How to treat girls? Respectfully or thinking only to self pleasure?

[curious74]

Listen to this story!
One year ago i knew a girl that was a power of nature (sexually speaking). At the beginning we had wonderful sex and she looked like she enjoyed a lot of that stuff (straight but also oral, anal etc..).
Then she began to tell me that she really had never enjoyed what is not straight sex (neither with me nor with others) but she does it just for my pleasure.
So i started to avoid to do the stuff she doesn't enjoy so much because i want to be respectfully with her.
But now we do sex only in the missionary position!!!! and it also very difficult to do other kind of sex because NOW she tells me that she doesn't want to do it!!!!
It seems to me i did a big error! But you female are strange!
Please tell me exactly what was my error...

 

[freescorfr]

It's taken me a long time to relise the obvious, Curious74, that it is not possible to please another person, so it is a forlorn task.

At first this may seem egotistical crap - but it is quite the opposite - it is getting beyond the illusion that it is possible to please another that leaves is free to enjoy another person and for them to enjoy us.

If you are giving head, for example, to please your girl and it's not pleasing you, you're soon going to communicate that. It's the same for your girl friend.

It is perfectly true that you can do things in which your girl friend finds pleasure, but it is important that they are things in which you find pleasure too.

For example, "We've not been to the cinema for ages. Let's go tonight." And there's a big match on telly. You take her to the cinema to please her, and how do you feel? You might even go and sabbotage the evening.

I don't think it's a good idea ever to do things simply to please another person. What great is when each of you are doing something in which each finds pleasure and satisfaction.

 

[curious74]

So freescorfr, are you saying i did right?
Well i believe that my girlfriend should be treated with respect. The most beautiful thing is to do what is a pleasure for both.
But are you seeing what it cost to me?

 

[freescorfr]

Well, curious yes, it's essential to accept where other people are if you want to stay in a relationship with them.
The next step is to build on the things you do enjoy together. There are mabye many, many things which one enjoys and not the other. That is normal and great because our real growth comes from our differences. But for pleasure there are certain desires which do depend on another person - like talking. Your desire to talk can't be satisfied unless there is someone to talk with. To make love - depends on your partner wanting to at the same time.

That's why, really, intimate realtionships are so spectacularly good - because two people arrive at the same point at the same time.

It's good to express your desires - not to deny them or hids them - but not very desire we have can be realised. But without desires nothing is realised.

 

[curious74]

You got the point freescorfr.
You won't believe me, but what hurt me a lot is that in the past she had a lot of boyfriends who didn't think like me. Hey i don't mean that they abused of her, no!
But it makes me sad that they enjoyed what i can't enjoy anymore and that my girlfriend didn't tell them what i have understood alone about her sexual preferences...