Am I right to feel decieved that my former best friend kept this from me and even lied?

[Stopokochac]

This is the same girl from my other posts, if you want to read for context. We were friends for 8 years, I probably had a crush on her for maybe 6 (she was aware of my feelings).
She revealed only after she blocked me, that she was in love once (possibly even in a online relationship) with a guy online, when we were already talking.

Anyways, she would often tell me how I'm her best/only friend and was the only person she trusted outside of her family. Yet, she never told me about this guy, even though I told her about MY former online crush and other interactions.

She claimed she could be 100% herself with me, and that she was an honest and loyal person and not a manipulator. Yet, she not only kept this from me, but straight up lied and mislead me. She claimed she'd never been in love, and that she never had the same kind of connection with anyone that she had with ME, but she did with this guy.

She posted in the past, "the age of the person who showed her the most love" and said "when she connects with someone they live far away." Based on what she told me, I thought she was talking about ME, but now I think she was talking about HIM. She said some of her best memories are their conversations. She also said, "long distance relationships are hard", which made me think she was open to the idea of having one with ME, but now I think it was about that guy.

Anyways, she keeps all this from me, then gets mad when I misinterpret her feelings.

Why would she keep something like this from me and not only, but straight up mislead me? Especially since she was open about others guy stuff. I'm very disappointed, considering I actually felt guilty about talking/sexting with other girls while crushing on her, and was honest with her about talking time other girls.

Though if I'm honest, I still kind of wanna patch things up with her, despite knowing this.
How would YOU feel in this situation? Would you want to rekindle your friendship with this person?

 

[Shaglus_Ziegler]

Be strong. Ignore her and you may be surprised by the results.

 

[SmokingFap]

Having briefly read through your other thread on this girl, I would say she's a pretty lousy friend and person in general, and that you'd be much better off meeting women who can be open and honest with you and who might actually be attracted to you, not just enjoying your compliments.

 

[flameinsidesoul]

This is the same girl from my other posts, if you want to read for context. We were friends for 8 years, I probably had a crush on her for maybe 6 (she was aware of my feelings).
She revealed only after she blocked me, that she was in love once (possibly even in a online relationship) with a guy online, when we were already talking.

Anyways, she would often tell me how I'm her best/only friend and was the only person she trusted outside of her family. Yet, she never told me about this guy, even though I told her about MY former online crush and other interactions.

She claimed she could be 100% herself with me, and that she was an honest and loyal person and not a manipulator. Yet, she not only kept this from me, but straight up lied and mislead me. She claimed she'd never been in love, and that she never had the same kind of connection with anyone that she had with ME, but she did with this guy.

She posted in the past, "the age of the person who showed her the most love" and said "when she connects with someone they live far away." Based on what she told me, I thought she was talking about ME, but now I think she was talking about HIM. She said some of her best memories are their conversations. She also said, "long distance relationships are hard", which made me think she was open to the idea of having one with ME, but now I think it was about that guy.

Anyways, she keeps all this from me, then gets mad when I misinterpret her feelings.

Why would she keep something like this from me and not only, but straight up mislead me? Especially since she was open about others guy stuff. I'm very disappointed, considering I actually felt guilty about talking/sexting with other girls while crushing on her, and was honest with her about talking time other girls.

Though if I'm honest, I still kind of wanna patch things up with her, despite knowing this.
How would YOU feel in this situation? Would you want to rekindle your friendship with this person?

I feel you, seriously. What you’re describing isn’t just about unspoken feelings… it’s about betrayal of emotional intimacy, and that cuts deeper than most people realize.

It reminds me of something I went through years ago…

There was a girl I knew… we were close for nearly a decade. Laughed daily, cried occasionally, and shared everything… or so I thought. I had a thing for her, quietly. She knew. Said I was her person. Said I knew her better than anyone. I believed it.

One night, during one of our “honesty check-ins,” I told her about someone I’d flirted with online—a brief thing, nothing deep. She nodded, smiled, said she appreciated my honesty.

A week later, I found out she’d been in a whole relationship—with someone across the world. For months.

And when I asked her why she never mentioned it, she said “I didn’t want to ruin what we had.”

Which really meant was… I liked the version of us where you waited for a chance I never planned to give you. That moment wrecked me for a while.

Because what hurts most isn’t the fact she loved someone else… it’s that she let me carry the illusion alone. And worst? She got mad when I “misread” things that she deliberately left open-ended.

But here’s what I realized was.. Sometimes, people keep secrets not because they’re evil or manipulators, but because they don’t have the emotional maturity to deal with the mess their honesty would create. A that silence, they let you write a story in your head… while knowing it was fiction. So would I patch it up? Maybe. But only with clear boundaries and no illusions.

Because forgiveness is a gift you give yourself, but not something they get to demand.

But trust? That’s earned. And once it cracks, you’re not rebuilding what was… you’re building something new. And maybe that’s okay.

