How do you help someone get over being abused

[Gil_T2]

ok first of all kudos to everyone here with the courage to be so open and honest.


One little tiny tidbit of information that has made a huge difference in my life is the fact that within seven years, every single cell in your body has been replaced. For me this means that evey cell in my body has been made new twice over since I was abused. Therefore, the abuser has never in fact laid a finger on me as I am today. Not one. This body that I walk around in every day has never known abuse, in other words.

I know it may seem like an odd and insignifigant thing to someone who has never experienced abuse, but to me, realizing this fact was a revelation. It really was like a lightning bolt hit me.

Dunno if that will help anyone else here or not, but if it does, I'm glad.

I HAVE MOVED THIS OLD POST UP IN AN EFFORT TO GIVEHOPE TO PPL WHO ARE FIGHTING THEIR DEMONS.

 

[BrownEyes26]

Wow Kiki Good to hear that you are doing so well. Thought I would drop by, check out this wonderful thread and bump it up a bit.

I am doing well, people always ask me "How do you do it?", meaning how do you get through your pain. You live it, you do it one day at a time. And as Kiki said earlier, there are setbacks, but they are all worth it. The abuse that I suffered in my life has made me who I am today, a strong woman. I can't change the past, but I can change the way that I view the world. That is one bonus of being a sentient being.

Seeya all later, hope you all are doing well.
BE26

 

[Gil_T2]

Wow Kiki Good to hear that you are doing so well. Thought I would drop by, check out this wonderful thread and bump it up a bit.

I am doing well, people always ask me "How do you do it?", meaning how do you get through your pain. You live it, you do it one day at a time. And as Kiki said earlier, there are setbacks, but they are all worth it. The abuse that I suffered in my life has made me who I am today, a strong woman. I can't change the past, but I can change the way that I view the world. That is one bonus of being a sentient being.

Seeya all later, hope you all are doing well.
BE26

THANK FOR DROPPING BY TO LET US KNOW HOW YOU ARE DOING
please do not forget us as we do like to not loose contact & knowing you are fine & well is a bonus.

YOUR statement about "I CAN'T CHANGE THE PAST, BUT I CAN CHANGE THE WAY THAT I VIEW THE WORLD" a wonderful idea indeed.

Good luck with your studies & I'll answer your PM soon.

 

[Wolf_Song]

Just wanted to take a moment to compliment, congradulate and applaud all whom have contributed herein. Whether in sharing of traumatic experiences or offering to lend a helping hand. Each shows compassionate courage in the highest in doing so. The world needs more people with great golden hearts alike yourselves.

And to those whom havent yet posted or may never post, the above is to yourselves as well. As even if a past abuser still creates pain minorly or majorly in your life, your winning because you are aware. And I for one am proud of and honored to know you exist. Your never alone in the hearts of those whom love and are yet to love you.

Hearts blessings and peace to your great golden hearts

PS ( hugs here always for any and all whom wish them )

 

[kikmosa]

Just wanted to take a moment to compliment, congradulate and applaud all whom have contributed herein. Whether in sharing of traumatic experiences or offering to lend a helping hand. Each shows compassionate courage in the highest in doing so. The world needs more people with great golden hearts alike yourselves.

And to those whom havent yet posted or may never post, the above is to yourselves as well. As even if a past abuser still creates pain minorly or majorly in your life, your winning because you are aware. And I for one am proud of and honored to know you exist. Your never alone in the hearts of those whom love and are yet to love you.

Hearts blessings and peace to your great golden hearts

PS ( hugs here always for any and all whom wish them )

For myself and I know for others, thank you Wolf_Song. Knowing that there are people out there that care truly helps. By one man standing up and saying "I'm here, how can I help" many people have found a way to survive and go on. And soon another and another stood up and offered their help or their story. We are standing up and facing our fears and heartbreaks and through our sharing and caring we are becoming stronger. We will survive, not by ourselves but together. Just as a wall is made of many bricks, each one interlacing to build something stronger then itself, so we are building a shelter where we are stronger then ourselves alone. Together we will make it.

 

[Gil_T2]

For myself and I know for others, thank you Wolf_Song. Knowing that there are people out there that care truly helps. By one man standing up and saying "I'm here, how can I help" many people have found a way to survive and go on. And soon another and another stood up and offered their help or their story. We are standing up and facing our fears and heartbreaks and through our sharing and caring we are becoming stronger. We will survive, not by ourselves but together. Just as a wall is made of many bricks, each one interlacing to build something stronger then itself, so we are building a shelter where we are stronger then ourselves alone. Together we will make it.

