How do you help someone get over being abused

[Gil_T2]

Thankyou for keeping this thread open people that need help.



EVERY TIME I get depressed about my R/L problems I think about what you have been through then know my lot hasn'tbeen that bad after all.


KIKI your the strongest person I know for surviving.

 

[kikmosa]

Thankyou for keeping this thread open people that need help.



EVERY TIME I get depressed about my R/L problems I think about what you have been through then know my lot hasn'tbeen that bad after all.


KIKI your the strongest person I know for surviving.

I wish I felt that strong. Everytime I feel I gained a little something happens, like this with Blessed Be on the playground, and I'm dragged back down in the pit again. Just the thought of what she's going through to make her chose to do it triggered the nightmares last night. It's hard to feel strong when fear rules your life. And I see a very strong man when I look at you Gil. With all of the problems you have, you still reach out to help others. That makes you strong and special in my book.

 

[Monazwx]

Just thought I would bring this to the thread from the GB.
I was touched when I read it and the posts following.

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=148735

(Avoid Hanns as usual).

 

[Gil_T2]

I wish I felt that strong. Everytime I feel I gained a little something happens, like this with Blessed Be on the playground, and I'm dragged back down in the pit again. Just the thought of what she's going through to make her chose to do it triggered the nightmares last night. It's hard to feel strong when fear rules your life. And I see a very strong man when I look at you Gil. With all of the problems you have, you still reach out to help others. That makes you strong and special in my book.

As for the gag, a lot of the research I did showed that many 'Masters' do use them. Safe words are good and should always be used but when a gag is being used something like the ball should be there.

Yes if I ever play again I'll remember the extra safety system !

Thank for that as it is important to enjoy SAFE mutual play.

 

[Gil_T2]

Thankyou MONA

Just thought I would bring this to the thread from the GB.
I was touched when I read it and the posts following.

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=148735

(Avoid Hanns as usual).

The affect on the children is the saddest part of all as they are in the middle of not knowing the right side to be on as the ones abusing & being abused are the ones they learn about life from.

If I may ask you to guide anyone that it might help being here PLEASE do.

Again I have been reduced to tears reading an all to common story of life.

I just hope that we (the thread remain troll free).

 

[Monazwx]

Re: Thank you MONA

The affect on the children is the saddest part of all as they are in the middle of not knowing the right side to be on as the ones abusing & being abused are the ones they learn about life from.

If I may ask you to guide anyone that it might help being here PLEASE do.

I'd be happy to.

Again I have been reduced to tears reading an all to common story of life.

I just hope that we (the thread remain troll free).

I pray that it remains so as well.
The last thing this thread needs is haters.

 

[Gil_T2]

PLEASE HELP IF YOU CAN

Blessed Be has posted that she was going to end it on the GB & from what I've been told has not been back,answered emails or PM's.

Does anyone know her in R/L ???? If you do can you get to her place & check on her OR contact the police to check on her, to thecomputer minds out there is there a ways of finding her phone number from her registration or finding the origin of emails, can LIT seek this info ????

It's so frustrating not being able to help.

Any other ideas on how to find this lady.

 

[kikmosa]

Re: PLEASE HELP IF YOU CAN

Blessed Be has posted that she was going to end it on the GB & from what I've been told has not been back,answered emails or PM's.

Does anyone know her in R/L ???? If you do can you get to her place & check on her OR contact the police to check on her, to thecomputer minds out there is there a ways of finding her phone number from her registration or finding the origin of emails, can LIT seek this info ????

It's so frustrating not being able to help.

Any other ideas on how to find this lady.

I hope someone can help us find her. Please, anyone, if you know anything let us know.

 

[Gil_T2]

Re: Re: PLEASE HELP IF YOU CAN

I hope someone can help us find her. Please, anyone, if you know anything let us know.

I'm fresh out of ideas here, if anyone comes up with anything at all
PM me or KIKI

 

[Don K Dyck]

Re: Re: Re: PLEASE HELP IF YOU CAN

I'm fresh out of ideas here, if anyone comes up with anything at all
PM me or KIKI

Hi Guys and Gals, been off-air for a while due to moving things around.

Seems to me that there are more and better ways to have "fun" than BDSM . . . Life requires courage to change what you have into what you want to be . . . compensating by pandering to the whims of someone else just seems a futile attempt at satisfying a personal need that may be satisfied a better, and more effective way.

Gil, Kiki and all the others who have posted here, have demonstrated that regardless of the overwhelming enormity of the surrounding circumstances, individuals are strong enough . . . to handle whatever life throws at them . . . the important thing is choosing whether I want what life is handing out today . . . If I don't like it, then I can refuse it . . . walk away from it . . . oh, life won't become automatically easier, but it will improve and my attitude will change and become more positive as I realise that I am an important person in this world.

