Heartbreak...

[hockeymandan]

This is probably going to sound pathetic, but how do you get over being heartbroken by the woman you thought was The One? I've been heartbroken before, but never like this. What have other people done to get over a lost love? Somebody please help...

 

[MsTerious]

Aww, I'm sorry honey. We've all been there and it sucks BIG time. Unfortunately, the only thing that will help is time. Please feel free to pm me if you'd like to talk in private. ((((((hugs))))))

 

[vffan]

(HUGS) and you're not pathetic! Just really hurting...

more hugs!

So sorry...

I know this is going to sound pathetic in and of itself, but what I have done in the past (no, not for the one, even though I thought so at the time) is to lay in bed in a fetal position with headphones on (music of choice, but at moments like that I choose dark, haunting, loud stuff like stabbing westward...personel preference though) and just cry and cry and cry. It takes some time, but it helps.

*hugs*

J

 

[hockeymandan]

Aww, I'm sorry honey. We've all been there and it sucks BIG time. Unfortunately, the only thing that will help is time. Please feel free to pm me if you'd like to talk in private. ((((((hugs))))))

I just might do that. And you wouldn't happen to have a time machine, would you?

 

[hockeymandan]

(HUGS) and you're not pathetic! Just really hurting...

more hugs!

So sorry...

I know this is going to sound pathetic in and of itself, but what I have done in the past (no, not for the one, even though I thought so at the time) is to lay in bed in a fetal position with headphones on (music of choice, but at moments like that I choose dark, haunting, loud stuff like stabbing westward...personel preference though) and just cry and cry and cry. It takes some time, but it helps.

*hugs*

J

Thanks for the hugs. And I've already done that. For hours. I think I'm starting to make myself sick. I want to get out and do something, but I can't seem to bring myself to do it. This really blows.

 

[Ezzie]

I personally don't believe in "Time heals all wounds" ... I believe that it helps them, but, doesn't heal them. That's just based on my personal experiences, though.

Last time I got my heart stomped on, I went out and did something just for myself. I bought some new clothes, joined a gym and took my frustrations out by exercising. I'm not saying this is something you should do, but, just doing something nice for yourself certainly doesn't hurt anything.

Take some time and find something that you enjoy doing and that might help take your mind off of things.

I'm sorry to hear about the hard time you're having and I hope that things get easier for you soon.

 

[MsTerious]

I just might do that. And you wouldn't happen to have a time machine, would you?

I wish I did. I'm still stuck on my first love, which was 15 years ago. He's married with kids, but I still can't get over him.
And please do pm me, I wouldn't offer if I wasn't sincere.

 

[SXCRgirl]

Hockeymandan,

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. However, in order to get past the hurt, that's just it. You're going to have to go through it. There is no easy way around it. You can do your best to distract yourself and this is a good time to learn something new.

Don't ignore your feelings, acknowledge that you feel them and then move on to the next minute. It's tough, but I know you can do it.

If you need anyone to talk to, you can always pm me or someone here. Lit has a good bunch of people that you can talk to.

Good luck.

 

[UCE]

I have two small suggestions. I don't know if either of them will help. Depends on the kind of person you are.

1. Keep in mind that if they broke off with you, that is usually a clear sign that they weren't worthy of you, and that next time you should try for someone better.

2. Vent to your in-person friends. It is enormously helpful to get their support. If you want to be a gentleman about it, vent to friends who do not know her or will not encounter her. But when with the friends, say whatever you damn well want to about the situation. Let it all get out!

 

[hockeymandan]

You are all so nice. I really appreciate it. How come love has to be so hard? Its so great to be in love, but I'm not sure there's anything much worse than being heartbroken. I'm starting to wonder if its worth it.


By the way, anyone wanna go out and get loaded with me?

 

[vffan]

I'd be right there with you if I weren't so far away. Getting loaded sounds like a pretty good idea to me today...