Well said KIKI.



I especially like the bricks in the wall comparison...it's OH so true.

 

[kikmosa]

Wow Kiki Good to hear that you are doing so well. Thought I would drop by, check out this wonderful thread and bump it up a bit.

I am doing well, people always ask me "How do you do it?", meaning how do you get through your pain. You live it, you do it one day at a time. And as Kiki said earlier, there are setbacks, but they are all worth it. The abuse that I suffered in my life has made me who I am today, a strong woman. I can't change the past, but I can change the way that I view the world. That is one bonus of being a sentient being.

Seeya all later, hope you all are doing well.
BE26

Thank you BE. And I'm so glad to hear that you doing good.
No we can't change the past but we can learn from it and prevent it from ever happening again. We are in control now and we decide what our lives will be. Stand up, be strong, and remember, WE are the survivers.

 

[Blackbich]

Just wanted to take a moment to compliment, congradulate and applaud all whom have contributed herein. Whether in sharing of traumatic experiences or offering to lend a helping hand. Each shows compassionate courage in the highest in doing so. The world needs more people with great golden hearts alike yourselves.

And to those whom havent yet posted or may never post, the above is to yourselves as well. As even if a past abuser still creates pain minorly or majorly in your life, your winning because you are aware. And I for one am proud of and honored to know you exist. Your never alone in the hearts of those whom love and are yet to love you.

Hearts blessings and peace to your great golden hearts

PS ( hugs here always for any and all whom wish them )

Thank you for sharing a beautiful sentiment that allowed me to shed happy tears this morning and for sharing a part of your beautiful soul with us here at Lit.

 

[BrownEyes26]

BUMP

 

[Gil_T2]

It has really pleased me to see the positive posts ppl have posted
here recently.

KEEP POSTING FRIENDS as we are here to help & do love to hear good news as well as those looking for help.

 

[BrownEyes26]

Hello everybody

I am reading a book named "Trauma and Recovery" By Judith Lewis Herman, and came across something that kind of startled me. There is a name for the way I have felt most of my life. It was quite amazing to see that there is actually a word for that state. Here is what the section states:

"[In child abuse] The normal regulation of emotional states is similary disrupted by traumatic experiences that repeatedly evoke terror, rage, and grief. These emotions ultimately coalesce in a dreadful feeling that psychiatrists call "dysphoria and patients find almost impossible to describe. It is a state of confusion, agitation, emptiness, and utter aloneness. In the words of one survivor, "Sometimes I feel like a dark bundle of confusion. But that is a step forward. At times I don't even know that much".

P. 108, Trauma and Recovery.

Wow, it is really amazing how relieving it is to see it in print. Just thought I would share.
Take care, BE26

 

[Bandit58]

What a difference a few days makes

Thanks so much for your prayers hon that means a lot It looks like being a long haul for us......it's been 3 months since we've seen each other and a month since we had any decent contact. Hope we can talk again next week, I need to hear his voice again....

I was the same way when I was with my lover, that first visit I didn't manage to cum with him, even though I enjoyed what we did so much. I still don't have an orgasm every time, but I am learning to relax and enjoy what we do together, the making love and sharing of feelings is just as important to us.

Because we can't be together yet, we have an open relationship. He told me it was okay if I found another partner (female OR male) to be with. I have met a nice older man and we have been together a couple of times. I enjoyed sex with him, but I am yet to have an orgasm. I just need to feel someone's arms around me again, I wish so much they were HIS arms, but it's not possible at the moment.... It makes absolutely no difference to the way I feel about him (and he knows this). I have an ache in me that can only be eased when he's with me.....

I have to keep telling myself that it's okay to feel good when someone touches me, and to enjoy the moments and let things happen. When my ex touched me I used to flinch away and tense up. I know there is nothing wrong with me physically (even though he did a good job of blaming ME for my lack of response - good old emotional abuse again ) I know things will be better when my lover and I can finally be in the same place for longer than a few days at a time......

Five days after I wrote that he told me he couldn't commit to me and he said he was sorry......he still loves me but he has too many problems to sort out and he doesn't know when or even if he'll be ready.

