How do you help someone get over being abused

[shadow_dreamer]

Originally posted by Gil_T2
Alas the ways of government in this world is gearing towards charging as much as possible & giving as little as possible in all things in life...

How true, how true you are! To me the ways of government today appear as children in a tantrum who says "Mine, mine, mine!" and "That's all you get, no more!"
------------------------
Couldn't help but come across your signature line "BE A DONOR...so you can live even if it is in others,
You don't need them but others DO."

I am signed up as a donor and somehow for some reason, be it selfish or ignorance, some people do not understand why I choose to do this. Such a troubling warped world we live in. Somehow along the way people have lost compassion and the willingness to help others without asking to be repaid in some way or other.


---------------
Such a dreary rainy day in Hawaii with nowhere to go, no way to get anywhere but wait until my SO comes home to cuddle my blues away.

 

[Gil_T2]

How true, how true you are! To me the ways of government today appear as children in a tantrum who says "Mine, mine, mine!" and "That's all you get, no more!"
------------------------
Couldn't help but come across your signature line "BE A DONOR...so you can live even if it is in others,
You don't need them but others DO."

I am signed up as a donor and somehow for some reason, be it selfish or ignorance, some people do not understand why I choose to do this. Such a troubling warped world we live in. Somehow along the way people have lost compassion and the willingness to help others without asking to be repaid in some way or other.


---------------
Such a dreary rainy day in Hawaii with nowhere to go, no way to get anywhere but wait until my SO comes home to cuddle my blues away.

Hi SHADOWDREAMER Had to giggle at your reply to the Government as if your seen anything of our Prime Monster John Howard & his attitude to all but big buisness is you don't matter.

For my post in my sig line about being a DONOR I was shocked to see a report that Aussies are on the low list for DONOR organs totally going against the AUSSIE ethos of helping others or maybe it's just the "She'll be right" attitude I'm not sure which but every person should be a DONOR as it's a way to keep living even in the body of another soul, it dosen't make sence to me to go the thr grave taking bits that could help others live. I know some will say it's because I have renal failure but it isn't as i'm not eligible for a kidney so it's not for me I put it.

Now for your dreary weather can we get some of it as BANDIT has only seen Aussie rain twice since moving here & we are in a drought with water restrictions being upgraded with stiffer restrictions.

 

[Missingmeds]

Good evening everyone. I just wanted to let you know that the friend that I spoke about is now recieving help for the abuse that she has suffered.

They have also finally started to solve the medical problems that she is having. Not to mention that she has lost about 40 lbs over the last two weeks.

They found out that she is diabetic and have her on a very restricted diet.

But she is finally at the point where she wasn't given a choice as to the getting the help that she needed. It was made for her.

Thank you all for your suggestions and your support.

 

[Mary Hall]

Anybody that abuses children needs to die painful slow agonizing deaths

 

[Gil_T2]

Good evening everyone. I just wanted to let you know that the friend that I spoke about is now recieving help for the abuse that she has suffered.

They have also finally started to solve the medical problems that she is having. Not to mention that she has lost about 40 lbs over the last two weeks.

They found out that she is diabetic and have her on a very restricted diet.

But she is finally at the point where she wasn't given a choice as to the getting the help that she needed. It was made for her.

Thank you all for your suggestions and your support.

That is fantastic news even though the decision was taken out of her hands it's what was needed, when you mentioned her size & possibility of her loosing her legs diabeties was my first thought, in the last 2 years on LIT I've noted 7 ppl I've got to know who have become diabetic & not knowing your friends age , a guess qould be she is a baby boomer as all the others are too, it seems our generation (kids of the 50's & 60's) suffer for our use of the FAST FOOD age.

 

[Gil_T2]

Anybody that abuses children needs to die painful slow agonizing deaths

MARY....I truely believe that every person on this thread would agree with you & make it as slow & so very painful.

CHILDREN are to be treasured & protected & of course given total unconditional love.

 

[Missingmeds]

That is fantastic news even though the decision was taken out of her hands it's what was needed, when you mentioned her size & possibility of her loosing her legs diabeties was my first thought, in the last 2 years on LIT I've noted 7 ppl I've got to know who have become diabetic & not knowing your friends age , a guess qould be she is a baby boomer as all the others are too, it seems our generation (kids of the 50's & 60's) suffer for our use of the FAST FOOD age.

They have her on medication for it now Gil. It is good to know what is causing alot of her problems. Supposedly they have been testing her for it all along but the reading wasn't high enough. I am betting she is what we used to call "Brittle" and her sugar is all over the place.

It would explain why her legs won't heal.