J

 

[Chuckwrox]

Find something else to do. You don't even have to believe it will take your mind off of the hurt, but eventually it will. Build a rhythm that you don't need your head in, like the exercise mentioned above. I know I wouldn't be able to trick myself into believing I was enjoying lifting heavy stuff, but just the act of getting out of the house and the rhythm of it helps.

There was a great line from one of the early Six Feet Under episodes:

"Why do people have to die?"
"To make life worth living."

I think that's true in love, too. I've dwelt on this a long time, and for me, I chose love. Give up on the hurt and you give up on the love, too. You don't get to actually FEEL that high unless you truly risk getting your feelings hurt. It's the risk that makes it worth it.

Well, that makes it worth it LATER. Right now, plumb the depths of your hurt. That's my $0.02.

 

[hockeymandan]

Find something else to do. You don't even have to believe it will take your mind off of the hurt, but eventually it will. Build a rhythm that you don't need your head in, like the exercise mentioned above. I know I wouldn't be able to trick myself into believing I was enjoying lifting heavy stuff, but just the act of getting out of the house and the rhythm of it helps.

There was a great line from one of the early Six Feet Under episodes:

"Why do people have to die?"
"To make life worth living."

I think that's true in love, too. I've dwelt on this a long time, and for me, I chose love. Give up on the hurt and you give up on the love, too. You don't get to actually FEEL that high unless you truly risk getting your feelings hurt. It's the risk that makes it worth it.

Well, that makes it worth it LATER. Right now, plumb the depths of your hurt. That's my $0.02.

i almost wish you weren't, but i think you're right. It's just kind of hard to think that way right now. maybe i'll just give up on women and be gay. i'll just have to get over that whole not being attracted to men thing i guess.

 

[efferell]

I feel sorry for you. I`ve been where you are now, when my relationship of 12 years fell apart earlier in the year.
Im doing a hell of a lot better now than i was a few months ago, when i really went down into the deep depths of despair. Things will get better and its fine to take some time and grieve for what you`ve lost, but dont let it rule you. Eventually you`ll hopefully realise that there are good things in life - take some chances, use this as an opportunity to do things and meet people you wouldnt have normally. I did and it has helped me enormously, to the point where i feel i have a reasonably good perspective on myself now. As someone else said, it also helps to be able to talk openly to someone about how you feel, and to start thinking about what YOU want out of life. As i said i know where you are, and its not an easy road out of there, but give it time, you`ll get there.

 

[deliciously_naughty]

I hear that time heals all wounds...but I continue to hope that time also wounds all heels.

 

[HorneeLadee]

(((Hugs))) to you. I hope you feel better and if you need to chat send me a pm. I am here if you ever need to chat.
HL

 

[dreamer]

Wishing you the best. I'm not a believer in ever really being the same person again. You WILL change...it's up to you to change for the better.

I found counseling can help...it can be a decent focus of your energies.

There will be days you just want to curl up and do nothing...there will be days that hurt so much you can't imagine ever feeling better again. You will. YOU WILL FEEL BETTER.

In the meantime do what YOU have to do to make it through each day. Hang in there. PM's are always welcome if you need to vent...

 

[S.Daedalus]

The valleys means there's hills...

I too am going threw a really really really hard break up myself. My heart feels like it has been ripped out of my body and I am no longer in control of it. Not only that, I am tortured also by the constant thoughts of her. I have no cure as of yet, I wish I did. I see nothing today, tomorrow or the next. But something keeps me going. It's hard, for me at least, to come to the reality that the pleasures, pains, intimacies that we once shared can possibly be over. I gave her the everything....and now, alas, I feel like I have nothing!

But this isn't about me, this is about how to deal with heartbreak and this is how I’m dealing with it. Don't know if it will help or not but for me my writing is everything! I write constantly! Always have a journal handy to scribble down anything from anger to passion to questions to statements I dream up well sitting in a cafe. Also I do headings to help me clarify what it is I’m going threw. So far I have address: Loneliness, Companionship, Sex. I am going to tackle ME soon But that may take a while. I find defining how I stand on certain issues helps me understand what makes me tick and why it hurts so much!