 

[Gil_T2]

Re: Re: Re: Re: PLEASE HELP IF YOU CAN

Hi Guys and Gals, been off-air for a while due to moving things around.

Seems to me that there are more and better ways to have "fun" than BDSM . . . Life requires courage to change what you have into what you want to be . . . compensating by pandering to the whims of someone else just seems a futile attempt at satisfying a personal need that may be satisfied a better, and more effective way.

Gil, Kiki and all the others who have posted here, have demonstrated that regardless of the overwhelming enormity of the surrounding circumstances, individuals are strong enough . . . to handle whatever life throws at them . . . the important thing is choosing whether I want what life is handing out today . . . If I don't like it, then I can refuse it . . . walk away from it . . . oh, life won't become automatically easier, but it will improve and my attitude will change and become more positive as I realise that I am an important person in this world.

Hi Don.... it's great to have you back on LIT you have been missed by many of your friends.Yes this thread isn't the place we should have had those posts but KIKI asked a question & knowing I have been involved in DOM/sub & her story it just came out....BUT it was thelady who introduced me to it, prior to her introduction I had never even thought of it & she did enjoy it.

 

[S.Daedalus]

Hey everyone,

I know it's been a long while since I've been back here...which I might add, is my roots, this is where I started.

Either way here I am. I'll try and catch up.

Just a thought crossed my mind.


and i have to blurt it out..and here is better then anywhere else. At least you'll hopefully understand.

"It's amazing how the abused can soon enough and quick enough turn into the abuser..and now here i am..tourchered by her memory. Day by day, tainted by the thought of her...the thought of things I did wrong..was it my fault..were all those things true? What is was she saying..i did nothing but love her..and yet she hurt me so much..and I kept giving..and now..now after 3 months of not talking or speaking to her..i am still haunted by her. tainted by her...and it hurts. it fucking hurts me...it hurts those around me..and yet after all is said and done, my friends, i still love her. I still want her to get better..she desirves more then she gives herself credit for. Why..what the fuck did i do wrong..where did i go wrong? I was everythign..i gave everything...i continue to love and respect..and yet I'm torchered..i'm faulted..i'm beating and brused by her...and here I sit..3:45am in feb. and I am torchered by her. what is she doing? what the fuck is she doing? Probably sleeping..enjoying..not thinking a blooody thing about me. and i gave her a fucking year and a half of my life. FUck...if i could only take it back..take it all back...or take myself out of this.

when will it fucking stop..the dreams, the thoughts, the desiresl, the hates, the needs, the wants, the everything...when will it fucking stop..


Arrrrgggggg..."

enough.. i'll stop ..i have to stop.

Get some sleep.

Good night everyone, i had to let that out..i apologize....i just had to.

Your friend,
~>SD<~

 

[Gil_T2]

Hey everyone,

I know it's been a long while since I've been back here...which I might add, is my roots, this is where I started.

Either way here I am. I'll try and catch up.

Just a thought crossed my mind.


and i have to blurt it out..and here is better then anywhere else. At least you'll hopefully understand.

"It's amazing how the abused can soon enough and quick enough turn into the abuser..and now here i am..tourchered by her memory. Day by day, tainted by the thought of her...the thought of things I did wrong..was it my fault..were all those things true? What is was she saying..i did nothing but love her..and yet she hurt me so much..and I kept giving..and now..now after 3 months of not talking or speaking to her..i am still haunted by her. tainted by her...and it hurts. it fucking hurts me...it hurts those around me..and yet after all is said and done, my friends, i still love her. I still want her to get better..she desirves more then she gives herself credit for. Why..what the fuck did i do wrong..where did i go wrong? I was everythign..i gave everything...i continue to love and respect..and yet I'm torchered..i'm faulted..i'm beating and brused by her...and here I sit..3:45am in feb. and I am torchered by her. what is she doing? what the fuck is she doing? Probably sleeping..enjoying..not thinking a blooody thing about me. and i gave her a fucking year and a half of my life. FUck...if i could only take it back..take it all back...or take myself out of this.

when will it fucking stop..the dreams, the thoughts, the desiresl, the hates, the needs, the wants, the everything...when will it fucking stop..


Arrrrgggggg..."

enough.. i'll stop ..i have to stop.

Get some sleep.

Good night everyone, i had to let that out..i apologize....i just had to.

Your friend,
~>SD<~

I know how you feel although the abuse I went through was all mental & emotional but it hurt as much as physical,it took me 6 years to even date again & Istarted to form feeling for this newlady but destroyed it out of fear of being hurt by the person that meant so much to me, it was then another 4 years & out of this fear I used an ADULT PERSONALS to find a lady who wanted SEX but from our first meeting in R/L she lit a fire I thought would never burn again but kept it to myself till one night I blurted out "I love you & have from our first meeting." That was the end of it as we went from every weekend & one night mid week to every other friday night then my emails were blocked & never saw her again, I was devistated it seems every time I give my heart it just gets trashed.

