How do you help someone get over being abused

[Don K Dyck]

I plan to do a lot of research into the subject before I actually go through with it. I've had some of what happened to me come back to me in what I thought were dreams so I know it's in there ready to come out if I can just tap into it. I think I'm at a point now where I *need* to know in order to completely heal.

Thank you for the well wishes, BE26.

Hi Blackbich, sorry I have taken so long to find these references.

I did a Healing Life's Hurts seven day retreat about 15 months ago, and the results just keep floating to the surface, even now. From your post, it sounds like you are about the same place I was when I started.

If you were in Oz I would send you the details, but being Stateside you may like to investigate the books that the Retreat was based upon.

Bradshaw, J (1990) Home Coming -- Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child, Bantam Books, NY ISBN-0-553-35389-6

Bradshaw, J (1992) Creating Love -- The Next Stage of Growth, Bantam Books, NY ISBN 0-553-07510-1

Good luck, the trip is worth the effort

 

[Blackbich]

Hi Blackbich, sorry I have taken so long to find these references.

I did a Healing Life's Hurts seven day retreat about 15 months ago, and the results just keep floating to the surface, even now. From your post, it sounds like you are about the same place I was when I started.

If you were in Oz I would send you the details, but being Stateside you may like to investigate the books that the Retreat was based upon.

Bradshaw, J (1990) Home Coming -- Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child, Bantam Books, NY ISBN-0-553-35389-6

Bradshaw, J (1992) Creating Love -- The Next Stage of Growth, Bantam Books, NY ISBN 0-553-07510-1

You don't have to apologize for taking so long to respond, I feel honored that you chose to respond at all. I would *love* to attend a retreat type setting. I think being surrounded by that much love with that many people who are also healing 'soul boo-boos' would make me feel a lot more comfortable than going to a therapist one on one. That sounds strange though and doesn't make sense. I did warn ya'll that I was a little strange, didn't I? I'm glad everything worked out so well with you, hon.

Good luck, the trip is worth the effort

Thank you, also, for the well wishes. I have a feeling I'm going to need them all. *sigh* I keep telling myself the end result will be worth the journey.

Thank everyone for their encouragement.

Gil, how are you feeling?

 

[kikmosa]

We've been informed on the playground that Gil won't be able to be with us for awhile as some low life has stolen his computer and he can't afford another one at the moment.

I'm normally a very mild, run and hide sort of person but that just really pisses me off. I hope they catch whoever did it and slow roast them.

 

[Richard49]

We've been informed on the playground that Gil won't be able to be with us for awhile as some low life has stolen his computer and he can't afford another one at the moment.

I'm normally a very mild, run and hide sort of person but that just really pisses me off. I hope they catch whoever did it and slow roast them.

Thank you for letting us know

 

[Blackbich]

We've been informed on the playground that Gil won't be able to be with us for awhile as some low life has stolen his computer and he can't afford another one at the moment.

I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for Gil.

I'm normally a very mild, run and hide sort of person but that just really pisses me off. I hope they catch whoever did it and slow roast them.

ditto!!!

 

[kikmosa]

I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for Gil.




ditto!!!

Some of the people on the Aussie thread in the playground and those of us who care for Gil are going to try to do something about it. Several of them are looking into what it would cost to replace Gil's computer. Not necessarily with a new one, just one that will work. Dragonette is very good with computers and is going to make sure that it works well. I'm going to send some money to cover some of the costs. I don't have much I can send but if any one else care to help then contact me or Ladybird on the aussie's thread. Maybe between all of us we can get him a good one. I feel that he deserves our help after all he's done for us statring this thread and helping us as much as he has. He himself is very ill and in a great deal of pain all of the time. He never talks of that, only of us and what we need and our pain. He's a very special man and we need to keep him online if we can.

 

[lillostone]

Not sure if I fit in

Not sure if I even fit in here. I am a survivor of severe abuse of all kinds for the first 25 years of my life due to my parents and two other relatives. I also survived 3 date rapes after that. Not even sure if I should be ehre at all. I just want to cut, burn, hit something or od to make it stop. Like anyone really cares or anything.

 

[kikmosa]

Re: Not sure if I fit in

Not sure if I even fit in here. I am a survivor of severe abuse of all kinds for the first 25 years of my life due to my parents and two other relatives. I also survived 3 date rapes after that. Not even sure if I should be ehre at all. I just want to cut, burn, hit something or od to make it stop. Like anyone really cares or anything.

Yes you belong here. Your one of us. A survivor. And yes you have anger. That normal for all of us. Not one of us can say that surviving is easy. We all want to crush and maim and destroy. But to survive we need to learn how to not let the anger consume us.Talking to others that have survived helps. That's why we're here. To listen and talk and help each other. You've been hurt by those that were supposed to protect and nurture you and that leaves a deep feeling of betrayal. Many of us have been there and some of us are still there. Buut we will all survive if we stand together.