 

[shadow_dreamer]

Originally posted by Missingmeds
Good evening everyone. I just wanted to let you know that the friend that I spoke about is now recieving help for the abuse that she has suffered.

That's great news to hear. Sounds like she's now headed on the right path with receiving the help for the abuse she suffered.

That's a lot of weight to lose in two weeks but hopefully they keep a careful watch on her since it's pretty fast and sounds kind of drastic.

I wish your friend well and glad to hear she's getting the treatment and meds to take care of her health and problems. Take care and Aloha!

 

[shadow_dreamer]

Originally posted by Gil_T2
MARY....I truely believe that every person on this thread would agree with you & make it as slow & so very painful.

CHILDREN are to be treasured & protected & of course given total unconditional love.

DEFINITELY I AGREE! With the exception, being I'm so against child abuse...Make it very, very so, make them experience what they inflicted upon the child and make it as painful as it can be. Give them more than a taste of their own medicine so to speak.

Children are priceless and if this world is to get better they need to be as Gil said protected, given total unconditional love and shown the right way to live and share with others unconditionally.

I grew up without every hearing my parents ever say I love you or getting a hug except when I ran away from home and stayed away for months (I know naughty Shadow) but it felt strange to have them hug me. Now I am the type of person who is not afraid of saying how I feel, of saying I love you (took my SO awhile to come out and say it and say it with ease and feeling - afraid of commitment I suppose, he says it's a guy thing, sure uh huh) and I always try to hug and kiss people I know when I see them or say goodbye (it's part of local tradition here as well as calling each other "sister, brother, auntie, uncle and so forth although we're not related).

Anyway take care everyone...Sunshine abounds on the isle for now, the storm is expected to return sometime tonight or tomorrow. We need the rain but the damp and cold wreaks havoc on my lil' old back...Getting old fast I suppose.

 

[Missingmeds]

That's a lot of weight to lose in two weeks but hopefully they keep a careful watch on her since it's pretty fast and sounds kind of drastic.

Alot of it was water weight that she hadn't been able to get rid of. They are now keeping a really close eye on her. I think that she now realizes that her life is changing drastically and for the better.

 

[Gil_T2]

DEFINITELY I AGREE! With the exception, being I'm so against child abuse...Make it very, very so, make them experience what they inflicted upon the child and make it as painful as it can be. Give them more than a taste of their own medicine so to speak.

Children are priceless and if this world is to get better they need to be as Gil said protected, given total unconditional love and shown the right way to live and share with others unconditionally.

I grew up without every hearing my parents ever say I love you or getting a hug except when I ran away from home and stayed away for months (I know naughty Shadow) but it felt strange to have them hug me. Now I am the type of person who is not afraid of saying how I feel, of saying I love you (took my SO awhile to come out and say it and say it with ease and feeling - afraid of commitment I suppose, he says it's a guy thing, sure uh huh) and I always try to hug and kiss people I know when I see them or say goodbye (it's part of local tradition here as well as calling each other "sister, brother, auntie, uncle and so forth although we're not related).

Anyway take care everyone...Sunshine abounds on the isle for now, the storm is expected to return sometime tonight or tomorrow. We need the rain but the damp and cold wreaks havoc on my lil' old back...Getting old fast I suppose.

Take care SHADOW DREAMER & enjoy being with your SO, also keep getting your health up too.

 

[shadow_dreamer]

Originally posted by Gil_T2
Take care SHADOW DREAMER & enjoy being with your SO, also keep getting your health up too.

Thanks Gil I'm enoying every minute with my SO and well I have to see the doc today to discuss further treatment or going under the knife again (I hope not). So if I'm not around for awhile don't think I've turned my back on anyone.
It's frustrating and at times down right unbearable (pain and adjusting to my new lifestyle) but I take things one day at a time.

Keep on smiling!

 

[shadow_dreamer]

Originally posted by Missingmeds
Alot of it was water weight that she hadn't been able to get rid of. They are now keeping a really close eye on her. I think that she now realizes that her life is changing drastically and for the better.

Good to hear she's on the right path and sees the changes are for the better.

Take care and Aloha!

 

[CreativeSubmissions]

Honestly there is so much abuse within the world,some you can get rid of but there is always more....in my past I was abused by my father,but he stopped once I got into college...but he was always demanding....even this day we don't have a good father/daughter relationship.

I was raped several months ago,by this guy I considered a good friend who I have known since I was about seven years old. It took me awhile to speak up about what happened, I didn't go to the cops...even though that might be the wise thing to have done...but even if I did there wouldn't be enough evidence to do so.