 

[S.Daedalus]

I know how you feel although the abuse I went through was all mental & emotional but it hurt as much as physical,it took me 6 years to even date again & Istarted to form feeling for this newlady but destroyed it out of fear of being hurt by the person that meant so much to me, it was then another 4 years & out of this fear I used an ADULT PERSONALS to find a lady who wanted SEX but from our first meeting in R/L she lit a fire I thought would never burn again but kept it to myself till one night I blurted out "I love you & have from our first meeting." That was the end of it as we went from every weekend & one night mid week to every other friday night then my emails were blocked & never saw her again, I was devistated it seems every time I give my heart it just gets trashed.

I was not physicaly abused, I am in the same boat as you. Although she did hit me the odd time it was never an abusiv hit. The rest was all mental. No matter how good I was to her it was never good enough. No matter how many times I gave in, she always wanted more. To the point where she didn't even want me seeing my family for the most part. She hated every aspect of my life. She hated anyone and everyone that had to do with my past. She was jealous of my past, that I had had a good relationship. That i had had a loving family and good friends that stood by me threw thick and thin. She was jealous about my life, so she went out of her way to pick out faults. To ruin anything that I had deemed prescious. She just chewed me up and spit me back out again.

And now, now i have a very loving girlfriend who is fantastic and excellent in every way. And I can't give her all of me. I can't release all of me to her. I have to keep her at arms length, just in case. She knows I love her, I know she loves me, but there is always that fear, that thought of dependency. That thought of manipulation. And so i hold back. I can not give what I should be giving....and I ridcule her if she gives to much.

My dreams are haunted by her, my thoughts as i drive down the highway are haunted by her....everything is haunted by the one I loved the most who in turned abused my live and trust and tore me down...only to rebuild me with her own crappy self esteem.

Gil you are a man that other man aspire to be like. You are a leader in a pack of sheep, I know it's been rough. Life just fucking sux that way. But...never give up the hope, never give up the trying. Even when you feel like no one around you knows who you truely are...there are those of us taht do know and we apretiate everything you've done..and continue to do.

Take care my friend,
I'll be around more often, I thouhgt i was threw all this shit. Guess not.

~>SD<~

 

[Don K Dyck]

Hey everyone,

I know it's been a long while since I've been back here...which I might add, is my roots, this is where I started.

Either way here I am. I'll try and catch up.

Just a thought crossed my mind.

<missing Bit>

when will it fucking stop..the dreams, the thoughts, the desiresl, the hates, the needs, the wants, the everything...when will it fucking stop.. Arrrrgggggg..."

Your friend,
~>SD<~

Hi SD, welcome back . . . to answer your rhetorical question . . . it will stop when you choose to let go . . . when YOU choose to let go . . .

 

[S.Daedalus]

Hi SD, welcome back . . . to answer your rhetorical question . . . it will stop when you choose to let go . . . when YOU choose to let go . . .

HOw do you do that?

I have made the choice. I don't want it any more. I want ride of it all.

But it still looms...and curses me every day. When i'm washing dishes, to when i'm driving...to I don't know..everything.

I guess now I just crave an appology. You know what I mean? Or at least some sort of understanding. That she undrestands what happend..that she isn't blaming me. She liked to play the marter...she never liked to do anything..she liked to let things happen to her. And I guess...i just hope she doesn't hate me..that she doesn't loath me. that she see's value in what we had. That she sees what she put me threw...and why i Had to leave.

I guess..secritly I wait for that closure.

~>SD<~

 

[Gil_T2]

JUST A BUMP TO KEEP THIS IMPORTANT THREAD IN SIGHT

If you have been through abuse & survived or are still in an abusive situation but don't feel comfortable posting feel free to PM
me & I will reply.

 

[S.Daedalus]

JUST A BUMP TO KEEP THIS IMPORTANT THREAD INSIGHT

If you have been through abuse & survived or are still in an abusive situation but don't feel comfortable posting feel free to PM
me & I will reply.

Gil you rock.

 

[Gil_T2]

HOw do you do that?

I have made the choice. I don't want it any more. I want ride of it all.

But it still looms...and curses me every day. When i'm washing dishes, to when i'm driving...to I don't know..everything.

I guess now I just crave an appology. You know what I mean? Or at least some sort of understanding. That she undrestands what happend..that she isn't blaming me. She liked to play the marter...she never liked to do anything..she liked to let things happen to her. And I guess...i just hope she doesn't hate me..that she doesn't loath me. that she see's value in what we had. That she sees what she put me threw...and why i Had to leave.