You’re allowed to miss her. You’re also allowed to expect more from someone who says you’re their person.

Whatever you decide..don’t shrink! Stay honest, stay grounded. The people who deserve your loyalty… won’t weaponize your openness.

 

[Stopokochac]

Yeah, that sounds more or less like my situation. Except I was scared to be 100% honest too for the same reason. I feel we did trust each other more than others, but not enough to be 100% open with each other like she claimed.

When she WAS nice, it's hard to know now if it was from the heart, or so I would feel a connection and love towards her, which made her feel good about herself. 'Cuz she told that guy, "I'm done being nice to him", which is a very strange way to word it. The only thing I believe is that she can only connect deeply with one person at a time. But I feel she would only be a loyal partner, not a loyal friend. Someone who would abandon you when they got a partner, definitely isn't a loyal friend. What's messed up is that she would do that to me, but was scared of me doing that to her!

I think she just liked being special to someone, because it made her feel good about herself, so she didn't want my feelings for her to go away. I mentioned that she complains about "creepy men", but at the same time, I can tell she finds it flattering and loves the attention.

I could forgive her keeping those things from me, if she explained why she did it, but it pissed me off that she straight up gaslighted me and completely twisted the truth in HER favor. Typical characteristic of a narcissist. If she thinks I betrayed her trust, what did she do?

There must've been some underlying issue, because this seems so uncharacteristic of her. Though at the same, she said if she's doing something, she'd want the person to talk to her, yet she never did that with me. Though I didn't either, tbh, except maybe some small things. I think we were both scared of letting each other know, we were upsetting each other.

She claimed I manipulated HER She literally engaged in the very behavior she said she hates and would never do

 

[flameinsidesoul]

Yeah, that sounds more or less like my situation. Except I was scared to be 100% honest too for the same reason. I feel we did trust each other more than others, but not enough to be 100% open with each other like she claimed.

When she WAS nice, it's hard to know now if it was from the heart, or so I would feel a connection and love towards her, which made her feel good about herself. 'Cuz she told that guy, "I'm done being nice to him", which is a very strange way to word it. The only thing I believe is that she can only connect deeply with one person at a time. But I feel she would only be a loyal partner, not a loyal friend. Someone who would abandon you when they got a partner, definitely isn't a loyal friend. What's messed up is that she would do that to me, but was scared of me doing that to her!

I think she just liked being special to someone, because it made her feel good about herself, so she didn't want my feelings for her to go away. I mentioned that she complains about "creepy men", but at the same time, I can tell she finds it flattering and loves the attention.

I could forgive her keeping those things from me, if she explained why she did it, but it pissed me off that she straight up gaslighted me and completely twisted the truth in HER favor. Typical characteristic of a narcissist. If she thinks I betrayed her trust, what did she do?

There must've been some underlying issue, because this seems so uncharacteristic of her. Though at the same, she said if she's doing something, she'd want the person to talk to her, yet she never did that with me. Though I didn't either, tbh, except maybe some small things. I think we were both scared of letting each other know, we were upsetting each other.

She claimed I manipulated HER She literally engaged in the very behavior she said she hates and would never do

Wow… yeah. That hits deeper than I expected.

It’s wild how someone can say all the right things “you’re my best friend,” “I trust you more than anyone,” “I’d never manipulate” and yet when the mask slips… you start questioning if any of it was real.

Been there. Years ago, I had someone in my life like that. Said I was the only one who “saw her,” made me feel like her protector, her home. But she’d mirror my feelings back just enough to keep me close, even when she was giving her heart to someone else.

One day she said, “I never lied to you.” And I told her, “No… you just let me lie to myself, and smiled while I did it.”

I think you’re right. she may not have been calculating everything… but she was protecting her image of herself. Sometimes people care more about feeling like a good person than actually being one. Especially if they feed off being needed, adored, chased.

The hard truth?
You both probably wanted to believe the bond was stronger than it was. And when the cracks started to show… silence felt safer than honesty.

But here’s the thing: you didn’t betray her. You held space, opened up, showed loyalty. If she truly believed you’d turn on her, that’s her own fear speaking — or projection. You don’t abandon someone and then accuse them of manipulation to justify your exit.

That’s not friendship. That’s rewriting history.

It’s okay to still miss her. And it’s also okay to outgrow people who weren’t capable of loving you as deeply as you deserved.

Let her go without hating her.
But don’t forget what the silence taught you about the kind of love you won’t accept again.

You’re growing. And you’re seeing clearly now. That’s power.

 

[Stopokochac]

I wish I hadn't read that.

 

[Noor]

This is the same girl from my other posts, if you want to read for context. We were friends for 8 years, I probably had a crush on her for maybe 6 (she was aware of my feelings).
She revealed only after she blocked me, that she was in love once (possibly even in a online relationship) with a guy online, when we were already talking.