I don't know if I will ever feel about anyone again the way I still feel about him........I went to see my new friend this morning and it helped me forget for a little while, but it's not the same, there's no emotional commitment it's just fucking. Will I ever be able to feel the magic again.........

 

[Gil_T2]

Hello everybody

I am reading a book named "Trauma and Recovery" By Judith Lewis Herman, and came across something that kind of startled me. There is a name for the way I have felt most of my life. It was quite amazing to see that there is actually a word for that state. Here is what the section states:

"[In child abuse] The normal regulation of emotional states is similary disrupted by traumatic experiences that repeatedly evoke terror, rage, and grief. These emotions ultimately coalesce in a dreadful feeling that psychiatrists call "dysphoria and patients find almost impossible to describe. It is a state of confusion, agitation, emptiness, and utter aloneness. In the words of one survivor, "Sometimes I feel like a dark bundle of confusion. But that is a step forward. At times I don't even know that much".

P. 108, Trauma and Recovery.

Wow, it is really amazing how relieving it is to see it in print. Just thought I would share.
Take care, BE26

THANKYOU BE I think that many will agree with you about sharing these thoughts.
I'm glad to see you finding the light at the end of the tunnel towards realising that you are a wonderful person & the past was NEVER your fault.

 

[Gil_T2]

Re: What a difference a few days makes

Five days after I wrote that he told me he couldn't commit to me and he said he was sorry......he still loves me but he has too many problems to sort out and he doesn't know when or even if he'll be ready.

I don't know if I will ever feel about anyone again the way I still feel about him........I went to see my new friend this morning and it helped me forget for a little while, but it's not the same, there's no emotional commitment it's just fucking. Will I ever be able to feel the magic again.........

The pain of the loss is still very fresh at this time BUT be assured it will lessen in time & the old saying "TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS"
it may always be mixed emotions (happy/sad) remembering but finding love again will be yours.

Just hang in there.

 

[kikmosa]

Well folks, here's an update. Again I've gone out with the same guy and again I ended up at his house. This time I didn't have even a small panic attack. We sat around and joked and put together a puzzle and just had a great time.

And wonders of wonders, I was able to relax enough to feel something this time. It's the first time I've ever cum with someone. God did it feel good. And his reaction, WOW.

Lol, ended up wtaying the night and all day the next day. *giggle* He did have a bit much to drink yesterday afternoon. He's cute when he's drunk. Giggles all the time and does silly things. He even decided he was going to paint my toe nails for me. Lol, good thing I was using clear polish cause he ended up painting the whole end of my toe, lol.

I know that not all of my problems are over but at least I know now that I AM going to have a life again. That's the best I've felt in so long. I'm so grateful that I met Gil and all of my friends on here. If not for that I wouldn't even be here much less trying to rebuild my life.

For all that all of you have done for me, Thank You for the bottom of my heart and soul for giving me hope to go on with.

 

[BrownEyes26]

Yay Kikimosa!!
I am so happy for you. I am sure there will be many good days ahead.
BE26

On a personal note, I was talking with my father, who was the one who abused me. We had a long chat about the effects of abuse and how we come to terms with them. He was a victim of abuse himself, as was his father and mother. I am hoping that by becoming a social worker that I can help end the abuse in other families, and perhaps one day to end it all together.

I am glad that this thread is here.

 

[Bandit58]

Kiki honey I'm soooo happy for you He sounds lovely!

I'm going away for a night with my new friend next week......expensive hotel, nice dinner....just what I need I think. I haven't been out for dinner in so long! He's going to Brisbane for 3 weeks, who knows maybe one day he'll take me with him for a holiday. He does a lot of travelling with his job, and I've hardly been anywhere. This could turn out to be so much fun.....

 

[Don K Dyck]

Well folks, here's an update. Again I've gone out with the same guy and again I ended up at his house.

For all that all of you have done for me, Thank You for the bottom of my heart and soul for giving me hope to go on with.

Yeah!!!!! Kiki!!!!! Congratulations!!!!!!

 

[Wolf_Song]

For myself and I know for others, thank you Wolf_Song. Knowing that there are people out there that care truly helps. By one man standing up and saying "I'm here, how can I help" many people have found a way to survive and go on. And soon another and another stood up and offered their help or their story. We are standing up and facing our fears and heartbreaks and through our sharing and caring we are becoming stronger. We will survive, not by ourselves but together. Just as a wall is made of many bricks, each one interlacing to build something stronger then itself, so we are building a shelter where we are stronger then ourselves alone. Together we will make it.