Also, and this sorta helps me but not always. ENJOY THE PAIN AND SUFFERING. Because that means that you had the exact OPPOSITE at one point and time! And you should be happy. I hurt so much because I LOVED so much! I enjoyed that time of LOVE and although the pain obviously hurts, it is a reminder of the pleasures that I had at one time. And the more it hurts means the more I felt pleasure! Make any scence?

Anyways,
That’s just one mans perspective, take it or leave it I post it with the best intentions.

Take care, you can PM me or EMAIL me if you ever need another mans perspective. Because I know it's rough and this is my first time going threw it. I am so old in some areas and yet so young in others.

Take care,
Stephen Daedalus

--THIS MESSAGE WAS POSTED WELL LISTENING TO PORTISHEAD---

 

[lilpriss]

I don't know what to tell you but it takes time and more time to heal. I am just out of a relationship that I ended... (it still hurt btw even though I was the bad guy) and I still thnk of him almost daily. But it wan't meant to be or it would have been. Keep that in mind.

Analyze what you've learned at this point and take that to heart.

Oh and Haagen Dahz ice cream helps a lot!

I know what you're going through, I'm working on a novel about the biggest heartache I have ever felt... on some days I'm so melancoly I could just die. And this happened years ago. But it's got a lot to do with why things didn't work out with my ex. I hadn't moved on...

See how things affect us from our past?

Good luck,

 

[thebrokenheartedfool]

Working on that right now dan If I find anything other then what everyone is suggesting I will tell ya. Good luck

 

[MR.GGG]

Pain is relative. What is too much for one may be a minor annoyance for another. I was a cop for a decade. I've seen people go through absolutely horrendous personal tragedy and accept it knowing that it wouldn't last long or that things MUST get better soon. I've seen people take their own lives over what, to many, would be a fairly minor setback.

One can NEVER judge how much something hurts for one individual based on how another may feel or react. I've considered myself pretty damn stable all my life. I've enjoyed a good sense of humour and a very deep belief in the "hereafter", a Greater Power, God - whatever you wnat to call it. I always knew that this life and the after life are tied together so closely that I'm astounded how far away from what really matters our civilizations has wandered off the track.

Having grounded myself in common sense I must say that losing a love - especially one you feel is THE one, your soul mate, is the hardest thing I have ever been through. Sue and I were together 21 years. We had our ups and downs but we worked out those problems and for the last while things were better than I ever dreamed they could be between us. I have split up with g/f's that I've loved in the past and sure it hurt. Very soon after losing someone under those circumstances you do try and rationalize, say it wasn't meant to be, I can find somebody else...somebody better. All that stuff. What do you say when a cerebral aneurysm snatches that love away in a split second. To make matters worse ( and forever) she was taken on Christmas Eve.

I wanted to reinforce the fact that I felt extremely normal up until that moment. After that and for almost two years I have experienced pain like I never knew a grown person could feel. In the middle of the day a BeeGees song would come on and I'd find myself sobbing like a 4 year old. Self analysis and introspection went on all the time. It felt sometimes like an experiment that has gone horribly wrong. It felt like I should be getting a call from someone "up there" saying, " So sorry. There's been a horrible mistake. We
took the wrong Sue." It didn't matter how I self analyzed, how much I explained to myself how I felt, when those moments came - from a song, a smell, a memory - anything - the emotion felt crushing. I could barely breathe sometimes. Other times I felt like my bladder was about to let loose. I'm 49 now and I never would have believed that I could experience that much pain (emotional) and function more or less as usual except for those moments.