He and I both had psychologist, now I am doing much better,but there are inner scars within my heart...I know one day I will meet the right one. I feel that I am a submissive because I have so much needs to be dominated (not abused,but controlled...in every way possiable to one I know who will take me as I am.

I trust easily,maybe too easily,but I know..that its hard for me to trust on a certain level of who to give my heart and soul to because I have been taken advantage of within the past. Can anyone else relatte to me in what I have said?

 

[Cathleen]

Honestly there is so much abuse within the world,some you can get rid of but there is always more....in my past I was abused by my father,but he stopped once I got into college...but he was always demanding....even this day we don't have a good father/daughter relationship.

I was raped several months ago,by this guy I considered a good friend who I have known since I was about seven years old. It took me awhile to speak up about what happened, I didn't go to the cops...even though that might be the wise thing to have done...but even if I did there wouldn't be enough evidence to do so.

He and I both had psychologist, now I am doing much better,but there are inner scars within my heart...I know one day I will meet the right one. I feel that I am a submissive because I have so much needs to be dominated (not abused,but controlled...in every way possiable to one I know who will take me as I am.

I trust easily,maybe too easily,but I know..that its hard for me to trust on a certain level of who to give my heart and soul to because I have been taken advantage of within the past. Can anyone else relatte to me in what I have said?

Hello Creative, I certainly can relate. My father abused me as well, physicall, emotionally and sexually. He was not my only abuser either, but certainly did the most damage to soul. As an adolscent I was also victimized by a "phone stalker", some man who just happened to get lucky one day asking for someone with my name, I was 12 yrs. old and it was disgusting. I had no idea what he was saying except that it was wrong and made me feel dirty and damaged. By the time I got to college I was using drugs very heavily (big surprize) and found myself in some odd situations and also on many occasions woke in places I didn't remember going to, including guy's rooms.

I never knew what happened there, but it wasn't a good scene that was for sure. Recently I have had something similar to flashbacks of those times and although I can't be positive, I was raped too. At this point it hardly matters anymore, as I said, it was my father, my first and most horrible abuser, that did the most damage.

After a long time of struggling, I was fortunate to find a wonderful therapist. I worked my ass off!! It was hard and painful at times, but I did it. I was not going to quit fighting for a life. I am so grateful to be able to say that I am on the other side of this shit. There are times, sometimes moments, sometimes days, that my behavior reverts back to the self abusive days. I have learned to sit through those times, to feel it, acknowledge it, and then let it pass when it will.

The people here at this thread have helped me on more than a few occasions. I welcome you to Lit. and to the thread. Good for you for sharing.

Cate

 

[CreativeSubmissions]

It can be hard, I am trying to get over my pain,my friends think it still affects me that I am not over it all. But I know I am over it more than I can ever be because from what happened with my father is a part of me. Does that make sense at all?

 

[Cathleen]

I can only speak from my experience. I thought I was "over it" years ago, I had moved on I thought. But somethings affect us in ways we don't even know for sometime, such was the case for me. I had many years of being free from drugs, I had a good job, basically a descent life. I knew there were things missing and probably knew why too. Denial can be stronger than the heart. I know that if I don't deal with things now, my behavior will change. Things will become out of balance, as if feelings start coming out sideways. Remaing aware and mindful is a key for me and my peace. Take time to know yourself and your feelings.

 

[Gil_T2]

Thanks Gil I'm enoying every minute with my SO and well I have to see the doc today to discuss further treatment or going under the knife again (I hope not). So if I'm not around for awhile don't think I've turned my back on anyone.
It's frustrating and at times down right unbearable (pain and adjusting to my new lifestyle) but I take things one day at a time.

Keep on smiling!

SHADOW DREAMER..Keep in mind that your being thought of by us on here.

 

[Gil_T2]

Good to hear she's on the right path and sees the changes are for the better.

Take care and Aloha!

Great news that she now is on the right path to improving her physical well being & that help is also addressing the mental as well***** will I hope be a whole lot more pleasent for her.

 

[Gil_T2]

Honestly there is so much abuse within the world,some you can get rid of but there is always more....in my past I was abused by my father,but he stopped once I got into college...but he was always demanding....even this day we don't have a good father/daughter relationship.

I was raped several months ago,by this guy I considered a good friend who I have known since I was about seven years old. It took me awhile to speak up about what happened, I didn't go to the cops...even though that might be the wise thing to have done...but even if I did there wouldn't be enough evidence to do so.

