How do you help someone get over being abused

[bicuriousblue]

re: abuse

Quoll I will be your counselor for free after I get my licence and you 2 will be together through all of it if ya like......iono where you live but we will work something out. That was totally wrong in my eyes, when you are eachothers rocks to lean on. Take care and PM me any time. Hope yall liked the site.
Blue

 

[Gil_T2]

Please keep SHADOW DREAMER in your thoughts as she goes through surgery & recovery.

SHADOW DREAMER's SO has dropped me an email saying that she has come through the surgery in good shape & has been up moving around & the docs are hoping for a good recovery, she is already getting PT.

 

[Quoll]

Re: re: abuse

Quoll I will be your counselor for free after I get my licence and you 2 will be together through all of it if ya like......iono where you live but we will work something out. That was totally wrong in my eyes, when you are eachothers rocks to lean on. Take care and PM me any time. Hope yall liked the site.
Blue

Blue thank you for your kind offer, this happened many years ago, and we have learnt to be truly there for each other, we each know when the other is having a problem, and step in to resolve it together.

The task you are setting yourself is huge, to be a counsellor is extermely difficult, to be a counsellor that was also abused, will require a great deal of strength, to face day to day the very things nearly destroyed your life.
Thank you again for your overwhelming generosity and I pray you succeed with your career.

 

[blueyedheartbandit]

Abused and Healing

Let me begin with, I've posted some here before about abuse...but felt the need to post again.
I'm nearly 31, happily married (finally, it took 3 tries, but I got it right this time LOL) I'm Blueyedheartbandit's wife.
I'm in therapy, and have many ups and oh so many downs. It's hard to come right out and say it, but here goes.
My mother was abusive to me when I was a child. It wasn't physical so much as mental and emotional. I was taught to be the "perfect" child, and this unhealthy relationship stifled me and in turn as I grew older, I married an abusive man. Four years of pure hell later, we divorced. One issue I have major problems with is this...this SOB got our children. Due to money problems, my family turning their back on me for leaving "such a wonderful man", I had no money to fight him in court. It's been nearly 10 years since I've seen our two daughters. Boggles the mind doesn't it.
In all my time spent in therapy, one thing that I have to applaud my therapist for is this...every time I try to "okay away" my past with this jerk, or thank him for doing something, she will always come back with "He's not worth the spit it takes to talk about him" and she's right. This *insert several cuss words here* tore me apart mentally, emotionally, and physically. My body and my mind will carry his scars for the rest of my life. I'm still angry and to be honest, I don't know when I won't be. But I've also learned that that is OK. Be pissed, be absolutely blood thirsty murderous, but the key thing is to learn to work through it. Some people just don't understand how much damage this shit is, and how long and how bloody hard the road to recovery is. I still get nightmares about him, I have horrible dreams about what he could possibly be doing to my children. And I live with that every day.
Forgive him? Not freakin likely. He took 4 years of my life and turned it into hell on earth. I was tortured by this man. He took the love I had in my heart and used it as a weapon against me.
But the good thing is...I'm healing. I'm healing from the shit my mother piled onto me, from the shit he piled onto me and did to me, and from all the garbage that goes along with it. I say garbage because that's what it is, a useless mess that needs to be cleaned up.
To be frank, there were times I just wanted to die, and tried to. I look back on those days as my darkest hours. I'm coming out of that hole now and can see the light ahead. Sometimes it even shines on my face and I thank God that I didn't kill myself in my earlier attempts.
My message to those who have been abused is this...One day at a time. Make it through today...have something to make you laugh, to make you smile...just to make you glad you're alive. Each day you survive is showing strength that you may have been told you didn't have. It doesn't take strength to abuse someone, it takes herculean effort to recover from it.
May Goddess and God shine Their blessings upon you all.


Blue's heart

 

[Gil_T2]

Recently BANDIT (my loveerly lady) had to return to New Zealand because her dad was unwell & went up to see her kids but was worried about seeing HIM (the abusive EX) which had her very nervious which is understandable but thinking on it later I told her if she ever goes back again & sees him to think of all the love,sexuality,friends & how far she has come since escaping him & just see him as the looser he really is.
Her mother refuses to listen when she tried to explain the abuse she went through at his hands as like you he is such a wondeful man, she even still has his pic up in her home.
I do hope that you continue to find the best way for you to deal with the demons of your abuse.