Anyways, she would often tell me how I'm her best/only friend and was the only person she trusted outside of her family. Yet, she never told me about this guy, even though I told her about MY former online crush and other interactions.

She claimed she could be 100% herself with me, and that she was an honest and loyal person and not a manipulator. Yet, she not only kept this from me, but straight up lied and mislead me. She claimed she'd never been in love, and that she never had the same kind of connection with anyone that she had with ME, but she did with this guy.

She posted in the past, "the age of the person who showed her the most love" and said "when she connects with someone they live far away." Based on what she told me, I thought she was talking about ME, but now I think she was talking about HIM. She said some of her best memories are their conversations. She also said, "long distance relationships are hard", which made me think she was open to the idea of having one with ME, but now I think it was about that guy.

Anyways, she keeps all this from me, then gets mad when I misinterpret her feelings.

Why would she keep something like this from me and not only, but straight up mislead me? Especially since she was open about others guy stuff. I'm very disappointed, considering I actually felt guilty about talking/sexting with other girls while crushing on her, and was honest with her about talking time other girls.

Though if I'm honest, I still kind of wanna patch things up with her, despite knowing this.
How would YOU feel in this situation? Would you want to rekindle your friendship with this person?

RUN!

 

[Noor]

If someone tells me they are my best friend, not a player, I’m their one and only, and that sort of thing I am immediately suspicious esp in the posters situation.
I also have issues with guys who think that as long as I’m not with anyone else I’d be with them when it would never occurred to me to be with them.

 

[Stopokochac]

If someone tells me they are my best friend, not a player, I’m their one and only, and that sort of thing I am immediately suspicious esp in the posters situation.
I also have issues with guys who think that as long as I’m not with anyone else I’d be with them when it would never occurred to me to be with them.

I looked through her posts again. I don't think she ever got over that guy. She was posting how she wants another guy that looks like HIM, which is weird 'cuz he doesn't have the hair color she claims to like and in other posts she says she says her standards aren't that high. She says she doesn't get jealous then in other posts says she DOES (she always said she does). She said she would date/marry an Asian/Turkish guy, then says she wants a White guy so her kid looks like her. She finds complete opposite features attractive. She said she'd never block a man for confessing his feelings yet she blocked ME. She said she wants to connect with someone like that from another country again like she did with HIM. Like hello, I was literally THAT guy!
She contradicts herself so much. She did that before too, but I gave her the benefit of a doubt, but there's definately something off about her. I suspected before that she might be schitzophrenic.
There's other darker stuff she contradicted herself on. There's something very off about her, I always knew it but wanted to look past that.

Now that I think about it, I'm genuinely believing she might have made that guy up. With all the personal stuff she told me, I find it kind of hard to believe she would keep that from me.

 

[Noor]

I don’t normally erase things but you might consider deleting everything. You’re not helping yourself.
If you were the guy she wanted, real or imagined, she’d be around trying to find a way to meet. Just because a person has some criteria and you happen to meet them, doesn’t mean they want you to. Most people don’t just click guys into a guy slot because they are x,r and/or z.
She has made it clear that you were just cyber friends. She doesn’t sound real, please let it go, whatever she is, she’s not for you, she’s not trying,she’s just causing your head to spin.
Let it go. This is too much.
I’m getting all caught up in this, you are missing opportunities to meet other people, and other women are certainly not going to want to know about this.
However you need to write her off, please do it now.

 

[Stopokochac]

I don’t normally erase things but you might consider deleting everything. You’re not helping yourself.
If you were the guy she wanted, real or imagined, she’d be around trying to find a way to meet. Just because a person has some criteria and you happen to meet them, doesn’t mean they want you to. Most people don’t just click guys into a guy slot because they are x,r and/or z.
She has made it clear that you were just cyber friends. She doesn’t sound real, please let it go, whatever she is, she’s not for you, she’s not trying,she’s just causing your head to spin.
Let it go. This is too much.
I’m getting all caught up in this, you are missing opportunities to meet other people, and other women are certainly not going to want to know about this.
However you need to write her off, please do it now.

No, it's not as bad as you interperoted at all, but you and others keep commenting so I keep responding

 

[TwinkleStars]

I don’t normally erase things but you might consider deleting everything. You’re not helping yourself.
If you were the guy she wanted, real or imagined, she’d be around trying to find a way to meet. Just because a person has some criteria and you happen to meet them, doesn’t mean they want you to. Most people don’t just click guys into a guy slot because they are x,r and/or z.
She has made it clear that you were just cyber friends. She doesn’t sound real, please let it go, whatever she is, she’s not for you, she’s not trying,she’s just causing your head to spin.
Let it go. This is too much.
I’m getting all caught up in this, you are missing opportunities to meet other people, and other women are certainly not going to want to know about this.
However you need to write her off, please do it now.

This bares repeating.