He and I both had psychologist, now I am doing much better,but there are inner scars within my heart...I know one day I will meet the right one. I feel that I am a submissive because I have so much needs to be dominated (not abused,but controlled...in every way possiable to one I know who will take me as I am.

I trust easily,maybe too easily,but I know..that its hard for me to trust on a certain level of who to give my heart and soul to because I have been taken advantage of within the past. Can anyone else relatte to me in what I have said?

I'm sure many on this thread can & do relate to your post. your 2 abusers both abused their responsibilities to you as people who you have had trust in & that makes their abuse of you even worse.
As for your being a submissive this is a totally different yet still tied to your past & you are right in stating that it dosen't have anything to do to be linked to abuse, it is more i think a need to be wanted.....The DOM/sub life style only works like all of life with honesty & respect for not only the DOM but also the sub.

 

[Gil_T2]

It can be hard, I am trying to get over my pain,my friends think it still affects me that I am not over it all. But I know I am over it more than I can ever be because from what happened with my father is a part of me. Does that make sense at all?

The fact that you have come here & posted will add to your healing so please continue to come here.

 

[CreativeSubmissions]

Thank you for the helpfully advice...it is easy to write words,but it is harder to find a way to get through the pain that is within. Yesterday I got into problems with my father, I am living back at home for the month until my apartment is ready for me to go live back in. I am scared about how bad things get,yesterday I told my father I don't trust him and could never trust him when I got into a arguement....with them. I know that to a point its harder to deal with some things in life,but not all the way....

Sarah

 

[Cathleen]

{{{{{ Sarah }}}} take care and be kind to yourself.

 

[shadow_dreamer]

Originally posted by Gil_T2
The fact that you have come here & posted will add to your healing so please continue to come here.

It takes time to heal and coming here and posting does help in your healing. I've found comfort, advise and have been able to realize a lot of things I was not able to see clearly.

Gil was the founder and he and everyone here have been very helpful and they can offer not only a place for you to come to but to know you are not alone in your journey.

Take care,
Shadow

 

[Don K Dyck]

Honestly there is so much abuse within the world,some you can get rid of but there is always more....in my past I was abused by my father,but he stopped once I got into college...but he was always demanding....even this day we don't have a good father/daughter relationship.

I was raped several months ago,by this guy I considered a good friend who I have known since I was about seven years old. It took me awhile to speak up about what happened, I didn't go to the cops...even though that might be the wise thing to have done...but even if I did there wouldn't be enough evidence to do so.

He and I both had psychologist, now I am doing much better,but there are inner scars within my heart...I know one day I will meet the right one. I feel that I am a submissive because I have so much needs to be dominated (not abused,but controlled...in every way possiable to one I know who will take me as I am.

I trust easily,maybe too easily,but I know..that its hard for me to trust on a certain level of who to give my heart and soul to because I have been taken advantage of within the past. Can anyone else relatte to me in what I have said?

Hi CS . . . abusive parents of both sexes can be very destructive for their children . . . and it often takes more than a few months separation for the behaviours to be forgotten by either party, especially the child.

You may find the work by John Bradshaw helpful in releasing yourself from the pain of childhood.

John Bradshaw (1992) Home Coming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child. Bantam, NY.

The rape situation is another violation that should not be tolerated. Even now, it would be useful to report the matter to the police, just to make the point that

THERE IS NEVER ANY EXCUSE FOR PHYSICAL OR EMOTIONAL ABUSE . . . EVER!!

Whether the police would proceed to prosecution is unknown, given the time since the offence, the counselling sessions. If that is the case then it is possibly time to put the nasty scene behind you and move on with your life.

I agree with Gil . . . being abused and being submissive are two totally different things.

You are at about the correct point on your path to recovery . . . you are wisely talking about your experiences and not keeping them cooped up inside. With time and experience the trust will return, it may be slow, but it will return as you find that most of the people in the world are good-hearted souls wanting the same goals as yourself.

Now dealing with your father in this temporary accommodation situation. You have done the correct thing to tell him of your concerns. Whenever necessary, and preferably in front of other people even family members, repeat thoose concerns whenever you feel insecure. If it comes to a stand-up shouting match, take a deep breath and hold your ground and re-state your concerns, quietly, clearly, concisely and politely. Then if the tension is becoming overbearing, walk straight out of the room with your head held high.

Your father obviously has unresloved issues of his own which are contributing to his long held attitudes. His behaviour is bullying and completely unacceptable. Sometimes identifying his behaviour as bullying in front of other people can result in a change of approach by the bullier.

Most importantly, KNOW that you are OK, that you only have this accommodation arrangement for a short time after which normality will return and you will be away and free. It is time to let go of the pain.