This is a really long winded way of saying, Been there. Done that. Know how you feel. It isn't pathetic. You are human and this is a normal condition.The first thing you have to admit to yourself is how much this has hurt you. The second thing is you have to talk to friends. Whether it is in here or real live friends in your life you must let it out. Tell your story. There is something that happens every time you say what happened. You must talk. If you can't find a friend to listen go for long walks where you can be alone and talk to yourself. It's amazing how compassionate you can be to yourself and how much really good advice you can come up with - listen to this. Again, I believe when you are hurting this badly and you ASK for help, you get it. Listen to your inner voices. Know that not only are you your own worst enemy but you are your own best friend too. If you have a pet they will help anchor you too. Don't be afraid to get professional help if you feel you simply can't cope all by yourself. There is no weakness in asking for help. There is the weakness of stupidity if you need help and refuse to ask for it. Don't do that.

What else? It sounds weird but for however badly you feel, there are others who have it way worse than you do. You'll get comfort from that. Again a human emotion. If you really love her there is always a chance of getting back together. If that isn't going to happen you can get over it and forgive her and hope she finds what she obviously felt she didn't find in you. Be glad too that if you do love her that much, you never had to feel her life drain away on a friend's kitchen floor on a night that we both felt was going to be one of the best nights of our lives.

Good luck.

 

[SXCRgirl]

MR. GGG,

*HUGE HUGS*

Thank you for sharing.

 

[thebrokenheartedfool]

OK how do you know you aren't over it and cant keep it out of your mind? You are dwelling on it and thinking of where you have herd of something that is on your mind Whats worse you ask ( so did I but it happened ) betrale what was that movie with travolta oh yeah " the generals daughter " When I think about it the song comes to me toby keith " I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then " I would prefer to be over it but I will not be used and take the abuse any longer and it hurts to say it but I am glad to not be around her any more in one thought then I go back and ask why I still feel the same for her in some ways and in others not. I hate her and then I don't. I know I hate what she did and is doing and I wish she hadn't done alot of things but I also hate myself and wish I hadn't even met her She was my first love I have never missed anyone ( who is still alive ) as much as her.

I was talking to a friend of mine today I introduced her to her exhusband in highschool. ( I grew up with her brother and we became good friends different schools ) and one of my best friends in hs turned into a monster after a year anyway she was moving back into town when I was getting married. Anyway we both said at the same time we were more pissed off at the waist of years of our lives with total jerks ( she is finally starting to go out again and enjoy life ) It hurt me when he hurt her because she is the closest thing I have to a sister and he was almost family ( his parents were rich and wanted to help pay for my college ) we were both betrayed and she has helped me start the healing process. I know she took it as bad as I did but hope I can move on sooner than she did otherwise I might as well sleep for the next few years while life passes me by again.

anyway I guess I needed this thread too

CD

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

Pain is relative. What is too much for one may be a minor annoyance for another. I was a cop for a decade. I've seen people go through absolutely horrendous personal tragedy and accept it knowing that it wouldn't last long or that things MUST get better soon. I've seen people take their own lives over what, to many, would be a fairly minor setback.

Wise words Mr.GGG. and a good observation as well.
Dan, if I may add my $.02 worth? First thing that would help is to forgive. Forgive her, and......yourself. I know that this seems a bit hard to accept; but once you forgive, then you are on the pathway to healing. Life is far too short to dwell on the negative.
Best wishes to you Dan, and know that there are many here who will help you thru this.


-kym- in MY-Sir's embrace in less than 24 hours!

 

[hockeymandan]

sorry it took so long for me to post again. no internet at home at present. but i wanted to thank you all so much again for all your help. i've taken all of your advice to heart, and i'm starting to see that there's hope. as for Mr. GGG, i thank you for sharing too, and for your advice. now i know how my dad must have felt when he lost my mom to lou gherig's disease three years ago. it was hard enough on ME, so i can still only imagine how HE felt. how come there are so many divorces out there, but people that are truly, deeply in love lose each other to death when its far to early? but anyway, believe me, i know things can be worse. things can ALWAYS be worse. last year on my birthday the Murphy's Law calendar said "You can never run out of things to go wrong." ain't that the truth.