I'm sorry I'm not making much sense. I've had to go back to the stronger pain pills and I'm not thinking clearly right now. Please, let us help even if it's just ny listening as you vent and supporting you.

 

[biggieds]

this may seem weak, but whenever I did sports in high school, esp. in wressling. Some guys held me down, and slapped me in the face 10 times. One man held me down and kept socking me in the face and nearly broke my nose. ANd all three rolled me in a map, and after kicking it, took a shit right in front of my face.

It feels great to get it off my chest, and I realize its not as bad as some of this other stuff, but its so depressing and it hurts so much. I just have the desire to find those three guys now, and torture the living crap out of them, and make them pay. I realize however this is the WRONG WAY to deal with this stuff.

Does anyone have some realll good advice about channeling rage?

 

[Monazwx]

First off, I'm so sorry for Gil. I know what it's like to have things stolen.
Here's to everything returning to normal real soon.

This may seem weak . . .

It feels great to get it off my chest, and I realize its not as bad as some of this other stuff, but its so depressing and it hurts so much. I just have the desire to find those three guys now, and torture the living crap out of them, and make them pay. I realize however this is the WRONG WAY to deal with this stuff.

Does anyone have some realll good advice about channeling rage?

I took out some stuff since I'm posting right after you, but this doesn't seem weak at all. You were mistreated and never really got a chance to vent your hurt and frustration. I too was "attacked" in Phys. Ed. by a girl who "hated" me (jealousy IMHO), in front of the teacher no less, who did nothing. I was so shocked at her reaction, I thought I was over-reacting and let it go.

Years later, I'm still lamenting over the decision and the anger that I still harbour at both of them. Admitting what happened and the fact that you had no control over it is a good start. When I came to terms with what happened, it was after graduation and the teacher had been fired for after mishap, so I didn't have any recourse. Even if I did, going after them would only ruin your rep. and lower your standard. It's normal to feel depressed, but anger and rage are counter-productive and only hurt you in the long run.

But how do I get over this then. It's the question I struggled with for years. I first got the "What if? and "If only" questions out of my head. "What if I didn't show up to school that day?" or "If only I had done something so that they liked me instead." Face the fact that it happened and that you can't change it, no matter how much you want too. I know I do. It happened in front of the entire class, and I didn't get a moments peace after that. I was hurt, but I didn't want to die, so I had to find a way to survive and at least try to attain some form of happiness. This sounds corny but telling myself that I'm a nice person makes me feel better. Also, after you've acknowleged it, try to put it out of your mind. Everytime I remembered, it was like re-living everything all over again, which would re-kindle my anger. For me writing helps. Whenever something pisses me off, I put it to paper. (And I have alot of stories to tell). Finding an outlet, a positive one with which to release your anger is crucial and channelling won't be the same for everyone.

Don't feel like as if you haven't had as many problems as others here, that yours isn't as important or doesn't matter as much. I felt that way for years and it only resulted in low self esteem and more ongoing depression.

I doubt any of this really helped. Just wanted you to know that you're not alone.

 

[Blackbich]

Re: Not sure if I fit in

Not sure if I even fit in here. I am a survivor of severe abuse of all kinds for the first 25 years of my life due to my parents and two other relatives. I also survived 3 date rapes after that. Not even sure if I should be ehre at all. I just want to cut, burn, hit something or od to make it stop. Like anyone really cares or anything.

Yes, you do fit in here. You have survived something horrible that was done to you. As has already been stated...it wasn't your fault. You did nothing to deserve what was done to you. Read some of the stories here, you will see that you are definitely not alone. Kiki is the survivor of some pretty brutal abuse also. I know she wouldn't mind if you wanted to talk to her. In fact, none of us wouldn't mind.

You say you don't know if you should be here...get that out of your head. If you weren't meant to be here, you wouldn't be here. The fact that you survived means you are supposed to be here, even if you don't understand the reason yet.

If you are not ready to see a therapist/counselor, start a journal. Write down how you are feeling, even if it's so angry or depressing it scares you.

Please, please...talk to us.

 

[Blackbich]

this may seem weak, but whenever I did sports in high school, esp. in wressling. Some guys held me down, and slapped me in the face 10 times. One man held me down and kept socking me in the face and nearly broke my nose. ANd all three rolled me in a map, and after kicking it, took a shit right in front of my face.

It feels great to get it off my chest, and I realize its not as bad as some of this other stuff, but its so depressing and it hurts so much. I just have the desire to find those three guys now, and torture the living crap out of them, and make them pay. I realize however this is the WRONG WAY to deal with this stuff.

Does anyone have some realll good advice about channeling rage?

No, honey, it doesn't seem weak at all. It's a hurt that's been placed on your soul and you have to heal it before you can move on.

Channelling anger...besides journaling. I'd try either kickboxing or regular boxing. Either one you get to hit which I would think should help. That's about as useful as I can be at the moment.

