for the life of me figure out why you let Lance get to you. You know very well that he pushes your buttons. It drives me nuts when you respond to him when he is like that! Come on, girl, you know better!

Anyway, back to topic.

We all go through bouts of self doubt, thinking we don't know if we can make it or not. The people who fail to try gain nothing. Even if your situation does not work out, you have still learned something.

Live and learn, I always say! Good Luck!

 

[busybody..]

Lance is right about you, Lav....You need help.......

And to put it bluntly........

Lav, You are a FUCKING LOON!

 

[Gil_Favor]

Lav, I can't for the life of me figure out why you let Lance get to you. You know very well that he pushes your buttons. It drives me nuts when you respond to him when he is like that! Come on, girl, you know better!

"Lavy" gets upset at Lance because he has her self-absorbed number and she knows it. Quite funny,actually.

 

[Lancecastor]

I care.

For some reason, I started hearing Hank Williams in my head...

In anger, unkind words are said
that make the teardrops start
Why can't I free your doubtful mind
And melt your cold, cold heart?

...damn you and your caring!



Lance

 

[Lancecastor]

Lav, I can't for the life of me figure out why you let Lance get to you. You know very well that he pushes your buttons. It drives me nuts when you respond to him when he is like that! Come on, girl, you know better!

Anyway, back to topic.

We all go through bouts of self doubt, thinking we don't know if we can make it or not. The people who fail to try gain nothing. Even if your situation does not work out, you have still learned something.

Live and learn, I always say! Good Luck!

Oh come on, Estevie...you know she's whining again...she always does whenever the credit cards are maxed out and an assignment is due.

Whining university students....especially spoiled ones from wealthy families...need a swift kick in the arse now and then to keep them from slipping into complete Republican narcissism.

C'mon...kick her a little....you'll like it! Tell her she should quit school and work at WalMart with Frimost until she pays daddy back and learns the real value of a dollar and hard work....c'mon....it'll be good for her character!

Lance

 

[MissTaken]

If we set goals and have done everything to see them to fruition only to find that it just doesn't happen, generally, in the words of my mom, "It wasn't meant to be."

As for the other lessons in this thread?

Treatment? I dunno. It isn't my call to make.

Self absorbed? *shrugs* We all are to some extent.

"Looney?" Comeon, BB, you can do better than that.

But, posting the stuff that shows your vulnerabilities, regardless of who you are or where you are on the net has proven to be a bad move over and over again on open forums.

Just my two cents for anyone who doesn't have me on ignore.

 

[busybody..]

Miss T

Yes, I can.......

However if you follow the "life and times" of LAV......the girl has some serious issues.....

And without writing about all her "issues"......

I choose a shorthand version.......

LAV is a FUCKING LOON!

 

[Gil_Favor]

Miss T

Yes, I can.......

However if you follow the "life and times" of LAV......the girl has some serious issues.....

And without writing about all her "issues"......

I choose a shorthand version.......

LAV is a FUCKING LOON!

Not sure that she is a "LOON" But it would appear that she is a spoiled little girl, who has had much handed to her.