 

[Quoll]

Re: Abused and Healing

Let me begin with, I've posted some here before about abuse...but felt the need to post again.
I'm nearly 31, happily married (finally, it took 3 tries, but I got it right this time LOL) I'm Blueyedheartbandit's wife.
I'm in therapy, and have many ups and oh so many downs. It's hard to come right out and say it, but here goes.
My mother was abusive to me when I was a child. It wasn't physical so much as mental and emotional. I was taught to be the "perfect" child, and this unhealthy relationship stifled me and in turn as I grew older, I married an abusive man. Four years of pure hell later, we divorced. One issue I have major problems with is this...this SOB got our children. Due to money problems, my family turning their back on me for leaving "such a wonderful man", I had no money to fight him in court. It's been nearly 10 years since I've seen our two daughters. Boggles the mind doesn't it.
In all my time spent in therapy, one thing that I have to applaud my therapist for is this...every time I try to "okay away" my past with this jerk, or thank him for doing something, she will always come back with "He's not worth the spit it takes to talk about him" and she's right. This *insert several cuss words here* tore me apart mentally, emotionally, and physically. My body and my mind will carry his scars for the rest of my life. I'm still angry and to be honest, I don't know when I won't be. But I've also learned that that is OK. Be pissed, be absolutely blood thirsty murderous, but the key thing is to learn to work through it. Some people just don't understand how much damage this shit is, and how long and how bloody hard the road to recovery is. I still get nightmares about him, I have horrible dreams about what he could possibly be doing to my children. And I live with that every day.
Forgive him? Not freakin likely. He took 4 years of my life and turned it into hell on earth. I was tortured by this man. He took the love I had in my heart and used it as a weapon against me.
But the good thing is...I'm healing. I'm healing from the shit my mother piled onto me, from the shit he piled onto me and did to me, and from all the garbage that goes along with it. I say garbage because that's what it is, a useless mess that needs to be cleaned up.
To be frank, there were times I just wanted to die, and tried to. I look back on those days as my darkest hours. I'm coming out of that hole now and can see the light ahead. Sometimes it even shines on my face and I thank God that I didn't kill myself in my earlier attempts.
My message to those who have been abused is this...One day at a time. Make it through today...have something to make you laugh, to make you smile...just to make you glad you're alive. Each day you survive is showing strength that you may have been told you didn't have. It doesn't take strength to abuse someone, it takes herculean effort to recover from it.
May Goddess and God shine Their blessings upon you all.


Blue's heart

Blue`s heart , what can I say to that. You will beat the bastards, of that I am sure. Thank you for such an inspirational post.

 

[Bandit58]

Just BUMPing the thread with the news that at long last the order dissolving my marriage arrived in the mail, ironically on the day that Gil and I celebrate our first year in our relationship

It feels so damn good to finally be free of *him*. Although he still owes me 8 more years of payments to finally settle the property agreement. But so long as his payments keep coming I think I can put up with it........

 

[Don K Dyck]

Just BUMPing the thread with the news that at long last the order dissolving my marriage arrived in the mail, ironically on the day that Gil and I celebrate our first year in our relationship

It feels so damn good to finally be free of *him*. Although he still owes me 8 more years of payments to finally settle the property agreement. But so long as his payments keep coming I think I can put up with it........

Congratulations Bandit!! On the first anniversary with Gil . . . oh, and on moving on to a better man . . . well done Gil . . .

 

[Gil_T2]

Congratulations Bandit!! On the first anniversary with Gil . . . oh, and on moving on to a better man . . . well done Gil . . .

Ho DON yes it seemed that the divorce notice came on the right day as we celibrated our first year together, rather appropriate.

 

[shadow_dreamer]

Aloha!

I want to thank everyone for their prayers and kind wishes while I went through my surgery. I am happy to be out of the hospital and finally able to get about without a lot of pain. I understand my SO sent Gil an e-mail about my situation and I'd like to send a special thanks to you Gil for passing along the message.

Well, I now have restrictions on many things that I do and sitting is one of them. I used to be able to sit for 30 minutes but now allowed only 15 minutes until further notice so with this I want to say "THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR YOUR PRAYERS"!!!

If you want to, feel free to PM or e-mail me; I may not check my e-mail on a daily basis so bear with me and don't think I'm ignoring you. I'll respond as soon as I can get my tushy in front of the computer.

Lots of aloha,
shadow

 

[Bandit58]

Yay shadow's back! So glad to hear the pain has lessened for you and you're able to move about easier. Take care sweetie and no doubt we'll see more of you when you're able!

 

[Gil_T2]

Re: Aloha!

I want to thank everyone for their prayers and kind wishes while I went through my surgery. I am happy to be out of the hospital and finally able to get about without a lot of pain. I understand my SO sent Gil an e-mail about my situation and I'd like to send a special thanks to you Gil for passing along the message.

Well, I now have restrictions on many things that I do and sitting is one of them. I used to be able to sit for 30 minutes but now allowed only 15 minutes until further notice so with this I want to say "THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR YOUR PRAYERS"!!!

If you want to, feel free to PM or e-mail me; I may not check my e-mail on a daily basis so bear with me and don't think I'm ignoring you. I'll respond as soon as I can get my tushy in front of the computer.

Lots of aloha,
shadow

Welcome back & hope your recovery is speedy so you can give life a shake up & your SO can again freely hold & love you too.