 

[Blackbich]

kiki...
How are you guys getting money together for Gil's computer?

 

[lillostone]

To all those that responded to me.

I am not used to reaching out for help and I am not one to believe that people are even there for me and care because I have had and seen the absolute opposite.

I am shy for the most part around new people and I am not used to being on a board like this. Can't say that I am sure what to say or how to respond to all of you. I just know that right now things are not so great and right now I am at the point where I am not sure whether to trust anyone or even open up or anything.

As for jounalling, I am not very good at that but I do write poems but not sure if I would share any on this board.

I feel like I am wasting everyone's time right now and I don't want to do that.

 

[Blackbich]

To all those that responded to me.

I am not used to reaching out for help and I am not one to believe that people are even there for me and care because I have had and seen the absolute opposite.

It is hard to believe that there are people who could actually care about you. You have been in the shadows and mistreated for so long, 25 years, that it's hard to get out of that mindset. There are people who care, despite all of the negative baggage you have been indoctrinated to believe all your life.

I am shy for the most part around new people and I am not used to being on a board like this. Can't say that I am sure what to say or how to respond to all of you. I just know that right now things are not so great and right now I am at the point where I am not sure whether to trust anyone or even open up or anything.

Of course you are unsure whether you want to share or open up to us, that's understandable. And I don't think that the fact that you are shy is surprising anyone here after what you've been through. Just hang out with us for awhile, read some of the other stories on this topic and go from there. From that, I hope that you will see that your situation is not hopeless and, that when you are ready, there will be people here willing to help you along.

As for jounalling, I am not very good at that but I do write poems but not sure if I would share any on this board.

I feel like I am wasting everyone's time right now and I don't want to do that.

Journalling isn't for everyone but, definitely, continue with the poems. If you don't want to share, that's fine. Just continue with it. And please don't, for one second, think you are wasting our time. Ever...


hugs and for lillostone.

 

[lillostone]

kinda scared to share my poetry for fear it will trigger or upset someone. My poetry expresses how I feel at any given moment.

 

[Don K Dyck]

kinda scared to share my poetry for fear it will trigger or upset someone. My poetry expresses how I feel at any given moment.

Hi Lillostone, please post some of your poetry when you are ready . . . you are among friends here

 

[Monazwx]

Lillostone, first thing, change your sig., cause it's not true.

 

[kikmosa]

kiki...
How are you guys getting money together for Gil's computer?

So far I think they are going to try to get a paypal account that we can send it too. Right now they are trying to see what they can get and what it's going to cost. Then they'll let me know and I'll post it here.

 

[kikmosa]

kinda scared to share my poetry for fear it will trigger or upset someone. My poetry expresses how I feel at any given moment.

If you need a place to put it, I have a thread on the playground that I started as unregisterd called The Glass Cage. It's where I was posting mine when I need to say some things but really didn't want anyone to know it was me. Your welcome to post any poems there that you want to. For a long time I would write my poems in a notebook and then burn then when I was through. Then I used my computer and just deleted them. Finally I posted the first on there and before I could edit it out people read it and statred talking about it. The next I knew, I was posting a lot of them and each one made me feel better and better because people were reading them and not judging me. They were supporting me and caring. That gave me the courage to talk a bit. Finally I admitted that they were mine and then I met Gil. Within days he had started this thread and it's helped so many people by giving us a place to go where we're accepted and loved.

It may take awhile before you feel comfortable with letting others read your words. We understand that. Just take one small step at a time until your walking that path of healing. And remember, we're always here for you.

And I agree with Mona, you need to change the sigline because there are those of us who care for you a great deal.

 

[kikmosa]

Ok folks, here's how it stands on Gil computer. Huggles from the Aussie thread is going to build Gil a new one. He's very good with computers and will make sure it's a really good one. You can pm him or if his box is full, Ladybird, for a place to send donations. WE're going to make sure that Gil is back online as soon as possible.

 

[BrownEyes26]

bump

 

[kikmosa]

bump

Ditto

 

[zantac666]

Like mona and others said is true.

When i was taking auto shop at a local community college a girl that was taking it she would come to class every so often with a black eye well one day her man tried to drag her out 6 of us grab him beat the crap out of him and told him she is leaving you and if you go near her you vanish off the face of the earth she never saw him again.

 

[kikmosa]

Like mona and others said is true.

When i was taking auto shop at a local community college a girl that was taking it she would come to class every so often with a black eye well one day her man tried to drag her out 6 of us grab him beat the crap out of him and told him she is leaving you and if you go near her you vanish off the face of the earth she never saw him again.

If more people were like you and those others then abuse would not happen so much. Unfortunetly, Most people, even when it's right there in front of them, don't want to get involved. They know it's happening but do nothing to stop it. In my mind, they are as guilty as the ones doing it.

Good for all of you for standing up for her. She was a very lucky woman.