I guess..secritly I wait for that closure.

~>SD<~

Do not expect anything as you wouldn't have recieved the treatment you did & THEY never see that they did anything wrong Don is right about having to let go, it isn't easy it'sbeen10 years for me but it's stillthere at times & you have to find distractions to help.

 

[Don K Dyck]

HOw do you do that?

I have made the choice. I don't want it any more. I want ride of it all.

But it still looms...and curses me every day. When i'm washing dishes, to when i'm driving...to I don't know..everything.

I guess now I just crave an appology. You know what I mean? Or at least some sort of understanding. That she undrestands what happend..that she isn't blaming me. She liked to play the marter...she never liked to do anything..she liked to let things happen to her. And I guess...i just hope she doesn't hate me..that she doesn't loath me. that she see's value in what we had. That she sees what she put me threw...and why i Had to leave.

I guess..secritly I wait for that closure.

~>SD<~

Hi SD . . . I didn't say it was easy . . . just necessary. YOU have to make a conscious decision TO THINK ABOUT SOMRTHING ELSE . . . evry time those memories float into your mind . . . DECIDE TO THINK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE . . . just say to yourself . . . "I am tired of being hurt by these memories . . . I choose to think about something else . . . I deserve the best, not abuse" . . . and with time you will let go . . . and receive the best . . .

 

[kikmosa]

Hi SD . . . I didn't say it was easy . . . just necessary. YOU have to make a conscious decision TO THINK ABOUT SOMRTHING ELSE . . . evry time those memories float into your mind . . . DECIDE TO THINK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE . . . just say to yourself . . . "I am tired of being hurt by these memories . . . I choose to think about something else . . . I deserve the best, not abuse" . . . and with time you will let go . . . and receive the best . . .

Time... that's the one thing that we all need. Time to heal.. time to grow stronger... time to be someone we can be proud of... the most precious thing we can give ourselves is time.

 

[S.Daedalus]

Time... that's the one thing that we all need. Time to heal.. time to grow stronger... time to be someone we can be proud of... the most precious thing we can give ourselves is time.

Some days it feels like i have alot.

Other days it feels like i have none.


Some days it I want to forget

and other days I don't ever want to forget.

I want to be forgiven and I want to forgive.

I want to leave on good terms not bad.

I want understanding and peace.

And I'm getting none of the above. And some days it just hurts so much. I get mad at myself...cause I wish I could just get ride of it. It's stupid and silly...but it still makes me scared.

~>SD<~

 

[Bandit58]

It's been almost a year since I left......and I know I'm a hell of a lot stronger than I used to be. Even though I've lost my job and now have to move again, I'm living from one week to the next when it comes to money, I miss having my kids with me and I miss my lover so much it hurts, and my dad has been very ill, I've found that I've managed to cope more than I thought I ever could.

I'll tell you what I don't miss.......the stony silent treatment; having to give in to sex to keep the peace; the putdowns and criticism; being taken for granted; feeling sad and alone and trapped. People have said to me that I seem a different person now........I just tell them I'm still the same as I always was, I just show it now rather than hide it away.......

 

[S.Daedalus]

I'll tell you what I don't miss.......the stony silent treatment; having to give in to sex to keep the peace; the putdowns and criticism; being taken for granted; feeling sad and alone and trapped. People have said to me that I seem a different person now........I just tell them I'm still the same as I always was, I just show it now rather than hide it away.......

I can totaly understand that and it is a very very very good way of putting it.

Althought the stony silent treatments, some times I wish I had. Everything was made into a big deal, no matter how big or small it actualy was. But the rest rings true.

She didn't get laid...and I heard about it for days and days and days. But I am a different person now. Don't know if I like it or not. Not to many people do. But there a few that do and those are the ones that count.

I just tend to forget that crap. Or when i think about that crap I just think...and now look..after all i went threw..not even a single fone call.

And i get upset.

~>SD<~

 

[Gil_T2]

It's been almost a year since I left......and I know I'm a hell of a lot stronger than I used to be. Even though I've lost my job and now have to move again, I'm living from one week to the next when it comes to money, I miss having my kids with me and I miss my lover so much it hurts, and my dad has been very ill, I've found that I've managed to cope more than I thought I ever could.

I'll tell you what I don't miss.......the stony silent treatment; having to give in to sex to keep the peace; the putdowns and criticism; being taken for granted; feeling sad and alone and trapped. People have said to me that I seem a different person now........I just tell them I'm still the same as I always was, I just show it now rather than hide it away.......

{{{{{{{{{{{{BANDIT}}}}}}}}}}}}
If you ever need to talk or need a hug just PM's,post or email via LIT you have many,many friends here who do care.