 

[Gil_T2]

Since this thread was moved we have been a little lost so BUMPING it back so it's in a place to be seen if needed.

 

[Gil_T2]

bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump

 

[Dragonship]

.....

 

[shadow_dreamer]

BUMP BUMP BUMPING GENTLY!

Just stopping by to say "aloha"; still trying to get about and learning the "hard way" about my limitations, hehehe.

 

[Bandit58]

.....

Hi Dragonship......if there's anything you'd like to get off your chest, feel free to PM either Gil or me, we'd be glad to lend an ear for you

Hi shadow! *stalk*

 

[Gil_T2]

shadow_dreamer great to see you back on LIT & not happy that your not taking it easy & been hurting yourself trying to do to much.



Dragonship as BANDIT said PM either of us if you want to talk in private.

 

[shadow_dreamer]

shadow_dreamer great to see you back on LIT & not happy that your not taking it easy & been hurting yourself trying to do to much.



Dragonship as BANDIT said PM either of us if you want to talk in private.

Morning Gil and everyone here!

Yes I really have a difficult time re-adjusting to my new lifestyle and did something (I don't know what I did) unconsciously while I napped that really put me in dire pain last night. But all is better this morning with a tightening of the lumbar corset and staying off of my butt and feet too much.

It's great to be back and I've missed everyone here. Take care everyone and until next time....

Aloha from Hawaii

 

[jazey_43]

Morning Gil and everyone here!

Yes I really have a difficult time re-adjusting to my new lifestyle and did something (I don't know what I did) unconsciously while I napped that really put me in dire pain last night. But all is better this morning with a tightening of the lumbar corset and staying off of my butt and feet too much.

It's great to be back and I've missed everyone here. Take care everyone and until next time....

Aloha from Hawaii

Hi Sweetheart!!!!!

Boy is it good to see you up and around!! Does my heart good, kiddo! I HOPE you ARE taking thimgs slow and easy!! Wen you have a chnce, mail me and tell me all ya can about the gory details...looks like I may have lost the battle and we are now seriously talking surgery...same as yours. Until then, you STAY DOWN HONEY!! We all want you back soon...*huggles*

 

[Gil_T2]

*Gil send soft gentle hugs to both of you sweet ladies*

{{{{{{{{{ Jazey & Shadow Dreamer }}}}}}}}}

I wish there was a lot more i could do to help you both & SD I know what you mean about hurting yourself while napping as I have done this myself

 

[Gil_T2]

BUMP BUMP BUMPING GENTLY!

BUMPING the thread again as it seems lost since being moved.

 

[shadow_dreamer]

Morning sunshine

GOOD MORNING EVERYONE! GIVING THIS A GENTLE BUMP!!!

It's good to be up and about but life sucks wearing a lumbar corset 24/7 until I get word I can live without it. Now if it were my black lacey corset that would be different and I'm sure my bf would enjoy it too. Just taking time to stop by and utilize my limited sitting time of 10 minutes in a way that brings a smile to my face and hopefully yours.

Jazey I'll send you the gorey details soon. First thing I have to do is remember what happened and when it happened since I was flying on morphine and giving myself a push of the button on the IV every 6 minutes the first 4 days in the hospital, hehehe.

Gil - glad to see your smile and hope you and your lovely lady Bandit is doing well. I miss y'all and have to admit I'm getting cabin fever and itching to get back into the kitchen to cook and bake and do some house chores but I know my SO, Islmaster, has to keep me calm and tighten the restraints occasionally.

Take care and until later,

Aloha from Hawaii,
Shadow

 

[shadow_dreamer]

Slow but sure

*Gil send soft gentle hugs to both of you sweet ladies*

{{{{{{{{{ Jazey & Shadow Dreamer }}}}}}}}}

I wish there was a lot more i could do to help you both & SD I know what you mean about hurting yourself while napping as I have done this myself

The most difficult things I have or had to deal with is weaning myself off of my pain killers and trying to find a comfortable position to sleep as well as trying to move or change positions while I sleep. Guess that's why I'm required to wear this constricting lumbar corset...at least I sit up straight now, hehehe (used to be infamous for slouching).

Gil just knowing we have such caring friends like you and Bandit is more than enough. I hope things are going well for you. Seems as we grow older we have to adjust our lifestyles in some ways. I used to look at my parents and grandfather and see how they moved slowly or had their aches, pains and medical problems and feel for them; now I'm moving slower than molasses and feel like a walking titanium manequin, hehehe. It's kinda funny to have my grand-nephew come to me and take my hand to help me in and out of a chair or to walk...man am I getting old. Ah but the heart and mind is still thinking like a teenager or 20+ year old, hehehe.

Lots of gentle hugs to you Gil and Jazey

 

[Blackbich]

Wow. It's been so long since I've been here and everything has changed. There's so many messages on here now I fear I'd get lost trying to find my way back!

How have you all been? Is everyone taking care? Is there any scoop I need to know about? lol.