Your most welcome kikimosa and I can empathize with what you say of so many good people. Which in the highest includes yourself and all others whom have contributed herein. Whom strive to make the world a brighter and better place. And its the togetherness you speak of that will ultimately make the difference in time upon grander worldly scales in loving unity. And you among so many herein are already making a difference.

 

[Wolf_Song]

Thank you for sharing a beautiful sentiment that allowed me to shed happy tears this morning and for sharing a part of your beautiful soul with us here at Lit.

Your most welcome Blackbich and hearted thanks shared in all you have with courage and compassion shared. You to have a very beautiful soul and hope always you know that.

 

[Blackbich]

Re: What a difference a few days makes

Five days after I wrote that he told me he couldn't commit to me and he said he was sorry......he still loves me but he has too many problems to sort out and he doesn't know when or even if he'll be ready.

I don't know if I will ever feel about anyone again the way I still feel about him........I went to see my new friend this morning and it helped me forget for a little while, but it's not the same, there's no emotional commitment it's just fucking. Will I ever be able to feel the magic again.........

I'm sorry your friend has done a complete 180 but this has nothing to do with you. As you said...he's the one who's unable to commit and doesn't know when/if he'll be ready. It will take time to heal, a part of your soul has been damaged but you will survive and...yes, you will feel the magic again.

{{{{bandit58}}}} and a big sloppy too!!!

Well folks, here's an update. Again I've gone out with the same guy and again I ended up at his house. This time I didn't have even a small panic attack. We sat around and joked and put together a puzzle and just had a great time.

And wonders of wonders, I was able to relax enough to feel something this time. It's the first time I've ever cum with someone. God did it feel good. And his reaction, WOW.

Lol, ended up wtaying the night and all day the next day. *giggle* He did have a bit much to drink yesterday afternoon. He's cute when he's drunk. Giggles all the time and does silly things. He even decided he was going to paint my toe nails for me. Lol, good thing I was using clear polish cause he ended up painting the whole end of my toe, lol.

I know that not all of my problems are over but at least I know now that I AM going to have a life again. That's the best I've felt in so long. I'm so grateful that I met Gil and all of my friends on here. If not for that I wouldn't even be here much less trying to rebuild my life.

For all that all of you have done for me, Thank You for the bottom of my heart and soul for giving me hope to go on with.

DAYUM...I don't come around for a few days and Miss Kiki is getting wild on us!!!

Go Kiki, Go Kiki!!! I'm so happy for you and am glad things are going so great for you and your new friend. May you always have someone this lovely in your life.

Your most welcome Blackbich and hearted thanks shared in all you have with courage and compassion shared. You to have a very beautiful soul and hope always you know that.

. Thank you for the compliment, Wolf_Song. It's something I haven't always known...hell it's something I'm still working on but being around good people definitely helps. Especially the wonderful people on this board, you included.

BrownEyes26...isn't it great to know you aren't losing your mind? It's wonderful to know you are normal and that you aren't crazy!! And even if you don't feel that way yourself, I'll feel that way enough for both the two of us.

 

[BrownEyes26]

Re: Re: What a difference a few days makes

BrownEyes26...isn't it great to know you aren't losing your mind? It's wonderful to know you are normal and that you aren't crazy!! And even if you don't feel that way yourself, I'll feel that way enough for both the two of us.

Yes, Blackbich, it is good to know that I am not crazy. I always knew that, but it sure is good to see it in writing. I am now working at at sexual assault centre, and think that it will really help in my healing. Take care everyone. BE26

 

[Bandit58]

Re: Re: What a difference a few days makes

I'm sorry your friend has done a complete 180 but this has nothing to do with you. As you said...he's the one who's unable to commit and doesn't know when/if he'll be ready. It will take time to heal, a part of your soul has been damaged but you will survive and...yes, you will feel the magic again.

{{{{bandit58}}}} and a big sloppy too!!!

Thank you Blackbich.......I know it was nothing I said or did, the only thing I was guilty of I think was loving him too much. He came along at the right time for me, healed me and made me whole again. He opened doors for me and I'll always love him, it was just the wrong time for us........

 

[kikmosa]

bump

 

[Gil_T2]

BUMP........?????





BUMP





BUMP





I'm glad KIKI was around to keep an eye on things in my absence thankyou KIKI.